Archives for August 2012

There are always times when you see a couple and instantly think, “Wow, when (pick one) sobers up that relationship is going to crash.” People used to say that about my ex and I. And, while it didn’t completely work out we were together for 10 years and I can promise we were sober during most of it. And while she won’t admit it now, there were plenty of good times hidden in there as well. Today’s column isn’t really about odd couples, just about how society has trouble with certain kinds of love. Some people, no matter what, will never accept any relationship they view as unconventional. They have hard and fast rules on what is, or is not, acceptable and they will do all in their power to inflict their beliefs on others while howling maniacally should anyone sane attempt the inverse. The Chicago based Wrigley company, experts on long suffering relationships in their own right, recently released an ad showing a happy woman making out with a walrus. Obviously, One Million Moms are protesting it.

Well, there really aren’t a million of them. As best I can tell they number about 20. But that’s close enough for the media today.

Bobby the walrus has some serious game.

In the latest Skittles ad, the large, flippered walrus is caught making out with an attractive blonde on a couch. But when Bobby’s supposed girlfriend comes home, the woman explains Bobby is not actually Bobby.

The commercial, which is meant to promote new Skittles flavors that don’t match their candy coating, concludes with the tagline “Taste the Rainbow. Deceive the Rainbow.”

And although the ad is a little vague, at least one group has failed to find anything funny about the new spot, calling the ad inappropriate.

One Million Moms, a conservative advocacy group, issued the following statement on its website:

We are not sure of Skittles’ thought process behind their new ad, but if they are attempting to offend customers, they have succeeded… Parents find this type of advertising inappropriate and unnecessary. Does Skittles’ have our children’s best interest in mind? Skittles candies are for all ages, but their target market is children.

The parents also allege the advertising is not just unfunny and offensive, but that it irresponsibly takes “lightly the act of bestiality.” The group is urges like minded citizens to send Wrigley Co. an email demanding “they pull this offensive commercial immediately.”

But in an email to the Huffington Post, a spokesperson for Wrigley defended the commercial, saying:

Skittles has won millions of fans with its unique and unexpected advertising. As a fun-loving candy brand, we never intend to offend people with our irreverent humor and don’t believe this imaginary situation promotes harm or inappropriate behavior with animals.

Merriam-Webster defines bestiality, n., as “sexual relations between a human being and a lower animal.”

While there are no federal anti-bestiality statutes, 30 states currently have criminal laws on the books that prohibit sexual contact with animals, according to Yahoo! Some laws consider the act a felony, while others define it as misdemeanor.

This is not the first time One Million Moms has made headlines for its actions.

The group previously tried (and failed) to get J.C. Penney to drop spokesperson Ellen DeGeneres, condemned America’s Favorite Cookie and most recently slammed NBC’s new show “The New Normal” as part of a network plot to subject Americans to the “decay of morals and values.”

Skittles, on the other hand, is known for its eccentric advertisements, including the vaguely accented “Baby Man Bird” spot, the “Sheep Boy” ad, and, of course, the man with the crazy, trunk-like, Skittles-snatching beard.

Really? They saw that ad and seriously thought that a major corporation was advocating sex with Odobenus rosmarus?

Don’t get too worried, by the Pre-Neanderthal standards of One Million Moms, the Mod Squad promoted race mixing. No, the part that held my attention is where the author noted that there are still twenty states where a man and his cow can openly share their commitment but outlaw gay marriage.

It is exactly that kind of messed up mentality that led to this next train wreck. Chris and Martin, a gay couple who have been together almost a decade, were publicly humiliated in Texas by baggage handlers (who clearly have baggage of their own).

A gay couple is accusing United Continental of “extreme and outrageous” conduct over an alleged incident involving a sex toy taped to their luggage, which the men say caused them severe emotional trauma.

Christopher Bridgeman and Martin Borger of Norfolk, Va., are seeking damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy and negligence in a lawsuit filed against the airline on Friday in the District Court of Harris County, Texas.

“It still brings butterflies to my stomach,” Borger, 35, told NBC News when recalling the episode.

United countered that it has conducted a thorough investigation and determined that there is no support for the allegations, spokeswoman Christen David said in a statement.

“United does not tolerate discrimination of any kind,” David said. “We will vigorously defend ourselves and our employees.”

The incident allegedly happened on May 21, 2011, as Bridgeman and Borger were returning from a vacation in Costa Rica. The men — who have been together for almost nine years — were flying back to Norfolk on Continental with a 90-minute layover at George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston. (Continental merged with United in 2010.)

Once they landed in Houston, the men collected their checked bags, went through customs, rechecked their luggage and boarded their flight to Virginia without incident.

But when they arrived in Norfolk and went to the baggage claim area, the couple discovered a sex toy had been taken from one of their bags, covered in a “greasy foul-smelling substance” and “taped prominently” to the top of the bag, according to the lawsuit.

Borger was the one to first spot the luggage.

“I knew exactly what it was when I saw it,” he told NBC News. “I was absolutely and utterly shocked and embarrassed and humiliated and I didn’t even know what to do at the time.”

Onlookers began laughing when they saw the bag, causing the men severe emotional trauma, according to the lawsuit.

Bridgeman speculated an airline employee went through the bag — which was closed with a simple zipper — found the sex toy, saw that it belonged to a man and decided to humiliate the owner.

“I absolutely, fervently believe that this was intentional,” Bridgeman, 34, told NBC News. “It was very sick and it was very wrong and it was just maliciously taped to the top and targeted because we’re gay.”

Why someone opened the bag in the first place is not clear, said Harry Scarborough, the couple’s attorney. He didn’t know whether the bag was X-rayed at the airport in Houston, but if it was, the sex toy would have been visible, he added.

The airline’s employees had a duty to prevent the bag from being put on display “in such an extremely offensive condition,” according to the lawsuit.
Bridgeman and Borger said they reported the incident to United Continental after the flight, but weren’t satisfied with the response.

The airline countered that it offered the men a gesture of goodwill, which they declined, spokeswoman Christen David said.

Scarborough said the offer didn’t begin to address what his clients had been through. He declined to estimate how much money the couple is seeking from the airline, but the lawsuit is requesting mental anguish damages, attorney fees and expenses and other compensation.

The couple doesn’t travel much anymore because of the psychological impact of the incident, Scarborough said.

“A gesture of goodwill” = Weekend at Fire Island.

Yeah, I can see why they might take issue with that.

