Archives for May 2012

This has been a fun month. On May 9th of this year North Carolina passed the Amendment 1 act. This fun bit of whimsy was designed to ban gay marriages. Well, that’s what they said. Much to your surprise, they lied. As it turns out they have limited all spousal and related rights to only heterosexual married couples. That means, children of divorced parents have no rights. Children of single parents have no rights. Non married abused women have severely reduced rights. Gay people? Well, they need to move to Kansas.

And quickly.

You see on May 26th of this year Kansas passed the innocuous sounding Senate Bill 79. Here are the salient sections for any lawyers looking to make a big name for themselves.

Sec. 2. As used in this act, “foreign law,” “legal code” or “system” means any law, legal code or system of a jurisdiction outside of any state or territory of the United States, including, but not limited to, international organizations and tribunals and applied by that jurisdiction’s courts, administrative bodies or other formal or informal tribunals.

Sec. 3. Any court, arbitration, tribunal or administrative agency ruling or decision shall violate the public policy of this state and be void and unenforceable if the court, arbitration, tribunal or administrative agency bases its rulings or decisions in the matter at issue in whole or in part on any foreign law, legal code or system that would not grant the parties affected by the ruling or decision the same fundamental liberties, rights and privileges granted under the United States and Kansas constitutions, including, but not limited to, equal protection, due process, free exercise of religion, freedom of speech or press, and any right of privacy or marriage.

For those of you who slept through school, the New Testament section of the Christian Bible (part of the basis for banning gay marriage) was written in Greece and Rome. Mostly Rome. Its original language was Greek and its first translation of value was into Latin and it was used as the basis for numerous onerous laws that led to the social perversions of the Middle Ages. The other half of the Christian Bible, the Old Testament, was written in Aramaic and is the basis for existing laws in Israel. In other words, it is in clear violation of Section 2 above.

And the denial of marriage rights, or any other rights, to gays or anyone else is a clear violation of Section 3. Especially if the denial of those rights is based on any Biblical admonition.

So Kansas, in its attempt to return to the Dark Ages, has just managed to make San Francisco look like Utah.

GO KC!

Oh sure, the illiterate, xenophobic, masses will do everything in their power to stop anyone enlightened enough to use this law for the common good. So what? God knows the ACLU in Kansas hasn’t had much to do lately. This could give them a whole new reason to live.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Do you remember the fad to spare every child’s feelings? No child will ever be a loser? Which led to every child getting a “Second Best Tryer” award. And it led to each and every child being woefully unprepared for any kind of life that involved interacting with humans. Let’s not forget the laws of Prohibition here in the U.S. in the 20’s. Thanks to a group of sanctimonious losers the Mafia became stronger and more lethal than ever before. See “War on Drugs” for an example of how to make a bad idea worse. Sometimes the effect isn’t so epic. You buy granny a membership to a spa and she drains the bank account to move to Argentina with her trainer. You couldn’t really see that one coming. But, Friday, Kansas enacted a law that should have fans of gay marriage and many other lifestyle choices leaping for joy.

You think I’m kidding don’t you?

Pay attention. First allow me to share the USA Today story with you in case you missed the gist of this train wreck.

Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has signed a law aimed at keeping the state’s courts or government agencies from basing decisions on Islamic or other foreign legal codes, and a national Muslim group’s spokesman said Friday that a court challenge is likely.

The new law, taking effect July 1, doesn’t specifically mention Shariah law, which broadly refers to codes within the Islamic legal system. Instead, it says courts, administrative agencies or state tribunals can’t base rulings on any foreign law or legal system that would not grant the parties the same rights guaranteed by state and U.S. constitutions.

“This bill should provide protection for Kansas citizens from the application of foreign laws,” said Stephen Gele, spokesman for the American Public Policy Alliance, a Michigan group promoting model legislation similar to the new Kansas law. “The bill does not read, in any way, to be discriminatory against any religion.”

But supporters have worried specifically about Shariah law being applied in Kansas court cases, and the alliance says on its website that it wants to protect Americans’ freedoms from “infiltration” by foreign laws and legal doctrines, “especially Islamic Shariah Law.”

Brownback’s office notified the state Senate of his decision Friday, but he actually signed the measure Monday. The governor’s spokeswoman, Sherriene Jones-Sontag, said in a statement that the bill “makes it clear that Kansas courts will rely exclusively on the laws of our state and our nation when deciding cases and will not consider the laws of foreign jurisdictions.”

Muslim groups had urged Brownback to veto the measure, arguing that it promotes discrimination. Ibrahim Hooper, a spokesman for the Washington-based Council on American-Islamic Relations, said a court challenge is likely because supporters of the measure frequently expressed concern about Shariah law.

Hooper said of Brownback, “If he claims it has nothing to do with Shariah or Islamic law or Muslims, then he wasn’t paying attention.”

Both the Washington-based council and the National Conference of State Legislatures say such proposals have been considered in 20 states, including Kansas. Gele said laws similar to Kansas’ new statute have been enacted in Arizona, Louisiana and Tennessee.

Oklahoma voters approved a ballot initiative in 2010 that specifically mentioned Shariah law, but both a federal judge and a federal appeals court blocked it.

There are no known cases in which a Kansas judge has based a ruling on Islamic law. However, supporters of the bill have cited a pending case in Sedgwick County in which a man seeking to divorce his wife has asked for property to be divided under a marriage contract in line with Shariah law.

Supporters argue the measure simply ensures that legal decisions will protect long-cherished liberties, such as freedom of speech and religion and the right to equal treatment under the law. Gele said the measure would come into play if someone wanted to enforce a libel judgment against an American from a foreign nation without the same free speech protections.

“It is perfectly constitutional,” he said.

The House approved the bill unanimously and the Senate, with broad, bipartisan support. Even some legislators who were skeptical of it believed it was broad and bland enough that it didn’t represent a specific political attack on Muslims.

“This disturbing recent trend of activist judges relying upon the laws of other nations has been rejected by overwhelming bipartisan majorities in both the Kansas House and Senate,” Jones-Sontag said.

The measure’s chief sponsor, Rep. Peggy Mast, an Emporia Republican, also has said all Kansans, including Muslims, should be comfortable with the new law, but she did not immediately respond Friday to telephone and email messages seeking comment.

