They Walk Among Us

Yea though I walk through the valley of stupid, I shall fear no moron, for truth and logic are my shepherds and they shall keep me safe from harm. Or so I hope. Man, there is just a pile of dumb out there today. And, just for the sake of my favorite hobgoblin, consistency, we’ll start in Florida. Why? Well, where else would someone bludgeon someone else with a hammer because Judge Judy was on TV? Janet Ann Knowles apparently doesn’t like Judge Judy. The 62-year-old Jupiter woman was arrested…

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Really? Love Will Kill the World?

Just for the record, I am not homosexual. That being said, I still like musicals and the occasional flavored tea. I point this out because, as we learned from Ron White the other day, all men are gay. It’s just a matter of degree. In other words, being afraid of gay people is, when you think about it rationally, like being afraid of yourself. When I get up in the morning and shave the – mildly acceptable – mug I see in the mirror it may not win beauty prizes…

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It’s National Idiot day!

Finally, a holiday I can understand. It has no official designation, any day I choose can suffice and it’s easy enough to find events to tie in. If you wish you can pick an entirely different day, designate it National Idiot Day, and no one will be the wiser. In fact I strongly encourage you to do so. Idiots, like cockroaches, flee the light so we should focus as much attention on them as possible until we can come up with a more effective means of dealing with them. Not…

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Penis Envy Anyone?

Life is full of wonderful mysteries, things that can cause awe and terror – often simultaneously. Some people stare at the night sky and imagine what could be contained there. Others scan the mighty oceans and try to fathom how those alien creatures of the deep could be related to us. Still others delve into the mysteries of the mind and attempt to unlock the demons that plague us so that we can finally put the irrational behind us. All of these people attempt to ascertain worthy goals. As such…

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Mad Pimpin at Motel Hell

First off some big news for fans of The World News Center. Due to the popularity of our weekly radio show on WBIG – hosted by Ryan Gatenby, a god among men – we’ve been moved to Friday mornings at 9:10 AM. That’s going to mean longer shows, more fun and better podcasts for you to peruse. It will also be the perfect way for lonely men to pick up chicks. You don’t believe me? Here, I’ll prove it. “I’m a insanely rich runway model with a perfect body. You…

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Booze News You Can Use

First, a confession. I have been known to tipple the occasional frosty cold adult libation. Not to dwell on the thought but I have ranked my local watering holes. I was able to do this by sampling their wares on several occasions. I like to be thorough about these things. Fortunately for you I put the same kind of dedication and research into my efforts here. Sometimes I get to combine my efforts. Some of the best stories up here have been researched while I was researching beer. I bring…

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Happy End of the World Year!

People write me and point out that “any idiot can write about the end of the world.” After all, you just need to show how that apocalypse believers have been wrong over 200 times before. And I suppose that’s true. To an extent. But here at Nude Hippo’s World News Center we don’t just want to highlight historical inaccuracies. We want to completely humiliate the morons who pollute our gene poll and believe this crap. Fox! has its agenda, we have ours. Either way, MSNBC has its viewer and we…

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Google Joins Forces With Our Impending Robot Overlords

I have, on occasion, mentioned that all humans are doomed to be slaves of our impending robot overlords. And, given what I see of humanity each day, I sometimes think that may not be such a bad thing. But then I really wonder what life under a soulless regime would entail. And I come to some frightening conclusions. Humans are already too quick to abdicate responsibility when given the chance. And they are even willing to live with some bizarre unintended consequences. For example, scientists in Japan recently decided to…

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When Animals, Um, Well, Do This Stuff

Today is going to be a Florida free blog. Not that there isn’t a collection of idiots in Florida begging to be immortalized here, there certainly is, it’s just that, sometimes, I need a break. And today is one of those days. Besides, we have our own brand of home grown hilarity today. The nice people at P.E.T.A. – MOTTO: we’ll get naked at the drop of a hamster – have petitioned the State of Illinois to erect roadside memorials for dead cows. It is this kind of stuff that…

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And the Weird Turn Pro

Oh, where to begin? I took a couple of days off and the whole world went to hell in a hand-basket. Let’s start with a look at the education system in Florida. An 8-year-old girl gave her teacher some marijuana and said: “This is some of my mom’s weed,” in Palm Beach County, an elementary school teacher opened an end-of-the-year gift from an 8-year-old student’s grandmother and found toiletries and a loaded handgun and, lastly, a Tampa woman upset with her 15-year-old son’s bad grades forced him to stand on…

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