While I’m sure the high school dropout who pulled the prank thought he (no way a woman did this) was being funny as heck, the fact is all this does is reinforce the belief that inbreeding is bad.

Well, in that case, at least something good came out of this mess.

Discurso eletrico / Eletric speech from Angelo Luz on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

I have gotten into trouble for doing lots of stupid things in my life. Much to the chagrin of my biographer, I have no one to blame but myself. I was awake and, reasonably, in control of my senses. When I was busted having sex on top of a cop car, I was lucid. Horny? As a bunny in April. But still lucid. When I decided to hop a freight to Minnesota to see a girl? Sorry, still lucid. When I realized I’d hopped the wrong one and was on my way to St. Louis? Irked beyond belief, but still lucid. When I decided to get my first tattoo from a strange biker I’d met at a party? Okay, I was a little out of it, but still coherent enough to know right from wrong. Long story short I may not have always made a good decision but at least I made one. The results are simply the results. But what about those people who, for one reason or another have decisions made for them while they’re asleep?

Like Joshua Shelton who killed 70,000 chickens while snoozing.

No, I am not making this up.

A man wandering around a Delmar, Md., poultry farm in a drunken stupor turned off the power to three chicken houses, causing the deaths of nearly 70,000 chickens, sheriff’s officials said.

The property owner who made the grisly discovery found the man, identified as Joshua D. Shelton, 21, of Delmar, Md., passed out on the floor of the power control shed, wearing only a T-shirt and boxer shorts.

“This subject was also lying in a pool of his own urine. A strong odor of alcohol was also coming from the subject,” Wicomico County sheriff’s Lt. Tim Robinson said in a press release.

“Shelton advised the last thing he remembered was being on the property after a nearby concert but did not know how he ended up in the shed. The deputy surmised that in his intoxicated state, Shelton turned off the circuit breakers that controlled the electricity to the chicken houses,” Robinson said.

Shelton was arrested and booked into jail on charges of second-degree burglary, trespass and malicious destruction of property.

The property owner discovered the dead chickens Saturday morning. He told investigators that without power, the chickens will begin to die within 15 minutes. The birds, which were due to be delivered to a local processing plant the following day, were valued at $20,000.
Watch the most-viewed videos on NBCNews.com

Allen Farms, which was going to process the birds, estimated its loss at $220,000, said sheriff’s Chief Deputy Gary Baker.

Shelton had been at the owner’s property the previous evening with a group of people that included the owner’s daughter, Baker said.

“The daughter thought he left, but instead he wandered into the shed where all the power controls and breakers were and turned it off,” Baker told NBC News on Tuesday.

“Quite frankly, he was probably in a condition where he really didn’t know what he was doing,” Baker said.

“The theory is that he may have been in there looking for a light switch,” Robinson told DelmarvaNow.com.

Baker said he’s heard of flocks of chickens dying due to natural occurrences such as drought and heat waves, “but never anything like this manmade that we can remember.”

Bill Satterfield, executive director of Delmarva Poultry Industry Inc., a local trade group, said he was surprised by news of the poultry caper.

“I have never heard of a drunkard going in and killing chickens,” he told DelmarvaNow.com. “This is a new one on me, and it’s unfortunate that it occurred.”

You know when you wake up in a pool of your own urine surrounded by cops and dead chickens you have a story that will survive your pitiful lifespan. Unless you’ve been paying attention here.

Of course not every sleeping person causes death and destruction. Some just end up naked and wet on a beach.

You may have heard about the 31-year-old Idaho woman who last week woke up after “sleep swimming” in the Snake River. She was found, suffering from hypothermia, along the shore. It was the second time she’d done it this summer.

Sounds ridiculous, right? Sure, we’ve all heard of bizarre cases of “sleep driving” and “sleep eating” and even “sleep sex,” but sleep swimming? In a cold river? (I’ve been in the Snake River in Idaho, and I can tell you, it’s cold.) Surely, even if you could walk to the river in your sleep, that first splash of icy water would wake you.

Not necessarily.

The problem with that popular notion, explained Dr. Mark Mahowald, visiting professor at Stanford University’s parasomnia clinic (parasomnia refers to sleep disorders involving behavior), is that “sleep” doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing affair.

Parts of your brain can be “asleep” while other parts are “awake.” Brain regions, mainly the frontal cortex, responsible for self-control, reasoning and laying down memories can be happily snoozing while parts of the deep brain, like the stem, can be “awake.”

Because deep brain regions have been equipped with what Mahowald calls “central pattern generators,” patterns of physical acts, something like one of those dance steps instructors lay down on a floor, “you can have somebody who is sleepwalking, and be capable of performing extremely complex behaviors.”

He likens it to a chicken that goes under the hatchet and then starts running around, headless, through the barnyard. The chicken doesn’t have any brain at all, and yet, because its spinal cord has complex pattern generators in it, the chicken runs.

“In humans,” he explained, “there is good evidence that complex behaviors like running, screaming, shouting, sex acts, are all pre-packaged central pattern generators,” either learned or instinctive, that are let loose while the rational brain is sleeping.

You’d have to know how to swim in order to swim in your sleep, of course — you can’t just start playing Chopin in your sleep if you don’t already know how — but this explains why people can drive, sometimes long distances, and not recall ever doing it.

People have actually committed murder while sleeping, as documented on a website run by Mahowald and colleagues.

The cold water of a river wouldn’t necessarily wake the sleeper because sleep is like being in a state of anesthesia. We tend not to feel pain or discomfort while sleeping, only after the event is over.

“We had a case in Minnesota where a guy sleep walked outside, at 20 below zero, and sustained incredible frostbite on his feet,” Mahowald recalled. “He wasn’t aware until he woke up and saw the blisters.”

The causes of sleep walking vary, but may have a genetic component, explained Dr. Steven Poceta, a neurologist affiliated with the Scripps Clinic Sleep Center in San Diego who has documented cases of sleep eating, driving, and cooking among other behaviors.

While science hasn’t figured out why many children sleep walk, but outgrow it, it does appear that the habit can return during times of stress. “That’s a very common scenario,” Poceta said.

Sleep deprivation caused by apnea, or restless leg syndrome, can lead to sleepwalking. So can drugs like zolpidem (Ambien), which became infamous for leading to sleep eating. As for how often that happens, Poceta said, “we think it is more common than is fully appreciated.”

