Archives for January 2012

Stuff comes from strange places. We talked earlier about how modern literacy in Western culture came from porn. People may not want to think about that but that doesn’t make it any less true. Modern computers are the direct descendants of looms. The punch card system that was designed to ensure each pattern came out identical is the same system that was used for data storage and sorting until micro-chips were invented. The water wheel led to the industrial revolution. Until then all mill work had to be done by hand. With that hurdle cleared new and better uses were developed. Including self powered looms. I could go on and on, and often will when left unchecked, but I think you get the point. The thing you know may have come from a very unlikely source.

For example, at one time a woman’s body was merely something men let her inhabit. They owned it, she just got to use it. But then women decided they wanted to own their bodies and to do with them what they will and, if what they will happened to be “Walk around naked” then so be it. And in 1968 a man’s voice rose from the wilderness to support them. To shout down the conservative morass of repression and to truly celebrate the liberal joys of femininity unfettered.

Bra burning? Go for it he cried!

Artistic nudes in print? Hell yeah he bellowed!

Porn for all? BY GOD YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!!

And who was this champion of freedom?

Newt Gingrich.

Republican candidate Newt Gingrich attacks President Barack Obama as a “radical” and “community organizer,” but as a Tulane University graduate student in 1968, he helped lead an anti-censorship protest in defense of sexually explicit photographs.

While Republican foe Mitt Romney steered clear of the college campus tumult that year by doing Mormon missionary work in France, Gingrich warned Tulane’s president of an impending “clash of wills” over the university administrator’s decision to ban publication of explicit photographs in “Sophia,” a literary supplement for the student newspaper “The Tulane Hullabaloo.”

The episode illustrates some of the same pugnaciousness that Gingrich now displays as a candidate for the Republican nomination.

It also underscores a sharp evolution in his views on civil protest, an issue that has played out during the campaign because of the growing strength of the Occupy Wall Street movement. During a forum last November, Gingrich suggested that participants in the Wall Street protests, “Go get a job, right after you take a bath.”

And Gingrich has repeatedly made comparisons between Obama and Saul Alinsky, a forebear of 1960s campus activism and a powerful community organizer in Chicago in the 1960s — the city where the president began his career in public service after graduating from Columbia University in the 1980s.

During the Tulane demonstrations, Gingrich emerged as a leader of one of the student protest factions. His politics, according to fellow students on the New Orleans campus, were those of a liberal Republican.

“In a sense, Gingrich has been very consistent. He utilizes free speech more than almost any other American,” said Larry Sabato, a political scientist at the University of Virginia, who said he found the candidate’s student activism “very amusing.”

Sabato puts those days in the same category as Obama’s community organizing in Chicago.

“We should be less interested in where the candidates have been many years ago, and more concerned about where they are now,” he added. “However, it would be interesting to hear how Newt (like Obama) got from there to here. Does he still think his actions at Tulane were correct?”

A spokesman for Gingrich’s presidential campaign did not respond to an email requesting comment.

Accounts published by the Hullabaloo, retrieved from university archives, describe the standoff over two artistic images the literary magazine sought to publish.

HUMAN BODY PARTS

One photo showed a Baton Rouge sculptor posing beside what was described as a “mechanized box” carrying “symbolic descriptions” of human body parts, including sex organs. The second image showed a naked sculptor posing with a statue that depicted what Hullabaloo described as “male and female figures with enlarged sexual organs.”

A proposed caption described one photograph as “an ironical statement on the fad for nudism.”

Tulane authorities at the time, including President Herbert Longenecker, banned publication, argued that the images “are considered to be obscene” and could expose the university to “criminal prosecution.”

Demonstrations erupted, including a picket of Longenecker’s residence. Within days, the movement split into factions. Gingrich’s group called itself Mobilization of Responsible Tulane Students, otherwise known as MORTS.

The same day that MORTS announced its formation, student picket lines spread to the New Orleans offices of Merrill Lynch, a local bank, a department store and a local TV station.

On March 11, 1968, MORTS leaders, including Gingrich, met with Longenecker and other college officials. Typewritten minutes held in college archives show that Gingrich was one of the more outspoken leaders at the meeting, employing the kind of bombastic rhetoric that has been a trademark of his national political career.

“It is now a question of power and if the student body wants to demonstrate until May – we are down to a clash of wills,” Gingrich told Longenecker, according to the minutes, which were obtained by Reuters.

As the meeting concluded, Gingrich warned: “There will be increasing attempts of the student body … to test the guide-lines and test the administration. As long as the student body is aroused it will meet.”

Eventually, the protests waned and the university held firm on the photograph ban. Some members of Gingrich’s protest group later went on to form the Tulane Liberation Front, which occupied a student center and demanded that the swimming pool be opened to the general public.

Though college campuses were hotbeds for political dissent into the 1970s, Gingrich’s student activism waned. University records show that by the summer of 1969, his protest days were behind him. He had persuaded Tulane to allow him to teach a non-credit course in futurology called “When You are 49; The Year 2000.”

Ah yes, only a future serial adulterer could come up with the line “As long as the student body is aroused it will meet” for a protest about nudity.

But, it had a lasting effect. The years rolled on and nudity became a tried and true means of getting your message across. Just recently the nice people at PETA staged a protest in Montgomery Alabama to protest people wearing furs.

Because in the deep South everyone’s really trying to stay warm and wearing furs.

Wait? They’re not? Oh well then, never mind.

It was a stupid protest anyway. A couple of rubes made up to look like naked corpses with signs reading “We Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead in Animal Skins.”

Hah.

The nice people at Sodahead started a poll about the effectiveness of nude protesting which has devolved into a comments war about the value of PETA.

There are some nice naked pics accompanying the poll though if you’re bored.

On the other hand, properly staged and in the right setting a nude protest can garner needed attention to a cause. For example, in front of the president’s house while screaming about tapioca works every time.

In front of the Government House, Pitsanulok road, Bangkok, Ms. Patcharida Keeratinoppadol age 40, owner of a tapioca field named “Baan Rai Chaiyapan” in Amphur Dankhoonthod, Nakornratchasima province proteted againsts the governments pledging of 10 million tons of tapioca by taking off her clothes of leaving only her bra and g-string underwear and holding a poster and blaming the government’s policy.

The police try to stop her but they couldn’t. Ms. Patcharida didn’t want to submit the opposing document to the officer of the Prime Minister but she wanted to give it to the reporters only. When one reporter received her documents she put on her clothes and went home.

However, Ms. Patcharida said that she had filed a suit to the Administrative court on January 23, 2012 because she was disgruntled by the goverments approval of pledging tapioca for 10 million tons and limited pledging to 250 ton per person in the price of 2.75 THB per kg at a meeting in Chiang Mai.

This project will start from February 1 until May 31, 2012 with a totally amount of 33,000 million THB. She said that this project cannot solve the problem of the decreasing price of tapioca. The program will prompt buyers to offer even cheaper prices in order to pressure farmers into entering the program.

I bet you never knew there was such a thing as a tapioca farm until just this instant. So, her nudity served a useful purpose.

Another good cause, although slightly more risky, is stripping down to point out that your government is run by the Mafia.

Three topless Ukrainian protesters were detained Saturday while trying to break into an invitation-only gathering of international CEOs and political leaders to call attention to the needs of the world’s poor. Separately, demonstrators from the Occupy movement marched to the edge of the gathering.

After a complicated journey to reach the heavily guarded Swiss resort town of Davos, the Ukrainians arrived at the entrance to the complex where the World Economic Forum takes place every year.

With temperatures around freezing in the snow-filled town, they took off their tops and tried to climb a fence before being detained. “Crisis! Made in Davos,” read one message painted across a protester’s torso, while others held banners that said “Poor, because of you” and “Gangsters party in Davos.”

Davos police spokesman Thomas Hobi said the three women were taken to the police station and told that they weren’t allowed to demonstrate. He said they would be released later Saturday.

The activists are from the group Femen, which has become popular in Ukraine for staging small, half-naked protests to highlight a range of issues including oppression of political opposition. They have also conducted protests in some other countries.

“We came here to Switzerland to Davos to explain the position of all poor people of the world, to explain that we are poor because of these rich people who now sit in the building,” said Inna Schewcenko.

Good call holding that particular demonstration in a country where their government couldn’t just have them killed and lose the bodies.

I’ve written about Femen before. Their protests are effective because they live in a country that makes the middle east look like the Playboy mansion when it comes to equal rights for women. A radio station in the Ukraine was actually offering women as door prizes for a contest.

No, I am not kidding. Click the link to read all about it.

You can also click here to read all about Femen and what they’re trying to accomplish.

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Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

There is a gentleman who live a couple of blocks away from me. He is, to use the common vernacular, a grade A jerk. He is also not very bright. I can sum him up with a single incident; he recently broke his leg trying to kick in the front door of a bar that had thrown him out for being drunk and disorderly. You get the idea. Anyway, yesterday, I saw him crutching – it’s my story and I’ll invent words if I want to – his way down the street towards the corner. I also noticed a nasty patch of black ice at the same corner. So, despite my more evil thoughts, I yelled a warning to him. As he was flipping me off and telling me to go and perform and anatomically impossible act on myself, he hit the black ice, flipped straight into the air and broke his other leg. It took me a moment to stop laughing but I did eventually call 911 for the guy. Mostly because I wanted to give the cops and EMTs a laugh too. Which I did and which they appreciated. As it turned out there was an outstanding warrant for his arrest so, once they got his leg all braced up, the cops were going to arrest him. His very bad day could have easily been avoided if he had an ounce of common decency. Or, if he had just stepped about 2 feet to his left. Either / or would have worked.

He would have gotten along well with the people we are going to discuss now.