Rep. Scott Schwab, an Olathe Republican, acknowledged that the measure merely “made some people happy” and that a vote against it could be cast politically as a vote in favor of Shariah law.

“Am I really concerned that Shariah law is going to take over the Kansas courts? No,” he said. “I’m more concerned about getting jobs to Kansas.”

The Michigan-based alliance advocates model “American Law for American Courts” legislation. Its website says, “America has unique values of liberty which do not exist in foreign legal systems, particularly Shariah Law.”

During the Kansas Senate’s debate on the bill earlier this month, Sen. Susan Wagle, a Wichita Republican described a vote for the measure as a vote for women’s rights, adding, “They stone women to death in countries that have Shariah law.”

Hooper said supporters of such proposals have made it clear they are targeting Islamic law.

“Underlying all of this is demonizing Islam and marginalizing American Muslims,” he said.

Okay, just for the record, this is a giant slap in the face of America’s Islamic community. But, and here’s the fun part, it’s a game changer for every left wing nut job on the planet. It is now open season in Kansas if your bible has the story of Adam and Steve.

You see the law, as written and revised, guarantees that no one can be denied rights based on religious law and that no judge can use religious or foreign law as the basis of any ruling. Well, the only prohibition against gay marriage is in the bible. Any laws endorsing, or judicial rulings against, it would then be invalid thanks to Senate Bill 79.

Yes, that link is to the actual law for all the lawyers who play along with us.

But let’s move on, Blue Laws, those laws that keep bars closed on Sunday, they’re out too since they are purely based on the timing of when Christians, and no others, go to church. That is religious discrimination and is barred by the new law.

Actually Kansas, like many conservative states, has many laws on its books that are based on Christian beliefs to the exclusion of all others.

All of which would now have to be tossed thanks to Senate Bill 79.

Jewish marriage laws? Gone. Islamic burial laws? Gone. Christian limits on others? Bye bye.

So, since I know that Muslims have just as good a sense of humor as everyone else, I hope they can sit back and laugh themselves silly as the eventual backlash of this law becomes evident.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

You don’t have to delve deep into the bowels of the internet to find people screaming about the confusing world of sales. Once, to win a bar bet, I stretched six different insurance offers in a row so that the end result was that the final company owed me $50 per month to insure me. I got that result by taking the comparisons (35% less than our competitor, we can save you $250 per year ….) until I got the result I wanted. Obviously that would never happen but you can see why consumers can be confused. So, clearly, the solution that would make everyone happy would be to have stores simply price things honestly.

Right?

A blouse worth $10 priced at $10 works. Right?

Well, as it turns out, not even a little bit. Bob Sullivan of MSN writes about how JC Penney tried that and nearly went bankrupt.

You might have seen recently that iconic retailer JC Penney is slumping badly. You almost certainly have seen the reason why: A massive, creative and aggressive new advertising and pricing campaign that promises simplified prices.

No more coupons or confusing multiple markdowns. No more 600 sales a year. No more deceptive circulars full of sneaky fine print. Heck, the store even did away with the 99 cents on the end of most price tags. Just honest, clear prices.

Sounds like a sales pitch aimed at consumer advocates and collectors of fine print frustration, like me. As it turned out, it was a sales pitch that only a consumer advocate could love.

Shoppers hated it.

The campaign, which launched on Feb. 1, appears to be a disaster. Revenue dropped 20 percent for the first quarter compared to last year. Customer traffic fell 10 percent. Last year, the company made $64 million in the first quarter; this year, it lost $163 million.
Could we have a moment of silence please for what might be the last heartbeat of honest price tags?

Not only did Penney’s plain pricing structure fail to attract fair-minded shoppers – business reporters wrote with seeming glee during the past few days that it “repelled” them.

Don’t blame Ellen DeGeneres, the spokeswoman for the Penney’s plain pricing campaign. If only executives at the firm were familiar with the work of behavioral economist Xavier Gabaix and the concept of “shrouding,” all of this could have been avoided.

Seven years ago, Gabaix and co-author David Laibson wrote a brilliant (if depressing) paper on shrouding and “information suppression” that should be required reading for all consumers and executives considering a harebrained new pricing strategy. The principle is simple, and shows why cheating is rampant in our markets and why honesty is rarely the best policy.

First, a definition of shrouding:

In days gone by, price tags were simple. An apple cost 10 cents. A cup of coffee cost $1. But today, the consumer marketplace is far more complicated, giving sellers the opportunity to create confusion. Many items have follow-up costs that make the original price tag meaningless.

Computer printers are the classic example. You might get a great deal on a printer, but if the ink is expensive, you lose in the end. In fact, Gabaix argues that it’s impossible for consumers to intelligently shop for printers. No consumer knows how much ink costs — the cartridges don’t come in standard sizes, the amount of ink used to print varies and ink costs are unpredictable. That makes the true price of a printer “shrouded,” in Gabaix’s terminology. Not quite hidden, but not quite clear, either. Advantage seller. It’s easy for printer companies to lowball printer price tags and overcharge for ink, enabling them to print money.

If you think about it, shrouded price tags are everywhere. The hotel website might say “$99 a night” but you know the bill will be more like $120 or $130. Pay TV companies promise $30-a-month service, which ends up costing more like $50. And what happens when you buy a TV with a store credit card that offers an upfront discount but a complex interest charge? And so it goes.

Consumers complain about this constantly. That’s the basis of the Red Tape Chronicles in fact. At its best, the maddening mixture of coupons, rebates, sales and fine print fees can feel like a game. At worst, it’s being cheated. You’d think shoppers would love a chance to buy from a store that doesn’t play these games, the way car buyers (allegedly) like shopping at no-haggle auto dealerships.

They don’t, says Gabaix, and Penney should have known better.

“I think it was an ill-advised move,” he said.

All this price manipulation is really an information war, he says. Shoppers hunt for the tricks that let them save money. Stores hide booby traps that let them take money. It’s a bad system, one I’ve labeled “Gotcha Capitalism.” But it is the system we have now.

And it’s simply impossible, Gabaix argues, to be the one company that attempts to bridge this information gap. If a firm tries to educate consumers on tricks and traps, and tries to offer an honest product, a funny thing happens: Consumers say, “Thank you for the tips,” and go back to the tricky companies, where they exploit the new knowledge to get cheaper prices, leaving the “honest” firm in the dust.