I knew a young lady, back when it legally and morally acceptable for me to do so, who was wildly sexual when asleep but, when awake, was a prude. I didn’t know, the first ten or so times, that she was sound asleep until one morning I asked where she’d learned a certain trick and she nearly fainted from embarrassment. She had no memory of the event but realized it explained certain things.

She sought medical help and cut me off.

Oh well, que sera sera.

But this next story seems a touch extreme. I’ve heard of “kiss the girl and make her cry” but not “kiss the sleeping girl and sign a lifetime commitment contract in front of a kazillion witnesses.”

A fairy-tale-inspired art exhibit gives men who consider themselves regular Prince Charmings a chance to kiss real-life sleeping beauties — that is, if they’re ready for a lifelong commitment.

Yes, there’s a catch for both the beauties and Charmings that participate in Taras Polataiko’s live art installation at the National Art Museum of Ukraine. The women — the main stars of Polataiko’s effort — are put on display as they “sleep” for three days. The men are then allowed to steal a kiss from one of the snoozers. But before the slumber and kisses, there’s an all-important contract.

“Everybody, any viewer, will have to sign the contract, which says, ‘If’ — this is very important, because nobody has to — ‘If I kiss the beauty and she opens her eyes while being kissed, I marry her,'” Polataiko recently told The Telegraph.

Likewise, according to a press release for the exhibit, the beauties sign a form that states, “If I open my eyes while being kissed, I agree to marry the kisser.”

While Polataiko originally feared that no viewer-suitors would participate, there’s been no shortage so far. And some brave would-be princes have even risked a wake-up with a smooch.

“I wanted to feel that girl,” one kisser told The Telegraph. “I wanted to feel her with my heart, but I didn’t feel anything.”

As for the woman he kissed, she’s confident the art effort doubles as an earnest search for love.

“If it’s my true love, I will feel it on an intuitive level,” she explained to the paper. “Secondly, if I don’t feel it, I won’t open my eyes. Anything can happen in life, and suddenly it’s fate. What if it’s the only way I’ll meet my soul mate?”

But now she may be asking herself, “What if it’s not?”

“The show will end the moment the Beauty opens her eyes,” teased the press release. But that hasn’t happened for any of the beauties yet, so the show goes on — at least until its scheduled end on Sept. 9.

Women dig that fantasy crap. White horse, knight in shining armor and so on just lead them to think that 50 Shades of Grey could happen to them. Pretentious British spelling and all.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a little spice here and there. But there needs to be some balance. At some point you have a life to lead. And, be honest, do you really want to live it as a submissive princess living out your days selling bicycles?

Best Bike Rental (Director’s version) . from Stason bros. on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

You’re looking at the pic to the left and wondering what the hell I have to pay to get a grown woman to pose like that. You’ll be pleased to know the answer is nothing. She posted that image all by herself. It seems she lives in Montana and her image has even been used to explain how Indonesian men can be seduced by cows. Udderly ridiculous you say? Sadly, no. It seems there is a whole sub-genre of humanity that finds bovines beautiful. Considering we live in a country where bestiality is legal in 22 states; Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia and Wyoming, for those planning a vacation, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Montana does have a law on the books prohibiting sex with animals, but it includes homosexuals in the list of undesirable beasts. And, as written, seems to provide for situations where innocent people are seduced by animals. See Indonesia for reasons why. No one has challenged the constitutionality of the Montana law. Legal experts say that’s because no one in Montana is actually aware what a constitution is or what it provides for. There’s a whole lot of home schooling going on out there.

Montana has some other laws on the books that are head scratchers as well.

1) It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperon.

2) It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.

3) It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.

4) In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.

5) It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style.

6) Prostitution is considered a “crime against the family.”

Okay, I can see valid reasons for #1 having been to Montana in my lifetime. #2 makes sense when I’m angry at my ex but not outside of that. #3 is funny. Some of the most violent movies in history have been filmed, and are still being filmed, in Montana. As to #4, why? Good luck enforcing #5. #6 may be the only one that makes sense.

In other cow related news in Montana it seems that bovines are attacking humans and hospitalizing them. Police in Billings were finally compelled to use lethal force to stop a mooing terrorist.

A Montana man suffered broken bones and sore ribs after being pummeled by a 1,200-pound black Angus cow that ran amok through downtown Billings on Tuesday, the Billings Gazette reported.

Morgan Logan, 52, was released from the hospital Wednesday afternoon, a day after the cow ran through Billings for nearly two hours before being shot by police.

I’ve been around livestock my whole life, so at first sight I thought it was pretty funny seeing cops chase a cow down the street,” Logan told the newspaper. “But she was like a bull at a rodeo.”

Logan had been driving a gravel truck at the construction site where he works when he spotted police going after the animal and decided to help.

The cow escaped from the Public Auction Yards around 3 p.m. during unloading before going on a two-hour trek through the city’s downtown.

The paper reported the cow knocked over a cyclist, charged at pedestrians and nearly jumped over a police vehicle.

“It’s not like we are out in the pasture,” Lt. Kevin Iffland with the Billings Police Department said Wednesday. “This was a totally different scenario of asphalt and a lot of traffic. We are not equipped to wrangle large animals in a city environment.”

Logan said the cow charged at him “like a bull at a rodeo” from under a tree knocking him into the air.

“I couldn’t believe how fast she came out from under the tree,” Logan said. “I guess I saw her too late because the next thing I knew I was in the air. I had no fence to climb — she caught me right in the open.”

Police requested assistance from the state fish and wildlife parks office and the auction yard where the cow had escaped from.

Bob Gibson, communication and education program manager for Fish and Wildlife Parks, said they were unable to respond to the incident because the agency wouldn’t have been able to act fast enough.

“It’s not like we just go to the cupboard and pull out a dart gun and shoot,” Gibson said. “There are different drugs, concentrations and quantities that are all considerations when darting animals. Wardens do a lot of studying and environmental assessment ahead of time when tranquilizing an animal.

Eventually a police marksman was called and shot the cow through the heart, ending the the rampage. The cow was taken to a city landfill.

Landfill? In Montana? It’s Black Angus dudes, fire up a big grill and throw a party. Oh well, the cops must be home schooled too.

Yet another home grown genius in Montana is Randy Lee Tenley, who dressed up like Bigfoot and then got killed by a 17 year old girl.

Yes, it’s sad and, yes, I feel bad for the young lady and, yes, I laughed my ass off.