Police in London arrested a man for being too fat. The reason they knew he was too fat was because he was stuck in the window of the house he was trying to rob.

British police said a burglary suspect found himself in an awkward situation when his backside became stuck in the window he was trying to enter.

Investigators said Paul Keenan, 36, tried to squeeze through the small window — measuring 12 inches by 8 inches — at a London home early Tuesday, the Daily Mirror reported Wednesday.

Police said Keenan was discovered when the home’s occupant woke up for breakfast.

Firefighters said it took about 30 minutes to free the alleged burglar.

“Oh look mumsy, the window’s trapped another burglar.”

“You’re right snookums. What should we do?”

“Well, I suppose we’ll have to ring up the Bobbies, but I would like my morning tea first.”

So, a nice cup of Earl Gray later, justice was served.

Of course it’s not only overseas that these things happen. Police in South Carolina were called to a Shoney’s, yes they still exist, to extricate a burglar there.

Police in South Carolina said a burglary suspect was stuck in a grease vent at a restaurant for more than six hours.

North Charleston police said a worker at Shoney’s restaurant called 911 at about 4:47 a.m. Monday and said she heard cries for help upon entering the closed eatery, The (Charleston, S.C.) Post and Courier reported Tuesday.

Police said they discovered Kevin Michael Harley, 23, stuck vertically in a vent above a stove.

Harley, who police said was wearing socks on his hands to avoid leaving fingerprints, told officers he had become stuck in the vent at about 10 p.m. the previous night.

Firefighters freed Harley from the vent and he was arrested and charged with burglary in the second-degree. He was treated at a local hospital for minor injuries.

Okay, so we’ve covered fat and stupid, now let’s see what happens when we combine the two.

Police in Michigan arrested a woman who … oh, I’ll let them tell you.

A 400-pound Michigan woman was caught shoplifting when her motorized cart got stuck in the store’s door, authorities say.

Jerrie Perkins, 30, of Pontiac was attempting to leave a Meijer store in Rochester Hills with more than $600 worth of stolen electronic merchandise Tuesday night, the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office told The Macomb Daily of Mount Clemens, Mich.

She set off the door alarm and hit a store employee who confronted her, authorities said. When a sheriff’s deputy arrived, she “took a fighting stance” and had to be Tasered to be subdued, the report said.

Perkins was charged with unarmed robbery, resisting and obstructing a police officer and second-degree retail fraud. Her bond was set at $15,000 at her arraignment Thursday.

She’s an entire episode of Springer all by herself. Heck, she might just account for a week’s worth of shows.

Now that we’ve covered all the permutations of fat and stupid, let’s move on to the unusual. Firefighters in Pennsylvania had to rescue a woman who was being eaten by an ATM.

Firefighters in Pittsburgh said they had to use a special piece of equipment to free a woman whose hand became stuck in an ATM while she was withdrawing cash.

Moon Run firefighters said they were called to the First Commonwealth machine in Robinson Monday to free a woman whose hand was stuck in the ATM, WPXI-TV, Pittsburgh, reported Thursday.

Fire Chief Paul Kashmer said the firefighters used a special tool to free the woman.

First Commonwealth Bank released a statement in response to the incident.

“As a community bank, First Commonwealth’s primary concern is to provide a safe, convenient banking experience for our clients. We understand that the recent injury was a minor one and we are grateful that our client is OK,” the statement said.

How long do you think it took that bank executive to stop laughing before he or she could write that? My guess is about twenty minutes.

This next story is a stunner. A woman in Weymouth England was trapped in an elevator for over an hour because … wait for it …. no one was authorized to touch the button that would have freed her.

Company officials disputed a woman’s claim she was stuck in a British supermarket elevator while waiting for a trained technician to arrive and press a button.

Janice Woodward, 55, of Dorset says she and her 2-year-old granddaughter were trapped in the elevator for well over an hour because store employees said they weren’t authorized to push the button that would have freed them.

“I was in there for an hour and 15 minutes and I had visions of being in there forever,” Woodward told The Sunday Star. “When the technician got there he just touched the control button and the lift moved.”

Woodward said she rang for help but the workers at the Asda store in Weymouth said they were prohibited by safety regulations from pushing the button that would have released the stalled elevator car.

An Asda spokeswoman said the technician actually arrived within 20 minutes and needed another 30 minutes to work on the machinery before the button could be pushed.

Dear Asda spokeswoman; quit while you’re ahead. You are not making things any better for yourself right now.

Speaking of not making things any better, school officials in Boca Raton Florida purchased money saving waterless urinals. Which completely rotted due to the fact that there was no water to wash away the urine. Which led to ….

Officials say they have started repairs on the waterless urinals at a Florida high school after they began springing leaks of liquids that were not water.

Students and staff at Spanish River High in Boca Raton have been dealing with rivers of urine flowing across restroom floors from holes in corroded pipes.

“It was seeping through the hallway into the classroom next door,” student Caleb Rader, 15, told the South Florida Sun Sentinel. “Pretty disgusting.”

Palm Beach County school officials said the problem was caused by corrosive gases created by urine that have eaten away the copper plumbing over the years. The lack of water in the waterless systems means the urine isn’t flushed away, allowing the fumes to build up in the system.

The result has been leaks inside the walls at Spanish River High and trickles appearing in the most inconvenient places.

Palm Beach County is negotiating with the vendor on the cost of the repairs at a total of four schools, which will run about $500,000.

Okay, show of hands, how many people think that waterless urinals are a good idea?

How many people think that “corrosive urine gases” is a great name for a band?

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TTceYEJif4&w=560&h=315]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

You all know that one person who listens to the bunnies in their head before making any decision. You’ll find them in supermarkets carefully perusing the Weekly World News for facts as they check their horoscope before embarking on any errand. They will often, in that cute way they have that borders on – yet misses wildly – lucidity, make declarations that will flatly contradict anything they said seconds ago. And, should you be silly enough to point that out they will immediately proclaim “so you’re one of them too.” In the pantheon of disturbia they call minds, everything they say is a deft syllogism and everything they think makes sense. The fact they are wrong on all counts somehow manages to elude them. But, for the most part, these people are harmless. They just want to be left to their talking bunnies and live out their days in solitude. For the most part. However, every now and then one of them sneaks through and manages to ensconce themselves in some position of authority. Usually as a counter clerk at a video store but, sometimes, as head of the FDA. Or very close to head of the FDA.

For those of you new to this country the FDA is the Food and Drug Administration. It has wide powers and answers only to itself and, on occasion, the U.S. Congress. It’s job is to keep food safe for people to eat. As I noted yesterday, it does a lousy job of that. In fact, of all the industrialized nations, we rank near the bottom when it comes to food safety. At this point we may as well list uranium as a food group and be done with it.

However, not content to merely be the laughing stock of the world when it comes to health and safety, my buddy Mike Flores notes that the FDA kicked it up a notch by declaring that walnuts are an illegal drug.

No, I am not high. And neither are the people at The New American.

Seen any walnuts in your medicine cabinet lately? According to the Food and Drug Administration, that is precisely where you should find them. Because Diamond Foods made truthful claims about the health benefits of consuming walnuts that the FDA didn’t approve, it sent the company a letter declaring, “Your walnut products are drugs” — and “new drugs” at that — and, therefore, “they may not legally be marketed … in the United States without an approved new drug application.” The agency even threatened Diamond with “seizure” if it failed to comply.

Diamond’s transgression was to make “financial investments to educate the public and supply them with walnuts,” as William Faloon of Life Extension magazine put it. On its website and packaging, the company stated that the omega-3 fatty acids found in walnuts have been shown to have certain health benefits, including reduced risk of heart disease and some types of cancer. These claims, Faloon notes, are well supported by scientific research: “Life Extension has published 57 articles that describe the health benefits of walnuts”; and “The US National Library of Medicine database contains no fewer than 35 peer-reviewed published papers supporting a claim that ingesting walnuts improves vascular health and may reduce heart attack risk.”

This evidence was apparently not good enough for the FDA, which told Diamond that its walnuts were “misbranded” because the “product bears health claims that are not authorized by the FDA.”

The FDA’s letter continues: “We have determined that your walnut products are promoted for conditions that cause them to be drugs because these products are intended for use in the prevention, mitigation, and treatment of disease.” Furthermore, the products are also “misbranded” because they “are offered for conditions that are not amenable to self-diagnosis and treatment by individuals who are not medical practitioners; therefore, adequate directions for use cannot be written so that a layperson can use these drugs safely for their intended purposes.” Who knew you had to have directions to eat walnuts?

“The FDA’s language,” Faloon writes, “resembles that of an out-of-control police state where tyranny [reigns] over rationality.” He adds:

This kind of bureaucratic tyranny sends a strong signal to the food industry not to innovate in a way that informs the public about foods that protect against disease. While consumers increasingly reach for healthier dietary choices, the federal government wants to deny food companies the ability to convey findings from scientific studies about their products.

Walnuts aren’t the only food whose health benefits the FDA has tried to suppress. Producers of pomegranate juice and green tea, among others, have felt the bureaucrats’ wrath whenever they have suggested that their products are good for people.

Meanwhile, Faloon points out, foods that have little to no redeeming value are advertised endlessly, often with dubious health claims attached. For example, Frito-Lay is permitted to make all kinds of claims about its fat-laden, fried products, including that Lay’s potato chips are “heart healthy.” Faloon concludes that “the FDA obviously does not want the public to discover that they can reduce their risk of age-related disease by consuming healthy foods. They prefer consumers only learn about mass-marketed garbage foods that shorten life span by increasing degenerative disease risk.”

