Archives for June 2012

Yesterday I wrote about the dumbest job in the universe, wild crocodile wrestling (no experience necessary). I mentioned that there would be a lot of Floridians missing a limb or two. I did not mean to make that a challenge to see who would go first. But, yesterday, the 63-year-old Wallace Weatherholt, who must have been an idiot all his life to think this was a good idea, reached over the edge of an air-boat he was captaining to feed a wild alligator. The wild gator said “Why thank you very much Mr. Stupid Person” and took the kibble, the fish and Captain Wallace’s hand. Since it is illegal in Florida to tease, feed or harass gators, El Capitan could do up to six months in the joint. My favorite quote in the article comes from the Indiana tourist on the boat, Judy Chroniak-Hatt, who said, “I was sitting there in the seat thinking, is this thing really biting him or is he playing a game.” See, with Floridians you can never really tell if you are witnessing insanity or frivolity. Rule of thumb? Assume the former and rarely be disappointed.

Police in Port St. Lucie have found a less painful, altough still dangerous, version of stupid. They arrested a man for working out his one eyed wonder weasel on his front lawn.

A man accused of walking naked in his driveway while performing an intimate act on himself and “working real hard at it” was arrested, according to recently released records.

A man identified as Jeffery Marriott, 50, was spotted May 30 by a woman looking out the window of her home on Southwest Cherryhill Road in Port St. Lucie.

The dude accused in what could be construed as a nude lewd interlude was “walking back and forth masturbating in the driveway, the front yard and between the trucks,” the woman stated to police.

Further, the woman said the naked man had his sexual organ “in his hand working real hard at it,” a report states.

Generally speaking, “walking back and forth masturbating in the driveway, the front yard and between the trucks” is not a socially acceptable practice.

Police got no answer at the front door of Marriott’s listed address, noting an “unknown clear liquid substance” on the door’s knob.

Items that could be described as a “clear liquid substance” include water, vodka, condensation, Sprite, hydrogen peroxide, plastic cement, silicone sealant, vinegar and nail polish remover.

A woman identified as Marriott’s girlfriend told police she’d been sleeping for three hours.

Marriott said he and his girlfriend went to the beach and a store to return a tent before coming home and napping together for three hours. The girlfriend, however, said she was the only person in bed.

Asked why he was sweating while his girlfriend was not, Marriott said the air conditioning was set at 82.

Marriott was arrested on a misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs charge.

But that’s just sharing with neighbors. Who knows, in Florida it might even be expected. Kind of like a “Howdy Ya’ll, have you met my playmate?” But even in Florida the police will get a tad edgy when you whip out your wonder toy on an unsuspecting teen.

Sanibel Police arrested a man after he was caught masturbating by a 15-year-old girl.

The girl told police that she noticed the man while walking on the beach front of Sanibel Beach Club II Tuesday afternoon.

She stated that she was unsure of what she saw so she walked past the man a second time.

This time the girl said he was still masturbating and she saw his genitals.

She did not know if the man was directing the action toward her, but she did state that she thought the man looked over at her during the act.

After seeing this, the girl went back up to the pool area and told her father.

The officer approached the man, who identified himself as Johnathon G. Muller of Clermont, FL.

The officer saw no evidence at the time that the 50-year-old had been masturbating.

On Thursday, the police interviewed the girl. She was able to give a description of Muller, the clothes he was wearing and repeated the story of what she saw that day.

Muller was charged with Lewd and Lascivious Behavior and taken to the Lee County Jail.

He was released on $2,500 bond.

As has been noted here before, Floridians go about things just a tad different than normal people. For example, most people, when they lose their job, file a grievance or go get drunk or complain to random strangers on the bus. But, in Florida, they cover themselves in gasoline and try to borrow a match.

A former employee of a High Springs gas station returned Monday night, poured gasoline on himself and his car, and tried to set both on fire, authorities said.

No one would give the man a lighter, however, and he was unable to ignite the spilled fuel.

A High Springs Police Department report gave the following account: Kalpeshkumar Patel, 40, of High Springs, pulled into the High Springs Chevron gas station and convenience store at 7820 SW 50th Road around 9:20 p.m.

Using a gas pump, he then poured gasoline on himself and the car and tried unsuccessfully to get a lighter from customers.

The owner of the store told police Patel had left him several threatening phone messages, including the threat that he would burn his car in order to destroy the store.

Patel was arrested on charges of aggravated assault and attempted arson of a structure. He was being held without bond at the Alachua County jail.

The obvious probelm, besides the fact that he’s an imbecile (and, yes, I owe a 500 word apology to imbeciles) is the fact that he’s selfish. Lisa Lanham brought her own lighter and decided to share hte joy of immolation with her husband and a neighbor.

As if it weren’t hot enough outside, this woman decided to really turn up the heat.

James Lanham, 36, told deputies that he awoke shortly before 1 a.m. to his wife, Lisa, setting their Golden Gates Estates home on fire with a lighter, according to a news release from the Collier County Sheriff’s Office.

Another man, Cameron Sanders, 24, who was living in a shed converted into a makeshift bedroom behind their home, told deputies that he also awoke to Lisa Lanham lighting his bed on fire, the report states.

Both the house and storage shed were in flames when deputies arrived. James Lanham was not injured; Sanders received minor burns to his feet and hands, according to deputies.

Lisa Lanham was charged with one count of attempted murder, two counts of arson of a dwelling, and one count of arson with bodily injury.

You know something? Maybe Florida has the right idea with letting untrained residents wander the hinterlands, far from any medical or official assistance, in search of crocodiles to wrestle. Herd thinning made easy.

Jacques Magazine presents Tori from Jacques Magazine on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

My smell loving cat, Pumpkin, woke me up about 3:00 this morning. She was getting under my left bicep and then pushing my arm up until she could walk under it and drag my fingers across her back. Thinking she wanted to be petted, I started petting her. She immediately went down by my knees and stopped purring. So I closed my eyes and left my arm free. A couple of minutes later she came back, pushed up my arm and began doing it again. I have no idea why she was doing this but she was purring like a tiger and that was the sound I fell asleep to. In other words, while the situation may be odd there is very little that can go wrong. This would be VERY different than the subject of today’s blog. Like the famous story of Harvey Whetstone, who strapped a JATO Rocket to a Chevy to see if he could get on TV, today’s “Fun with Fools” adventure clears an easy path to a Darwin Award.

