Fun With Food

There are times that I think people should not allowed anywhere near food. They just do bad things with it. For example, Anneli Rufus reports on the following ice cream flavors that you can buy in Japan; Squid-ink, charcoal, cuttlefish, chicken wing, crab, cactus, eel, octopus, shrimp and wasabi ice creams. Not to be outdone, Anneli also reports that Humphry Slocombe in San Francisco offers ice creams flavored with curry, foie gras, fungus and prosciutto. Given that Frisco allows naked people in restaurants, it may quickly become the least desirable place on earth to visit. But, if you do go there make sure to order the Kombucha. This is a tea that is listed as the smelliest, and most vile tasting, in the world. Why would any idiot order that? Because it’s supposed to be good for you. Scientists have proved otherwise, but that doesn’t stop morons from guzzling this swill by the gallons. And if doing real stuff to food isn’t bad enough there are a ton of urban legends out there, from severed fingers in chili to vodka tampons, designed to put you off your feed. Not one of them true but the stories keep making the rounds.

So with all that stuff available, what is the Utah liquor commission doing about it? Banning Five Wives Vodka.

Ogden’s Own Distillery is trying to make the most of the rejection with a media campaign and sale of “Free the Five Wives” T-shirts.

It says the snub is unfair because a Utah beer named Polygamy Porter is available in Idaho. Anderson said Idaho doesn’t decide what beer brands can be sold in grocery and convenience stores.

“We’re a little dumbfounded by it all,” said Steve Conlin, a partner and marketing chief for Ogden’s Own Distillery. “The average person can look at our bottle and they don’t find it offensive. It’s certainly not obscene, which is what it would require for it to be banned.”

Five Wives Vodka has been approved for sale in Utah, a state dominated by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s also available in Wyoming, another state that regulates liquor sales.

I’m not saying anything, just mentioning, but devout Mormons don’t drink anyway so why the heck would they care?

But stories about food wouldn’t be any fun if we didn’t talk about the wonderful folks who try and steal it.

Daniel Macht, of NBC Chicago, has a great story about four cheap bastards who did the dine and dash only to find they’d locked their keys in the getaway car.

Fail.

Four cheapskate customers at an upstate New York restaurant were reportedly busted after police said they tried to dine and dash – but left keys to their getaway car locked inside it.

State police said that moments before a Syracuse restaurant phoned in the theft report, a 17-year-old woman had entered their station complaining that she’d locked her keys in her car, the Utica Observer-Dispatch reported.

Troopers suggested the woman call AAA, but she instead asked for the number of a local garage, the paper reported.

Soon after the woman left the station troopers were dispatched to Cinderella’s Restaurant. They found the same 17-year-old waiting outside a car with three other suspects, ages 18, 20 and 17, NBC affiliate WKTV reported.

All four gave conflicting stories and the group was arrested for theft of services.

Okay, you just robbed a restaurant and your first thought is to ask the cops for help? Wow, you really are dumb.

But maybe not as dumb as the guy who tried to pay for a $10 meal with a couple bucks worth of weed.

America’s Diner is always open, but the only green it accepts is cash – not weed.

Niagara Falls police were reportedly on the hunt for a man who tried to settle his $9.91 Denny’s bill with a bag of marijuana.

Police said the attempted illicit swap went down shortly after 2 a.m. Saturday when a customer offered a Denny’s restaurant cashier a bag of pot and $1, BuffaloNews.com reported.

After the cashier refused the deal, the weed-toting customer then tried to sell his stash to other customers, police said.

The man eventually fled the restaurant into a wooded area before police arrived, Buffalo News reported.

But a Denny’s employee reportedly recognized the customer and gave his name to police.

He was not at home when officers showed up at his house.

Memo to morons; Dining and Dashing at a restaurant where you’re a regular is really stupid. The fact that you eat, and are well known, at a local Denny’s only reinforces my point.

But, if you’re going to try and pay for food without money, go with the tried and true. Police in Tempe Arizona arrested two kids who were trying to sell a happy moment for happy meal.

Two Arizona teenagers have been accused of trying to trade sex for food at a local McDonald’s.

Police in Tempe arrested 18-year-old Faelyn Ritz after allegedly watching her and a 14-year-old girl discuss the fast food for sex swap with two transients, ABC15.com reported.

When confronted by an officer, Ritz reportedly copped to the illicit deal and also revealed that she had been a prostitute since age 15.

Ritz was sent to jail and faces child prostitution charges for allegedly helping the younger girl solicit sex, according to ABC15.

Why yes, I would like fries with that, thanks for asking.

Seriously people? Are things that bad that we’re turning tricks for a Big Mac? Or is it that these fine examples of millions of years of evolution may not be the world beaters their families raised them to be?

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.