It’s a Big Sexy Post Today!

And yet this entire post will be safe for work. Go figure.
Every Friday I not only have to come up with something for you to read I also have to come up with stuff to talk about on WBIG with Ryan Gatenby. While I usually just talk about what I’ve written on Friday that is not always the case. Sometimes my Friday topic is too esoteric or would require too long to explain to the listeners. Since we live in a finite universe and Ryan needs to make a living and play some of those ads from our glorious sponsors, I can’t just ramble all day. Other times are like today. While the topics at hand are great fun for everyone to read about the nice people at FOX! would completely lose their freaking minds if I opened up with sex and politics as my lead story.

I guess it would be okay if someone caught President Obama with a mistress, but the whole Pimpin’ for Paul movement is off the table.

Prostitutes working at a Nevada brothel said they are planning to show their support for Republican presidential contender Ron Paul during the Nevada caucuses.

The girls at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, near Carson City, said they plan to caucus for Paul during Saturday’s event and they have a donation box for the libertarian Texas congressman in the parlor of the brothel, the Los Angeles Times reported Thursday.

Cami Parker, 25, who works at the brothel, said she is “pimpin’ for Paul” because of his positions on individual liberties and states’ rights. She said 10 percent of her weekly earnings go toward the Paul campaign.

This will be the only time I can use the phrase “tits for tithes” in this blog. I hope you enjoyed it. Also there is no truth to the rumor that the ancient brothel token, which was recently found, was actually an artifact from Ron Paul’s first campaign.

Moving on. Match.com, that wonderfully anti-homosexual dating service, surveyed its members by political beliefs and found out that the majority of Republicans think their sex lives are great but they aren’t having any actual sex.

Dallas-based dating Web site Match.com said its second annual comprehensive study on singles found differences along political lines.

The Web site said the online survey of 5,541 single adults in the United States, conducted by research firm MarketTools, found conservative Republican respondents were the most likely to be very satisfied with their sexual activities, with 40 percent answering the question affirmatively, but they were also the least likely to have had sex in the past 12 months.

Match.com said Democratic respondents were the most likely to consider a sense of humor, similar lifestyle, sense of independence and a feeling of equality when searching for a partner, while Republicans were more likely to seek a similar background, same political beliefs and a desire to marry.

The survey also suggests 87 percent of single men and 91 percent of single women believe there are “no acceptable excuses” for adultery on the part of a political candidate.

You can add my number to the majority mentioned in the last sentence. As to the rest, it looks about right. My Republican friends are not big fans of that whole diversity thing. Dating outside their circle would never occur to them.

So, you’re a young Republican who’s not getting any, although you seem happy about it, so what do you do for fun? Well, if you live in Seattle you go to the library and watch porn.

A Seattle library is making news after refusing to remove a man who was watching pornographic videos on a library computer.

“We’re a library, so we facilitate access to constitutionally protected information. We don’t tell people what they can view and check out,” Seattle Public Library spokeswoman Andra Addison told Seattle PI. “Filters compromise freedom of speech protected by the First Amendment. We’re not in the business of censoring information.”

Seattle PI reports that when library patron Julie Howe saw the man, she asked him to move to another computer. He refused. When Howe asked the librarian to intervene, she also refused.

“She could see the screen from the information desk where we were standing and was sympathetic, but said that the library doesn’t censor content,” Howe wrote in an email published Tuesday on the neighborhood blog, Lake City Live.

“And they can’t be in the business of monitoring what their patrons are doing at any given computer.”

However, in 2010 the Washington State Supreme Court ruled in a 6-3 decision that libraries can do exactly that. The ruling came after the ACLU sued a rural library district that had attempted to filter porn from its computers.

“A public library has traditionally and historically enjoyed broad discretion to select materials to add to its collection of printed materials for its patrons’ use,” the court wrote in its decision. “We conclude that the same discretion must be afforded a public library to choose what materials from millions of Internet sites it will add to its collection and make available to its patrons.”

Howe says she respects, understands and agrees with the freedom of speech laws that protect the man’s right to view pornography, but nonetheless wishes there was a compromise for the library’s other patrons.

“I have had extensive conversations with the library about this incident, as well as with the police and local representatives,” wrote Howe. “The man’s right to access constitutionally protected information is fully protected (which I’m not in argument with), but our right not to be inadvertent viewers is not.”

Other library patrons have complained about similar incidents, including those involving young children who were exposed to pornographic images being viewed by other patrons.

The dilemma was summed up by another library patron, Jessica Christensen, who told Seattle PI, “What I find ironic is that you can’t talk too loudly at the Seattle Public Libraries or you’ll be asked to keep it down so as not to distract the other patrons. You know, the patrons viewing pornography.”

I’m not sure what the fuss is about. You can watch porn at any library. The only limitation I’ve ever seen enacted was asking someone to turn it off because there were children in the room. Personally I’ve never had the need to go to the library to spank my crank. Of course, I’m a Democrat, so I know real women.

That being said, there is a simple solution. Move the computers to a walled in area. People already have to sign in and out to use them so I doubt that anyone’s going to be able to pick one up and walkout the door with it.

Now, if I’ve got your curiosity up, you can click here to find out ten things you didn’t know about sex. The article is long, but I’ll share the headlines with you.

  • Genetics Can Affect When a Person Will Lose His or Her Virginity
  • The Clitoris is Mostly an Internal Organ
  • Sperm is Surprisingly Nutritious
  • Sex Can Help You Stay Healthy
  • Having Sex Can Make Women Look More Attractive
  • If You Are Sexually Active, You’ll Probably Get an STD
  • Birth Control Affects Women’s Taste in Men
  • Diet Can Affect the Flavor of Semen
  • Female Sexuality is Still Largely a Mystery
  • Women’s Sex Organs Are Now Being Studied More Often

You know what? With a little bit of work I could make those titles into a great country song.

“My darling thinks my laugh’s delicious
Wait till she learns my sperm’s nutritious …”

All I need is a slide guitar.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gScUOqFxDSU&w=560&h=315]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

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