Faloon thinks he knows why this is the case. First, by stifling competition from makers of more healthful alternatives, junk food manufacturers, who he says “heavily lobb[y]” the federal government for favorable treatment, will rake in ever greater profits. Second, by making it less likely that Americans will consume healthful foods, big pharmaceutical companies and medical device manufacturers stand to gain by selling more “expensive cardiac drugs, stents, and coronary bypass procedures” to those made ill by their diets.

But people are starting to fight back against the FDA’s tactics. “The makers of pomegranate juice, for example, have sued the FTC for censoring their First Amendment right to communicate scientific information to the public,” Faloon reports. Congress is also getting into the act with a bill, the Free Speech About Science Act (H.R. 1364), that, Faloon writes, “protects basic free speech rights, ends censorship of science, and enables the natural health products community to share peer-reviewed scientific findings with the public.”

That sounds like it was written by the people who talk to their inner bunnies but it wasn’t. Walnuts are being threatened by the FDA. Your granny’s fruitcake could become contraband. Not to mention your favorite ice cream toppings could be listed as a toxic threat. You could do hard time for that pecan pie.

I know, I know, that sounds nuts – if you’ll pardon the phrase – but it is the sanest thing the FDA’s done recently.

No, I didn’t write that wrong. They recently raided an elderberry plant and seized its wanton elderberry juice.

Until just now you’d never given a second thought to elderberry juice. Now you have to have some.

Wyldewood Cellars, a Kansas-based producer and distributor of elderberry juice, is the latest raid target of the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA), which recently sent US marshals to the company’s winery in Mulvane to confiscate the “unapproved drug.” According to the rogue agency, Wyldewood had violated provisions in the US Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act (FFDCA) that restrict health claims for food items, warranting the sudden invasion.

According to Barry Grissom, US Attorney for Kansas, the FDA sent a warning letter to Wyldewood in 2006 to remove or modify certain health claims that it said were in violation of federal law, but the company did not comply. FDA officials claim that Wyldewood continued to make unapproved claims, and that seizing the product was the next step.

However, John Brewer, co-founder of Wyldewood, says that after receiving the initial FDA warning letter, his company hired a consultant familiar with FDA regulations to help his company reword their product descriptions. After making the appropriate changes, and clarifying that the elderberry products in question were supplements, Brewer says his company had done what it needed to in order to be in compliance.

“We haven’t heard anything from (the FDA) since,” he told reporters, noting that following the changes up until the raid, the FDA had ceased communicating with Wyldewood. “They’ve been in our facility multiple times. It’s like, ‘C’mon guys, we changed our label, we changed everything we thought we were supposed to do.’ And then they show up and do this. (Supplements) seems to be one of their hot buttons these days.”

This tactic, of course, has become all too common in recent years. A company receives a warning letter from the FDA, makes the appropriate changes, never hears anything further from the FDA, and out of nowhere gets raided. Such actions on behalf of the FDA are ultimately unwarranted and illegal, and the offended parties have every right to sue the agency for damages.

“You think you are doing things correctly, and there hasn’t been any word, and all of a sudden you get this,” said Brewer to The Kansas City Star.

To learn more about the legitimate health benefits of elderberry, visit: http://www.naturalnews.com/elderberry.html

While they were at it they also seized about 14% of the nation’s orange juice and the okayed giving dangerous drugs to feed animals.

Don’t you feel safer already?

My personal favorite move by the FDA is their legalizing drugs for asthmatics that cause more fatalities than asthma alone.

Before you get all Obama this or Obama that or even Bush this or Bush that, the FDA has been like this since around 1985. That was when President Reagan greatly expanded their scope. I believe that he did it with the best of intentions. Advances in science were far outpacing the government’s ability to keep up with them and regulation was painfully spotty, if it existed at all.

But, clearly, all that power has gone to their head. That would be the same head that is obviously housing the aforementioned talking bunnies. I do not blame the president for this mess but I wouldn’t mind if he took a moment out of his busy day to walk down the hall and bitch-slap a few of these fools and then make them fix this mess.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGL2rytTraA&w=560&h=315]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

In my time here at World News Center I have railed against the complete insanity of putting the pretend food at McDonald’s into your body. More often than not you’d be better served just eating the Styrofoam and washing it down with Draino. And let’s face facts, it’s not like I live a healthy lifestyle. Beer, bourbon and babes comprise my daily diet. Oh, okay, I will toss down the occasional burrito to keep a sense of balance. But even that lifestyle is healthier than McDonald’s food. Meat that does not decay, chicken cleansed with bleach and additives that, taken alone, could cause fatal illnesses do not inspire confidence. And yet Americans line up 3 deep to go nom nom nom and chow down on this crap. And how much food is in that little wrapper you’re handed? Try this; take a 4 oz. steak, 3 oz. of fresh lettuce and tomato and 4 oz.’ of pasta with an ounce of alfredo sauce. You now have the equivalent of a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. That does not include fries or anything else. That’s just looking at the carbs and content of the sandwich and splitting it out into a healthy alternative. If you sat down to the meal I just described you would be full at the end. Not so much so with the sandwich since your body isn’t processing it right away. It’s just a big lump that arrived all at once. So you’re still hungry and it’s off to the counter you go to get an apple pie and a shake or something else.

McDonald’s will point out that it’s not their job to make sure Americans eat healthy. And they are 100% correct. They will also point out that it is government health regulations that force them to add so many additives and stuff to their food and also it’s the only way to turn a profit because without all that stuff the cost would go through the roof.

Fortunately for the common people there is a crusader out there who has deep pockets and a vision of a world where fast food can also be good food. This company has put their money where their beliefs lie and has begun serving only locally grown foods wherever possible and supplementing them with only the highest quality and freshest items.

And they’ve been turning a tidy profit to boot.

Who are these great crusaders for a better world?

McDonald’s.

Greetings from McDonald’s, or “MacDo,” as they call it here in Paris, where I am comfortably ensconced in a McCafé enjoying a croissant and a grand crème coffee. I’m surrounded by people of all ages who are talking with friends, reading, or typing away on their laptops like me.

The beauty of McDonald’s in France is that it doesn’t feel like a fast food joint, where hordes of people shuffle in and out and tables turn at a fast clip.

McDonalds is the world’s largest food chain. It operates in 123 countries around the world, and just this week the company said it plans to open another 1,300 restaurants in 2012.

Naturally, the U.S. is its no. 1 market, but guess who is no. 2? You got it: France. A paper out this month by three graduates of the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business says McDonald’s is such a success in the land of Michelin three-star restaurants because it has adapted to French eating habits and tastes. There are now 1,200 franchises in France; the company opened 30 restaurants per year in the past five years alone.

Even in these harried times, the French spend more than two hours a day at the table. Sitting down to a meal is a cornerstone of French culture, and McDonald’s seems to get that. French McDonald’s are spacious, tastefully decorated restaurants that encourage people to take their time while eating. And the cozy McCafe’s with their plush chairs and sofas have become an extension to many restaurants.

I remember there used to be a few Burger Kings in Paris, but McDonald’s closest competitor went belly up years ago. The Wharton study says it’s because they tried to transplant the total American dining experience to France, without taking into consideration French preferences.

McDonald’s, meanwhile, offers all kinds of Frenchified dishes, from the Alpine burger with three different kinds of cheese to tasty little gallette des rois, or King’s Cakes, popular after Christmas and sold by all the bakeries. Last year, it introduced the McBaguette.

Another reason McDonald’s works so well here is that the food is locally sourced and very high quality. As we all know, France is the land of haute cuisine. But it’s also the land of good cuisine. The French appreciate quality in any category, even fast food. Restaurateurs in France know they’ll go bust if they offer substandard products. I’ve had friends from India tell me that the Indian restaurants in Paris are among the world’s best.

And if you like good meat (who doesn’t?!), then McDonald’s France is clearly superior. In the U.S., McDonald’s says its cattle are mostly corn-fed. While the company doesn’t address on its site whether growth hormones and growth-promoting antibiotics are added to the animal feed consumed by the animals it buys, it’s a reasonable assumption that they are.

French cattle are all grass fed, which many argue makes them tastier. Growth hormones are illegal here and each animal has a passport showing where it was born, raised, and slaughtered, according to McDonald’s France. That’s called traceability, and we don’t yet have such a national system in place.

As for chicken nugget lovers, French chickens, unlike some of their American counterparts, are not rinsed in chlorine to disinfect them. The regular use of chlorine in the U.S. chicken industry is why poulet americain has long been interdit in the European Union.

Of course you can still find French people who dislike McDonald’s because it represents American hegemony in a globalized world and the homogenization of food and culture. French anti-globalization activist Jose Bove actually served prison time a couple years back for sacking a McDonald’s restaurant in southern France. For a friend of mine who lives in Burgundy — pretty much the French heartland — MacDo is the symbol of malbouffe, or bad food and bad eating — a major slur here. He says he’d never take his two young sons to eat chez Ronald.

But this McDonald’s in Paris’ 15th arrondissement is brimming with parents who’ve brought their kids in for lunch. There’s a good dose of teenagers too. Like teenyboppers back home, French adolescents, or ados, love to hang out at MacDo — they just gather in the café instead of the parking lot.

I’m not a big fan of France, I’ve been there a few times and can think of many other ways to get insulted for far less cost. That being said, I have eaten in the McDonald’s in Canne. The first thing I noticed was that the food tasted like food. There were real flavors. Also, instead of the standard yellow mustard there were several varieties of Dijon. The whole cost of the meal was about twenty cents more than the same meal here.

Now, the big question, could it work here? My guess is yes. The loco-vore movement, demanding better access to locally and organically grown foods, has grown every year. I try and get to as many of their events as I can to pick up fresh veggies and meats. If you’ve ever had fresh killed chicken on a farm you know that it bears little resemblance to the bland slab of whiteness that passes for chicken these days.