“Once you educate consumers on the right way to shop, they will seek out the lowest cost store, and that will be the one with the shrouded prices,” he said. “Once they are savvier consumers, you make less money from them.”

Gabaix calls this the “curse of debiasing.” And it leads to this depressing conclusion: “Shrouding is the more profitable strategy.”

To oversimplify for a moment, here’s Penney’s problem. They told the world that retailers only offer their best prices during crazy sales, and Penney stores would no longer host them. Sensible consumers apparently took that information to heart and decided to simply wait for such sales at other stores. As an added benefit, Penney lowered consumers’ search costs, because they now knew they didn’t need to bother driving to a Penney’s store anymore.

That’s probably not what new Penney CEO Ron Johnson had in mind when he decided to spend his marketing budget on those witty DeGeneres ads. A former Apple Inc. executive who took the Penney’s job in November, he thought he was lifting the store out of the brutal commodity clothing market. He may ultimately succeed at that. But he won’t do it by telling customers the firm’s pricing is fairer than at other stores, Gabaix believes.

“It will be a very, very uphill battle,” Gabaix said. “So, sorry for them.”

There have been a few other celebrated efforts by companies to educate consumers that their higher prices are really lower prices after hidden fees. During the last decade, Intercontinental Hotels experimented with up-front pricing that included all fees on its website. Executives at the firm told the New York Times that customers left in droves, choosing competitors with lowball prices.

More recently, Southwest Airlines has undertaken the most aggressive anti-shrouding campaign to date, picking on other airlines’ baggage fees. The profitable carrier is holding its own with its “Bags Fly Free” campaign, but there are indications that the firm won’t be able to resist all that free money forever. In what may be a sign of things to come, Southwest elected to leave AirTran’s baggage fee structure in place after it acquired the competitor last year.

Shrouding isn’t the only reason Penney’s pricing plan is flawed. The firm is also leaving a lot of money on the table by rejecting a phenomenon known as “price discrimination.” Some people have more money than time, and some have more time than money. Some shoppers don’t mind spending hours to save $20; others would gladly give a store $20 to escape quickly. Smart retailers get money from both. By killing couponing, Penney has eliminated its ability to satisfy price discriminators.

And as others have pointed out, markdowns serve the age-old retailing trick of “anchoring.” For some reason, even very smart consumers feel better paying $60 for something if you initially tell them it costs $100, and then reduce the price.

But the real problem is Penney’s ill-fated attempt to cast itself as the only fair poker player in a game of cheats. Shoppers just aren’t buying it. However unsophisticated consumers are, very few of them believe a pair of shoes bought at Penney’s everyday low price will be cheaper than a pair of shoes bought at Macy’s on clearance with a 25 percent off coupon.

Like it or not, hidden fees – and secret discounts – are here to stay.

Just for poops and giggles, I ran around the old Interweb for a bit and tried to see why customers are so stupid. The answer lies everywhere you turn. Ever since the first tailor started his annual going out of business sale in the Bronx circa 1898, people have been falling more for crap and feeling good about it. And because people fall for stupid stuff like this they fall for Nigerian scams. And because they fall for Nigerian scams they listen to opinion and mistake it for fact.

I could go on, but you see the inherent problem.

People are really stupid and, as the immortal Ron White has noted, you can’t fix stupid.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

I love a good crime. By that I mean the kind where no one gets hurt and the bad person gets brought to justice, such as it is these days. I’ll admit that I would prefer there be no crime at all but that doesn’t seem very realistic. I also happen to like a good conspiracy theory. One of my enduring faves is the whole sub-culture of UFOligists who claim to have been threatened by the men in black. They all point to the story of Dr. Herb Hopkins as though this was the proof you’ve been looking for. Okay, just for poops and giggles, let’s look at Dr. Hopkins’ story.

Dr. Hopkins claimed to have definitive proof of the existence of UFOs. He also claimed to have been visited by a bald, derby wearing, pale, man dressed all in black with fake lips drawn on his face. That was the “normal” part of his story.

This classic MIB story gets even stranger.

The odd visitor told Hopkins to take a coin out of his pocket and hold it in the palm of his hand.

“He said, ‘Watch the coin,’ and it started to develop a silver color instead of copper, and then the silver became bluish and the penny was getting quite fuzzy, out of focus, blurred, and then it simply was gone — it slowly dematerialized.”

Following the coin magic, the stranger ordered the doctor to destroy all information he had gathered about the UFO case.

“As he spoke his last words, I noticed his speech was slowing down. His words became slower and farther spaced. He slowly got to his feet, unsteadily, and he said very slowly, ‘My — energy — is — running — low — must — go — now — goodbye.’ Just like that.”

Hopkins said that the MIB — whoever or whatever he was — clung tightly to the railing as he went down the steps outside, placing both feet on each step, and then disappeared around the corner into a bright light.

When the chilling encounter was over, a terrified, intimidated Hopkins destroyed all traces of any UFO materials he had.

Oh what a shame. All his proof is gone and now the world will never know.

What a coincidence that this happened just as scientists were demanding that he put up or shut up. I mean the venerable Doc Hopkins wouldn’t make something like this up just to hide the fact that all his earlier claims were baseless fantasies. Would he?

You know what? He’s not even the weirdest guy in today’s blog.

Chow Hok Kuen was arrested for carrying roasted fetuses.

Forget about eye of newt. Real-life black magic practitioners are in the market for roasted fetuses.

British citizen Chow Hok Kuen, 28, was arrested in Thailand on Friday after police found six fetal corpses in his luggage, according to the Independent. The bodies, which belonged to fetuses between two and seven months old, had been roasted, and some were covered in gold leaf.

Thai police made the discovery after receiving a tip that a black magic services website was offering fetuses for sale, according to the New York Daily News. Roasting fetuses and covering them in gold is part of a black magic ritual called Kuman thong, which means “golden child” in Thai. The preserved bodies are thought to bring good fortune to the owner, according to the International Business Times.

Authorities believe that Chow was planning to smuggle the fetuses to his native Taiwan, where one corpse could sell for up to $200,000 Thai baht, or $6,376, WCVB reports.

How does this become a career choice?

“Wish me luck mom, I’m going to be selling gold plated fetuses in Thailand.”

“My son, my wonderful son, thank God you went to Oxford.”

