People Not Like Us

It is, however, acceptable to eat them in cafes and in alleys.
Once upon a time on a dark and stormy night there was a cliche waiting to happen. Maybe not as obvious as a serial killer with the middle name Wayne, but blindingly obvious nonetheless. Today’s blog is all about that kind of stuff. Speaking of cliches I am currently sitting in one. It is a hipster cafe called, naturally, the New Wave Coffee House. Black and white photos of crap you don’t care about? Check. “Outsider art?” You betcha. Inexplicable pop culture reference? Yep. Foreign soundtrack? In spades. Or “oui” if you prefer. I am here for a wide variety of reasons but mostly because they have free Wi Fi and food. Both of those things are out of the question at home since the power is off again. On the plus side, the food is great, the service well above average and the crowd is really nice. I can put up with some pretension for that.

Other pretensions bother me. For example, Ted Nugent has, for the last decade or so, surrounded himself with cheap musicians so he can keep most of the money for himself. Most of these giants of rock tend to agree with him politically, which makes for fun conversations if you don’t mind hearing your brain rot. Cops in Bangor Maine are completely baffled however by Nuge’s drummer who tried to evade arrest by stealing a golf cart.

People are always fleeing police, but usually it’s in a vehicle where they have a chance to get away. That wasn’t the case for Mick Brown, drummer for Ted Nugent, who tried to make his escape in a golf cart, according to the Bangor, Maine police department.

According to the police department, Brown, 55, reportedly stole a golf cart after a Bangor concert featuring Nugent, Styx and REO Speedwagon at Bangor’s waterfront pavilion.

Brown, who was reportedly intoxicated, evaded several people who tried to stop him and somehow picked up two women along the way, the department says on its Facebook page.

“As (officers) attempted to stop Brown, he accelerated past them, past a third officer and when a security officer got close enough to stop him, Brown allegedly shoved the officer,” the police reported. “At that point two other security officers physically removed Brown from the cart and placed him on the ground.”

Brown was arrested and later released on $4,000 bail, and faces a court date of Aug. 15 for charges of operating under the influence of alcohol, driving to endanger, theft, and assault.

But perhaps the best line from the police report reads, “No damage was reported to the cart although two traffic cones were damaged, one still under the cart, significantly so.”

Ted Nugent himself has been in the news lately for his political opinions, most recently for suggesting that the South should have won the Civil War.

Frank Zappa once said “Shut up and play your guitar.” Someone should send that memo to Michigan.

Cops in Philly, however, wish their issues were limited to dangerous thoughts. They arrested a guy who was brandishing a crossbow on the highway.

A Philadelphia man took road rage to a whole new level when he pulled a crossbow on another driver during Tuesday rush hour.

According to police, Kenneth Butterworth, 45, began driving erratically, weaving in and out of traffic when another driver changed lanes .

The driver, whose name was not released, then honked his horn.

When the driver of the other vehicle got in front of Butterworth’s Dodge Stratus, Butterworth changed lanes and pulled out a crossbow and pointed it at him.

The driver called 911, and Butterworth was arrested and charged with felony aggravated assault. Police could not confirm whether he was still being held in jail.

Police told the crossbow was never fired.

Really? A crossbow? Talk about going medieval on someone. What’s next? A mace?

This next story is so rife with cliches it actually wrote itself. WalMart + America’s Funniest Home Videos (with no cameras or lights) + Pervert + Open Toed Shoes = FUNNY!

A woman says a man claiming to be with a TV show sucked her toe inside an east Georgia Walmart after claiming everything she purchased that day would be free if she complied with the unusual request.

The Augusta Chronicle reports that the woman called sheriff’s deputies Tuesday to describe the bizarre encounter in the Grovetown store, west of Augusta.

Columbia County sheriff’s reports say the man asked the 18-year-old if her toenails were painted, whether she’d watched America’s Funniest Home Videos and said he was with the show.

Authorities say he asked if he could kiss her foot as part of the prank, then started sucking on her big toe.

The woman said she screamed, the man said “it tasted so good, though” and then ran from the Walmart.

You knew what happened before you read the first word, didn’t you?

Ladies, if a strange man asks to kiss your feet, no matter the reason, you are always welcome to say “No.” Actually, the same applies in cases where a strange woman asks to do that as well.

But what if a retired porn star offers to kick start your heart? Residents of Roanoke Virginia are asking themselves that exact question when it became known that their new volunteer EMT was porn star Harmony Rose.

This EMT trainee has experience getting the blood flowing.

Harmony Rose, whose birth name is Tracy Rolan, was featured in more than 200 pornographic videos between 2004 and 2010. Her videos include “Masturbation Nation 3,” “Farmer’s Daughters Take It Off” and “Sack Lunch.”

Rose, 29, has since left the adult entertainment industry, WDBJ 7 reports, and she’s training as a volunteer EMT with the Cave Spring Rescue Squad in Roanoke, VA, for the past few months. Now some officials are getting hot and bothered over her participation.

Exactly when Rose left the industry is unclear, though IMDB lists her most recent credit as occurring in 2010.

Fire Chief Rich Burch learned about Rose’s previous career from Roanoke Fire & Rescue employees, Director of Public Information Teresa Hall told the Huffington Post. Having never dealt with such a situation before, Burch contacted the Office of the County Attorney.

Attorney Paul M. Mahoney replied on June 27. In a letter obtained by the Huffington Post, Mahoney stated that Roanoke County does not generally get involved in the decisions of volunteer rescue squads. However, the attorney also noted, “Anything that results in public ridicule of the volunteer squads . . . must be avoided.”

Mahoney then recommended that Burch “supports the decision of the volunteer chief if she decides to terminate the membership of [Rose].”
The community, however, seems to be on Rose’s side. Of the over 500 comments that appear under the story on WDBJ’s Facebook page, nearly all support Rose’s continued work with the rescue squad.

“I believe if you or a loved one is having a true medical emergency,” Jonathan Whorley wrote, “your [sic] not going to care about the former occupation of the person helping you.”

“It’s not like she was doing porn in the squad building,” Theodore Hughes pointed out.

Since the publication of WDBJ’s article, the station has been slammed for encouraging readers to look up Rose’s work. The original version of the article included a linked sentence that read, “Just Google her name and you’ll find hundreds of pornographic videos of hers.” The station later took the link down.

The Huffington Post would never do such a thing.

Harmony Rose is still training as a volunteer EMT.

There is hope for humanity after all. Judgmental morons 0, rational humans 500. I like those odds.

As has been noted here before, I know a few people who work in the adult entertainment industry. If you didn’t know that about them you’d never know. They are the same as the rest of us. They raise their families, love their friends and mow their lawns.

And, no, those are not codes for pornographic acts.

Tristan Risk’s Lullaby – Brice Ferre – Vancouver Photographer from Brice Ferre Photography on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

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