Kari Huus of msnbc.com is reproting that the State of Florida is looking for people to wrestle wild crocodiles. No experience required.

Looking for a job with a little adventure to it? Florida conservation officials are recruiting “crocodile response agents” to help corral the wayward reptiles. No experience required.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is planning to hire two to four more part-time agents — there is currently just one — to respond to calls when crocodiles stray onto human turf in the Florida Keys, the string of wetland islands at the southern tip of the state.

Crocodile response agents “assist in handling human-American Crocodile conflicts,” wrote Carli Segelson, spokesperson for the Florida commission’s south region, in an email response to msnbc.com questions. “Their duties include, site visits, captures, translocations, carcass recoveries, other duties as needed.”

The agents apparently are part of an attempt to address an increasing number of crocodile sightings, and calm alarm caused when a 10-foot-long crocodile snatched a family dog near Key Largo in March. The crocodile drowned the pet — as they typically do before eating their prey — before locals chased down the creature and retrieved the canine carcass, the Miami Herald reported.

The conservation commission’s challenge is not only to protect humans and their pets from crocodiles, but also to prevent harm to the crocodiles, which are slowly recovering from near extinction.

The saltwater-dwelling American crocodile was listed as endangered in 1975 when numbers dropped as low as 300. It is now considered threatened, numbering around 1,500, according to Segelson.

Florida and other parts of the Southeast U.S. also have a large population of the freshwater American alligator, a cousin of the crocodile, and they also make unwelcome appearances.

According to the conservation commission, learning to handle these reptiles is relatively easy. A crocodile response agent earns $25 an hours and works as needed. Experience is preferred but not required, and training is provided.

“There is inherent danger handling any live crocodilian,” wrote Segelson. “However, our (agents) are taught safe handling and transport techniques to protect them and the crocodile from injury. Consequently, the danger is minimal.”

Some residents along the shorelines and canals of the Keys are not happy about the re-emergence of the giant reptiles, which can grow up to 15 feet long.

“Do we wait until a child gets hurt until we do something?” asked Councilman Dave Purdo at a village council meeting in Islamorada on May 30, according to a report by keysnews.com. “Is that what we’re waiting for, until a child gets hurt?”

According to the report, state conservation biologist Lindsey Hord told the meeting there has never been a recorded crocodile attack on a human in all of Florida, but he acknowledged that crocodiles present a danger, especially to pets.

He urged people to take precautions such as fencing their dock areas, keeping children and pets away from canals and either not swimming at all or avoiding swimming at night. He also said fishermen should avoid dumping the waste from fish-cleaning along the banks because that tends to attract hungry crocodiles.

“What you are experiencing is the return of the crocodile to its historic range,” Lindsey told the council, according to keysnews.com. “We can live with these things. It just requires acceptance of the fact that they are going to be here, and to accommodate that, taking some common sense safety steps.”

“Experience is preferred but not required, and training is provided.”

Famous last words.

I see a lot of two or three limbed Floridans in the near future. In a state not exactly known for its intellectual prowess or common sense asking random people ot jump on crocodiles to save puppies is just asking for some very funny blogs.

I mean horrible tragedies.

No, on second thought, I had it right the first time.

Crocodiles – Sunday (Psychic Conversation #9) from Souterrain Transmissions on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

And still nothing about dinos. How sad. Some very strident people lately have been attempting to make America, and later the world, into a narrowly focused version of Christianity. It is a view that actually has little or nothing to do with the Bible. If they had their way Matthew 7:12 would end up on the cutting room floor and Exodus and Leviticus would be the law of the land. And while there’s no danger of them gaining real power any time soon there is a danger. And it is a danger because some people aren’t just ignorant, they are willfully ignorant. They wake each day and put blinders on. Anything that might cause them to suffer from conscious thought is kept from their sight. Don’t get me wrong, there are very many smart people who believe in God. Find a Franciscan monk if you don’t believe me. It is not hard to say “God exists, the universe exists and I believe that the former created the latter.” See? You don’t need to toss science out the window at all. That simple statement still allows for evolution and everything else. Nor does it require dogma to support it. It is a true statement of faith which still allows for facts and reason. After all, if there is a God why did He give us the capacity to learn if He didn’t want us to use it?

85% of Americans disagree with the above paragraph.

According to a recent Gallup Poll, only 15% of Americans “believe” in evolution. 46% believe in strict creationism. Never mind that it doesn’t make any sense if you spend more than a minute thinking about it. That’s what they “believe.”

Forty-six percent of Americans believe in the creationist view that God created humans in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years. The prevalence of this creationist view of the origin of humans is essentially unchanged from 30 years ago, when Gallup first asked the question. About a third of Americans believe that humans evolved, but with God’s guidance; 15% say humans evolved, but that God had no part in the process.

Gallup has asked Americans to choose among these three explanations for the origin and development of human beings 11 times since 1982. Although the percentages choosing each view have varied from survey to survey, the 46% who today choose the creationist explanation is virtually the same as the 45% average over that period — and very similar to the 44% who chose that explanation in 1982. The 32% who choose the “theistic evolution” view that humans evolved under God’s guidance is slightly below the 30-year average of 37%, while the 15% choosing the secular evolution view is slightly higher (12%).

The Most Religious Americans Are Most Likely to Be Creationists

Gallup’s question wording explicitly frames the three alternatives in terms of God’s involvement in the process of human development, making it less than surprising to find that the more religious the American, the more likely he or she is to choose the creationist viewpoint.

Two-thirds of Americans who attend religious services weekly choose the creationist alternative, compared with 25% of those who say they seldom or never attend church. The views of Americans who attend almost every week or monthly fall in between those of the other two groups. Still, those who seldom or never attend church are more likely to believe that God guided the evolutionary process than to believe that humans evolved with no input from God.

Majority of Republicans Are Creationists

Highly religious Americans are more likely to be Republican than those who are less religious, which helps explain the relationship between partisanship and beliefs about human origins. The major distinction is between Republicans and everyone else. While 58% of Republicans believe that God created humans in their present form within the last 10,000 years, 39% of independents and 41% of Democrats agree.

Those With Postgraduate Education Least Likely to Believe in Creationist Explanation

Americans with postgraduate education are most likely of all the educational groups to say humans evolved without God’s guidance, and least likely to say God created humans in their present form within the last 10,000 years. The creationist viewpoint “wins” among Americans with less than a postgraduate education.