Of course, if you want your kid to be resourceful then you want your kid to be just like Randy Smith.

He turned a children’s toy into a lethal weapon.

This is hardly child’s play: Randy Smith, 54, was reportedly found walking the streets of Fresno, Calif., Saturday night, carrying a Super Soaker that he had converted into a 20-gauge shotgun, according to KMPH.

Normally cops wouldn’t raise an eyebrow at someone waltzing around town with one of a high-powered plastic water guns, but an uptick in toy-to-gun conversions made officers more suspicious of Smith.

They stopped him and found that he had indeed fashioned a powerful weapon out of $30 worth of parts.

“He took the Super Soaker apart, was able to fashion a barrel to where he was able to make what’s considered a zip gun, where you can fire one round through it. In this case it was a 20-gauge shotgun shell,” Fresno Police Sgt. Mark Hudson told the station.

But as NBC pointed out, the conversion isn’t just illegal, it’s dangerous for the manufacturer. Makeshift barrels can explode under pressure, sending shrapnel and gunpowder flying.

“So they’re just relying on, maybe this [gun barrel] will hold up. Well, you could be putting a gun next to your head, or you could be putting a hand grenade next to your head,” Hudson said.

Again, what was the thought process there? Was there any?

Speaking of not thinking things through, if you go on a job interview and the job turns out to be “rob a casino” it is okay to turn that job down. Just ask Michael Belton.

A hapless bandit lost his wig, sunglasses and $115,000 worth of casino chips when security wrestled him to the floor during a botched weekend heist at a posh Vegas Strip resort, authorities said Monday.

Two men attempted to rob the Bellagio on Saturday night by spraying a blackjack dealer and others with a caustic eye-burning chemical, police said.

With the distraction in the air, Michael Q. Belton snatched up nearly two dozen high-value chips and took off for the door, according to a police report.

The man who sprayed the noxious gas escaped, but Belton was tackled to the floor and held until police arrived.

Belton struggled at first, according to the police arrest report, but then suddenly stopped fighting back against casino employees and surrendered.

He dropped 23 red, white and blue chips, valued at $5,000 each, police said.

“How long am I going away for?” Belton asked detectives during a recorded interview following his arrest, according to the report.

Investigators said Belton, of Nuevo, Calif., about 65 miles east of Los Angeles, told them he needed the money because he is unemployed and his grandparents are ill.

He told police he didn’t know the man who got away. Bolton told investigators he responded to an Internet posting for a job repossessing cars. But he said when he reached Las Vegas, the man who posted the job ad said he wanted him to help another man rob the Bellagio.

Belton was held Monday on $60,000 bail at the Clark County jail pending an initial court appearance Tuesday on felony robbery, conspiracy and burglary charges. It was not immediately clear whether he had a lawyer.

Officer Jose Hernandez, a department spokesman, said the investigation was ongoing and Belton would not agree to a jail interview.

The suspect who got away apparently did not take any chips as he fled. Police said all chips were recovered, and casino officials say they sustained no financial loss.

Well, at least he was trying to take care of his relatives (allegedly), which is more than can be said for Shana Bishop. She is the inspiration for moms the world over who tossed her naked kid in a pile of trash so she could dance in a driveway.

A South Carolina woman was arrested for child neglect last week after Spartanburg County Sheriff’s deputies discovered her naked 2-year-old son asleep in a pile of trash on the floor of her car, WYFF-TV reports.

The woman, 36-year-old Shana Bishop, pulled into a stranger’s driveway and began dancing around. A witnesses said that a cup holder from the car was stuck in Bishop’s hair.

A resident called authorities, who questioned Bishop. A Spartanburg Country Sheriff’s deputy said that the woman thought she was at her mother-in-law’s house, appeared to be under the influence of narcotics and admitted to prior use of methamphetamine.

Deputies found Bishop’s child sleeping on the trash-covered floorboard of the woman’s 1996 Cadillac DeVille, according to Go Upstate.

Bishop was arrested and charged with child neglect, according to court records.

The toddler, whom deputies said had welts and bruises on his legs, was taken to a regional hospital, then released into the custody of Bishop’s parents.

According to WYFF-TV, the woman’s parents “said they had been raising the child until three weeks ago, when Bishop took the boy and they were unable to find her.”

See, people, that is not how responsible World News Center readers party. No, we emulate Jerald Reiter and get drunk and go for a drive with our zebra.

An Iowa man stopped outside a Dubuque bar with a small zebra and a parrot in his truck has been charged with drunken driving.

KCRG-TV reports officers arrested 56-year-old Jerald Reiter of Cascade on Sunday in the parking lot of the Dog House bar, where people had been taking photos of the animals.

Reiter says the zebra and macaw parrot are pets and like riding in the truck. Reiter claims he sometimes takes the animals into the bar, but the owner says they’re not allowed inside.

Officers gave Reiter a field sobriety test and charged him with drunken driving. Reiter disputes the arrest. He says he was about to let a passenger, a person, begin driving.

He says he thinks someone who came to see the animals called police.

Is he sure? I mean, how cool would it be to be driven around Iowa by a zebra? I have had dreams like that.

Well, c’mon, who hasn’t?

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Back in 1984 author David Brin began exploring the concept of artificially, either via surgery or genetic manipulation, increasing the intelligence of simians and, later, dolphins. Unlike the many works of fiction on that subject, ranging from the story of the Golem to Frankenstein, Brin took an optimistic view of how things would work out. It wasn’t all Pollyanna, but it held more hope than you might expect given the subject matter. There is a character named Fiben Bolger, an uplifted chimpanzee, whom I would buy a beer if he existed in the real world. But, alas and alack, he does not.

What does exist is a group of orangutans who are being allowed to communicate via iPads. And it turns out that they do have something to say beyond “nana good.”

David Fischer, of Associated Press, has the full story.

The 8-year-old twins love their iPad. They draw, play games and expand their vocabulary. Their family’s teenagers also like the hand-held computer tablets, too, but the clan’s elders show no interest.

The orangutans at Miami’s Jungle Island apparently are just like people when it comes to technology. The park is one of several zoos experimenting with computers and apes, letting its six orangutans use an iPad to communicate and as part of a mental stimulus program. Linda Jacobs, who oversees the program, hopes the devices will eventually help bridge the gap between humans and the endangered apes.

