Fun With Lawyers

Most people, during the course of their day, do not think about lawyers. Even if they’re unfortunate enough to be married to one. People prefer to think about happier things like possible Ebola outbreaks in Connecticut or radioactive waste being stored under preschools or undergoing a splenectomy performed by a drunk homeless person or horrible car crashes that wipe out an entire order of nuns or watching puppies being eviscerated on prime time television or being strapped to a table and having their genitalia savaged by Brillo wielding terrorists or,…

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Flordy Duppy Doopy Loopy

We’ve done enough serious stuff this week. The whole PIPA / SOPA thing makes my brain hurt. Although it was fun to be interviewed by a radio station in India. They found my articles using that wacky internet thing that PIPA and SOPA would, for all intents and purposes, destroy. For those who missed the memo; Stopping piracy is good, jailing over 30% of the U.S. population is bad. I hope that clears things up for you. Today, however, I’d like to take a break from using my brain and…

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PIPA, SOPA ‘n Nerd Porn

Yesterday was an interesting day in the World News Center. For those who were living under a rock I’ll recap. Yesterday started off, here at least, with me writing about how dumb the PIPA and SOPA proposals were. The Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) was the brainchild of Florida Sen. Marco Rubio. Yes, the same state that couldn’t figure how to outlaw bestiality without outlawing all mammal sex is the home of one of the most egregious pieces of legislation ever foisted on the world. Not to be outdone, Texas…

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Who Elected the Idiots?

A little history for those playing along at home. In 1996 Tom Clancy wrote a book called Executive Orders. It had three very eerie story arcs that concern us today. The first was that terrorists would use airplanes to wipe out the U.S. Government. Second was that the US Government, what there was of it, would target an individual leader in the Middle East for execution and, third, that the people would rise up and elect “common people” to public office so that real Americans could finally get represented. Before…

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Thank God No One Needs a Job

People continue to ignore my dire, and completely rational, warnings about robots taking over the world. Even worse is the fact that scientists completely ignore my aforementioned dire warnings and keep making advances in the very technologies that will allow said future overlords to become … well, our overlords. I understand the basic underlying tenet that all knowledge is useful and it only becomes good or evil in the hands of its user. But, if we admit that we must also admit that certain technologies have very defined uses. For…

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In Honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Day

I originally wrote this on January 17, 2011. A few readers had asked if it still existed since it covered more than the usual ground. Thanks to the glorious archive built by the Wizard of Ed, it does and I can share it again today. ************************* Today is the day set aside to celebrate the birth of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. A day when people can reflect on the fact that, no, we’re not there yet. Even so, I’ve always been more of a Malcolm X kind of guy. When I…

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Out of This World Stuff

Did you wake up this morning with a burning desire to get your freak on? I know I did. But, instead, I was carted off to the World News Center, strapped to a keyboard and told to write something. And, for a change, would it be possible if I could write about something people can understand. Or, if that’s asking too much, how about something that features Beyonce? Everybody likes freaking Beyonce. Well, everybody except me. But I guess that just proves I’m an inhuman mutant who deserves to be…

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Some Jobs Are Odder than Others

First off, before we begin today, allow me to congratulate Beyonce for becoming the first female celebrity to have an insect’s derriere dedicated in her honor. Australia’s Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization has named a new species of fly, that happens to have a magnificent posterior (by fly standards, anyway) the Scaptia (Plinthina) beyonceae or the Beyonce bug. It is also being called Bootylicious, which I absolutely love. Can you imagine being in a collegiate class, trying to get your degree in entomology and honestly hearing “Well, class, today…

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Thank God for Porn!

My life is different than yours. You just don’t realize by how much. Today I will give you a helpful example. You already know that I am friends with a man who knits his nipples together for a living. What you do not know is that I am also friends with a priest. See? I bet you don’t have two friends like that. Anyway, the father is a very nice man and has tolerated me for years. Yesterday he asked for some advice about videotaping a group of kindergardeners who…

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To Your Health

I quit smoking a while back and, thanks to a young lady who seems to have a future as a drill sergeant or dominatrix, have embarked on an exercise program. Whether or not I wished to so embark is another story and one I’m not exactly sure I could answer in the positive. But, like the legendary juggernaut, once moving it can’t be stopped. And, who knows, assuming I survive this I may end up healthier. Of course, that is a rather rash assumption to make right now. On the…

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