Implications

Despite the many changes that have taken place in American society and culture over the past 30 years, including new discoveries in biological and social science, there has been virtually no sustained change in Americans’ views of the origin of the human species since 1982. The 46% of Americans who today believe that God created humans in their present form within the last 10,000 years is little changed from the 44% who believed this 30 years ago, when Gallup first asked the question.

More broadly, some 78% of Americans today believe that God had a hand in the development of humans in some way, just slightly less than the percentage who felt this way 30 years ago.

All in all, there is no evidence in this trend of a substantial movement toward a secular viewpoint on human origins.

Most Americans are not scientists, of course, and cannot be expected to understand all of the latest evidence and competing viewpoints on the development of the human species. Still, it would be hard to dispute that most scientists who study humans agree that the species evolved over millions of years, and that relatively few scientists believe that humans began in their current form only 10,000 years ago without the benefit of evolution. Thus, almost half of Americans today hold a belief, at least as measured by this question wording, that is at odds with the preponderance of the scientific literature.

It is at odds with basic common sense. Look around you and you will spot proof of evolution in action. Animals in one part of the country are different from the same species in another part because they had to evolve to adapt to their surroundings. The same applies to humans, unless you think that Inuits look and act exactly like Zulus. In which case there is no hope for you.

Simply put the environment acts on something and then that something acts back and both are changed and then that changed state acts on something and so on. It’s not that hard people, you can figure it out.

STEVEN LYON SHOOTS NOIR from www.treatsmagazine.com on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Summer vacation time is here. That wonderful time of the year when families go somewhere else to be a little pampered and avoid any real responsibilities. Oh, sure, there is the occasional parent who plans a tightly regimented vacation, thus destroying any sense of joy, but for the most part people are too lazy to be that efficient. And, for once, that’s a good thing. It’s not a bad idea to just chill for a bit. We all have enough to worry about on a day to day basis. Another reason people go on vacations is so that they can see new things. This is especially important for kids. While, to you, Mammoth Cave is just a giant hole in the ground to a kid it’s AWESOME!!!!!!! Oh, okay, I’ll admit that I still think it’s awesome. But the point is to show your kids, and remind yourselves, that there are wonders in the world and they are worth seeing.

But, and this is a big BUT, there are some wonders you may not wish to expose your children, or yourselves, to. For example, your visit to Pompano Beach, Florida, might have been just fine without the Tracy Mabb exhibit.

Keep your clothes on, for crying out loud.

Tracy Mabb is accused of exposing her genital areas to motorists driving past a Pompano Beach, Fla. intersection on Tuesday, the Sun Sentinel reported.

An arrest report sent to The Huffington Post says a sheriff’s deputy witnessed Mabb pulling up her shirt, “intentionally exposing her entire body to include her breasts, vaginal and buttocks areas in a complete vulgar and indecent manner.”

Mabb told the deputy she “didn’t give a f–k” about her behavior, according to the report.

Of course the delightful Ms. Mabb was probably just inspired by the excellent example of the Bible’s admonition to share with others displayed by Ashley Holton in Ocala Florida.

Drivers pulled illegal U-turns just to catch a glimpse of Ashley Holton, witnesses said.

The 35-year-old woman was arrested on May 26 for masturbating on Highway 484 in Ocala, Fla.

A witness told authorities that Holton had slowed traffic for more than 30 minutes before deputies arrived, the report said. The witness also said that honking car horns only seemed to encourage her.

When a Marion County Sheriff’s Deputy approached her, Holton pulled up her shirt and bra, “exposing her breasts and bra,” according to the report.

Holton was arrested and taken to the Marion County Jail. When an officer attempted to put pants on her, the report said Holton kicked and bit her. Holton described her chomping as “a love tap,” the report stated.

Holton’s alleged antics didn’t stop once she had entered the jail, where she “continued to resist the officers by spreading her legs, exposing her vagina and telling the officers to kiss her there and refusing verbal commands to cooperate,” according to the report.

Holton, who the report said may have been under the influence of alcohol, was charged with exposure of sexual organs, battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting an officer and disorderly conduct.

Of course not all naked people in public are in Florida. What fun would that be. Nope, passengers waiting in Denver’s spiffy new airport got a little more than they bargained for when a lovely and talented young lady performed a strip show rather than extinguish her cigarette.

A female passenger at Denver International Airport was detained after stripping naked at a departure gate on Concourse B, airport officials said.

According to a DIA spokeswoman, the woman was caught smoking a cigarette Tuesday at a departure gate – which are designated non-smoking areas. Airport workers reportedly instructed her to extinguish the cigarette after which time the woman removed her clothing and asked the gate agent to reprint her boarding pass.

Thankfully, safety-minded citizens were able to capture the incident on a cell phone camera. Denver’s Concourse B does have a smoking lounge.

I personally think that – with the current police state we have surrounding airline travel – when a uniformed officer demands that someone “extinguish their butt” – they should be better prepared for this sort of misunderstanding. …but that’s me.

Denver police say her nakedness was unrelated to the smoking issue – although they could offer no explanation as to what it was related. Authorities transported the woman to local hospital for evaluation. She was not charged.

Admission’s Nurse: What seems to be the problem?

Cop: She’s naked.

Admission’s Nurse: Well, the cure for that is clothes. Next.

Cop: No, wait, you don’t understand. She stripped naked rather than put out a cigarette. We think she needs a psyche eval.

Admission’s Nurse: And I think she needs clothes. No HMO no psyche eval. Next!

And justice marches on.

And while I prefer naked women to naked men I would be remiss if I didn’t share the happy story of the naked Texan on a unicycle.

A Texas man was arrested yesterday for indecent exposure after cops and scores of witnesses spotted him riding a unicycle naked over a bridge.

Joseph Farley, 45, can be seen atop his unicycle in (a) photo, which was snapped by a motorist crossing the Highway 146 bridge in Kemah, a city 30 miles southeast of Houston.

Farley, who was not intoxicated, apparently stripped off his clothes at the base of the bride before beginning his one-wheel sojourn sans attire. He explained to cops that he enjoyed the experience of naked unicycling.

Booked into the Galveston County jail, Farley–pictured in the adjacent mug shot–is being held on lieu of $1500 on the misdemeanor charge.

There’s video of his arrest if you click the link above.

Well, Skippy, we all have things that make us happy. I like to sing Eastern European folk songs in the shower. That does not mean I get to shower in public and share my little pleasure.

Yes, you can laugh at that phrase.

But our hero today is Alan Petrusson. A man who tied his genitals to a tree, put on a blindfold and waited for someone (anyone?) to come by and have sex with him.