“Our young ones pick up on it. They understand it. It’s like, `Oh I get this,'” Jacobs said. “Our two older ones, they just are not interested. I think they just figure, `I’ve gotten along just fine in this world without this communication-skill here and the iPad, and I don’t need a computer.'”

Jacobs said she began letting the orangutans use iPads last summer, based on the suggestion of someone who had used the devices with dolphins. The software was originally designed for humans with autism and the screen displays pictures of various objects. A trainer then names one of the objects, and the ape presses the corresponding button.

The devices have been a great addition to the enrichment programs Jungle Island already does with the orangutans, Jacobs said. Keepers have long used sign language to communicate with them. Using their hands, the orangutans can respond to simple questions, identify objects and express their wants or needs. The apes can also identify body parts, helping the trainers care for them and even give them shots.

“We’re able to really monitor their health on a daily basis,” Jacobs said of the need for communication with the orangutans. “We can do daily checks. If somebody’s not feeling well, we know it immediately.”

While Jacobs and other trainers have developed strong relationships with the orangutans, the iPad and other touchscreen computers offer an opportunity for them to communicate with people not trained in their sign language.

“It would just be such a wonderful bridge to have,” Jacobs said. “So that other people could really appreciate them.”

Orangutans are extremely intelligent but limited by their physical inability to talk, she said.

“They are sort of trapped in those bodies,” Jacobs said. “They have the intelligence that they need to communicate, but they don’t have the right equipment, because they don’t have voice boxes or vocal cords. So this gives them a way to let us know what they know, what they are capable of, what they would like to have.”

Other zoos and nature parks are doing similar work.

Richard Zimmerman, executive director of Orangutan Outreach, said he’s building an “Apps For Apes” program with old, donated iPads at facilities throughout North America, though Jungle Island isn’t part of that group. Orangutan Outreach started working with the Milwaukee County Zoo and then expanded to zoos in Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Toronto, Houston and elsewhere. They’re hoping to use a video-conferencing program to reconnect orangutans with friends and family members who have been transferred to other zoos, he said.

“We’re putting together what we’re calling primate playdates or red ape rendezvous, which is to say connecting the orangutans in different facilities,” Zimmerman said. “We’re looking at a larger picture.”

When it comes to orangutans, the iPad itself has limitations. First, the relatively small screen causes orangutans to hit the wrong buttons sometimes. Also, the touchscreen won’t register if they try to use their fingernails. Most importantly, the devices are just too fragile to actually hand over to the apes — the trainers must hold them.

“If I gave them the iPad, I could just basically hand them $600 and say, `Go have fun,'” Jacobs said. “So until we come up with a better screen or a better case, I’m going to hold onto the iPad.”

If Jacobs gets her way, a more secure interface might not be far off. The long-term plan is to set up a larger, orangutan-proof screen in the holding area, along with another screen outside for guests. They would ask the orangutans questions and the apes could respond.

“It’s really just a matter of getting the technology and equipment here,” Jacobs said. “There’s not a doubt in my mind that they could do it and would be marvelous at it, and I think the public would absolutely love it.”

It’s important to note that training the orangutans isn’t done to entertain Jungle Island workers or guests. Because the animals are so intelligent, Jacobs said their minds must be kept active to prevent them from getting bored or depressed. The challenge is making the enrichment activities enjoyable.

“They need a lot of stimulation,” Jacobs said. “Training isn’t mandatory, but they love it.”

Scientist and conservationist Birute Mary Galdikas, founder of Orangutan Foundation International, said orangutans are among the most intelligent animals. Orangutans in the wild, where Galdikas has studied the apes for more than four decades, routinely use tools to scratch themselves, swat insects and create simple shelters. In captivity, Galdikas said orangutans have demonstrated remarkable creative-thinking skills, specifically in their ability to escape enclosures.

“Anything that Jungle Island can do to help their orangutans while away the day is to be commended,” Galdikas said. “IPads seem to work for humans. It’s not surprising that orangutans, who share 97 percent of their genetic material with humans, like them, too.”

For the record, Orangutans have opposable thumbs, just like us, use tools, just like us, have a capacity for language, just like us and can rip a human arm cleanly from its socket, just like ….. wait.

I think you see the problem.

The same issues hold true with chimpanzees, monkeys, gorillas and so on. You pretty much have to drop down to lemur before your life isn’t in danger.

This is not to say the Brin isn’t right and that the creatures we someday uplift, because you know we will, won’t become valued members of our society. Still, I wouldn’t want to forget the warnings of Pierre Boulle too soon.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

It takes a certain amount of self control not to become a class “A” jag-wad when you feel superior to others. When I quit smoking back in December I promised myself I wouldn’t become “that guy.” You know who I mean. That guy who reminds you, with every puff you take, how parts of your lungs are being slowly turned to coal and how your breath smells like the inside of a moldy shoe and how your clothes are ruined for all time and on and on ….. all unsolicited, of course. All he really accomplishes is leaving the smoker with the burning desire to extinguish their cigarette in his eye socket. It’s not just smokers. People who have successfully dieted are just as guilty. I had a lady walk up to me recently and inform me, in no uncertain terms, that my life choices, when it came to food, were going to lead me to an early grave. I almost offered to recite a litany of other life choices I’ve made that didn’t bode well either but kept my tongue. I have no idea who she was and really don’t care to find out.

Today, Diane Mapes, of MSN, takes a look at another unctuous sub-genre of humans; the organic food Nazis.

Renate Raymond has encountered her fair share of organic food snobs, but a recent trip to a Seattle market left her feeling like she’d stumbled onto the set of “Portlandia.”

“I stopped at a market to get a fruit platter for a movie night with friends but I couldn’t find one so I asked the produce guy,” says the 40-year-old arts administrator from Seattle. “And he was like, ‘If you want fruit platters, go to Safeway. We’re organic.’ I finally bought a small cake and some strawberries and then at the check stand, the guy was like ‘You didn’t bring your own bag? I need to charge you if you didn’t bring your own bag.’ It was like a ‘Portlandia skit.’ They were so snotty and arrogant.”

As it turns out, new research has determined that a judgmental attitude may just go hand in hand with exposure to organic foods. In fact, a new study published this week in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, has found that organic food may just make people act a bit like jerks.