To make it work our government would have to stop sucking the big toe of companies like Monsanto and allow farmers to grow healthy food. I know that sentence reads odd but that is the situation we find ourselves in. Food grown organically, without gene splicing or chemical alteration, is severely limited in its marketability under current regulations. The situation was completely reversed until the 1970’s.

Then you could only buy foods “in season.” Hot houses extended some of those seasons but, for the most part, you based your shopping on what you knew would be around. There were winter recipes and summer recipes and so on. It sounds quaint because it is. But it also guaranteed that you were only eating food that had been grown naturally.

And, since we truly are what we eat, isn’t it best we eat foods that aren’t lethal?

Now sit back and enjoy a video my friend Marcie (about 50 seconds in, pink dress) and her friend put together to show what joys a kitchen can hold.

And they’re all good for you.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-QMNQup360&w=420&h=315]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

Over the last few weeks we have been picking up more and more readers from Asia. Specifically India. First off, to all of them, welcome. We love having new faces around here. And it is certainly fun getting emails from new readers. However, yesterday, after I called the Wizard of Ed to see if there was a way to auto-translate the site into accurate Hindi (he’s going to get right back to me on that), I received an email from one of our new readers that left me completely flummoxed. Mr. Patel, not his real name, wanted me to explain Florida to him. I think I’d rather explain quantum string theory to a four year old. Where do you begin? Oh well, I’ll give it a shot. Florida is actually two states. The first state is the collection of tourist attractions known to many and which is populated primarily by people who range from upper middle class to filthy rich. Their children tend to end up in Girls Gone Wild videos and then get jobs on Wall Street. The second state, which is what we usually write about, is a glorious celebration of all that is wrong with humanity. If there is a way to humiliate yourself, they not only have done it they’ve done it twice just to make sure they enjoyed it.

By way of example, let’s take a look at the case of Michael Lee Mitchell. While there are tons of examples of bad parents, I bet you even know a few, there is only one that I know of that involved electric dog collars and marathons.

A 28-year-old man was arrested Tuesday and charged with using a dog shock collar to punish two young girls.

Michael Lee Mitchell, was charged with two counts of child abuse without great harm, according to an arrest report from the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office.

Mitchell punished an eight-year-old girl by making her do extreme physical activity until she vomited, according to the Sheriff’s Office. He called the punishment “suicides” and it included running, flutter kicks, push-ups and sit-ups.

Mitchell also placed a dog shock collar around the girl’s arm after threatening to put it around her neck, according to the report.

The girl told deputies that when she would stop running, Mitchell would shock her until she began running again.

The eight-year-old said at one point Mitchell could not see her and she took off the collar and ran into the woods, the Sheriff’s Office reported.

Mitchell used the dog collar on the eight-year-old at least three times over the last three months, the Sheriff’s Office reported.

Mitchell admitted to also putting the dog collar around a four-year-old girl’s waist and shocking her for bad behavior, according to the Sheriff’s Office.

Mitchell also told deputies that he forced one of the children to run alongside his car for at least three miles as a form of punishment.

Oh, wait, they’re not even his kids. That’s right, someone thought it was a good idea to let him care for these children. Despite their pleas.

That is so Florida.

Or, you hear stories all the time of people who have their dogs stolen. That is very sad and also so very “last week” for criminals in Florida as evidenced by the story of Catherine Warren.

A 57-year-old woman was charged with stealing a dog from a 10-year-old girl who was walking the animal, according to the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

About 4:20 p.m. Monday, the girl had just grabbed the pit bull by its collar after it had run from her and into Pride Park, when Catherine Warren drove up to the girl and started yelling that it was obvious the dog was being abused and needed to be taken away from here, according to a news release.

When Warren couldn’t take the dog away, she pushed the girl to the ground and fled with the dog, the sheriff’s office said.

Deputies later located Warren and arrested her on a robbery charge.

The news release did not whether the dog had been recovered.

Warren was being held without bond at the Manatee County jail.

Ah yes, because beating up a ten year old girl just adds to the joy you feel when committing a dog napping.

As noted above, so very Florida.

Lots of kids run away when they’re young. But only in Florida does the mom pack their back packs and send them out the door.

Jayme Beall says her 9-year-old son’s cursing at her set her off, according to a sheriff’s arrest report.

The 30-year-old woman ordered her 9- and 13-year-old sons out of their home at 7 p.m. Monday and give them backpacks she stuffed with clothing.

Unknown to her, they somehow fled to their great grandmother’s house in Boynton Beach.

When Beal went outside, she couldn’t find the boys and called 911, 20 minutes after telling them to leave their home in the Pineview Mobile Home Park in the 3200 block of South U.S. 1.

The Sheriff’s Office brought in search dogs and air surveillance. Neither youth could be found in the neighborhood or adjoining woods.

Investigators quoted her as saying she had no idea where they went because she has no relatives in the area. Until recently they had lived in Port St. Lucie, where her older son had tried to run away.

She described the middle school student as having a history of acting violently toward her.

Five hours after the 911 call, investigators found the boys in Boynton Beach. Deputies charged her with a felony charge of child abuse and took her to the St. Lucie County Jail.

Oh the number of things wrong with this woman would take too long to summarize here. All I can say is that you need a license to drive a car, to buy a gun, heck, even to fish. I see no reason there shouldn’t be a simple license required before people can procreate.

Before we go on, allow me to share my own story about U.S. 1 in Florida. I was about nine years old when my uncle, a native Floridian, wanted to have sex with my aunt. He also had a couple of rounds of bourbon in him at the time. Yeah, he was the guy babysitting me. Anyway, he told me to go play in traffic on U.S. 1. He said it was what all the local kids did for fun. So, about a half hour later this nice state trooper pulls up next to me and asks what I’m doing in the middle of a highway with no median. I tell him. He calmly helps me pack up my Hot Wheels and loads me into the nice squad car and takes me back to see my uncle. Whom he promptly arrested. My mom bailed him out when she got back but things were a touch tense between the families for a while after that.

As it turns out, he lied. None of the other kids played there at all.

Speaking of Florida police who drive squad cars, a teen in Orange Park walked past a squad car to break into the home of the officer who lived there. No need to share this story since you know how it turns out. This kids bruises have bruises.

But this next story is quintessential Florida. It has everything. It has two jealous women. It has a knife fight. It has …. super breast implants!

A Brevard County woman said on Tuesday her breast implant saved her life after it absorbed the blow when she was stabbed with a pocket knife.

The victim, who doesn’t want to be named, said her ex-fiancé’s new girlfriend, Amy Winter, attacked her outside of his Melbourne apartment.

Police said Winter first scratched the victim’s car, then turned the knife on the victim, stabbing her repeatedly in the left side of her chest.

“It happened so fast. I’m like, ‘Put down the knife.’ I look down, and I was covered in blood,” the victim said.

The victim said she realized the knife had punctured the implant and she was soaked with saline.

Doctors said the stab victim’s breast implant had just enough saline in it to stop the knife from piercing through her chest.

The 41-year-old victim said that the decision to spend $6,000 on breast augmentation three months ago might’ve been the best move she ever made.

“It was just really lucky. Just think about it, three months ago, if it happened to her, she would have been dead,” said the woman’s doctor, Dr. Frank Filiberto, of Artful Awakenings.

Doctors said the implant prevented a deadly blow.

“When you stab it, it gives a little. It probably gave and couldn’t get through it, then it went through it and couldn’t go through the back wall. She would have had a collapsed lung or (the knife would have) hit her heart,” Filiberto said.

Filiberto said that in his 30 years of cosmetic surgery, this is a first, and it gives him a whole new outlook.

“If this saves lives, there’s nothing wrong with passing a law that everyone should have breast prosthesis,” Filiberto said as a joke.

The kind of damage the victim had to her breast implants isn’t typically covered by warranty, but because the patient is a victim of a crime, the manufacturer said it will cover the cost.

Now, let’s take the chain of events, shall we? She was at her ex-fiancé’s place, probably not a good thing, where she was attacked by his new girlfriend. With a pen knife. Which gets us all the way to the point that there’s a plastic boob palace in Florida named Artful Awakenings.

I remind you now what they call the guy who graduates last in his class in medical school.

Doctor.

This last article sums up Florida perfectly. I’ll let you read it first before I comment.

A woman was standing in front of a movie dispenser at Walmart when she heard another customer say, “Hey, what are you doing?” reports the Orlando Sentinel.

She then saw a man, later identified as Lorenzo Adan Ramirez, 24, acting “like nothing had happened, holding a black smart phone” — before he fled, according to an arrest report.

He was caught because he also was videotaped: Security cams had footage of him and his car’s license plate.

Ladies, just stick to pants when you go shopping so you don’t have to worry about these pervs.

Fort Myers: Man accused of taking cellphone videos under a woman’s skirt at Walmart
.
Fort Myers: Man accused of up-skirting shares his method with deputies

Holly Hill Walmart: Man admitted taking ‘‘up-skirt’ photos, cops say

Lake Mary: Man hides camera in his shoe at Target — watch out for that left foot

Ocala Target: Video voyeur up-skirts a granny. A granny!

Orlando Home Depot: Man took up-skirt footage of mom at Home Depot, deputies say

Tampa Bay: Man may have ‘up-skirted’ thousands of women using a shoe camera

Orlando Target: Man up-skirts woman

Ah yes, it’s the victim’s fault for wearing a skirt. That is a very Floridian attitude. But the best part of this is that they list all the best places to go look up women’s skirts. Yeah kids, just head on over to the Home Depot in Orlando and you’ll get some of the best up-skirt video you could ever want.

Don’t forget the Target on Ocala or the Walmart in Holly Hill, both fine examples of places where perverts are welcome.

