Good morning campers. Here’s hoping you’re all having a wonderful day. As many of you know summer is coming up and it is the traditional time for weddings. Many people, clearly having missed the memo on my love life, ask me for ideal wedding gifts. Women are easy to buy for; expensive jewelry and chocolates are never discarded. But what about the guys? There’s only so much beer and porn seems inappropriate for this occasion. Luke McKinley may have just the answer; the spring loaded genital noose lovingly known as The Penis Gallows. I’m not exactly sure if it’s a medieval torture device or a neat way to have hours of fun but I am sure that one of our more adventurous readers will let me know.
But if a penis noose isn’t dumb enough for you, then you can feel free to emulate the pure genius of Keithan Manuel, who tried to rob a police station. Texas cops just love when people do that.
Keithan Manuel is learning the hard way that a sense of humor is very subjective, but that’s what happens when you attempt to rob a police station.
Manuel walked into a police station in suburban Dallas on Saturday evening with a white towel covering his hands and told the dispatcher to hand over money, CBS News reported.
Although Manuel has claimed that he was just pulling a practical joke, Police Chief Victor Kemp said the suspect didn’t seem to be acting like a jokester.
“He said he’d like to check on a warrant, but it was pretty obvious it was a situation. He gave a different name and after a few moments of maybe playing it off he said, ‘You do know I have a gun,'” Kemp told KTVT-TV. “At that point he seemed to be very serious. She called for officers immediately. The officers arrived and were able to take him down at gunpoint.”
Police took Manuel down and determined he did not have a weapon. Meanwhile, he denies saying he was carry a gun.
“I didn’t say nothing like that, I swear to God I didn’t say nothing like that; that’s why they didn’t find no guns on me,” Manuel told the station. “Man, I play like that all the time, I didn’t think she would take it seriously.”
Apparently, he was wrong.
Manuel was arrested and charged with robbery and theft. He is currently being held in Dallas County Jail with bonds totaling $300,000.
Moving on from stupid people in Dallas to stupid people named Dallas, cops in Utah arrested a guy who robbed a place but left his schoolwork there.
An 18-year-old Utah man was arrested on suspicion of burglary after police say he left his homework at the crime scene.
Police in Orem say they tracked a USB drive found at the burglarized home to Dallas Naljahih. They say the computer hard drive contained his homework and was in a backpack abandoned in the backyard.
A 75-year-old man and his wife reported their home had been burglarized early Saturday. The husband says he was woken up by a light in his office, and found a man who was looking through a desk.
The suspect punched the man and fled on foot.
Police say that Naljahih was found asleep at his house along with evidence connecting him with the burglary.
While it’s good that the young man was dedicated enough to his studies to carry them with him wherever he went, methinks he should have put a little more thought into his act. Like maybe just staying home and studying instead of robbing senior citizens who will go to the mat to make sure he does hard time.
Still, I guess it’s better than being Micah Craig. He went to Wal-Mart, picked up a stick which turned out to be a rattle snake which then promptly bit and hospitalized him. Tis kind of thing happens all the time in Utah. Adjust your travel plans accordingly.
Speaking of traveling, police in Florida are trying to figure out how a couple of dead Peruvians, as in over a thousand years gone, ended up vacationing in Winter Gardens.
When a plumber discovered two skulls buried in the ground of a Florida backyard last January, police thought they had a murder mystery to solve. Turns out, this is one case that won’t crack anytime soon.
A medical examiner in Winter Gardens says that the pair of skulls — that of a 10-year-old boy and an older man — date back to between 1200 and 1400 and likely originated in Peru or other regions in South America.
“The mystery is how they ended up there,” medical examiner Jan Garavaglia said, according to Newser. “We don’t have any way of finding out.”
The plumber who first encountered the objects was installing an in-ground swimming pool when he struck bone. He reported the discovery to police.
ABC News reported:
When x-rayed by the medical examiner’s office, it was clear that the bones were hundreds of years old, and that the human tissue on the cheek of the skull had been mummified. The skulls featured an “Inca bone,” a telltale sign of a human from the Incan culture of Peru, Garavaglia said.
Experts from the University of Central Florida and Yale University also identified cloth items representing primitive slings. The items may have belonged to a tourist when laws restricting the transport of human remains were less strict, the Orlando Sentinel reported.
Considering we’re talking about a distance of around 3,000 miles, if covered by land, one must wonder what kind of person drives that far with a couple of dead Peruvians in the car just to dump them in the middle of Bu-Fu nowhere. If they took a boat they would have had to gone north through the Pacific, then through the Panama Canal (where they would allegedly be searched) and then across the Gulf of Mexico to get to Florida and then drive a few hundred miles to winter gardens to … dump them?
Only in Florida.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.