“There’s a line of research showing that when people can pat themselves on the back for their moral behavior, they can become self-righteous,” says author Kendall Eskine, assistant professor of the department of psychological sciences at Loyola University in New Orleans. “I’ve noticed a lot of organic foods are marketed with moral terminology, like Honest Tea, and wondered if you exposed people to organic food, if it would make them pat themselves on the back for their moral and environmental choices. I wondered if they would be more altruistic or not.”

To find out, Eskine and his team divided 60 people into three groups. One group was shown pictures of clearly labeled organic food, like apples and spinach. Another group was shown comfort foods such as brownies and cookies. And a third group — the controls — were shown non-organic, non-comfort foods like rice, mustard and oatmeal. After viewing the pictures, each person was then asked to read a series of vignettes describing moral transgressions.

“One vignette was about second cousins having sex,” says Eskine. “Another was about a lawyer on the prowl in an ER trying to get people to sue for their injuries. Then the groups made moral judgments on a scale from one to seven.”

In another phase of the study, the three groups were asked to volunteer for a (fictitious) study, with each person writing down the amount of time — from zero to 30 minutes — that they would be willing to volunteer.

The results did not bode well for the organic folks.

“We found that the organic people judged much harder compared to the control or comfort food groups,” says Eskine. “On a scale of 1 to 7, the organic people were like 5.5 while the controls were about a 5 and the comfort food people were like a 4.89.”

When it came to helping out a needy stranger, the organic people also proved to be more selfish, volunteering only 13 minutes as compared to 19 minutes (for controls) and 24 minutes (for comfort food folks).

“There’s something about being exposed to organic food that made them feel better about themselves,” says Eskine. “And that made them kind of jerks a little bit, I guess.”

Why does eating better make us act worse? Eskine says it probably has to do with what he calls “moral licensing.”

“People may feel like they’ve done their good deed,” he says. “That they have permission, or license, to act unethically later on. It’s like when you go to the gym and run a few miles and you feel good about yourself, so you eat a candy bar.”

Eskine says he was surprised by the findings (“You’d think eating organic would make you feel elevated and want to pay it forward,” he says) and hopes to do additional studies that look at conditions that might prompt people to act differently.

Until then, organic eaters may want to rein in those self-righteous stink-eyes.

“At my local grocery, I sometimes catch organic eyes gazing into my grocery cart and scowling,” says Sue Frause, a 61-year-old freelance writer/photographer from Whidbey Island. “So I’ll often toss in really bad foods just to get them even more riled up.”

I buy a lot of organic foods. Then I take them home, cover them in beer batter and add lard.

Just kidding.

I do buy organic when I can. Somehow it never occurred to me to treat everyone else like crap because of that.

Of course, I wasn’t raised by self absorbed douche-nozzles either so that may have something to do with it.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Don’t worry, this is not going to be one of those preachy articles that’s full of treacle and snappy bon mots that amount to nothing. If you want useless crap like that, go read The Secret. Or, if you like a meaningless plot with your drivel, I can readily suggest the Celestine Prophecy. But if that’s what you want, then this is probably not the page for you. Regular readers know to expect a collection of idiots (today will not disappoint), something Floridian (gotcha covered) and, maybe, a personal vignette from your’s truly. We’ll start with the latter. I recently posted on my sports blog about how I had run into some fans of the Aryan Front, a neo-Nazi happy clan that loves group activities. I received some emails from people who seemed to think that they are a swell bunch of fellers and I should do whatever I can to support them. Sorry kids, I still have some working brain cells. The White Supremacy ship sailed years ago. And it wasn’t launched by some tree hugging liberal. Nope, it was set adrift by a coke snorting, war loving, conservative who appointed Colin Powell (a very black man) as the first African American Secretary of State and Condoleezza Rice (a mixed race woman) as his successor for that position. You can thank him for us having a black president. He paved the political way. So, since you can’t unring a bell I would suggest that you get used to the real world around you or go live in one of those famous “whites only” compounds in Montana. It would be very consideraate of you to get neutered before you arrived.

Besides, stupid people come in all shapes, colors and sizes. I would be remiss if I ignored someone just because of a personal prejudice. In fact, let’s start with a WNC SAHHH-LOOOOT to the fine citizens of Wolfforth Texas who prove that old axiom; people don’t get the government they want, they get the government they deserve.

A winner has been chosen by a coin toss in a Texas city council election.

Church administrator Bruce MacNair won Friday’s flip that decided the race between him and Bryan Studer.

The two had agreed to the coin toss to decide the contest for a seat on the Wolfforth city council after each received 118 votes in last weekend’s election.

The men saved the tiny city the $10,000 cost of a run-off election.

MacNair won by drawing heads. He says he’s glad the election is over.

Wolfforth is a bedroom community near Lubbock with about 3,700 residents.

That’s right, less than 10% of the population could be bothered to put down their beer and head on down to the local VFW to take 2 minutes out of their busy lives to participate in their governance. I hope the winner runs that city dry with expense accounts loaded with crack whores and gambling. They don’t deserve anyone competent.

In Phoenix Arizona, they are continuing their fine tradition of outlawing stuff nobody does nor has any intention of doing.

The Phoenix City Council on Wednesday approved a ban on horse diving, the act of having a horse dive into a pool of water from dozens of feet in the air.

Phoenix City Councilwoman Thelda Williams brought the issue to the council, saying she wanted to be proactive to ban horse-diving efforts in the city.

In 2008, Williams successfully convinced fellow council members to ban horse tripping, the practice of roping or tripping equines for the purpose of entertainment. The council’s vote Wednesday amends the horse-tripping ordinance to include the ban on horse diving. A first offense would carry a fine of $1,000.

Williams hasn’t heard of any recent horse-diving attempts, but she said she came across e-mails in December suggesting an effort may be planned.

A recent attempt to revive equine diving at the famed Atlantic City Steel Pier, where it was popular from the 1920s to ’70s, was squashed after protests from animal-rights groups.

Phoenix is run by, duly elected, morons. Let us not forget that, in Phoenix, it is illegal to live in a home with more than two dildos. I have no idea how they enforce that one. Nor do I care to find out.

Cops in Boise Idaho are all laughing at the guy who robbed a store while wearing his underwear over his head.

Police in southwest Idaho say a man chose briefs over boxers to wear on his head as he held up a coffee shop and stole a safe.