Gee-yiminy.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASgldCcWjRo&w=420&h=315]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

I got an irate email the other day concerning a column I wrote earlier this week. The young lady, she mentioned which college she is currently attending, was appalled that I had focused on a series of articles that covered a month’s worth of time to make people seem stupid. She is correct. At least about the time it took for all the articles to become pubic knowledge. She took further umbrage at the fact that I had not shown one iota of sympathy for these people and, instead, blithely dismissed them as being unworthy to participate in the human race. A race which, as far as I’m concerned, they’d already lost. She went on and on in high dudgeon for quite some time until she finally closed with this; “There is no way you could slander humanity if you only focused on the reports of just one day.” She’s young, as I mentioned, so she doesn’t yet understand that I libel humanity, not slander it. That being said, I like a challenge. I spent all of ten minutes finding today’s stories. In fact my problem wasn’t finding stories but choosing between them. Unfortunately for this young lady’s world view, the planet is being overrun by morons. And they are being aided by the woefully incompetent. For example, Air Canada had to delay a flight for four hours because it had a kitty in its cockpit.

Yeah, I said it.

Seriously, a cat got loose and shut down an airline. Why does that not engender feelings of security in me? Why am I more surprised that these things just don’t plummet from the sky at random intervals?

I think you know the answers.

And while that’s whimsical, this next one isn’t. Police in Chandler Arizona arrested a rapist who, in a moment of glorious stupidity, gave his victim his phone number.

A Chandler man accused of raping a woman in an alley was caught after he gave the woman his phone number.

The suspect, who said he had been assaulted a day after the attack, told investigators he deserved it because “God was punishing him,” police said.

Rafael Chavez, 31, was booked on charges of sexual assault and kidnapping, a court document said.

Chavez admitted to being intoxicated from alcohol, smoking marijuana, and using cocaine before raping the victim, who was walking down an alley early Saturday morning behind her home near San Marcos Golf Course.

According to police statements, Chavez approached her in his tan Honda Accord, asked her how she was doing, and offered her a ride, which she refused.

Police said Chavez then stopped the car and “placed her in a tight hug, pushing her against a nearby building, [while] kissing her.”

She did not fight when Chavez forced her into his car “because she was scared.” He then drove a short way until he was in an alley behind a fast-food restaurant and raped her, a report said.

Chavez then returned the woman to the alley where he first confronted her and then gave her his phone number before letting her go.

Police used the phone number to contact Chavez, whom the victim positively identified in a lineup.

Oh man, there is so much wrong there I don’t even know where to begin. I am glad the woman sought medical and legal assistance. I once helped a friend deal with a similar situation and know how brain crushingly difficult those decisions can be. But people, and I use that term loosely, like Mr. Chavez need to have a state sponsored time out.

Of course Mr. Chavez isn’t the first, nor will he be the last, to invoke the name of God to justify ill conceived actions. Police in Seattle responded to a call that an evil baby needed to die.

A 33-year-old Federal Way woman is behind bars following charges that she poured cleaning powder down an infant’s throat.

King County prosecutors claim Mabinty Williams was babysitting the 4-week-old girl on Jan. 10 when she poisoned her with a clothing soap. According to charging documents, police were called to her home after she told neighbors there was an “evil baby” in her apartment.

According to charging documents, Federal Way police arrived at the apartment in the 29200 block of Military Road South to find the baby suffering from chemical burns on her face. Investigators contend Williams, a certified nursing assistant, told police the child “changed” while she was watching her.

Writing the court, Detective Brigit Clary said Williams had been watching the girl since about 8 a.m. that morning as a favor to some family friends. In the four hours before police arrived, Williams had called her husband 16 times to complain about the child.

Just before noon, Williams knocked on her neighbors’ door.

“There’s someone in my house,” Williams allegedly said. “It’s a baby, and it’s evil.”

Williams went on to say the baby’s eyes “changed to blue” while she watched.

The neighbors called police, who responded to find the infant gasping for air and covered in white powder, Clary told the court. The baby was bleeding, and had chemical burns near her mouth; a nearly empty 32 ounce jar of Totally Awesome Power Oxygen Base Cleaner was found nearby.

Williams was arrested at the scene. According to charging documents, Williams nonsensically claimed to have seen a man standing near the baby but could not explain where he came from, how he left or what he did to the child. She allegedly said the child’s eyes “went blue,” and denied pouring cleaner on the infant.

A pediatrician at Children’s Hospital determined the child sustained chemical burns on her mouth and eyes.

Writing the court, Senior Deputy Prosecutor Charles Sergis noted Williams may have mental health problems. She has no criminal history.

Williams has been charged with second-degree assault of a child. She remains jailed on $100,000 bail.

For the record, my eyes change color dependent on my mood and blood pressure. They can go from smoky gray to hazel to green or blue. It’s not common but enough people are born like this she should have been aware of it.

Now, that being said, did they really need to run a free ad for Totally Awesome Power Oxygen Base Cleaner? Couldn’t they just have said “a common household cleanser?”

Of course some people take terror to a level you never even thought of. Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey wants to outlaw ….. FOOD MADE FROM ABORTED HUMAN FETUSES!

I bet you never knew this was even remotely an issue.

Last week, Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey introduced a bill that would ban “the manufacture or sale of food or products which use aborted human fetuses.” But which foods or products use aborted human fetuses? Let’s investigate.
NPR speculates that Shortey’s bill has to do with a recent boycott aimed at PepsiCo for working with a company called Senomyx that “has been accused of using proteins derived from human embryonic kidney cells in its research.” Quoth Shortey:

The senator says that his research shows there are companies in the food industry that have used human stem cells to help them research and develop products, including artificial flavorings.

“I don’t know if it is happening in Oklahoma, it may be, it may not be. What I am saying is that if it does happen then we are not going to allow it to manufacture here,” Shortey tells KRMG’s Nicole Burgin.

As an impartial journalistic outlet, we’re not here to tell you that Ralph Shortey is an utter moron whose incompetent attempts to ban stem cell-derived medicine reveal his all-encompassing idiocy, nor to tell you that the use of aborted human fetuses in food would already be in clear violation of a variety of different federal and state laws. Nor, for that matter, are we here to tell you that you should or should not be eating aborted human fetuses. What we are here to do is find out what foods are made using aborted human fetuses. We’ve contacted a number of the country’s largest food companies and asked: do you use aborted human fetuses in your food products?

Companies That Do Not Use Aborted Human Fetuses in Their Food Products

McDonald’s
Products include: Big Macs, Chicken McNuggets, Filet o’ Fish, McRib, McChicken, McGriddle
Contains aborted human fetuses? Ashlee Yingling, media relations: “The answer is no. McDonald’s does not use aborted human fetuses in its food.”

Nestlé
Products include: Perrier, Häagen-Dazs, Gerber, Powerbar, DiGiorno Pizza, Butterfinger, Kit Kat, Alpo, Frisky
Contains aborted human fetuses? Hilary Green, head of R&D communications: “Nestlé does not use aborted human fetuses in its food products.”

PepsiCo
Products include: Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Tropicana Orange Juice, Doritos, Quaker Oatmeal, Mountain Dew, Fritos, Gatorade
Contains aborted human fetuses? In a letter to “Children of God for Life,” PepsiCo consumer relations representative Margaret Corsi writes: “These claims are meant to suggest that human fetal tissue is somehow used in our research. That is both inaccurate and something we would never do or even consider. It also is inaccurate to suggest that tissue or cells somehow are being used as product ingredients. That’s dangerous, unethical and against the law.”

Companies That Might Use Aborted Human Fetuses in Their Food Products

Burger King
Products include: WHOPPER®, WHOPPER JR.®, Chicken Tenders, BK® Chicken Fries, Bacon & Cheddar BK TOPPERS™ Burger
Contains aborted human fetuses? Possibly. Burger King has not responded to our request for comment at this time.

General Mills
Products include: Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Bisquick, Fruit by the Foot, Bugles, Chex Mix, Hamburger Helper
Contains aborted human fetuses? Possibly. General Mills has not responded to our request for comment at this time.

Kraft
Products include: A-1 Steak Sauce, Boca Burgers, Capri Sun, Crystal Light, Jell-O, Lunchables, Oreos, Teddy Grahams, What Thins
Contains aborted human fetuses? Possibly. Kraft has not responded to our request for comment at this time.

Coca-Cola
Products include: Coca-Cola, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Sprite, Zico
Contains aborted human fetuses? Possibly. Coca-Cola has not responded to our request for comment at this time.

Wendy’s
Products include: Dave’s Hot ‘n Juicy 1/4 lb. Single, Bacon Deluxe Single, Bacon Deluxe Double, Frosty
Contains aborted human fetuses? Possibly. Wendy’s has not responded to our request for comment at this time.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say “None of the above.”

This is the same inbred and ignorant mentality that led some in South Dakota to push for a law that would ban any court from operating under Shiara law. Because, as you know, the millions of conservative Muslims who live in South Dakota …. what? oh, okay, the hundreds of thousands …. no? the tens of thousands …. well, damnit, how many freaking Muslims are there in South Dakota?

246.

That’s right, there are fewer Muslims than there are WalMart employees in South Dakota. And, as evidenced by this blog, you have more logical reasons to fear people at WalMart than you do any followers of Islam.

Of course, not all idiots are a threat to society. Some are just a drain. Police in Eugene Oregon arrested a man on his way home from jail. Mostly because he stopped off to rob a bank.

Authorities say it was a busy morning for a man released from an Oregon state prison. After a bus ride home to Eugene on a state-paid ticket, they say he held up a bank at 10:02 a.m. Tuesday and was back in custody three minutes later.

The Register-Guard reports that 48-year-old Adam Ashe had been behind bars since May 2009, when Roseburg police arrested him in connection with a fire in a post office trash can. Police said Ashe told them he wanted to burn down the post office because he was angry about troops being sent to Iraq and Afghanistan.

