Drunk, Naked & Busted

It's 5 O'Clock somewhere.
The whole Randy Travis debacle seemed like low hanging fruit. After all it’s just one minor incident in a land full of incidents. And, more importantly, Randy Travis has a history of embarrassing himself in public. It’s what he does these days. I believe he’s a follower of the Kim Kardashian school of publicity. I’m not sure how well that will play to country music fans but there’s no denying he’s been getting some serious pub these last few months. But it seems that Randy Travis isn’t a lone icon naked on the side of the road. Nay, I say unto thee, it appears he’s doing what the kids call “trending.” That’s right, he’s just a blip on the radar of the epidemic of naked drunk people behaving badly. Granted, he’s the most famous blip, so maybe he can become their spokesman. In fact, this might be the ideal time for him to point out that laws against driving drunk infringe on his rights and he can use that speech to dovetail into a nice support line for the folks at Get MADD, who are trying to legalize drunk driving. Oh sure, their arguments are full of crap, but they have a web site so they must be legit.

Right?

Anyway, let’s take a look at the kind of people Mr. Travis can help by trying to get these onerous laws against drunk driving while naked overturned.

How about this nice lady in Butte, Montana?

Anaconda police have arrested a 42-year-old Butte woman after they say she rammed into her boyfriend’s car while driving drunk and naked.

Mary Corley has been charged with drunken driving and two counts of disorderly conduct.

Police Chief Tim Barkell says officers pulled Corley over on Highway 1 Friday after she rammed into the car east of town.

Barkell says she was naked and tried running into traffic. Nobody was injured.

Corley has been released from jail on her own recognizance. She is scheduled to appear in justice court on the misdemeanor charges Aug. 7.

See? Alcohol had nothing to do with it. It was all about unrequited love. Do we really want Big Brother regulating our love lives?

I don’t think so.

Or how about this fine young woman? She was arrested for testing our her car’s accelerator by easing it around town at a mere 128 MPH while she was naked and drunker than a skunk. Obviously the man just be putting her down.

Words don’t really do her justice so make sure to slick the link to see her in all her naked glory as she got arrested.

Of course not all current drunken nudists are woman, sad as it is to say that. Police in San Diego arrested a naked drunk guy for …. oh, you won’t believe me. Just read it.

A 25-year-old man was arrested early Thursday in Clairemont after police said he went into a neighbor’s home, took off his clothes and got into her bed.

The woman returned about 12:30 a.m. to her home on Clairemont Mesa Boulevard near Limerick Avenue where she found the naked intruder and called authorities, San Diego police said.

Officers arrived and took the tattooed man into custody.

He told officers that he heard a noise at the woman’s residence, went inside to investigate and then got naked and into bed to wait for her because “he did not want to startle her, “ police said.

He was arrested on prowling charges, authorities said.

Well, good thinking there Skippy. All the single women I know love coming home to strange naked men in their bed. It’s more fun than Monopoly.

Well, maybe not that much fun.

And certainly not as much fun as a Michigan priest was having when cops arrested him for being drunk and naked with a laptop in his car.

Admit it, you just thanked God that there were no children involved.

The pastor of Sacred Heart Parish in Dearborn was suspended Monday after the Catholic Archdiocese of Detroit learned he had been arrested on suspicion of drunken driving — in the nude.

The archdiocese issued a statement Tuesday saying the Rev. Peter Petroske, 57, had been placed on administrative leave.

A knowledgeable city source told the Free Press that Petroske was arrested early Friday about a block from the church on Michigan Avenue, and had a laptop computer with him in the vehicle.

His blood-alcohol level was just over the limit at which someone can be convicted of drunken driving in Michigan, the person said.

Dearborn Police Chief Ronald Haddad declined to comment, saying the matter was under investigation.

The archdiocese statement said that when Petroske was arrested, he was alone in his vehicle and “was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol and indecent exposure. Archdiocesan officials met with parish staff on Monday.”

Archdiocese spokesman Joe Kohn said the leave is indefinite. He said he could not discuss the laptop but confirmed that Petroske was not dressed at the time of the arrest.

Kohn said Petroske conducted mass on Sunday and that the archdiocese learned about his arrest that night. Kohn said Petroske then “fully cooperated” with the diocese.