What does a guy have to do to get some anonymous sex these days?

Last week, Ramsey, Minn. police say, Alan Petrusson tied himself to a tree, put a blindfold on, exposed his genitals and waited for anonymous sex near a public park, according to CBS Minnesota.

“It’s the weirdest thing I’ve heard of out there,” Ramsey Police Chief James Way told The Huffington Post. “We have had reports of sexual activity out there though.”

Way also said he’s skeptical of Petrusson’s assertion that he was just sleeping.

“I don’t believe that,” he said. “That’s up to a judge and/or jury to determine, if it gets that far.”

Way said Petrusson faces charges of indecent exposure, lewd conduct and trespassing, since the tree he was allegedly tied to was not on park property.

A park visitor who spoke to CBS Minnesota was none too pleased to hear that the park is being used for public sex.

“I really do not appreciate in-your-face-type behavior like that,” the unidentified woman said.

The Coon Rapids Herald reported that the park has seen its share of unseemly incidents, including when a man reading a book in his car was disturbed by a man reaching into his window.

Can there be a more urbane source of journalism than the Coon Rapids Herald? Their other big story this week is that they’ve agreed to celebrate the Fourth of July again this year.

Plan your vacation accordingly.

Sandra G. from Edgar Lledó on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

I spent some time between jobs recently. In fact it wasn’t until this year that I was truly gainfully employed. Even so I did a ton of freelance and went on job interviews every week. The interviews were the worst part. One had me trot my happy butt all the way to Oakbrook (I live on the northwest side of Chicago) only to find out it was a sales job, with no salary, that required me to buy a car. Well, gosh, how could I possibly refuse? One talked effusively about my video editing skills and then I found out that the job was for a truck driver. Yeah, I can see how people could confuse the skill sets. Once I asked, three times, if the job was an internship or a real job and I was told, all three times, that it was a real job. So I went downtown for the interview. I met the nice young man who ran the department. He extolled the many joys I would experience once I accepted their internship. For no pay. Again, another opportunity lost.

I have been asked numerous questions that truly baffled me. When an interviewer asked about my parents I mentioned they were both dead. I figured that was the end of that. I was wrong. He followed up with “Murder suicide or something else?” I just stood up and left. I actually got asked what kind of tree I would like to be and other insane questions. But, as it turns out, I may have met the normal people.

Eve Tahmincioglu, from MSN & The Today Show, says employers seem to be going out of their way to not hire people.

“Why are manhole covers round?”

Most of us are prepared for standard job interview questions such as “What’s your biggest weakness?” and “Are you a people person?”

But what happens when you get hit with a bizarre and unexpected question from a hiring manager such as:

“How can I get to some gold in the middle of the Amazon in the cheapest way possible?”

This question was asked of a job seeker who interviewed for an associate project manager position at Google in Mountain View, Calif., and it’s No. 1 on the Top 10 list of oddball interview questions asked by hiring managers. The list — compiled by Glassdoor.com, a jobs website where people post their job-hunting experiences — was culled from thousands of questions submitted by job seekers this year.

While unusual questions have always been part of the interviewing landscape, things have gotten increasingly weird in the employment trenches during the tough economy, said Rusty Rueff, Glassdoor’s career and workplace expert.

With more than 8 percent unemployment, some human resource professionals may think you guys are willing to put up with a lot.

Given that power seems to have shifted from the employee to the employer, Rueff said that some interviewers “take advantage of some people and there can be a little hazing that goes on. That’s not fair, but it is what it is.”

In many cases, he added, employers just want to see how creative you can be, and whether you can think on your feet and not get flustered by a curveball question.

His advice: “Put your best foot forward, roll with the punches and don’t get angry.”

He suggested talking out loud through complex and strange questions so a hiring manager can hear your thought process.

For example, if you’re asked, “Why are manhole covers round?” you should take a deep breath and think to yourself, “Why are they round?” Then, answer the question out loud in several parts if need be, such as: “They’re easier to move, or stake. And they could be round so they can’t fall through the hole.”

Bottom line, he stressed, you can’t prepare for such questions so don’t sweat them.

Or you can just write off hiring managers who ask such crazy questions, suggested communications consultant Mark Jeffries, author of “What’s Up With Your Handshake?”

“If you’re asked how to get to a pot of gold in the middle of a jungle it’s time to say bye-bye,” he said, adding that employers are going through so many job candidates these days that they’ve “gone insane. Do you really want to work with a company that approaches employment like that?”

Here’s the rest of Glassdoor’s Top10 oddball question list:

• “Tell me the restaurant where you dined last night?” – Ernst & Young consultant candidate (location n/a)
• “Do you feel you had a normal childhood?” – Gentex mechanical engineer candidate (Zeeland, Mich.)
• “If you can grow anything on a tree, what would it be?” – Red Frog Events event coordinator candidate (Chicago, Ill.)
• “If you were in the movie ‘The Wizard of Oz,’ which character do you most relate with and why?” – National Contract Management Association customer service representative candidate (Ashburn, Va.)
• “Would you rather be ranked No. 1 in the office and hated by everyone or No. 15 in the office but well-liked?” – ADP outside sales representative candidate (location n/a)
• “If you were stranded on a deserted island, what three things would you want to have with you?” – Cisco Human Resources manager candidate (location n/a)
• “Jeff Bezos walks into your office and says you can have a million dollars to launch your best entrepreneurial idea. What is it?” – Amazon product development candidate (Seattle, Wash.)
• “My clock is nine minutes slow every hour. At noon, it tells the correct time. After how many hours will it again tell the correct time?” – Bloomberg L.P. financial applications engineer candidate (New York, N.Y.)
• “If you had five red balls that contained four red balls and those red balls contained the original five red balls, then how many sets of sets of balls would I take to have a double set of red balls of varying sizes inside each next largest red ball?” – Goldman Sachs investment banking vice president candidate (New York, N.Y.)

In order:
(1) Taco Burrito Joint
(2) No
(3) Platinum
(4) Toto, so I could pee on your leg
(5) #7 and split the difference
(6) A boat, plenty of gas and a box full of edible (and nutritious) provisions.
(7) A company that pays me a million dollars to stay out of the office.
(8) 8:00 PM
(9) None. I’d kick your ass if you tried to take my balls.

Feel free to use these answers if this ever comes up in your life.