A 44-year old Kalispell man is dead after being hit on Highway 93 Sunday night. Troopers say Randy Lee Tenley was wearing an apparently store-bought ghillie suit when two vehicles struck him.

A ghillie suit is a type of three-dimensional camouflage, sometimes worn by military snipers. The suits are available online and at hunting shops. Troopers say the get-up played a big role in his death. They say he was in the right-hand lane of Highway 93 South when a 15-year old Somers girl hit him.

“He probably would not have been very easy to see at all,” said Montana Highway Patrol Trooper Jim Schneider.

Another car swerved, and a third car, troopers say driven by a 17-year old Somers girl, ran him over.

“It appears the pedestrian was well into the driving lane,” said Schneider. Officials closed Highway 93 for two hours on Sunday night, as firefighters directed traffic and officers investigated. What they found is troubling.

“According to his companions, he was out there in the ghillie suit attempting to incite a sighting of Bigfoot, to make people think they had seen a Sasquatch.

But, dispatchers received no calls of the sort, just the one that sent emergency crews rushing to the scene. Sunday night’s investigation is ongoing. Troopers say Tenley likely drank alcohol yesterday, but they’re still waiting on toxicology results to see if he was impaired.

Oh, I’m guessing he was close to sober. Ghillie suits are tough to put on in the best of situations, drunks are probably not going to be able to make it work. And, yeah, it sucks for that kid to have killed a guy but, from her point of view, she hit a shrub that fell on the highway.

No word on whether they threw the ghillie suit in the landfill as well.

Talkin Sasquatch Blues from Trevor Knapp Jones on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Back on April 24, 2011, I wrote about the possibility of human immortality. Some of the stuff that was being talked about then was pretty interesting, at least in the abstract. Scientists noted that sea squids and starfish, two asexual species, passed along 100% of their genetic code. In that way their consciousness lives forever even if the vessel of their consciousness (a/k/a body) doesn’t. Which then opens up another can of worms, also an immortal asexual creature since it replaces itself one segment at a time. What, when all is said and done, makes us us? Are we only mental beings who can transfer our selves from vessel to vessel or do we require those vessels to complete us? Later, on December 13, I noted that scientists had prolonged the life span of some C-elegans (a mortal type of worm) to 70 days from 14. If that ratio held for humans we would be talking about 500 year old people. That doesn’t even begin to discuss the research done on the telomerase enzyme. Simply put, take the enzyme away (as nature does over time) and the mice age and die. But, even if it is missing and the mice are closer to mouse heaven than they would prefer, put it back in and the mice revert back to their youthful, healthy, selves. In other words, goodbye aging.

Yeah, those dudes and dudines are getting some serious funding.

Now Jesus Diaz, no relation to his namesake, is reporting that scientists have figured out a way to turn back the clock to when we were 6 day old ….. embryos.

Researchers at Johns Hopkins have discovered an efficient and totally safe method to turn adult blood cells “all the way back to the way [they were] when that person was a 6-day-old embryo.” The discovery could be the key to cure the incurable—from heart attacks to severed spinal cord to cancer—and open the door, some day, to eternal youth.

Scientists believe that stem cell therapy could change medicine forever. However, these therapies are impossible to implement on a large scale because you can’t acquire embryonic stem cells without having to use actual human embryos—an extremely controversial undertaking. The alternative has always been to use the stem cells found in umbilical cords—which is why rich people use umbilical cord storage facilities to guarantee future treatments for their kids—or use viruses to reprogram adult cells. These viruses can successfully return adult cells to their stem cell state, but the procedure opens the door to numerous complications as a result of potential DNA mutations. And those mutations could lead to cancer.

But this new method changes everything. To start with, it uses normal adult blood cells from the patient, so there’s not need to keep umbilical cords in storage. It also doesn’t use any virus reprogramming, so it’s completely safe. It’s also very efficient: researchers successfully transformed about 50 to 60 percent of adult blood cells into embryonic stem cells that can then be turn into any type of cell—a heart muscle cell, a bone cell, a nerve cell, anything.

How it works
Described in the August 8 issue of the journal Public Library of Science, the rejuvenating method uses plasmids, DNA molecules that are usually present in bacteria and eukaryotic organisms. These plasmids can replicate themselves independently from the chromosomal DNA, disappearing after they complete their function.

Using electrical pulses, the researchers opened holes in the membrane of blood cells extracted from a patient’s spinal cord. They used these tiny holes to inject plasmids loaded with four genes, programmed to make the cells revert to a primitive state. After the plasmids completed their function, they cultivated the cells with irradiated bone-marrow cells. Seven to 14 days later, the cultivated cells magically turned to embryonic stem cells.

The team is now evaluating the quality of these cells, but the potential to accelerate current and future stem cell treatments like never before is nothing sort of miraculous. By getting rid of all the barriers to entry, medical researchers could experiment at a faster pace. And once new therapies are in place, everyone on the planet would be able to receive self-transplants of embryonic cells to cure diseases, fix spinal cords or eye nerves, and rejuvenate organs by renewing tissues without rejection risks or any other side effect. Hypothetically, if you’re able to perpetually fix any part of your body, there’s no reason you wouldn’t be able to live as long as you wanted.

We are not there yet, of course, but the path is more open and wider than ever. More importantly, this makes the whole political debate about embryonic stem cells absolutely pointless.

Once more, the future is not arriving soon enough.

Oh, I don’t know. It seems to be coming up pretty fast if you ask me. In less than 48 months scientists have gone from some specious contemplation of asexuality as a possible means of human procreation to seeing tangible results that aging is a process which can be controlled and, quite possibly, stopped.

If they succeed that’s gonna mess up a ton of wedding vows, don’t you think?

Wanna Live Forever? Become A Noun from NPR on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

What an amazing convergance we are witnessing. A tropical storm, and possible hurricane, named after notorious left wing loony Ted Lange’s famous bartender. As is well known Ted’s won awards for supporting crazy crap like equal rights and froo-froo intellectualism with his ongoing teaching of Shakespeare. Like anyone reads any more. What a bunch of silliness. Anyway, as Isaac barrels towards Tampa police realized they had a couple of problems; (1) where to put all the left wing loonies, like Ted, after they get arrested and what to do about ugly whores. After all, there are God-fearing Republicans coming to town. They have jobs and money so there can’t be any ugly whores cluttering up the festivities. Fortunately for all Americans, Tampa police are well prepared for all such contingencies.