With 1,900 member families, Sacred Heart Parish is Dearborn’s second-largest Catholic church. Petroske has been pastor since 2008. The parish also operates a school.

Church members said they were shocked by the news about their pastor, a native of Frankfurt, Germany, who was orphaned at a young age. Following his ordination in the Diocese of Marquette in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, his first assignment was as associate pastor at St. Anne in Escanaba.

According to his biography on Sacred Heart’s website, Petroske drove 70 miles a weekend to offer mass in four different UP communities.

His first assignment in the Detroit Archdiocese was in 1991 at St. Rene Goupil in Sterling Heights. He also served at St. Anne in Warren and St. Pius X in Southgate before arriving in Dearborn four years ago.

“He’s been just a fantastic pastor, an inspiring speaker. Obviously something very strange must have occurred,” said Ned Nikodem of Dearborn, a former vice chairman of the church’s Pastoral Council. “He has just a devout appreciation for the liturgy and scripture, and he can interpret it in ways that make it moving and meaningful.”

Well, naked drunk ecclesiastics can be inspirational, I can see that. Especially when they’re reciting the Songs of Solomon. Obviously this is just another heinous example of government intruding on religious freedom.

FREE FATHER PATROSKE!!!

Okay, on to the headliner today. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Randy Travis, who was bailed out of jail by a stranger.

Disgraced country icon Randy Travis should be singing “Forever and Ever Amen” for his fans.

After news broke of the 53-year-old Travis’ arrest on DWI charges when he was found napping on the side of a Texas road after crashing his car, several of his fans rushed to the Grayson County jail to help, TMZ reported.

One fan, local lawyer Gary Corley, told the gossip site he gave his idol his Texas Longhorns cap and a ride home to “ do the humanitarian thing.”

Another fan even posted Travis’ $21,500 bail Wednesday morning, according to TMZ.

Not everyone, though, is singing Travis’ praises. The driver who discovered country singer Randy Travis lying naked on a road near Tioga —where the country singer lives — told a 911 operator that he was “freaked out” by his discovery.

Grayson County police released an audio tape of the 911 call late Wednesday in the aftermath of the country icon’s arrest on DWI charges.

When prodded for more details by the 911 operator, the unidentified caller said: “It looked like a deer at first, but as came by it looked human.

“I want to say it was a white male, light brown hair, but I’m not so sure. I want to say he had no shirt on, but I don’t know. I want to stay in the vehicle.”

Police said Travis not only had no shirt on at the time of his arrest — but not a shred of other clothing either. A short while earlier, before the crash, a convenience store clerk called 911 to report a naked man matching Travis’ description who came into the store to buy cigarettes but couldn’t pay for them, Dallas NBC 5 KXAS reported.

When roused at the crash site, Travis had “strong odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath and several signs of intoxication,” police told The Associated Press.

During his arrest, police say Travis went from a stupor to beligerant.

“At one point during the evening and at some point after that he made contact with him, he threatened to kill two of the troopers,” Sgt. Ricky Wheeler of the Grayson County Sherriff’s Department told reporters.

Travis spent the night in jail, but was released Wednesday morning after the fan posted his bail. Photographers snapped pictures of the “Forever and Ever” singer leaving the Grayson County jail in scrubs and the Longhorns cap given him by Corley.

Tuesday night’s arrest comes just six months after the singer was arrested and charged with public intoxication in a church parking lot. Travis pleaded no contest to that charge.

A representative for the country singer told the AP there would be no immediate comment about the arrest.

Well, of course he couldn’t pay for the smokes. Where the hell was he going to put his wallet? Has that clerk no common sense?

Gee-Yiminy-Christmas. People are just dumb.

As to the caller who thought that Travis was a deer, I ask who was the one drinking here? If you can’t tell a naked guy from a deer I really hope you never go hunting. As to the rest, what was the poor Mr. Travis to do? Confronted by belligerent people wearing uniforms and carrying guns he was left with little choice tbut to try and defend himself with his imaginary guns.

Or did they think that dangly thing was loaded?

Until next time here’s a video presented by the next generation of people who will end up like Mr. Travis and his friends.

Necro – I Wanna F**k! – Official Music Video from NECRO – Official Video Page on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

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