He was convicted of arson last year and released early Tuesday.

Eugene police Officer Kirk Farley was sitting in his patrol car outside a Home Federal Bank branch on Tuesday when Ashe robbed it. Farley made the arrest.

An FBI court affidavit says Ashe has confessed to the bank robbery.

Ah yes, burning down a post office as a form of political protest. Why didn’t Dr. King think of that?

Well, we wouldn’t be the World News Center you know and love if we didn’t have one story from Florida. And this one has everything you could possibly want. It has a family named Springer, a loving relationship, a stable home and an alligator in he bathtub.

A Florida man’s efforts to save a baby alligator have landed him in jail.

The Marion County Sheriff’s Office said Alexander Springer was keeping the foot-long gator in a bathtub.

Springer’s wife, Teresa Springer, said she tried to tell her husband to get rid of the gator, but he didn’t listen.
“I told him he better get rid of it because one day he was going to get caught,” she said.

Deputies showed up at their home after a report of a domestic disturbance. While deputies were at her home, Teresa said she showed them what was living in her tub.

“He told our detectives that he basically got the alligator from a friend and he was protecting it and was going to release the alligator the next day,” said Judge Cochran with the Marion County Sheriff’s Office.

She said her husband had no plans to release the gator. She said he built an enclosure in the backyard with chicken wire and a pond because he planned on keeping it as a pet.

“Why would I want a gator in my house? I’m scared of them. That’s not a natural habitat for an alligator in the first place,” she said.

Springer was arrested. The alligator was released in a local lake.

What’s the moral of the story?

“Leave alligators in their natural habitat and don’t try to hide them in your bathtub,” Teresa Springer said.

That’s the moral? Really? What about “This is the best grounds for divorce ever without requiring a threesome videotaped and played on You Tube?”

“Your honor, that waste of a Y chromosome kept a man eating reptile in our bathtub. The same tub where I like to get all slippery and naked and use my loofa in new and interesting ways.”

“Divorce granted, see me in my chambers Mrs. Springer.”

Anyway, for the young lady who wrote in, I hope this proves – once and for all – that the world is filled with people you never want to be in an elevator with.

Be safe out there and sing along with Chicago’s very own Trackbaby.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrcglL4TuW4&w=560&h=315]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

All righty then, feeling kind of cool and kind of funky. Been wanting to bust out a good “doth” on you guys for a while and today provided the perfect opportunity. I mean, this article’s barely started and you’ve already got a reference to a bible quote and a naked English farmer. That alone should tell you that today’s going to be chock full of Nude Hippo goodness. I’m not even going to mention the whole Republican debate last night wherein the candidates either lied or made stuff up so often that Yahoo was forced to dedicate a couple thousand words to trying to straighten things out. Some of the claims were, flat out, howlers. I have learned this much from the Republican primaries, all of the candidates assume their supporters are illiterate buffoons and, so far, that seems to be working for them. I, on the other hand, in true Chicago fashion, am going to vote for the guy who brought the doughnuts.

Of course, the debate was held in Florida, the land where a woman was arrested for attacking a door with a pink flamingo. The plastic bird did not survive. And, sadly, we also live in a country where the hottest item on the internet this week was pics of Miley Cyrus without a bra. She looks like a twelve year old boy. Sorry, not quite what I look for in a woman. I like them all growed up and filled out. However, she does come from a world where country music and Disney intertwine so God knows how screwed up those people are.

In other words, maybe the Republican candidates are right after all.

Cops in Willowbrook, Illinois say Florida’s got nothing on them. A guy named John R. Pacella called 911 demanding that they send over a cop for him to beat up. The Willowbrook police, having a wonderful sense of humor, sent him over several to choose from. He swung at one and the rest arrested him. Besides all the wonderful battery charges Pacella faces, he’s a convicted sex offender. Of course that arrest involved a minor, you wouldn’t have it any other way would you? I bet he’s going to make lots of new friends in prison.

And cops in Fon du Lac Wisconsin claim that Willowbrook and Florida are for amateurs. They have a guy in jail who claims he was set up by a ghost who beat up his wife.

No, really, that’s his defense.

A Wisconsin man arrested for allegedly punching his wife — who claims a ghost is responsible for the domestic abuse — will have a hard time scaring up paranormal researchers to back his claim.

Police in Fond du Lac, Wis., arrested Michael West, 41, on Jan. 15, after responding to a disturbance call. West’s wife told the cops that her husband twice attempted to strangle her and that he struck her in the face when she attempted to call 911.

West told authorities that his wife sustained injuries as a result of several falls. But when an officer pressed the issue, West allegedly opted for a supernatural excuse — “A ghost did it.”

However, his explanation doesn’t have a ghost of a chance of getting any support from researchers like Ron James, a filmmaker who specializes in the paranormal.

“Reports of ghosts attacking people or making them do things are extremely rare and there is no solid evidence to support them,” James told HuffPost Weird News. “You won’t find anyone who will vouch for them.”

James says the only way West’s claim might be legit is if the house has had documented paranormal activity, or if West and his wife have been known to have otherworldly entities following them.

“If the husband had become possessed by some demonic entity, it certainly could manifest as violent,” James said. “It probably is a case where none of us will ever know for sure, but the cynical side of me says that ‘a ghost made me do it’ is a pretty convenient excuse.”

According to documents obtained by The Smoking Gun, West’s wife says his violent behavior has increased and there had been a previous no-contact order filed against him.

Alexandra Holzer, a second-generation ghost researcher and HuffPost blogger, says West’s alibi, while highly unusual, could be possible, but admits his “shady, checkered spousal abusive past” makes her skeptical.

“If they were the original owners — meaning the builders or the first homeowners — then I would say research the property it sits on for past history like devil worshiping or graves unearthed or hidden,” Holzer told HuffPost Weird News. “However, my main feeling towards this story is that [it’s maybe] due to the upsurge in cable TV shows on what is ‘depicted’ as a ghost attacking and/or physical behavior from the dead [and] is played off here in this case as sheer stupidity as a defense from this guy.”

In recent years, shows like “Ghost Hunters” and “Ghost Adventures” have become popular cable TV hits by allegedly showing investigators tussling with supposed spooks, and Holzer thinks that may have inspired West to scare up his alleged excuse.

“I wonder what shows he watches. I feel he is utilizing pop-culture here and some fantasy mixed in, but it’s a tough one to call ‘ghost attack’ in my opinion.”

Paranormal journalist and HuffPost blogger Alejandro Rojas says ghosts may attack people, but they don’t throw fisticuffs.

“I have never heard of a story of someone being punched by a ghost, but people have reported being pushed,” Rojas told HuffPost Weird News. “There have even been occasions on the ‘Ghost Hunters’ TV program where an investigator believes they have been shoved.”

But Rojas still says that he is skeptical of West’s claim.

A guy who’s dumb enough to believe in ghosts thinks his claim lacks veracity? That’s like finding out you’re the worst rapper in Utah. You’ve passed pathetic five miles back.

This just in, yet another idiot texted a cop and offered to sell him/her illegal drugs, said the police who arrested this particular idiot. This type of story is so common it’s not even funny any more. Most departments now have written procedures to follow when it happens.

Yeah, it happens that much.

But, if we’re talking about people who throw their lives and their money away then there must be someone somewhere picking them up. As it turns out there is. His name is Frank Buckley and he just built a billion Euro house which, adjusted for inflation and resale values, is now worth about $100.

An unemployed Irish artist has built a home from the shredded remains of 1.4 billion euros ($1.82 billion), a monument to the “madness” he says has been wrought on Ireland by the single currency, from a spectacular construction boom to a wrenching bust.

Frank Buckley built the apartment in the lobby of a Dublin office building that has lain vacant since its completion four years ago at the peak of an ill-fated construction boom, using bricks of shredded euro notes he borrowed from Ireland’s national mint.

“It’s a reflection of the whole madness that gripped us,” Buckley said of what he calls his “billion-euro home.”
“People were pouring billions into buildings now worth nothing,” he said. “I wanted to create something from nothing.”

A wave of cheap credit flowed into Ireland in the early 2000s after Ireland joined the currency zone fuelling a huge property bubble that transformed the country.

The bubble’s collapse since 2007 plunged Ireland into the deepest recession in the industrialized world, forcing the former “Celtic Tiger” to accept a humiliating bailout from the EU and the IMF.

Buckley was given a 100 percent mortgage at the peak of the boom to buy a 365,000 euro home on the far reaches of Dublin’s commuter belt, despite the fact he had no steady income.

He has separated from his wife who lives in the home, which has since lost at least one-third of its value.

Living in his “billion euro home” since the start of December, Buckley is working on adding a kitchen to the living room and hall.

The walls and floor are covered in euro shreddings and the house is so warm Buckley sleeps without a blanket.

Pictures made from notes and coins decorate the walls, including one of a house, made from Irish 5 pence pieces.

“There are houses in Ireland worth less than that,” Buckley quips.

Buckley said he wants Europe’s politicians to solve the eurozone debt crisis without destroying its currency. But if the currency ultimately fails, he will happily use the euro zone’s defunct notes as fodder for future projects.

“Whatever you say about the euro, it’s a great insulator.”

Well, that’s one way to save money. A dentist in New Bedford Massachusetts was arrested for trying another.

A former dentist in Massachusetts has pleaded guilty to Medicaid fraud for using paper clips instead of stainless steel posts in root canals.

Michael Clair is scheduled to be sentenced next Monday after pleading guilty last week in New Bedford Superior Court to a variety of charges, including defrauding Medicaid of $130,000 assault and battery, illegally prescribing prescription drugs and witness intimidation.

Prosecutors say the 53-year-old Clair was suspended by Medicaid in 2002, but continued to file claims from August 2003 to June 2005 by using the names of other dentists in his Fall River practice.