Left wing lunatics invading your fine city? Not a problem, just empty the jails of the hardened criminals and use the beds for the tourists.

No, I am not making this up. Adam Peck of ThinkProgress has the odd story.

Thousands of Republicans from around the country will descend upon Tampa, Florida next week for the Republican National Convention, and if recent history is any guide, so too will hundreds of protesters.

To prepare, Hillsborough County Sheriff David Gee has ordered the Orient Road Jail, a 1,700 bed prison in Tampa, emptied, relocating some inmates to another nearby prison and releasing others on bond. The entire facility has been transformed into a one-stop booking, detention, and bond-issuance center capable of handling large numbers of arrests, which begs the question: will Tampa police keep demonstrators on a short leash?

Sheriff Gee says no, but also indicated in a letter posted on a county website that his department would have very little tolerance for anything more than chanting and holding up signs:

To the agitators and anarchists who want only to bring a dark cloud to this event, let me be clear: criminal activity and civil disturbances will not be tolerated and enforcement actions will be swift.

Four years ago, police in Minneapolis, Minnesota were criticized for their treatment of protesters and reporters covering the RNC, and were even forced to settle in an excessive force lawsuit. And in 2004, police in New York City were found to have been surveilling dozens of protest groups for months leading up to the RNC, even embedding undercover officers within several larger groups.

Why do I hear echoes of the 1968 Democratic convention?

“The policeman is not here to create disorder. The policeman is here to preserve disorder.”

I’m sure everything will be fine. Especially since Tampa strip clubs are hiring like maniacs and cops are rounding up the unapproved whores and strippers. Especially that real ugly one over 60 years old.

Really granny?

Tampa cops conducted a two-day sweep, dubbed “Keep it Clean,” to deter prostitution and human trafficking during the upcoming Republican National Convention, according to a news release from the Tampa Police Department.

Undercover officers conducted compliance checks at 12 adult establishments after receiving tips that hookers may be coming into Tampa to work in adult establishments during the RNC.

The operation netted a total of 16 women charged with Offering to Commit Prostitution from the following clubs: The Pink Pony (1), Alibi Lounge (4), Scarlett’s (3), Skin Tampa (4), Play Pen (3) and Emperor’s Club (1), according to the release.

The youngest, 18-year-old Dallas M. Boswell, of Auburndale, was busted at Skin Tamp; the oldest, Leslie Ann Herrin, 61, also known as Shawna, from Davenport, FL was busted at the Alibi Lounge.

61-years-old.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Please feel free to use the club names above to plan your vacation events. But make sure to leave time for THEE DOLL HOUSE, which will feature Sarah Palin.

Oops, I mean a Sarah Palin look-alike, doncha know.

Sarah Palin fans who are disappointed that the former vice presidential candidate won’t be speaking at the GOP convention in Tampa next month won’t be left hanging because her stripper look-alike will be entertaining hard-working Republicans at a local “gentleman’s club.”

WFLA learned last week that a “dead ringer” for Palin will stripping at Tampa’s Thee Doll House, only 5 miles from the the Tampa Bay Times Forum convention site.

Owners of Thee Doll House and 2001 Odyssey strip club both told the WFLA that they expect business to quadruple during the convention.

And that’s not a surprise because conservatives have a reputation for being great for the adult entertainment business.

“Hands down, the Republicans have always been our best customers,” Association of Club Executives Executive Director Angelina Spencer recently told WFAE. “We get clients from all walks of life, but for whatever reason… I have heard club owners say, ‘Boy, those Republicans really are great customers.’”

Newsweek‘s Peter Boyer reported last week that presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney appeared poised to snub Palin at this year’s convention, leaving Palin supporters like The National Review‘s Rich Lowery without the eye candy they enjoyed when she was on the ticket during the last election.

“Palin too projects through the screen like crazy,” Lowry wrote in 2008. “I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, ‘Hey, I think she just winked at me.’”

“And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can’t be learned; it’s either something you have or you don’t, and man, she’s got it.”

But that’s then. What can God fearing Republicans do before they get to Tampa? Thaks to the nice people at the 2001 Odyssey Strip Club, they can go online with something safe like Facebook and talk to strippers directly so they can – ahem – make appointments.

Doncha know?

In a private room at the 2001 Odyssey strip club, dancers with names like Candy, Bella and Ferrari sit on a high-backed velvet bench and video chat with online customers from across the country. For a price, they’ll disrobe and move into an adjacent room to dance.

Web customers pay a monthly membership fee for these virtual interactions. And some of them, the club says, end up coming to Tampa for a trip inside the spaceship-topped nude club on N Dale Mabry Highway where they can visit the strippers in person.

By August — just in time for the Republican National Convention — operators of Club Cam Systems plan to roll out similar ventures at two other Tampa adult clubs. Their goal: drum up thousands of dollars online while giving some of the estimated 50,000 GOP convention visitors a taste of the adult entertainment awaiting them when they arrive.

“For the RNC, people need places to go. We’re trying to create the awareness for people who come to Tampa that Tampa has a lot of things to do,” said Russ Bruno, an owner of Club Cam Systems.

It’s a true “hub and spoke” model of social media marketing that’s being synchronized just in time for arriving delegates, politicians, lobbyists and other tourists. Like other businesses pitching for convention visitors, the clubs are updating their Facebook pages and Twitter accounts to drive traffic to their websites, which drives foot traffic to the clubs.

“I think Tampa may be breaking new ground with this,” said Glen Gilmore, a consultant and digital marketing professor at Rutgers University. “It’s a dramatic shift in marketing, and I guess what’s happening in Tampa just reinforces the fact that traditional marketing is yielding to new media and new marketing.”

• • •

The Odyssey’s journey into live streaming started about a decade ago but didn’t go far because of $110,000-a-month broadband costs and dial-up customers who wondered why “the girl hasn’t moved in 25 minutes,” said Don Kleinhans, a club co-owner.

“Technology has now caught up,” he said.

In the 5,113-square-foot club, cameras are perched above the dressing room’s entrance watching the women apply makeup or change out of lingerie. Another sits above the main stage not far from neon signs hailing the “Make It Rain Machine.”

Controlled by an ATM-like kiosk, the Make It Rain Machine allows customers online and in the club to drop as much as $2,000 in dollar bills from 2001’s ceiling onto dancers. Rolling thunder accompanies the lucrative storm while the DJ announces the rainmaker’s name and dedication. Performers can be tipped over the Web.