No wonder people all over the world are signing up for one way tickets to Mars. A nice red planet, guaranteed sex since populating the place is the goal, and homemade Martian beer are sounding pretty good right now.

Stand By Me | Playing For Change | Song Around The World from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

I have always had a problem with Tinkerbell. First there’s the Tinker part of her name. Tinkers are not widely respected people. They are the Irish equivalent of homeless gypsies who provide day labor when they have to. Looked at through that lens Tinkerbell becomes more than just a little creepy person who happens to be harboring runaways and abandoned infants. She becomes a really, really creepy person. Add in the fact that she helps kids fly by showering them in fairy dust and you may as well be talking about a rave gone horribly wrong. Let’s face it, J. M. Barrie was a freak who got one over on the unsuspecting public. These days Tinkerbell is a sexless, soulless, marketing tool for Disney. Oddly enough, unlike her earlier iterations, the bland one has a clearly defined Irish heritage. Oh, and she “tinks.” By that I mean she mends pots and pans. In the debut movie that rebooted the whole Tinkerbell thing, my ex wife demanded that we watch, the whole story is about how she needs to learn her place in life since, as you know, Tinkers aren’t worth a damn. Although they don’t use harsh language like that in a modern Disney production.

Okay, some would way I’m reading a little too much into a beloved children’s play. First off, Barrie was inspired to write his masterpiece by his dead brother so there’s a whole lot going on there that would keep Freud in cigars for decades. And Disney? Jesus, Disney may as well admit that they’re all about perverting kids of all ages. So, with that combination, you can see my concern.

Still, despite logic and reason, millions of young girls grow up wanting to be Tinkerbell. In the main, since girls who do wish that seem to be clueless about most everything, this is relatively harmless.

Well, it’s harmless until a young girl’s dreams get crushed by the soulless oligarchy that runs Disney.

Which brings us to the story for today. A young girl and her idiot boyfriend (although, if this moved him past third base then he’s a genius), went to Disneyland dressed as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. Disney, confirming their soulless oligarchy status, took the kids’ money and then demanded they change clothes.

April Spielman wanted her boyfriend’s first trip to Walt Disney World to be memorable, so she planned to do something special — dress up like Tinker Bell.

“My makeup took two hours, my hair took another hour, and then I had to spray my body in glitter and paint my nails,” said Spielman, 15, who had purchased a Tinker Bell costume online.

Spielman said she and her boyfriend, who was dressed as Peter Pan, had no problem getting into Disney’s Hollywood Studios theme park on Sunday. But when they tried to visit Disney’s Animal Kingdom later, Spielman said security officers stopped them at the front gate.

“They said I looked too good,” said Spielman, referring to how closely her costume resembled Disney’s official Tinker Bell theme park character who poses for photographs with visitors and signs autographs.

Disney officials told Spielman she had to change clothes in order to visit the theme park.

“It just broke my heart,” said Spielman as tears rolled down her face. “I didn’t want to take off the costume.

Walt Disney World’s dress code for visitors, which is published on the resort’s website, states “adult costumes or clothing that can be viewed as representative of an actual Disney character” is inappropriate theme park attire that “may result in refusal of admittance.”

According to Spielman, Disney officials explained that children might confuse her for the theme park’s official Tinker Bell character.

“They were talking how the little girls, it ruins their dreams,” said the 15-year-old. “But it ruined my dreams because I just want to be Tinker Bell.”

Disney park officials gave Spielman a free shirt and other clothing to wear instead of her costume. The company also provided her family with numerous FastPass tickets, which enabled them to skip the lines on rides they missed while the teenager was changing clothes.

Walt Disney World spokeswoman Kathleen Prihoda issued a statement on Tuesday:

“The guests were asked to change because costumes that could be viewed as representative of an actual Disney character are not appropriate attire for our theme parks. The costumes were disruptive to our operation and possibly confusing to our other guests, as children were asking to take photos with them. To make up for any inconvenience, we provided them with replacement clothing and assisted them with the rest of their visit in our parks.”

Disney sells children’s costumes inside the theme parks and offers princess and pirate makeovers to younger visitors who would not be mistaken for official Disney theme park characters

If you Google for tinkerbell disney refused you will find hundreds of articles ranging from outrage to mystification.

The former pointed at Disney, the latter at the young lady. Which is as good a barometer for my feelings as I have seen.

Rule of thumb, if you’re over the age of 6 and playing dress up on any day that is not Halloween or part of an invitation only event, things will not go well for you.

But, as to Disney, they violated their own rules when they let the kids in in the first place. Instead of ruining the kids’ lives and making them the laughingstock of whatever little town in Arkansas they’re from, they could have played along with it or given her a sash that said “Best Costume” or one of a hundred other things that don’t garner needless bad publicity.

But any of those responses would have required compassion and a soul.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

There are times that I think people should not allowed anywhere near food. They just do bad things with it. For example, Anneli Rufus reports on the following ice cream flavors that you can buy in Japan; Squid-ink, charcoal, cuttlefish, chicken wing, crab, cactus, eel, octopus, shrimp and wasabi ice creams. Not to be outdone, Anneli also reports that Humphry Slocombe in San Francisco offers ice creams flavored with curry, foie gras, fungus and prosciutto. Given that Frisco allows naked people in restaurants, it may quickly become the least desirable place on earth to visit. But, if you do go there make sure to order the Kombucha. This is a tea that is listed as the smelliest, and most vile tasting, in the world. Why would any idiot order that? Because it’s supposed to be good for you. Scientists have proved otherwise, but that doesn’t stop morons from guzzling this swill by the gallons. And if doing real stuff to food isn’t bad enough there are a ton of urban legends out there, from severed fingers in chili to vodka tampons, designed to put you off your feed. Not one of them true but the stories keep making the rounds.

So with all that stuff available, what is the Utah liquor commission doing about it? Banning Five Wives Vodka.

Ogden’s Own Distillery is trying to make the most of the rejection with a media campaign and sale of “Free the Five Wives” T-shirts.

It says the snub is unfair because a Utah beer named Polygamy Porter is available in Idaho. Anderson said Idaho doesn’t decide what beer brands can be sold in grocery and convenience stores.

“We’re a little dumbfounded by it all,” said Steve Conlin, a partner and marketing chief for Ogden’s Own Distillery. “The average person can look at our bottle and they don’t find it offensive. It’s certainly not obscene, which is what it would require for it to be banned.”

Five Wives Vodka has been approved for sale in Utah, a state dominated by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s also available in Wyoming, another state that regulates liquor sales.

