Relationships Are Hard

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.” – Woody Allen – We’ve all had those moments when we knew that this or that relationship was going nowhere. Maybe it was the subtle hint of finding all your clothes on the lawn or, maybe, it was that indelicate moment when she introduced you to her fiancee. Whatever it was, you knew then and there that it was done. Yet, some people can’t take those subtle hints. Police in Michigan report that even when her friend died it didn’t stop their relationship.

A Michigan woman kept the corpse of her dead friend and roommate in their home for nearly two years because she did not wish to be alone, according to a report.

When police officers visited the Jackson home of Linda Chase on July 6, the 71-year-old told them that she had kept the mummified body of her roommate, Charles Zigler, in a chair, the Jackson Citizen Patriot reported. Chase told the newspaper that she often talked to her silent companion and watched NASCAR races with him. She said she kept his corpse dressed and clean.

“I didn’t want to be alone,” Chase said. “He was the only guy who was ever nice to me.”

Zigler’s body was discovered after concerned relatives called police. Zigler’s son Walter said he had made several attempts to visit his ailing father but was refused entry by Chase.

“That wasn’t right to leave him lay like that,” he told the Jackson Citizen Patriot.

A medical examiner determined that Zigler died of natural causes sometime near the end of December 2010, the paper reported.

Chase told the Jackson Citizen Patriot she continued to cash Zigler’s benefit checks after his death, and expected to go to prison. Police are reportedly investigating the case and have not yet filed charges.

If the dead can vote in Chicago I see no reason they can’t like NASCAR in Michigan. As to the lady, I’m not sure what they can do. Sure she broke the law by cashing his checks but does anyone really think they’ll get restitution? I think the world would be better served by just hooking her up with a breathing NASCAR fan and moving on.

Still and all, at least she took care of her friend. Cops in Pennsylvania were stunned to find a mom who traded her newborn for a used pick up truck and some meth.

A Kentucky mother traded her newborn son for a truck, according to the Laurel County Sheriff’s Office, WKYT -TV reported.

Heather Kaminskey, 30, handed her baby to Jamie and Jeremy Brown in January and then sold the truck for $800 plus some meth, according to police.

Police said they discovered the scheme when Kaminskey tried sell the vehicle. They arrested the Browns and charged them with human trafficking. The baby boy appeared to be well taken care of, investigators said.

Kaminskey, police said, might be in Florida and they are hoping to obtain warrants for her arrest. She apparently called neighbors of the Browns on Thursday and told them that she’s distraught over what happened and that she wants to return to Kentucky, WKYT reported.

In other baby-for-sale news, a Philadelphia dad said to be desperate for some quick cash to buy drugs tried to sell his baby girl on Friday, police sources and neighbors told NBC Philadelphia.

A couple he approached called police and another neighbor pretended he was going to buy the 6-month old baby until police arrived to arrest the man, NBC Philadelphia reported. The baby was taken to a hospital to be checked out.

Seriously, this is an epidemic in Philly? Baby selling gone wild? You could fit the entire city inside Chicago and still have plenty of room left over for sane people.

Then again, at least we can be thankful she wasn’t reading 50 Shades of Grey. Of course, she’s a meth head so she probably can’t read at all.

But, seriously, I would kill to meet a woman who talked like this.

“He’s my very own Christian Grey flavor Popsicle.”

“Hmm… he’s soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty…”

OH YEAH BAY-BEE!

Of course, for some men the thought of their beloved reading such saucy prose might lead them to attack her with gravy.

You cannot make this stuff up.

A British man was arrested for squirting brown sauce in his girlfriend’s face in retaliation for reading the saucy tome, “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Raymond Hodgson, 31, also allegedly slapped Emma McCormick, his girlfriend of five years, after discovering she had been reading the novel he called “pornographic” and “distasteful,” according to the Carlisle News & Star.

The couple had been arguing for two days via text message until Hodgson arrived to McCormick’s home when she refused to put down the erotica, a prosecutor said in court, according to the News & Star.

McCormick then called the police, who arrested Hodgson. He denied slapping her, but pleaded guilty to common assault for which he was ordered to pay a fine. He was also appointed a 6-week nightly curfew, the paper reported.

That is so “veddy veddY” British. A gravy tossing episode lands you in jail. In America it gets you a co-hosting gig with Dr. Phil.

You know what? I want to leave things on a happy note. So let’s go to Alaska where they may have the most worthless governeor in decades, but they have one of the best mayors on the planet. And, BONUS, he’s housebroken and works for kibble.

The mayor of a sleepy Alaska town is feline fine.

The part-Manx cat clawed his way onto the political scene of Talkeetna, Alaska, through a write-in campaign shortly after he was born 15 years ago.

Although his position is honorary, Stubbs’ popularity is real. His election earned him enough press to catapult the town at the base of Mount McKinley into a tourist destination.

Residents say they’re happy that their stubby-tailed mayor is promoting tourism. The general store where Stubbs hangs out says it gets dozens of tourists a day asking for him.

Can you even pretend to think that tourists would flock to any Chicago store to see the Rahminator? Not even with free bon bons.

Zahia Dehar in The Cat Cave by Nick & Chloé (Official) from Zahia Officiel on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.