Coffee shop owner Jason Wilson tells the Idaho Statesman says he believes the man was likely not prepared when he entered Big Star Coffee in Fruitland with an accomplice on Tuesday morning.

Wilson asked: “Who robs something with underwear on their head?”

Investigators say the two burglars made off with about $500 in cash that was inside the safe. Their actions were captured on surveillance cameras inside and outside the shop.

HA HA HA HA HA …. HEY! Wait a minute you stunods! He got away and you have no clue who he is. Why are you laughing?

If you are going to laugh at someone it ought to be Tyree Appleberry, no relation to Johnny Appleseed. He tried to ticket a cop while pretending to be a cop.

That never goes well.

Police say a New Mexico man pretended to be a police officer and is facing a misdemeanor charge after he pulled over a real Albuquerque Police Department detective.

According to police, the 42-year-old turned on his strobe lights on his white Chevy Tahoe in an attempt to stop an undercover officer.

But Tyree Appleberry said he was not impersonating an officer and was instead asking the driver why he was in the parking lot next to an auto auction yard where his friend works.

“At no time did I say I was a cop, did I pretend to be a cop, did I badge anybody. At no time did that happen,” Appleberry told KOB 4.

Authorities say Appleberry had a warrant out for his arrest for failing to appear in court for a reckless driving charge.

A spokesperson for the Albuquerque Police Department told the news station that the arresting officer made the choice to charge Appleberry with a misdemeanor instead of a more serious felony charge.

It was the uniform that caused him problems.

Anyway, each and every person I have written about today would be considered a “sinner” in most religions. Did you know that, in some cases, activities such as these can be good for you? Simon Laham, a real scientist and not one of those TV dudes who tries to sell you wight loss pills, says sinning is good for you.

DON’T feel guilty about caving into lustful feelings on Valentine’s Day, there is scientific proof dabbling in the seven deadly sins can be good for you.

Lust can make you smarter, gluttony can make you more generous, envy can breed higher self-esteem and slothful behaviour can make you kinder.

In The Joy of Sin, a controversial book to be launched this month, University of Melbourne experimental social psychologist Simon Laham has collated international studies to reveal the flip side to traditional sins.

“We’ve had centuries of having it drilled into us that the seven deadly sins are just bad, but when you look at the research, there is some complexity there and they can often be quite good for you,” Laham said.

He said lust not only improved analytical thinking, but made you more helpful and creative as lovers played up those traits to attract interest from the opposite sex.

While anger is associated with violence, Laham said it led to physical force only 10 per cent of the time.

“Anger can be quite functional by becoming a motivator that drives us to persist with a goal that’s frustrating,” he said.

So angry sex can make you happy? I am sooooo down with that!

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

As a race, humans tend to put a happy face on things. And, in the main, that’s a good thing. We want to see the best in those around us. It’s better if we’re hurt when we’re disappointed. It shows that we still care and strive for better. It also reassures us that we can look in a mirror and know that we would not behave like that. That can be a powerful reassurance in troubling times. For example, a while back I wrote about a mom who dressed her kid up like a zebra, took him to the zoo and let him play in front of predators who like to eat zebras. She thought this was great fun. I joked that she practicing for the day when she could dress him like that and toss him in front of un-caged animals. I was making a funny, right? Maybe not. The Humane Society of America is suing an Oklahoma zoo, specifically the G.W. Exotic Animal Park, to get it to end the fun practice of placing children in pens with wild tigers and so on. The zoo claims that this is just a move to make them go bankrupt. Much like all the other fines and warnings they’ve picked up through the years trying to make an honest buck. Now, while it’s clear that the zoo owner is an idiot or a tool, depending on your mood, what stuns me is that parents take their kids there and plop them into pens with wild animals. That thing with the claws and the fangs is not Tigger, it is an Indian tiger and they eat meat and people are meat. As a side note, if things go to pot, here are some easy to follow recipes for how to cook people. Anyway, back on track, who in their right mind thinks this is a good idea? The one day the investigator was there videotaping all of this for in-court fun, he counted six incidents of biting and scratching. Those are cute when your kitten does them, not so much so when a hundred pounds of snarling fur is involved.

So far there have been no fatalities.

In other stuff I don’t want to believe but am forced to admit is true, the lady who looks like bacon, Patricia Kern a/k/a the Tanning Mom, posed braless for paparazzi and expressed a desire to appear in Playboy. Speaking as someone who has met quite a few Playboy models in his life, I can assure you that there will never be an issue that features Women Who Look Like Bacon.

Another thing I wish wasn’t true but is, is the recent trend of taping your neighbors having sex and then posting the recording on the internet. I get that people are frustrated by their lack of invitations to mattress mambo parties and it is even more irritating when your neighbors prove their joy by announcing in grunts and groans that sound less like clarions of ecstasy and more like cannibalism gone wrong. But, see, that is why there are cops. You call them and the message gets delivered personally and clearly without humiliating your neighbors on an international scale.

In Carbondale Colorado the local sheriff is reminding people to just ignore the naked men running around at night. It seems they’re harmless. They just have this burning desire to see nature au natural. They do, as many callers have noted, wear sneakers. And, since the naked guys aren’t dangerous at all, make sure to enjoy your stay and visit all the sights, the sheriff is also reminding people to call 911 the nanosecond they see one of these dudes.

Just in case. Not to worry. Everything’s fine. American Express is welcome at all the local shops.

More stuff that causes melon scratching is the new iPhone app that lets you read you pet’s mind. Even if your pet is a stuffed unicorn.

Pets can be frustrating.

Sometimes they just stare and stare at you — as if you’re supposed to magically know exactly what they’re thinking.

Well, an amusing (and free) iPhone app helps defuse those awkward moments by suggesting what might be on your beloved pet’s mind.

The app’s called CrossTuner and it can be downloaded from the Apple App Store. All you have to do in order to use it is point your iPhone’s back-facing camera at the confusing creature near you, select what it is (currently the only options are dog, cat and zombie), and speak.

As soon as the app detects sound, you’ll see what it believes your pet is thinking.

Since I didn’t have a cat, dog, or zombie on hand to test this app, I borrowed my co-worker’s stuffed unicorn. CrossTuner happily revealed what the fluffy creature is thinking — no matter what I claimed it was — so I suppose it could work on anything or anyone, whether there’s actual brain-activity involved or not.

