Roadside Attractions

Ass, cash or grass, nobody rides for free.
Summer vacation time is here. That wonderful time of the year when families go somewhere else to be a little pampered and avoid any real responsibilities. Oh, sure, there is the occasional parent who plans a tightly regimented vacation, thus destroying any sense of joy, but for the most part people are too lazy to be that efficient. And, for once, that’s a good thing. It’s not a bad idea to just chill for a bit. We all have enough to worry about on a day to day basis. Another reason people go on vacations is so that they can see new things. This is especially important for kids. While, to you, Mammoth Cave is just a giant hole in the ground to a kid it’s AWESOME!!!!!!! Oh, okay, I’ll admit that I still think it’s awesome. But the point is to show your kids, and remind yourselves, that there are wonders in the world and they are worth seeing.

But, and this is a big BUT, there are some wonders you may not wish to expose your children, or yourselves, to. For example, your visit to Pompano Beach, Florida, might have been just fine without the Tracy Mabb exhibit.

Keep your clothes on, for crying out loud.

Tracy Mabb is accused of exposing her genital areas to motorists driving past a Pompano Beach, Fla. intersection on Tuesday, the Sun Sentinel reported.

An arrest report sent to The Huffington Post says a sheriff’s deputy witnessed Mabb pulling up her shirt, “intentionally exposing her entire body to include her breasts, vaginal and buttocks areas in a complete vulgar and indecent manner.”

Mabb told the deputy she “didn’t give a f–k” about her behavior, according to the report.

Of course the delightful Ms. Mabb was probably just inspired by the excellent example of the Bible’s admonition to share with others displayed by Ashley Holton in Ocala Florida.

Drivers pulled illegal U-turns just to catch a glimpse of Ashley Holton, witnesses said.

The 35-year-old woman was arrested on May 26 for masturbating on Highway 484 in Ocala, Fla.

A witness told authorities that Holton had slowed traffic for more than 30 minutes before deputies arrived, the report said. The witness also said that honking car horns only seemed to encourage her.

When a Marion County Sheriff’s Deputy approached her, Holton pulled up her shirt and bra, “exposing her breasts and bra,” according to the report.

Holton was arrested and taken to the Marion County Jail. When an officer attempted to put pants on her, the report said Holton kicked and bit her. Holton described her chomping as “a love tap,” the report stated.

Holton’s alleged antics didn’t stop once she had entered the jail, where she “continued to resist the officers by spreading her legs, exposing her vagina and telling the officers to kiss her there and refusing verbal commands to cooperate,” according to the report.

Holton, who the report said may have been under the influence of alcohol, was charged with exposure of sexual organs, battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting an officer and disorderly conduct.

Of course not all naked people in public are in Florida. What fun would that be. Nope, passengers waiting in Denver’s spiffy new airport got a little more than they bargained for when a lovely and talented young lady performed a strip show rather than extinguish her cigarette.

A female passenger at Denver International Airport was detained after stripping naked at a departure gate on Concourse B, airport officials said.

According to a DIA spokeswoman, the woman was caught smoking a cigarette Tuesday at a departure gate – which are designated non-smoking areas. Airport workers reportedly instructed her to extinguish the cigarette after which time the woman removed her clothing and asked the gate agent to reprint her boarding pass.

Thankfully, safety-minded citizens were able to capture the incident on a cell phone camera. Denver’s Concourse B does have a smoking lounge.

I personally think that – with the current police state we have surrounding airline travel – when a uniformed officer demands that someone “extinguish their butt” – they should be better prepared for this sort of misunderstanding. …but that’s me.

Denver police say her nakedness was unrelated to the smoking issue – although they could offer no explanation as to what it was related. Authorities transported the woman to local hospital for evaluation. She was not charged.

Admission’s Nurse: What seems to be the problem?

Cop: She’s naked.

Admission’s Nurse: Well, the cure for that is clothes. Next.

Cop: No, wait, you don’t understand. She stripped naked rather than put out a cigarette. We think she needs a psyche eval.

Admission’s Nurse: And I think she needs clothes. No HMO no psyche eval. Next!

And justice marches on.

And while I prefer naked women to naked men I would be remiss if I didn’t share the happy story of the naked Texan on a unicycle.

A Texas man was arrested yesterday for indecent exposure after cops and scores of witnesses spotted him riding a unicycle naked over a bridge.

Joseph Farley, 45, can be seen atop his unicycle in (a) photo, which was snapped by a motorist crossing the Highway 146 bridge in Kemah, a city 30 miles southeast of Houston.

Farley, who was not intoxicated, apparently stripped off his clothes at the base of the bride before beginning his one-wheel sojourn sans attire. He explained to cops that he enjoyed the experience of naked unicycling.

Booked into the Galveston County jail, Farley–pictured in the adjacent mug shot–is being held on lieu of $1500 on the misdemeanor charge.

There’s video of his arrest if you click the link above.

Well, Skippy, we all have things that make us happy. I like to sing Eastern European folk songs in the shower. That does not mean I get to shower in public and share my little pleasure.

Yes, you can laugh at that phrase.

But our hero today is Alan Petrusson. A man who tied his genitals to a tree, put on a blindfold and waited for someone (anyone?) to come by and have sex with him.

What does a guy have to do to get some anonymous sex these days?

Last week, Ramsey, Minn. police say, Alan Petrusson tied himself to a tree, put a blindfold on, exposed his genitals and waited for anonymous sex near a public park, according to CBS Minnesota.

“It’s the weirdest thing I’ve heard of out there,” Ramsey Police Chief James Way told The Huffington Post. “We have had reports of sexual activity out there though.”

Way also said he’s skeptical of Petrusson’s assertion that he was just sleeping.

“I don’t believe that,” he said. “That’s up to a judge and/or jury to determine, if it gets that far.”

Way said Petrusson faces charges of indecent exposure, lewd conduct and trespassing, since the tree he was allegedly tied to was not on park property.

A park visitor who spoke to CBS Minnesota was none too pleased to hear that the park is being used for public sex.

“I really do not appreciate in-your-face-type behavior like that,” the unidentified woman said.

The Coon Rapids Herald reported that the park has seen its share of unseemly incidents, including when a man reading a book in his car was disturbed by a man reaching into his window.

Can there be a more urbane source of journalism than the Coon Rapids Herald? Their other big story this week is that they’ve agreed to celebrate the Fourth of July again this year.

Plan your vacation accordingly.

Sandra G. from Edgar Lledó on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Related posts