The cameras are tightly focused on the stage and patrons are never shown.

Tucked away behind a frosted glass door is the “Studio,” where strippers video chat offstage with customers who pay a $19.95 monthly membership fee to access the site. For another $4 a minute, they can ask for a personal striptease. Many of the club’s 300 dancers have profiles that inform viewers when their favorite entertainer is online.

Some strippers believe this “virtual club” is the answer for politicians who come to town and are scared of being seen in the club.

The service also draws clients into the Odyssey in person. That’s what club operators are hoping happens during the RNC. “People coming down for the RNC can log in online and see what’s going on at the club so they can bring parties to the club during the convention,” Bruno said.

• • •

Club Cam Systems, developed at 2001 Odyssey with its club owners staking a claim, is now being sold worldwide. The Mons Venus, the Odyssey’s longtime rival across the street, hopes to have its Club Cam system operating by next month, said Toni Derby, director of operations. It will not include video chat services because the 3,100-square-foot club doesn’t have enough room for a Web studio.

At the 2001, the club’s staff stays tethered to laptops to monitor, chat and keep the Web operation running. In an instant, they can access the club’s Facebook and Twitter accounts, and post updates and tweets to thousands of followers. It’s a direct-marketing tool club operators will aim at conventiongoers using political keywords and hashtags to draw them in.

When they leave, Kleinhans hopes, visitors will go home with beach memories, a souvenir or two and a membership in the virtual club to “stay in touch” with some of the people they’ve met.

Republicans love pen pals. Pen pals are a pure example of American history done right. Charlie Brown had a pen pal. Well, he tried. He ended up having a pencil pal. Which, when I was a kid, was one of the saddest things I ever read.

Republicans also love strippers. And, if a high quality news source like The Onion can be believed, they are quite fond of gay prostitutes too.

Although, to be fair, it seems that Democrats are fond of barely legal gay prostitutes as well.

Maybe that can be the tie that binds and gets them talking to each other.

“Senator? Have you tried Gary over on G Street? No? What a shame. He does this wonderful flippy thing with his tongue … By the way, do you have some time Saturday to go over the budget?”

Until then, how about some socially acceptable Duran Duran with traditional naked women and body oils?

Duran Duran “Girls on Film” Uncensored from Resistol 5000 on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

The last time I screwed up, I got the name of a comet wrong, I received 3, lengthy, emails from NASA scientists explaining why I should never procreate. So I shouldn’t be surprised that this new screw up engendered the kind of response usually reserved for serial killers. And what sucks is the fact that it is all my fault. There is nothing I can do but suck it up and take my lumps. Two days ago I wrote about Congressman Paul Ryan’s switch from Ayn Rand to St. Thomas Aquinas. In doing so I violated my own rules; I wrote while angry, I wrote with an agenda and I wrote quickly without taking time to fact check anything. Individually each is indefensible. Collectively they are a recipe for disaster. On the plus side, I am now convinced that more people read this stuff than I’d thought.

I mixed Thomas Aquinas up with St. Thomas the Apostle and then it all went downhill from there. The only saving grace was that I didn’t add the wit and wisdom of Thomas Paine and then claim that my aggregate Thomas invented the light bulb.

Obviously Ryan, a staunch conservative, would find solace in a philosophy that espoused “As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes from defect in the active power.”

Also, Ryan would find it easy to support a Dominican philosopher since, as has been noted before, the Dominicans are responsible for some of the worst persecutions in the history of the church. The Spanish Inquisition was just the most noted.

The irony is obvious; had I been right about Ryan following the Apostle Thomas it would have meant he’d widened his world view. I guess that should have been my first clue that I’d missed something obvious.

Oh well, as I noted above, I screwed up and I apologize. We’ll get back to boobs and Florida tomorrow.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

“Don’t give me Ayn Rand,” Paul Ryan told the National Review. “Give me Thomas Aquinas.” Okay, I shall. Ayn Rand, for those playing catch up, was an eastern European Atheist who was pro woman’s rights, anti-government in the extreme and the author of several books that touted her world view called “Objectivism.” In simple terms it is a philosophy of self to the exclusion of all others. Think of it as the anti-religion in the purest sense. You can understand why Catholics were confused by Mr. Ryan’s embracing of that particular philosophy, especially since he claims, often and loudly, to be a devout Catholic. But, hey, he’s grown and moved on. To St. Thomas Aquinas. Also known as “Doubting Thomas.” Or, as millions of devout Indians will attest, the purported founder of the Church of Thomas. This is another fascinating development since the majority of St. Thomas Christians have nothing to do with Catholicism and, in many cases, vehemently disagree with the church’s dogma and liturgy.

A simple example, St. Thomas believed that an embryo did not get a soul for 40 days. Longer if it was going to be a female. That’s about 5 weeks. So, according to an apostle who walked with Jesus, it’s not a living being until then which would seem to imply that first trimester abortions are just skippy okay.

Nice to see Mr. Ryan relaxing his stance on this delicate subject.

Another example – kind of important too – the Gospel of Thomas is a major part of the Gnostic tradition. Those would be the same Gnostics who were hunted down and killed by St. Dominic for being heretics. Yes, the same St. Dominic who founded the Dominican order. Those would be the fun loving folks who held a little party called The Spanish Inquisition. And that party was lovingly lauded by the Catholic church.

So, by embracing the tracts of Thomas Aquinas he is directly in conflict with 2,000 years of dogma. I’m okay with that but I wonder how his family is taking the news. After all, they still attend his local church.

Additionally, Thomas Aquinas is the alleged author of The Acts of Thomas. Just as Acts was the story of Saul who became Paul, as written by the physician Luke (who couldn’t be an apostle since he wasn’t Jewish), the Acts of Thomas recount his journey into India first as a slave and then as a prophet.

There’s a whole lot of history in just that sentence.

And, just for fun, I should note that Thomas never once refers to Jesus as the Son of God. Instead he just calls him by name or uses the generic “Son of Man” that permeates the New Testament in all the conversations the apostles have with Jesus. That has led many to believe that Thomas was in line with the Gnostic belief that Jesus was a divinely inspired prophet but not the son of God.

That’s more than a discussion point for Catholics and contemporary Christians, them’s fighting words.

Also not mentioned is the Virgin birth, which makes sense since the actual Gospel of Thomas is a collection of sayings attributed to Jesus. After all, when was the last time you discussed your birth?