I included the link to the app store since I know you want one.

But, if you’re like me, the worst news possible has come from Paris France, the topless dancers at the Crazy Horse have gone on strike.

Topless dancers at the renowned Crazy Horse night club in Paris have gone on strike, saying they are not being paid enough to take the shirts off their backs.

The Crazy Horse, one of the most popular establishments of its kind in the world, said on Wednesday it was forced to cancel performances on Tuesday and again on Wednesday for the first time since the cabaret was created in 1951.

The night club, which declined to give details on salary demands or current wages, said in a statement that it had always taken the wellbeing of its artists very seriously and that talks were continuing to resolve the dispute.

“It’s an exceptional place which has the specialty of presenting a fully naked show,” Suzanne, one of the dancers, told RTL radio.

“What’s wrong is that we are asked to work 24 days per month for a pay that is worose than miserable,” she said.

The cabaret’s management said it was doing everything possible to reopen.

“Everything is done to give the Crazy Horse show back to its public,” it said.

In the meantime, clients with tickets for a show on Tuesday or Wednesday will be offered a new date or a refund, a spokeswoman said.

The Crazy Horse, Lido and Moulin Rouge – where topless dancers perform in carefully orchestrated shows – have been top attractions for generations of tourists and locals.

This is the kind of situation that calls for immediate government intervention. This is the kind of event that can topple economies and cause widespread panic. We’re talking end of civilization here people so let’s take this seriously.

**sniff** the memories. Anyway, here’s a vid of the Crazy Horse in happier times.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Good morning campers. Here’s hoping you’re all having a wonderful day. As many of you know summer is coming up and it is the traditional time for weddings. Many people, clearly having missed the memo on my love life, ask me for ideal wedding gifts. Women are easy to buy for; expensive jewelry and chocolates are never discarded. But what about the guys? There’s only so much beer and porn seems inappropriate for this occasion. Luke McKinley may have just the answer; the spring loaded genital noose lovingly known as The Penis Gallows. I’m not exactly sure if it’s a medieval torture device or a neat way to have hours of fun but I am sure that one of our more adventurous readers will let me know.

But if a penis noose isn’t dumb enough for you, then you can feel free to emulate the pure genius of Keithan Manuel, who tried to rob a police station. Texas cops just love when people do that.

Keithan Manuel is learning the hard way that a sense of humor is very subjective, but that’s what happens when you attempt to rob a police station.

Manuel walked into a police station in suburban Dallas on Saturday evening with a white towel covering his hands and told the dispatcher to hand over money, CBS News reported.

Although Manuel has claimed that he was just pulling a practical joke, Police Chief Victor Kemp said the suspect didn’t seem to be acting like a jokester.

“He said he’d like to check on a warrant, but it was pretty obvious it was a situation. He gave a different name and after a few moments of maybe playing it off he said, ‘You do know I have a gun,'” Kemp told KTVT-TV. “At that point he seemed to be very serious. She called for officers immediately. The officers arrived and were able to take him down at gunpoint.”

Police took Manuel down and determined he did not have a weapon. Meanwhile, he denies saying he was carry a gun.

“I didn’t say nothing like that, I swear to God I didn’t say nothing like that; that’s why they didn’t find no guns on me,” Manuel told the station. “Man, I play like that all the time, I didn’t think she would take it seriously.”

Apparently, he was wrong.

Manuel was arrested and charged with robbery and theft. He is currently being held in Dallas County Jail with bonds totaling $300,000.

Moving on from stupid people in Dallas to stupid people named Dallas, cops in Utah arrested a guy who robbed a place but left his schoolwork there.

An 18-year-old Utah man was arrested on suspicion of burglary after police say he left his homework at the crime scene.

Police in Orem say they tracked a USB drive found at the burglarized home to Dallas Naljahih. They say the computer hard drive contained his homework and was in a backpack abandoned in the backyard.

A 75-year-old man and his wife reported their home had been burglarized early Saturday. The husband says he was woken up by a light in his office, and found a man who was looking through a desk.

The suspect punched the man and fled on foot.

Police say that Naljahih was found asleep at his house along with evidence connecting him with the burglary.

While it’s good that the young man was dedicated enough to his studies to carry them with him wherever he went, methinks he should have put a little more thought into his act. Like maybe just staying home and studying instead of robbing senior citizens who will go to the mat to make sure he does hard time.

Still, I guess it’s better than being Micah Craig. He went to Wal-Mart, picked up a stick which turned out to be a rattle snake which then promptly bit and hospitalized him. Tis kind of thing happens all the time in Utah. Adjust your travel plans accordingly.

Speaking of traveling, police in Florida are trying to figure out how a couple of dead Peruvians, as in over a thousand years gone, ended up vacationing in Winter Gardens.

When a plumber discovered two skulls buried in the ground of a Florida backyard last January, police thought they had a murder mystery to solve. Turns out, this is one case that won’t crack anytime soon.

A medical examiner in Winter Gardens says that the pair of skulls — that of a 10-year-old boy and an older man — date back to between 1200 and 1400 and likely originated in Peru or other regions in South America.

“The mystery is how they ended up there,” medical examiner Jan Garavaglia said, according to Newser. “We don’t have any way of finding out.”

The plumber who first encountered the objects was installing an in-ground swimming pool when he struck bone. He reported the discovery to police.

ABC News reported:

When x-rayed by the medical examiner’s office, it was clear that the bones were hundreds of years old, and that the human tissue on the cheek of the skull had been mummified. The skulls featured an “Inca bone,” a telltale sign of a human from the Incan culture of Peru, Garavaglia said.

Experts from the University of Central Florida and Yale University also identified cloth items representing primitive slings. The items may have belonged to a tourist when laws restricting the transport of human remains were less strict, the Orlando Sentinel reported.

Considering we’re talking about a distance of around 3,000 miles, if covered by land, one must wonder what kind of person drives that far with a couple of dead Peruvians in the car just to dump them in the middle of Bu-Fu nowhere. If they took a boat they would have had to gone north through the Pacific, then through the Panama Canal (where they would allegedly be searched) and then across the Gulf of Mexico to get to Florida and then drive a few hundred miles to winter gardens to … dump them?

Only in Florida.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.