I’m not saying anything, just mentioning, but devout Mormons don’t drink anyway so why the heck would they care?

But stories about food wouldn’t be any fun if we didn’t talk about the wonderful folks who try and steal it.

Daniel Macht, of NBC Chicago, has a great story about four cheap bastards who did the dine and dash only to find they’d locked their keys in the getaway car.

Fail.

Four cheapskate customers at an upstate New York restaurant were reportedly busted after police said they tried to dine and dash – but left keys to their getaway car locked inside it.

State police said that moments before a Syracuse restaurant phoned in the theft report, a 17-year-old woman had entered their station complaining that she’d locked her keys in her car, the Utica Observer-Dispatch reported.

Troopers suggested the woman call AAA, but she instead asked for the number of a local garage, the paper reported.

Soon after the woman left the station troopers were dispatched to Cinderella’s Restaurant. They found the same 17-year-old waiting outside a car with three other suspects, ages 18, 20 and 17, NBC affiliate WKTV reported.

All four gave conflicting stories and the group was arrested for theft of services.

Okay, you just robbed a restaurant and your first thought is to ask the cops for help? Wow, you really are dumb.

But maybe not as dumb as the guy who tried to pay for a $10 meal with a couple bucks worth of weed.

America’s Diner is always open, but the only green it accepts is cash – not weed.

Niagara Falls police were reportedly on the hunt for a man who tried to settle his $9.91 Denny’s bill with a bag of marijuana.

Police said the attempted illicit swap went down shortly after 2 a.m. Saturday when a customer offered a Denny’s restaurant cashier a bag of pot and $1, BuffaloNews.com reported.

After the cashier refused the deal, the weed-toting customer then tried to sell his stash to other customers, police said.

The man eventually fled the restaurant into a wooded area before police arrived, Buffalo News reported.

But a Denny’s employee reportedly recognized the customer and gave his name to police.

He was not at home when officers showed up at his house.

Memo to morons; Dining and Dashing at a restaurant where you’re a regular is really stupid. The fact that you eat, and are well known, at a local Denny’s only reinforces my point.

But, if you’re going to try and pay for food without money, go with the tried and true. Police in Tempe Arizona arrested two kids who were trying to sell a happy moment for happy meal.

Two Arizona teenagers have been accused of trying to trade sex for food at a local McDonald’s.

Police in Tempe arrested 18-year-old Faelyn Ritz after allegedly watching her and a 14-year-old girl discuss the fast food for sex swap with two transients, ABC15.com reported.

When confronted by an officer, Ritz reportedly copped to the illicit deal and also revealed that she had been a prostitute since age 15.

Ritz was sent to jail and faces child prostitution charges for allegedly helping the younger girl solicit sex, according to ABC15.

Why yes, I would like fries with that, thanks for asking.

Seriously people? Are things that bad that we’re turning tricks for a Big Mac? Or is it that these fine examples of millions of years of evolution may not be the world beaters their families raised them to be?

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Some days, no matter our original plans, just don’t work out. For example, I recently met very nice young lady. I bought her a drink. She bought me a drink. I made her laugh. She made me laugh. All was moving along nicely until I realized she was a guy. That put the brakes on the budding romance. Not that I’m a prude, it’s just that my tree doesn’t bend that way. A buddy of mine had one of those days recently too. He purchased a used car for his son. He brought the car home. He proclaimed, loudly, what a great deal he’d gotten. His son went outside to start the car and the engine fell out. His family will never, ever, let him forget this moment. In fact, from this day forward he will never be allowed to shop for anything more complex than boxes of pasta. And, even then, he will be watched closely.

So it is with some sense of empathy that I write about today’s stories. 63 year old Bobby Coley went to apply for a job and ended up in jail for murder.

A man taken into custody when he went to the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office to clear an arrest warrant from his record will be released Thursday due to insufficient evidence in a 1975 murder case.

State’s Attorney John McCarthy announced a murder charge against 63-year-old Bobby Coley will not be prosecuted at this time, but the Montgomery County Police Department Cold Case Squad will continue to investigate.

Coley, of southeast Washington, was applying for a temp job Tuesday when a background check found the outstanding warrant. He was unaware it existed and unaware it was for murder when he went to the sheriff’s office, News4’s Chris Gordon reported.

Leopold Lynwood Chromak disappeared July 26, 1975. In 1984, a detective learned that his disappearance was an alleged murder-for-hire. Chromak’s wife, Frances, allegedly hired three men, including Bobby Coley, to kill her abusive husband, according to the 1984 warrant.

But Coley was not detained after the warrant was filed.

Coley’s public defender argued there wasn’t enough evidence to hold Coley. There’s no direct evidence against Coley, and Chromak’s body wasn’t found.

The whereabouts of Frances Chromak, who is believed to have changed her name and moved to Laurel, are unknown, but authorities believe she is still alive.

That happens to me all the time.

I do have some good advice for you if you want to avoid having a bad day. If someone tells you you’ve dialed the wrong number, believe them. As John Tosta discovered, insisting that you know more than the person answering the phone will land you in jail every time.

Police in Middletown, Conn., arrested a man and woman after the couple allegedly called an on-duty police officer and offered up a prostitute.

According to police, John Tosta, 41, mistakenly dialed an undercover detective with the Middletown Police Street Crime Narcotics Unit Thursday afternoon around 5:30 p.m.

The detective initially told Tosta he had the wrong number, but Tosta insisted that he believed he had called the same number the day before, and that the caller was looking for a girl, according to the arrest affidavit. The officer played along, and worked out a price with Tosta, $100 for 30 minutes, according to police.

The detective then asked to speak to the girl. Tosta put her on the phone, and the woman again went over the price and asked how long the encounter would be, police said.

Tosta allegedly told the detective he would call back with an exact location to meet. The officer then notified other detectives and set up an undercover operation.

The detective received a second call, telling him to show up at East Street near Grandview Terrace. As they officers pulled up, they saw the man and woman standing waiting for them.

According to police, the officers recognized the woman, Lea Fuller, from previous arrests. She began to run, but was quickly taken into custody. Officers had to tackle Tosta, and handcuff him, police said.

Tosta is charged with third-degree promoting prostitution and interfering with police. Fuller is charged with prostitution and interfering with police. Both were held on $10,000 bond.

Cops love it when you run. They are just ecstatic at the thought of getting proper exercise on the job. But, to be honest, they still prefer to catch criminals the old fashioned way; on Facebook.

