One of These Things is Not Like the Others

Okay, what else rhymes with orange?
I realize that we live in a world that not only celebrates diversity but actually requires it to survive. So, in my day to day existence, when I note that this is different than that I usually applaud that knowledge, albeit silently so that I don’t get taken to a happy place with soft walls. You would be surprised how many people will call their local constabulary when faced with someone cheering wildly to themselves. You’d be even more amazed at the lack of humor displayed by the local gendarmes when they arrive. You would think that a lack of a sense of humor was a requirement for their job. Of course, the fact that they have guns kind of renders any proceeding somber upon their arrival. It’s hard to keep up the hilarity when people can kill you.

But, enough of my regular day. Let’s talk about the lives of other people. Like the really dangerous people who rob banks and the tellers who laugh their asses off at them. Of course, this particular teller is from Chicago, thus the guts and intelligence.

A quick-thinking teller is being credited with stopping a robbery by telling a woman with a demand note that the Northwest Side bank was closed, the FBI says.

The heist was foiled last week at the Albany Bank and Trust in the 3400 block of West Lawrence Avenue, according to a criminal complaint filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court.

Around 5 p.m. on March 29, Olga L. Perdomo entered the band and handed a note to a teller demanding “all of your money, no cops, no dye pack,” according to the complaint.

But instead of handing over any cash, the teller told Perdomo to come back the next day.

“(The teller) took the note and told the female that the bank was closed and that she should come back tomorrow. The female then left the bank,” the complaint states.

Surveillance video captured the woman, dressed in plaid pajama bottoms and a dark-colored hooded jacket with a large emblem on the back of the jacket.

The woman did not return the following day, but a bank employee who had seen the video spotted Perdomo outside the bank at about 3:20 p.m. Monday.

The employee called police who spotted Perdomo walking outside the bank with a man identified in the complaint as Willie Weathersby. Police recognized him as having robbed the same bank of $2,589 on March 23, according to the complaint.

Chicago police quickly arrested Perdomo and caught Weathersby after a brief chase.

The two appeared in U.S. District Court Tuesday.

I love that story even more than the one when the teller told the guy he’d written the hold up note on the wrong bank’s paperwork so he had to go rob a different bank. Which he tried to do, said the police who arrested him.

Cops love days like this.

Almost as much as they love when moms and daughters (an AWWW moment on the O Network) who point guns at people and take their money.

Move over Bonnie and Clyde and Frank and Jesse James, you’ve got (alleged) multistate bank-robbing company: Evie and Amelia.

Yesterday Police in Gulfport, Mississippi, busted 57-year-old Evie Mearlene Herrin and her 30-year-old daughter Amelia Darci Crew, both of the Texas town of Cleveland, as they were speeding down I-10 away from an alleged robbery of a Regions Bank. Police say they found the loot and a gun in the car.

According to the Gulfport Sun-Herald, Evie Mearlene donned a wig, walked in the bank, flashed (or possibly just implied she had) a gun and demanded cash. Crew was the alleged getaway driver.

Eyewitnesses gave police a good description of the car and the two were pulled over seven minutes after the robbery.

This might not be Evie and Amelia’s first heist.

Police in Henderson, Texas, believe that the mama-daughter duo took down that town’s Citizen’s National Bank on Leap Day and that they are responsible for four robberies: some in Texas, at least one more in Louisiana and the Gulfport job.

The women are currently in the Harrison County Jail on $200,000 bond, and the FBI is investigating their alleged trail of Thelma and Louise Gulf Coast mayhem.

“I love to sing,, and ADORE being the center of attention,” posted an Evie Herrin (who we’re almost positive is the mama) on Facebook. “Even if that requires me being a GOOBER….”

Or a ROBBER, apparently.

And it looks like the only song she’ll be singing soon is “Jailhouse Rock.”

They can put on a popular prison musical, then they can act out scenes from the greatest female empowerment movie ever made and then bake cookies.

I like cookies and that’s the kind of stuff moms and daughters should focus on.

Of course, not all families rob banks. That would be boring. Police in Florida, of course it’s Florida, are reporting that a man tried to kill his mom because she used his taco sauce.

Good Mexican-food God, what is it with Floridians, weird crime and tacos?

Christopher Phillips, 23 of Manatee County, found out that his mother had used some of his taco sauce. Naturally, he got so angry he decided to put her in a headlock. Then his girlfriend got involved. It was not a salsa fiesta.

According to the Smoking Gun, the incident happened on Monday afternoon. Christopher shares a home with his mother, and found out that his mama, Rebecca Phillips, had used his taco and salsa sauce on her dinner. Things got more heated than the most spicy salsa.

