Month: February 2012

See Bill not write. Not write Bill not write. See Bill not write about politics. Why Bill not write about politics? Because people who like to read about politics are clinically insane. Even the people who say nice things say them in such a way that makes Bill want to hide sharp objects and hide under his bed. See Bill write more about science. Bill may make mistakes in his research but since he vets everything before he puts it up here only the scientists know his errors. You, yes…

The other day I wrote about how the four Republican candidates were unelectable. Obviously upset that only a second tier blog like this had figured that out they ramped up their efforts over the weekend to make sure that every breathing sentient being on the planet knew it as well. Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich continued to espouse the philosophies of Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich, respectively, and that appears to be sufficient to render them harmless. Rick Santorum, not content to be known as the dangerously crazy candidate, upped…

One of the fun perks about doing this gig is learning new stuff. For example, now that I have to take the Metra to the new office every day I’ve learned that the lard laden, sodium infused, heart killer sold at Au Bon Pain is actually called a “Ham and Cheese Croissant.” This is clearly from the same marketing people who tried to convince folks that a 9mm round through the frontal lobe was actually a “Face Lift at Home Kit.” Oh, and just for a bonus, the coffee tastes…

If you’re like me, and that may be illegal in the state where you reside, you woke up this morning with a cat firmly planted between your butt cheeks. If you’re not then you didn’t. Feel free to use this as a handy guide if you’re ever unsure in the future. As most of you know I avoid writing about politics. To be honest, compared to the midget porn, the impending robot overlords, the perverts and the Floridians who normally festoon these pages politicians appear unseemly. We do try and…

First off some good news; today’s blog has nothing to do with that godawful film full of treacle that has the same name as today’s blog. Nor is this going to be a thrilling – as in “gosh, can we discuss lint instead?” – look at Rap Master Billy S’ classic Twelfth Night. Nor will I delve into the world of bad poetry. In fact I try and avoid that particular world just on general principles. To me the phrase “Poet Laureate” means “person who could not get a real…

Love means different things to different people. The picture to the left is from an engagement ceremony. Because marriage is all about respect and maturity naturally she got naked while he wore a chicken suit. Their names are Heather and Scott. The cowboy hat was just a bonus. Since we just escaped Valentine’s Day and it’s too soon to start talking about World News Center’s favorite holiday, I thought it might be fun to take a look at the wonderful vows honorably entered into by some wonderful people in Jamaica.…

People write me all the time and ask “Dear Big Bad, can you please define “kurtosis” in a non-linear fashion?” The answer is always “no” but that doesn’t stop them from asking. So what should we talk about instead? The second most popular question I get is “Is it true you’re straight?” The answer to that one is always “define straight.” No, I’m kidding, the answer is always “yes.” Then they want to know if I’m sure. I end up pointing out that I’m just fat and ugly, that’s why…