For the last year, 14 members of a New York street gang were on a spree of robberies, assaults and burglaries in the Brower Park area of Crown Heights, but their greed and their need to share information on Facebook, as well as friending a cop on the social network, helped lead to their arrests.
On Thursday, Kings County District Attorney Charles J. Hynes and New York City Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly announced a 102-count indictment against 14 members the gang, known as the “Brower Boys.” Two were charged are juveniles, including a 13-year-old; the other defendants are between 15 and 19.

The “Brower Boys” committed a series of burglaries, climbing up and down apartment building fire escapes after taking electronic equipment, like laptops and cell phones, that they pawned, police say in the indictment. Most of the break-ins happened when residents weren’t home. But in one apartment robbery, four of the defendants, including the 13-year-old, tied up the residents, sexually assaulted a female resident and threatened to kill the victims if they called the police, according to the indictment.

In another case, one gang member, age 18, shot a resident of the home he was burglarizing, then was shot and injured himself in a struggle with the victim.
With such a busy — and criminal — schedule, it seems hard to fathom that gang members would use Facebook to discuss their business, but they did. They not only boasted about their acts, but they even fought with each other on the social network over who should get what when it came to the loot.

“Although some were as young as 13, the Brower Boys were old hands at burglaries and worse — victimizing neighbors, but making the mistake of fighting over the proceeds on Facebook,” said Kelly in a statement.

The police know this because, well, they were monitoring it. Kelly gave kudos to several officers in the case, and named Det. Michael Rodriquez, in particular. It was Rodriquez who “friended” seven of the gang members on Facebook. (The detective probably didn’t have “detective” in his Facebook name or request, and police aren’t saying what name he did use.)

And the gang members telegraphed their upcoming heists on Facebook as well, which helped get the police in place to videotape and record some of those incidents.

On Facebook, the gang members “signed off on their messages with LOL — laughing out loud,” Kelly told the New York Post. “Well, there was a person who was laughing out loud. That was Police Officer Michael Rodriques of the 77th Precinct.”

Now, the police hope, the gang members can continue to LOL — from prison, if they are convicted.

This is going to put a crimp on their social lives for years to come. And, speaking as someone who was robbed, I’m fine with that.

I can’t leave you with nothing but depressing news. So I’ll wrap up with the story of a guy who died while cheating on his wife with another man and another woman. Nah, I’m kidding, I’ll leave that train wreck alone since it involves medical malpractice.

Instead I’ll close with the story of Diane Tran. Yes, she is the young lady who was jailed for missing school. But she’s also the young lady who turned down $100,000 in free money.

Earlier this week Diane Tran made national headlines after a Texas judge threw 17-year-old teen in jail for missing school. Now she’s in the headlines again for turning down a 100K check that a website started in her name fundraised for her.

ABC News reports:

“We saw her trying to work and trying to go to school and trying to do all these things and then to have the judge put her in jail for missing school just seemed a little harsh,” said Paul Dietzel, who helped raise the money for Diane Tran. HelpDianeTran.com is a project of the Louisiana Children’s Education Alliance.

But Tran didn’t want the money: “There’s some other kid out there struggling more … than me,” she said.

According to KHOU, Precinct 1 Justice of the Peace Lanny Moriarty, at the Montgomery County District Attorney’s request, signed an order that vacates the contempt of court conviction that sent Diane Tran to jail last week.

I have no idea what life has in store for this young lady, but I do hope it’s all positive.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

As regular readers of this blog know I like to take a moment here and there and set whimsy aside and look at what’s going on in the wonderful world of science. An article I wrote about the WOW signal prompted some interesting emails from people. Yes I got the usual array from the tinfoil hat wearing crowd, but I also got some very thoughtful ones from people who wondered seriously about the ramifications. For those too lazy to click the link this is pretty straightforward; in 1977 scientists discovered a radio signal that didn’t originate here. And since it didn’t come from here that means it had to come from somewhere else. It’s simple to type those words, but staggering to think about what they truly mean. The first tangible lead that we may not be alone in the universe was found in Ohio just as Devo was developing there.

Coincidence? Yeah, probably. But that doesn’t lessen the impact.

Now, thanks to extremely powerful telescopes scientists have been able to discern alien solar systems that contain other worlds. And they can parse the data enough to tell if the planets have a technological civilization. So, as reported by old pal Ian O’Neill, scientists now have successfully studied their first solar system and concluded that there are a couple of planets that may be suitable for us to live on and no one seems to be living there.

Contact your Realtor now.

SETI astronomers have eavesdropped on an alien star system thought to contain two “habitable” worlds in the hope of hearing a radio transmission from an extraterrestrial intelligence.

Sadly, there appears to be no chatty aliens living around the red dwarf star Gliese 581.

In results announced last week by Australian SETI astronomers, of the International Centre for Radio Astronomy Research at Curtin University in Perth, Gliese 581 was precisely targeted by Australian Long Baseline Array using three radio telescope facilities across Australia. This is the first time the technique of very long baseline interferometry (VLBI) has been used to target a specific star in the hunt for extraterrestrials, so although it didn’t turn up any aliens, it is a proof of concept that may prove invaluable for future SETI projects.

The Gliese 581 system, located 20 light-years from Earth, has been the focus for intense exoplanetary studies. It is thought to play host to at least six exoplanets, two of which orbit the star within the star’s “habitable zone.” This zone is the distance from a star where it’s not too hot and not too cold for water to exist in a liquid state on a hypothetical rocky world’s surface.

As this is a red dwarf star, it is smaller, dimmer and therefore cooler than our sun. As a result, the Gliese 581 habitable zone is a lot more compact than our sun’s. Gliese 581d — a “super-Earth” with a mass seven times that of our planet — skirts the outermost edge of the Gliese 581 habitable zone and has an orbital period of only 67 days. Gleise 581g on the other hand is thought to be around three-times the mass of Earth and orbits right in the middle of the star’s habitable zone. Its orbital period has been clocked at 37 days. (It is worth noting, however, the very existence of Gliese 581g has been called into question.)

Naturally, the mere hint of these “habitable” worlds in Gliese 581 has caused some excitement — they could host the perfect conditions for life (as we know it) to thrive. If there’s life, then perhaps it evolved to support intelligence; if there’s intelligence, then perhaps it has gone through a similar “radio transmitting” phase as us.