Christopher got up in his moms face while screaming and yelling. Rebecca pushed him back, that’s when Christopher decided to put his mom in a headlock. In the process he broke her glasses and caused pain to her neck.

Rebecca managed to break free, but Christopher wasn’t done. He went into his room and got his live in girlfriend, Lisa Tyre, 27.

Lisa, ever a classy lady, decided to get in on the action too. She started yelling at Rebecca, and then slapped her across the face four times. She took two slaps to both cheeks. The slaps caused a cut in Rebecca’s mouth.

She asked her son for her own car keys, but he refused to return them. So she walked all the way to her husband’s place of work before calling the police.

Both Christopher and Lisa were arrested on misdemeanor domestic battery charges.

No word on whether Mama decided to eat the rest of the taco sauce with a spoon while the pair was in jail out of spite. Sure, it might have stung the cut in her mouth, but true aficionados know taco sauce and salsa are dishes best eaten out of spite.

If you started from scratch and had never met a Mexican, you could still make a batch of taco sauce in 10 minutes or less.

Of course not every Floridian likes tacos. Some like to go to Applebees, get smashed, get naked, beat people up and sing karaoke.

All at once in a perfect world.

He must have been singing Creed.

A man knocked out a manager of a Florida Applebee’s late Sunday after employees cut him off during his one-man show, police said.

Jeffrey Thompson, 28, of Texas, was charged with battery and disorderly conduct after he took the stage at the Melbourne restaurant, took some clothes off and went berserk following terrible reviews on his performance, WKMG reported.

“He was intoxicated. It was karaoke night and he became very involved with his performance,” Melbourne police Sgt. Byron Barnes told the station. “He took his clothes off as he sang to the audience.”

A manager turned the music off after one customer complained during the stunt. Witnesses said Thompson threw one punch and knocked the employee out, WTSP reported.

A Palm Bay cop, who was eating at the restaurant at the time, chased the sad singer down and arrested him.

WKMG caught a shirtless Thompson mouthing off on video as he was shoved into a squad car.

“That one punched knocked you out, huh boy?” Thompson appeared to be saying.

Bad karaoke can certainly be a heated issue. But in the Philippines, it can get you killed. The New York Times has reported that Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” has been banned from many karaoke bars in the country because the song regularly incites violence — even resulting in deaths.

If you’ve ever sat through some tool crucifying My Way, you can completely understand.

But what’s different about any of these stories? Nothing. I write about idiots like this all the time. But, Ryan Gatenby, the nice man who lets me ruin his radio show once a week, and I have been bemoaning the lack of flying cars and other cool stuff we were promised as kids. Well, now, those promises are being fulfilled and that is something very different.

A flying car is being unveiled this week at the New York Auto Show, and we can’t help but wonder: If the roads are jam-packed with crazy drivers now, what would it be like if they all had flying cars?

The manufacturer, Terrafugia of Woborn, Mass., reports that it’s already received more than 100 preorders for its flying car — the Transition. The $279,000 dual-use vehicle sports folding wings and rugged, all-terrain wheels that will allow it to transition smoothly from the driveway to the roadway to the runway and beyond.

The first versions are expected to be available for delivery later this year. The vehicle will not take flight at the New York Auto Show, so the manufacturers released a sneak peek of the Transition doing its thing in this video recording of its first test flight.

The Transition, which reached an altitude of 1,400 feet, has a 23-gallon gas tank and can refuel at the average gas station.

Now, for the reality check: Flying cars may be a mainstay of science-fiction books, but they’re not likely to be a reality for the commuting masses.

They’d create an air-traffic nightmare for the Federal Aviation Administration, and they’re not suitable for major airports. (Unless some pretty drastic changes take place at the federal level, all flying still needs to be done in and out of an airport.)

“The Transition isn’t designed to replace anyone’s car, but it could replace your airplane,” according to the manufacturer’s website. “The Transition won’t be flown in and out of the congested commercial airspace that most commercial airlines and air travelers use. Most of the 5,200 public airports around the U.S., where one would fly a Transition, are underutilized.”

For those who happen to have their own airplane and are looking to save a few bucks, the Terrafugia website says the Transition might be just the answer: The flying car “reduces the cost of ownership of an airplane by burning automotive gasoline, parking in your garage at home instead of renting a hangar, and nearly eliminating ground transportation costs.”

This is not to be confused with the PAL-V (Personal Air and Land vehicle) that turns a car into a helicopter. Although that’s pretty darn cool too.

After dealing with nothing but idiots I thought it would be nice to end on a positive note.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

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