But, more importantly, the Acts of Thomas set the tone for the entire structure of the Church that bears his name. It wasn’t until the Catholic church tried to assimilate the Church of Thomas in the 16th century that people really started to notice the glaring differences in beliefs. The writings of Thomas detail the childhood of Jesus, as supposedly told to Thomas by Jesus during his ministry, which contains miracles and historical accounts not found in any Catholic text.

Now, obviously, I am having a little, historically accurate, fun at Mr. Ryan’s expense but all of this does beg a simple question; “Has this guy actually read any of the works of the people he claims to follow?”

And, if not, who the hell is feeding him his talking points?

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

“Dude you wrote that funny thing about stuff. You know, Star Wars and Star Trek and stuff? Could you find it again please?” Well, yes I did and yes I can. And since it rounds out the previous two blogs nicely I’m tossing it back up. This originally appeared on January 8, 2011.

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There has always been a clearly defined line between Start Trek fans and Star Wars fans. Star Trek’s are the more cerebral of the two. Fans not only follow the shows, they learn new languages, discuss how Paul Dirac’s theories on anti-matter, when coupled with Einstein’s theory of relativity, could truly lend credence to the argument for faster than light travel and often will worry about the socio-economic impact that one culture could have upon another. It is not uncommon to find Star Trek fans knocking back a couple of frosty cold adult libations over a game of 3D Chess all while contemplating the vagaries of nonlinear quantum mechanics and noting that Lt. Uhura was seriously hot. This hotness has been noted in the re-imagination of the character as well.

Star Wars fans, on the other hand, really just like toys.

Despite the promise of the 1st and 2nd (now 4th and 5th?) movies in the series, since George Lucas took over the directing and casting, Star Wars has been about a whole lot of nothing. Nothing coupled with amazing special effects, I’ll grant, but still a vacuous endeavor.

Oh, sure, every now and then some fan trots out a bunch of meaningless tripe about “The Force;” a ‘religion’ based on a philosophy that was founded by a hunch. You may as well just read The Secret and then remove yourself from society since you’ll be officially worthless.

So I guess it should come as no surprise that Star Wars fans are all atwitter about a couple who pose everywhere, ala The Residents (although I guarantee they have no idea who The Residents are), in Storm Trooper masks.

Bonnie Niess from AOL News takes a look at the trivial lives of Red and Jonny.

If you don’t believe Red and Jonny when they describe themselves as “Star Wars geeks,” take a look at their Flickr stream, where the couple photographs themselves wearing Stormtrooper helmets in a slew of situations from the banal to outlandish. It’ll probably change your mind.

The photo series began on their honeymoon, when the couple found a Stormtrooper helmet at a toy show. “I got Red to put it on and started taking photos of her in it immediately,” says Jonny. “We just started taking it everywhere, chronicling our marriage taking photos of ourselves wearing it, coming home and laughing our heads off.”

They began posting the images to show friends and family their adventures, but soon found Internet fame, as their Flickr page hit Boing Boing, Digg and Reddit. People even started recognizing the couple on their adventures.

Keep reading to find out more and to see a selection of our favorite images of the couple in costume.

“People sometimes recognize us when we go to Comic-Con or Fanexpo and even toy shows,” says Jonny. “People actually call us out by name. We still get mail every day from someone who says they love us. It’s nice.”

As an unexpected bonus, all that public geekdom soon led to being interviewed by the official Star Wars magazine. “It is my proudest moment as a Star Wars geek,” says Jonny. “I am immortal now.”

The couple continue to post images of their adventures on Flickr and their website redandjonny. While still posing in the Stormtrooper outfits, they’ve recently been seen in giant mascot heads. Jonny says of his wife Red, “I love being married to the most beautiful, cool, amazing woman in the world. We love making each other laugh.”

We’ll look forward to more of your nerdy cosplay photo adventures, Red and Jonny. But sorry, folks — when it comes to leaving helmets on while knockin’ space boots, the couple reminds us they “are married” and “don’t need to wear protection.”

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! TMI! I mean that is seriously T! M! Freaking I!

I do not want to go to my grave thinking about his unsheathed light saber plunging into a woman who has the body of a 12 year old boy. That’s just wrong. At every level.

You want a real woman, like Heather Holliday, handling a weapon like that. Sheathed or otherwise.

Trust me on this one.

Nevertheless, since we are all about the children, I would be remiss if I didn’t post something that will help parents deal with the many problems they may face if their children become Star Wars fans. The nice people at Asylum (ED: now defunct) made a wonderful Public Service Announcement that should be must see TV for everyone who encounters this dilemma.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

L. Ron Hubbard once said that the concept of twisting two pieces of metal together and calling them an egg beater, before any said “egg beater” had been invented, was the definition of science fiction. L. Ron Hubbard was an idiot. All it is is a new method for doing a common task. He was also, as has been noted here before, a racist and a lousy writer. The Church of Scientology, a diseased piece of crap he founded when reality proved too hard, describes Hubbard in glowing terms as a pioneering explorer, world traveler, and nuclear physicist with expertise in a wide range of disciplines, including photography, art, poetry, and philosophy. His critics have characterized him as a liar, a charlatan, and mentally unstable. Though many of his autobiographical statements have been proven to be fictitious, the Church rejects any suggestion that its account of Hubbard’s life is not historical fact. So, as you can see, “idiot” works pretty darn well. That being said, legitimate science fiction writers have taken a look at what may come and have provided us with some startling insights. Thanks to the people at Innovation News, I can share ten of the most prescient with you.

The Atomic Bomb
The H.G. Wells book “The World Set Free” includes numerous descriptions of atom bombs. Not that impressive, until you realize the book came out 30 years before the first atomic bomb test.

Though he had some basic knowledge of atomic physics, Wells realized that they could be used to create an explosive device. Wells’ atomic bombs have no more power than regular explosives, but they continuously explode for days at a time. He even predicted that remaining in an area where an atomic bomb had gone off would create health problems for people, and that the areas could remain uninhabitable for years to come.

Leo Szilard, a researcher for the Manhattan Project even cited specific passages in a letter to Hugo Hirst. Adding “It is remarkable that Wells should have written those pages in 1914. Of course, all this is moonshine, but I have reason to believe that in so far as the industrial applications of the present discoveries in physics are concerned, the forecast of the writers may prove to be more accurate than the forecast of the scientists.”

The Internet
When not defining American comedy for generations, Mark Twain dabbled the occasional sci-fi story. One of which, “From the ‘London Times’ of 1904”, actually described the internet as we know it today.