The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI) has a few tricks up its sleeve to look for these hypothetical intelligent radio-transmitting aliens. Firstly, space is vast, and there are a lot of stars out there, so (until recently) the most effective method for searching for a SETI signal has been to “cast the net as wide as possible.” Using radio telescopes, surveys have scanned the sky. If an interesting signal is detected in the survey, astronomers can hone in on it for further study.

But with the deluge of data spewing from exoplanet-hunting missions — such as the Kepler space telescope, whose specialty is to seek out small potentially “Earth-like” exoplanets — SETI has another weapon in its alien-hunting armory. When exoplanets are identified (particularly ones that orbit within the habitable zones of their stars), why survey the entire sky when you can just zoom in on one interesting candidate?

This is the rationale behind focusing on Gliese 581 using the Australian Long Baseline Array — a combination of three radio antennae: the 22-meter Mopra Telescope, Parkes Observatory and the Australia Telescope Compact Array (ATCA). Signals from the three locations were combined, making them act as one huge radio telescope, allowing astronomers access to extremely focused and precise observations of a single star (with known exoplanets) while minimizing any radio interference from terrestrial sources. This method of searching for alien signals is known as “directed SETI.”

“It’s like they’re looking at the sky through a 6-foot-long cocktail straw — a tiny bit of the sky, so they’re only sensitive to signals that are coming from right around that star system,” SETI astronomer Seth Shostak told the BBC.

After 8 hours of surveying Gliese 581, “a total of 222 potential SETI signals were detected and by using automated data analysis techniques, were ruled out as originating from the Gliese 581 system,” say the researchers in a paper submitted to the arXiv preprint service and accepted for publication in The Astrophysical Journal. Although this is a null result, it is just the first of potentially millions of candidate star systems up for directed SETI study.

A recent estimate made by the Kepler space telescope puts 50 billion exoplanets in our the Milky Way — 500 million of which likely exist within their star’s habitable zones — and astronomers of the Probing Lensing Anomalies NETwork (PLANET) have recently announced their estimate of 100 billion exoplanets in the Milky Way.

So, although Gliese 581 may be “radio quiet,” there are plenty more exoplanetary candidates astronomers using this VLBI method to zoom-in on.

What’s more, a brand new radio telescope system called the Square Kilometer Array (or SKA) has just been given approval for construction in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. One of SKA’s projects will be to use its incredibly powerful VLBI capability to hunt for SETI signals, so this Gliese 581 study will no doubt enrich future directed searches for intelligent extraterrestrials.

If you ask me, and I’m aware that you didn’t, it will be sooner rather than later when we find proof of extraterrestrial life. And that proof will not be found in a military bunker or secret lair but in the stars.

In honor of the SKA seeking a message, I’ll leave you with a message from a SKA band.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

It’s been a weird week in culinary news. A guy in Florida, naturally, decided that a little trip on LSD would be great fun and ended up eating the face of a stranger after he stripped naked. Because, as any connoisseur knows, if you’re not naked when you’re literally sucking face you don’t get the full enjoyment of the cuisine. Of course, in the non-Floridian universe cannibalism is rare. Or so I thought. I mean it never comes up in my daily routine. Never once have I sat in the WNC offices and heard anyone say “Hey, who wants to go eat Bob in accounting?” Not even after the Bourbon Brunch fiasco. Since some legal actions are still pending in that case, I can say no more.

However, I do feel safe mentioning that I will never think of a unicycle in the same way again.

Anyway, people who eat people. That’s the topic at hand.

As it were.

Dan Amira of New York Magazine has noted that people eating people is becoming a popular trend.

In just the past week, a naked man ate a homeless guy’s face in Miami, a New Jersey man threw his intestines at police, a Canadian porn star killed a man and ate parts of his body before mailing other parts to government officials, a Maryland man killed his roommate and ate his heart and brain, and a Staten Island pizza parlor owner nommed a dude’s ear. It seems clear that this sudden burst of zombie activity points inexorably to the beginning of the end for mankind. But we started to wonder this morning — from inside our fortified, WiFi enabled, mountainside bunker — whether the only thing that’s changed is that, in the wake of the headline-grabbing Miami incident, we’ve suddenly started paying a lot more attention to zombie-esque stories than we had in the past. After digging around, we found that while the frequency of cannibal stories over the past week is unusual, this kind of stuff happens fairly regularly. Here is a rundown of what we’ve found from just the past six months.

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May 25

“Police in southwest China have detained a man suspected of murdering more than a dozen boys and young men, chopping up their bodies and selling the flesh to unsuspecting consumers, reports said Friday.”

 

May 8

“A Swiss politician has been accused of advertising for cannibals to kill and eat the mother and daughter of a policeman friend going through a ‘tricky’ divorce.”

 

April 14

“Police have arrested three people for allegedly killing at least two women, eating parts of their bodies and using their flesh to make stuffed pastries known as empanadas that they sold to neighbors in their northeastern Brazil city.”

 

April 7

“A 79-year-old man accused of killing his wife ate some of her flesh and was found sitting in a rocking chair in their Shrewsbury apartment, covered in blood, a prosecutor said Friday.”

 

March 27

“Russian police have arrested a man who admitted killing at least six people before eating their hearts and livers, media said.”

 

March 26

“A Russian man killed a drinking partner after he and his friends ran out of snacks at a vodka party – then sold the leftovers as pork at a market. The 35-year-old admitted stabbing his fellow drinker, 41, to death before slicing flesh off the corpse, which he cooked and ate, police said.”

 

March 24

“Serbian gangsters allegedly beat a traitorous associate to death with a hammer before cooking and eating his remains in Spain, police said.”

 

January 27

“A Florida man has been arrested for allegedly hacking to death a Connecticut man and eating the victim’s eye and part of his brain.”

 

January 12

“Police say a man in Indiana accused of stealing a car threatened to hunt down and eat his arresting officers, their families and police dogs.”

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In a weird way, it’s kind of a relief. The world isn’t ending! People actually eat other people all the time! Of course, the bad news is that people eat other people all the time.

And we can’t forget fun people like Canadian whack job Rick Gibson who once publically dined on human testicles. Nor can we forget the fun folks had when Mao Sugiyama, of Japan, served his own penis, after cooking it, to volunteers.

Quick warning here, that second link has pictures. Lots of them.

Which reminds me, I should really check back in on the various penis festivals and musuems around the world. If for no other reason than the cleanse my mental palette of the aforementioned imagery.

I just can’t wait to see the next Zombie movie with the theme song “People, people who eat people … are the happiest people …..”

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.