Authorities say instead of stainless steel posts for root canals, he used sections of paper clips — which can cause pain and even infection — in an effort to save money.

The fact that Steven King, who’s from around there, thinks the way he does makes complete sense to me now.

But what if you’re a good parent and loving person who tries to teach your child the best Christian values without the hate and the spew? Well, the little brat will turn around and try to have you arrested for having sex.

This is kind of funny.

A 15-year-old girl called 911 to report she could hear her mom having sex, according to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun. The website reports:

The girl, 15, told an officer that she wanted to go to a local shelter “because she heard her mother having sex” and “felt disrespected” by her 35-year-old parent’s actions. The teen acknowledged that “there was no form of abuse or neglect in the house.”

The mother explained to police that she had invited her boyfriend over and “sometime during the visit, her daughter heard them having sex and became upset.” The woman added that “their bedrooms are next to each other and she didn’t intend to wake her daughter up.”

Though it may have been a crime of passion, no one was arrested. The daughter eventually decided that she’d rather live at home, despite the cringe-worthy noise, than go to a local teen shelter. One can only imagine the awkward silence around the breakfast table the next morning.

Of course it happened in Florida. You knew that without me saying a word.

Here’s a nice song about a nice guy who pays his nice child support.

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/18384245 w=400&h=300]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

As regular readers of this blog know, I am a big fan of women. I have learned, over the years, that sexy comes in all shapes, colors and sizes. I have also learned that a little maturity can go a long way to enhancing any experience. You might say that experience makes the experience better. You might, but you probably shouldn’t. It’s really trite. But some people don’t appreciate the effort that some women put forth to make the world a better place.

I’ll give you a blatant example. Every bar in West Midlands UK has banned a mom for being too sexy.

A woman in the UK has been banned from every nightclub in her home town after being told she is too old to wear skimpy clothing.

Lisa Woodman, a 28-year-old mother of four from Worcester in the West Midlands, was refused entry to three separate venues because of her short skirts, knee-high boots and low-cut tops, the Daily Mail reports.

All three clubs are owned by the same company and have stated the ban will stay in place until the medical secretary moderates her style of clothing.

Ms Woodman, a “petite” blonde with a size-six figure, said she was furious with her treatment.

“What’s wrong with what I wear? I’m not hurting anyone, am I? I am covering everything, and I just want to have a good time,” she was quoted as saying.

Ms Woodman freely admits to flaunting her figure but says her clothes are conservative compared to younger females who are allowed “straight in” to the clubs.

She says she was reduced to tears on New Year’s Eve when she was turned away by a doorman and told she was “too old” for the clothes she was wearing.

“When I asked the bouncers why me and my sister weren’t allowed in, they just said ‘You’re too old to wear that get-up’,” she was quoted as saying.

Ms Woodman recently split from her long-term partner, the father of her four children.

Following the split Ms Woodman underwent a breast enhancement and started attending the gym regularly.

“I split up from my partner last year and I was really upset so I had a boob job in April and got into shape going to the gym and now I just want to flaunt what I’ve got,” she told the Daily Mail.

Ms Woodman said at age 28, she does not consider herself “old”.

She has also complained of humiliating treatment at the hands of club staff.

“One doorman even made me walk up and down and turn around in front of people laughing at what I was wearing. I was totally in shock and really humiliated. I look after myself and I’m only 28. I just want to be treated with a bit of respect,” she said.

I see no reason that she should be denied entrance to any of these tawdry venues. As long as lips & nips are covered she should be good to go.

That being said, please don’t tell me it’s about wanting respect. She wants to ride the long horn and get her groove on. That’s fine, and admirable, but let’s be honest about what is behind all of this.

Moms in Mexico have come up with a different way to get their groove on. They dress up in tights and beat the snot out of each other.

Housewives looking to earn some extra cash in Mexico are donning masks and fancy costumes to step into the wrestling ring.

Women from low income families are earning their living by smashing each other to the canvas on a regular basis.

They are paid $10 to $200 per bout, a pittance compared to male wrestlers in Mexico, but good money in a country where the average annual wage is $6,000.

And the sport, which is steadily growing in popularity, is also providing an outlet for victims of domestic violence keen to stand up to their abusers.

Yes, there’s exploitative video if you click the link. I wouldn’t deny you that.

In China, a single woman has been seen wearing spandex and a mask, but she may be the first real life super hero you ever meet.

Ever fancied meeting up with a superhero? Well you could have, had you been in Beijing this past Christmas Eve. For that was the day a real-life superhero walked the streets of the city, helping out the poor. She calls herself the ‘Chinese Redbud Woman’.

Dressed in low-cut black tights and wearing a blue mask, her pictures leave us wondering if she attracted attention for more than just her generosity. Jokes aside, she did do a pretty good job of helping out – handing out food, warm clothing and gifts to beggars and homeless people. Why she didn’t put on some of the warm clothing herself on a cool December night, is something we don’t have an answer to. The appearance of this mysterious woman did cause a stir of sorts among the residents of Beijing. People started talking about her on the internet and in local media. Pictures of her acts of kindness at public places such as the Xidan subway station and in front of the Wangfujing bookstore have been doing the rounds ever since the night of Christmas Eve. The superlady herself communicates with the world through a microblog, written in Chinese. She currently has over 7,000 fans online.

Her message to the world through the microblog loosely translates as, “Today is my first day as the Chinese Redbud Woman, feeling a little nervous. Already prepared the military coats and food for the elderly, also many thanks to the hand warmer friend gave me.” A reporter was curious about the identity of the Chinese Redbud Woman, and contacted her through a private message on the microblog. However, she refused to provide any information saying that she just wants to help people in need, and it doesn’t matter who she is. Interestingly, this isn’t the first instance of the Chinese Redbud Woman. A lady sporting the same superhero moniker made an appearance last May, wearing the exact same outfit. She received great attention when she handed out food and cash to people in Hong Kong.

Yes, she has a nice rack. All female superheroes are required to have great ta-ta’s. It’s in the rule book. That being said, I have no idea what prompted her to do what she’s doing, but she’s doing more good in a single night than anyone else I can think of.

And while some women strive to be role models, others serve as warning signs. Orange UK is reporting the story of a 43 year old woman who married her 13 year old student after … of course … he got her pregnant.

A 43-year-old PE teacher arrested after having sex with a 13-year-old Austrian schoolboy is now pregnant by him.

Renata Juras was given a 22 suspended sentence after the boy told the court he loved her and they planned to marry.

The teacher even moved in with him and his mother after she lost her job as a teacher because of the affair.

The affair was exposed after the boy, Erwin, told his stepfather and he reported the woman, originally from Croatia, to police.

The court heard that had the couple waited just four months, the woman would not have faced trial as the legal age for entering into relationships with adults in Austria is 14.

The boy, now 16, said: “I was presented as the victim – as if she had seduced me. That was a completely false representation. It was me that made all the moves.”

Renate, who used to coach the youth handball team where Erwin was a player before she was fired, is overjoyed at being pregnant.

She already has a daughter one year younger than Erwin and at the same school, and said: “It is a completely planned pregnancy that we both wanted. I am insanely happy. We already have a name but we won’t reveal what it is yet.”

The couple are now married and are expecting their baby in June.

Imagine you are this insane lady’s daughter. Your dad is now in the same class as you. I’m sure she’ll grow up completely well adjusted and not pose any problems to society.

But, just in case, I’d carry a stun gun and knock-out darts if I was ever near her.

On the other hand, she might just end up quirky, like this lady who feeds her plants Viagra.

The horticultural expert says chemicals in the sex drug make cut flowers stand on end for longer.

He claims plants fed with water and crushed tablets stay upright for a week longer than those simply kept in water.

The host of Garden ER on Channel 5, said: ‘You only need a tiny amount of Viagra to stiffen things up nicely.

‘Just 1mg of Viagra – there are 50mg in a single Viagra tablet – dissolved into water with your plants will make them last a week long.

‘Viagra contains nitric oxide, which slows down the dying process in plants. The same chemical relaxes the muscles in a man’s penis, allowing the blood rush which is how Viagra perks things up.

‘Soluble aspirin works in the same way, too. Put one tablet into some wilting flowers and the effervescence will prolong their life.’

He said scientists were working on a version of Viagra for plants. ‘Our genetics are compatible to those of plants in many ways,’ he added.

Former This Morning gardening expert Domoney also reckons a shot of vodka will stop the water in a vase going green, beer makes a great slug trap, tea will revitalise azaleas and Deep Heat sprayed on a tea bag is a harmless repellant to keep out cats.

Wait! That’s a guy? Oh hell no.

I don’t know about you, but after that it’s Beer-O-Clock here at the World News Center.

Oh, and ladies, just remember that accessories can truly make the outfit.

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/6779174 w=400&h=300]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280,
every Friday morning around 9:10!

First of all, a big high five to the teller of a Mexican bank who, when being robbed by a skateboarding bandit, hit the silent alarm and then began counting the money for him like this; uno peso, dos, pesos, tres pesos … and so on. Thus giving the police plenty of time to show up and arrest the young man. Since the budding criminal mastermind was unarmed it’s unclear what he said to the tellers to make them think he was a threat. “Give me money or I’ll make fun of Tony Hawk?” Since Mexico, like many civilized countries, does not have a “my client’s a moron” defense it will be interesting to follow this along. Also, as a side note, if you’re going to run from the law, it’s better to emulate Curly the Nativity Goat who bolted from a church the first chance he got and lived on the lam, if you’ll pardon the phrase, for 25 days before being caught. Yes, you read that right, a Nativity goat is smarter than 99% of the people I write about.

Actually, I may be being conservative in my estimate.