Twain’s ‘telectroscope’ was a phone system that connected people the world over. “The improved ‘limitless-distance’ telephone was introduced, and the daily doings of the globe made visible to everybody, and audibly discussable too, by witnesses separated by any number of leagues.”

The main character of Twain’s story, a condemned murderer is even saved through the use of the telectroscope. Moments before he is to be executed, his friend catches a glimpse of his supposed victim during an event being live streamed from China.

Pretty impressive details considering the story was written in 1898.

Moon Landing
According to Jules Verne’s story “From the Earth to the Moon”, the first mission to the moon was launched in December from a base in Florida. The crew consisted of three men who were seated in a large capsule constructed almost entirely from aluminum. After their moonwalk, Verne’s crew lands in the Pacific Ocean and is picked up by a U.S. Navy ship. Sound familiar?

More than 100 years before the real first moonwalk, Verne predicted many of the mission’s details in his novel. The ships even have similar names, Verne’s was the Columbiad and NASA’s was the Columbia.

Finally, one of the most astounding details is that in Jules Verne’s story, when the astronauts reach space, they experience weightlessness. Now that’s a common fact, but in 1865, when Jules Verne wrote the story, he had absolutely no way of knowing that would be the case.

Radar
While most people don’t consider Hugo Gernsback’s 1911 novel “Ralph 124C 41+” a particularly good book, they do credit it with predicting an amazing amount of the technology we use today, including remote controlled television, tape recorders and solar power.

One of his most interesting predictions was radar. Gernsback’s novel described a “pulsating polarized ether wave, if directed on a metal object can be reflected in the same manner as a light ray is reflected from a bright surface…from the intensity and elapsed time of the reflected impulses, the distance between the earth and the flyer can then be accurately estimated.”

The author even included a fairly accurate drawing of the device as well. It wasn’t until 1934 – 24 years after Ralph’s publication – that the Navy displayed its pulsing radar system.

Editors note: Another science fiction author, Arthur C. Clarke, actually worked on the first radar scopes in WWII and used them to track Nazi planes and help keep Britain safe.

Online Newspapers
In 1968, the Internet had yet to make printed media look as antiquated as an abacus, which makes it surprising that Arthur C. Clarke featured online newspapers in his novel “2001: A Space Odyssey”.

In just a paragraph, Clarke was able to perfectly sum up on the online news experience we’re familiar with today. “In a few milliseconds he could see the headlines of any newspaper he pleased … The text was updated automatically on every hour; even if one read only the English versions, one could spend an entire lifetime doing nothing but absorbing the ever-changing flow of information from the news satellites.” Oh, and those communications satellites? Clarke invented those, too.

Tanks
H.G. Wells was quite successful at predicting the war machines of the future in his novels. In addition to the atomic bomb mentioned earlier, Wells also predicted the development of the tank, or as he named them ‘Land Ironclads.’

His short story was published in 1903, and featured a war correspondent’s ruminations on what these new, fearsome machine would mean for war. The land ironclads are 100-foot-long machines with remote controlled guns and accommodation for 42 soldiers, including 7 officers. They are capable of breaching trenches and followed by men on bicycles who hold the gained territory.

While bicycles are not something you see on the battlefield anymore, tanks have been a big component of combat since they made their first appearance in 1916, 13 years after Wells story came out.

Virtual Reality Games
The first video game was invented in 1958, yet Arthur C. Clarke was writing about virtual reality games two years before that.

His novel “The City and the Stars” describes the city of Diaspar. A place that is entirely run by computer, even its residents. The people of Diaspar live for one thousand years, before their essence is absorbed back into the city’s Memory Banks. Many years later they will emerge again, with a fully formed adult body.

The most popular form of entertainment in the city is a virtual reality game. “You were not merely a passive observer … You were an active participant and possessed — or seemed to possess — free will … There was enough flexibility to allow for wide variation. As long as the dream lasted there was no way in which it could be distinguished from reality.”

Video Chat
These days we have Skype and computers that come with built in cameras. AT&T introduced the first ‘picturephone’ at the New York World’s Fair in 1964, but it was Hugo Gernsback who brought the idea to the public’s attention in 1911.

Once again, his novel “Ralph 124C 41+”, Gernsback wrote about technology that we’d be using years later. His Telephot was a wall-mounted screen that connected you to others with the push of a few buttons. In Gernsback’s story, his hero even meets his future girlfriend over the Telephot in case of crossed wires.

Credit Cards
When he wrote about the use of credit cards in 1888, Edward Bellamy was pulling ideas out of the air, as shoppers could only buy something on credit if they knew the salesperson. In his novel “Looking Backwards”, Bellamy described credit card transactions that could be taking place today, even down to the duplicate receipts.

The novel is about a man who falls asleep in 1888 to awaken in the year 2000 to a socialist society. In Bellamy’s version of the future, the credit card system is backed by the credit of the American government. Each person is given a certain line of credit on his or her card and the government uses part of the GDP to pay off that credit. Bellamy even described how the credit card could be used the world over, for all types of currency.

Scuba Diving
In Jules Verne’s day, hanging out underwater for a prolonged period of time involved wearing a large, cumbersome suit, and being tethered to a ship by your air hose, which had to be long enough to reach the surface so you could breath. The diving apparatus he describes in “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” sounds a lot more like the scuba diving we’re familiar with today.

Verne’s system was based on Benoit Rouquayrol and Auguste Denayrouze design, which stored enough air to divers to move around untethered for 7 to 8 minutes, Verne’s device “consisted of a reservoir of thick iron plates, in which I store the air under a pressure of fifty atmospheres. This reservoir is fixed on the back by means of braces.” This gear also allowed the user to spend between 7 and 8 hours exploring the deep.

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As noted above, Clarke also actually invented satellites. He was not the only SF author to make a contribution to society and refuse money for it. Robert Heinlein, before he went absolutely nuts, invented the waterbed. It was originally designed as a treatment for soldiers who were burned in battle.

It worked too by relieving the pressure on the soldier’s skin and allowing him to heal.

And, here’s one that gets overlooked and I think should be noted. Martin Cooper was a Star Trek fan and bona fide nerd. He thought those communicators – BEAM ME UP SCOTTY – were way cool and started playing around with radio waves and stuff and, finally, invented the cell phone.

The Future Belongs to the Curious from Skillshare on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.