Oh, where to begin? I took a couple of days off and the whole world went to hell in a hand-basket. Let’s start with a look at the education system in Florida. An 8-year-old girl gave her teacher some marijuana and said: “This is some of my mom’s weed,” in Palm Beach County, an elementary school teacher opened an end-of-the-year gift from an 8-year-old student’s grandmother and found toiletries and a loaded handgun and, lastly, a Tampa woman upset with her 15-year-old son’s bad grades forced him to stand on a street corner with a sign that read: “Honk if I need an education.” And let us not forget the high school graduates who stabbed two deaf men using sign language at a Hallandale Beach bar because a costumer thought they were flashing gang signs. The whole Florida thing has gotten so out of hand that MSNBC has devoted an entire page to a poll collecting the best headlines from Florida in 2011. You can thank me for purposefully ignoring the “pre used” condom fad that seems to be catching on down there.
Of course, not all the weirdos are in Florida. Michael Fuller lives in North Carolina where the police there happily arrested him for trying to cash a $1,000,000 bill to pay for $436.00 worth of crap. And, yes, he was at a Wal Mart.
Okay, back to Florida. A man on probation for cock fighting was arrested when he went to his local post office to pick up a live rooster. I should mention that he walked past the cops who had previously arrested him to get the putative rooster. They were kind enough to arrest him again.
In Pasco County Florida a woman was arrested for attacking her ex-boyfriend with a mounted deer head which she ripped off the wall. She was mad that he called his new girlfriend. Oh, I should mention this, he still lives with his ex. They are doing it for the good of their child.
There is nothing I can add to that.
Cops in Ocala Florida busted a guy for DUI. He claimed he’d had a couple of tiny drinks before falling over. The cops found a receipt for $140 worth of booze, including 20 shots of Jack Daniels, all in his name. They have no idea what his blood alcohol content was since he vomited on the Breathalyzer.
Okay, out of Florida for a while. A man in Oregon was arrested for attacking shoppers at Toys-R-Us with a light saber. No, not a real one, one of those stupid toys that everyone had to have once upon a time. They tried tasing him to no avail so cops finally tackled him and took him off to meet a nice doctor with a soft voice and happy pills.
In the “sucks to be you” category, a hapless New York Times employee was tasked with the job of sending out emails to 300 people who’d recently cancelled their subscriptions. Instead the email got sent to over 8,000,000 people, ooops, offering each and everyone of them a steep discount off the price of a subscription.
How do you even get an email list of 8,000,000 names?
In a related story, Chinese residents of Shanghai staged their annual pillow fight to blow of steam and …. well, that’s about it. But they do seem to have had fun.
A whirlwind of pillows bearing the names of bosses and teachers filled the air as hundreds of Chinese gathered to blow off stress in Shanghai, staging a massive pillow battle.
The annual event marked its fifth year with such a surge in interest from stressed young office workers and students that organizers held two nights of pillow fighting before Christmas Day and plan another for Dec 30.
“Nowadays there are many white collar workers and students that are facing huge pressures at work and at school, so we hope to give them an outlet to release their stress before the end of the year,” said Eleven Wang, the founder and mastermind behind the epic pillow fights.
“Sometimes we have pressure on us by our bosses, teachers and exams, so today we can go crazy. Everyone will get to write onto the pillows the names of their bosses, teachers and exam subjects, and enjoy and vent to the maximum,” he added.
“After releasing the stress, we can once again face our daily life with joy.”
Pillows were handed out at the door as participants entered, then emotion stoked by a rock concert, with many on the floor of the huge event space rocking and waving their pillows in time to the music.
Then came the fighting.
Pillows filled the air, with many combatants opting for throwing rather than using them to whack opponents. A few hapless participants shielded their heads with as many pillows as they could hold, but most ventured eagerly in to the fray.
“I really enjoyed the fight, but my friend was useless. He joined in for two ticks and could not go on, he was afraid of getting beaten by other people,” said 24-year-old Chen Yi.
“I thought it was pretty meaningful. I’ve just been working so much (at the office) and never get to break out in a sweat, so it felt really good.”
Others gamely said they enjoyed the experience even though they ended up as attackees rather than attackers.
“I don’t know who pushed me, but all of a sudden I was in the pile of pillows, where I became the target of many people, and was beaten by all sorts of people,” said university student Zhu Shishan. “Very meaningful.”
No word on whether there was a New York Times’ employee anywhere in the fray.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!