Okay, so let’s head out to a nice high school in Utah. Salt Lake City, specifically. A city where the paranoid idiot brigade is in charge as evidenced by the fact that they refuse to let a high school sports team call themselves the Cougars

A Utah school district has decided against using “Cougars” as a mascot for a new high school in part because of the negative connotation of the word in popular culture.

Canyons School District Superintendent David S. Doty says the selection of “Chargers” as mascot was driven by the desire for originality, despite a poll of some future students that showed 26 percent in favor of using the cougar.

At least three Utah schools, including Brigham Young University, use cougar as a mascot.

Doty says public comments reflect a desire to be different, but he also notes that some see the word cougar as carrying a “negative double entendre.”

The term cougar in popular culture can refer to women in their 40s who have sex with younger men.

Oh, you mean MILFs! Like these adorable Minnesota moms who french kissed their sons.

Our entire production staff just breathed a sigh of relief that I didn’t pop up a link to MILFs.

Anyway, geniuses of the west, a quick run around Google brought me the following, all active, high school sports team names.

Brush Beetdiggers
Cairo Syrupmakers.
Carlsbad Cavemen
Centralia named their boys teams the Orphans and their girls teams the Orphan Annies
Chattanooga Central Purple Pounders
Cordozo Clerks
Danville Little Johns (gotta love prison humor)
Fairbury Jeffs
Frankfort Hot Dogs
Freeburg Midgets
Hickman Kewpies
Hoopeston Area Cornjerkers (umm, what?)
Hurley Midgets
Laurel Hill Hoboes
Mars Area Fighting Planets
Maryville Spoofhounds
Mcaughlin Midgets
New Berlin Pretzels
Normandy Invaders
Orofino Maniacs.
Orono Riots
Poca Dots
Polo Marcos
Powell County Wardens
Rawlins County Outlaws (not to be confused with the Outlaws Motorcycle Group unless you need to scare people)
Rocky Ford Meloneers
Shoals Jug Rox
Tonopah Fighting Muckers (as opposed to the Mighting ….)
Van Vandals
Vintage Crushers.
Watersmeet Nimrods
Webb Feet
Yuba City Honkers
Yuma City Criminal
And, of course, Colorado legends, The Fighting Whites!

So, unless your team is fielded by a bunch of 40-something soccer moms in too tight dresses and wearing fake nails (aka, female Charlie Sheens), I think you should just let the kids use the name.

Of course, it’s easy to see why some people might just want to avoid the whole cat theme all together. Police in Newcastle, PA are reporting that a cat burned down its owners home.

One western Pennsylvania fire department learned that there’s not necessarily fire wherever there’s smoke.

New Castle’s assistant fire chief Jim Donston tells The Associated Press that firefighters were called when an electrical outlet on a floor was smoking, only to find that happened because the family’s cat urinated into the outlet.

The New Castle News ( http://bit.ly/zHd1RS) first reported the incident Friday and Donston supplied more details to the AP.

The assistant chief says a Columbia Gas worker was at the house checking for a possible leak when he noticed the smoking outlet and called the fire department Wednesday about 7:30 p.m.

Donston says firefighters “found the receptacle wet from cat urine” and shut off the electrical supply to that circuit.

That’ll teach them to skimp on kitty litter.

But one guy takes the cake, and not in a good way. Police in Phoenix have arrested a man who was eating cats.

A transient has been arrested after police say he skinned and ate a cat while camping inside a Phoenix warehouse and music venue.

Authorities say the building’s owners reported a burglary after they opened the warehouse Wednesday and heard blaring music.

Police found 24-year-old Russell Christopher Hofstad inside with his face painted and the cat’s tail and intestines around his neck.

Hofstad told police he killed the cat because he was hungry. He also said he was going to use its skeleton as party decorations.

He was arrested on suspicion of burglary and animal cruelty.

The Arizona Republic (http://bit.ly/xyh0aX) reports Hofstad had been released from jail Jan. 10 and told police he had nowhere to go. He decided to camp in the building because he had attended music events there.

Of course, it’s easy to be sympathetic to the guy. After all, we are talking about a species that put an 85 year old woman into a coma.

An 85-year-old woman is still fighting for her life after being hit on the head by a falling cat while walking across the road – seven months ago.

Opera singer Betty Deli was knocked unconscious and suffered a fractured skull in July – spending six weeks in a coma.

The pet cat was accidentally thrown out of the fourth floor window of an apartment block in the Argentinian capital Buenos Aires.

It came after a married couple had a blazing row.

During their quarrel the husband picked up the family pet and threw it at his wife.

But she ducked, according to Argentina’s La Nacion newspaper.

The feline then flew out of an open window, landing on the elderly woman’s head as she crossed the street, in the Belgrano district, below.

Betty’s daughter Fatima said her mother, who is staying at the Pirovano Hospital, is now fighting for her life as she undergoes rehabilitation.

She suffers from dementia and ‘recognises no-one’. Fatima has also called for ‘justice’.

Argentinian newspapers have reported the woman who the cat was thrown at was ‘more concerned with the state of her pet than the singer.’

Fatima added: ‘The doctors say it was a miracle she survived. My mother had projects, she sang opera, she was learning Italian.

‘She had tickets to go to the Opera that very day. She was my friend.’ The cat did not survive the fall, a police spokesman added.

Really? Look I have 3 cats and I love them to pieces, but given the choice between a human life and the cat’s, humans win every time. Okay, I did check further and nothing’s changed. The husband and wife who started this catastrophe (sorry) are still grade A tools and the little old opera singer is still in the hospital.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0K46C82v9o&w=560&h=315]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

We live on a big blue marble that circles a little yellow star and it is populated by many types of people. While we often will acknowledge the diversity shown on our marble we, more often than not, still expect a level of sameness that defies the known facts. That being said, there are still enough commonalities that we can find a solid foundation for getting to know each other. We all want our families to be safe, we want our children to do well and prosper and we wish nothing but happiness for our friends. No matter what deity you worship or what your fashion mandates are, civilized people can agree on these things. Of course if I spent all day writing about normal people you wouldn’t bother coming by and visiting me. So, let’s get this party started with a wedding.

Everyone likes weddings, right? What’s not to like? You have the lovely church, everyone dressed in their nicest clothes, the groom in his tux and the corpse on a decorated slab.

Wait! What?

MSNBC is reporting that a man in Thailand married his dead girlfriend and made it a You Tube moment.

Well, wouldn’t you?

Hopeless romantic or macabre publicity hound?

A Thai television director’s decision to marry his dead girlfriend and post photos and video of the event to Facebook and YouTube is drawing mixed reaction from the public.

Chadil Deffy, also known as Deff Yingyuen, married his girlfriend of 10 years, Sarinya “Anne” Kamsook, early this month as she lay in a coffin in a wedding-cum-funeral at a temple in Surin Province, the Pattaya Daily News reported.

During the ceremony, the 28-year-old groom, wearing a black tuxedo, placed a ring on the finger of his late girlfriend, whose body was lying on a raised platform, dressed in a white bridal dress.

He put photos of himself and his dead bride on his personal Facebook page under an album titled “Corpse Bride.” He also uploaded a video to YouTube.

The couple met while studying at Eastern Asia University 10 years ago and had planned to get married for a while but Kamsook died in a car accident on Jan. 3, according to media reports. She was 29.

A friend of Deffy, Onsiri Pravattiyagul, wrote in an opinion column this week in The Bangkok Post:

The “wedding” was his attempt to right a wrong, however belated the gesture might have been.

As expected, the initial public reaction was an outpouring of sympathy for the “groom” and a wave of sentimental remarks. The romantically inclined were moved by this expression of “true love,” however unconventional. It seemed to hit a nerve with many people. The offline media picked up on the buzz, too, and went to town with the story. Chadil found himself under a spotlight, experiencing an unexpected 15 minutes of fame.

Also as expected, within days, the backlash began — and it wasn’t at all kind. In a heartbeat, Chadil went from being viewed as a hopeless romantic to being vilified as a publicity-hungry opportunist.

Pravattiyagul said Deffy was heartbroken and “wasn’t thinking about the possibility of fame when he decided to put a ring on her cold finger. He merely wanted to make things right, however small or inadequate the gesture might seem.”

Nope, sorry Deffy, if I may call you that. You see, marrying your longtime girlfriend after she’s dead is odd, but sweet enough to get a pass. Posting the whole thing on Facebook and You Tube passed exploitative three exits back and was last seen flipping the bird at decency.

You, sir, are a cad.

Since we’re on the subject of dead people let’s talk a little bit about George DeGrazio. From all accounts a nice enough chap. He went missing on January 9th. Well, he was up in years and could have wandered off. Police finally found the body on January 14th and gave he family the bad news.

Had he wandered into the mountains and gotten lost? Did he walk into a forest and fall prey to a wild animal?

Nope, he took a dump at a movie theater.

The family of an elderly man who was found dead in a movie theater bathroom five days after he was reported missing is furious at the theater for not finding him after police asked the management to search the place.

George DeGrazio’s decomposing corpse was discovered after employees of the Colorado Cinemark 5 in Fort Collins noticed a foul smell.

Dylan DeGrazio, the dead man’s son, told ABC affiliate KMGH, “I picture him just sitting there in this, like, slumped over, eyes-open position…That’s just the sheer reality of it. For somebody who didn’t know George, that is just a corpse rotting in a bathroom, and that disgusts me. That disgusts me.”

George DeGrazio, of Loveland, Colo., was reported missing on Jan. 9. His body was discovered on Jan. 14. His family is speaking out now, angry that it took so long to find the body. Police had questioned local businesses earlier that week after DeGrazio’s red Nissan XTerra was found in a nearby parking lot.

“If I had the police department saying somebody disappeared in this area and we’re trying to locate him, I would be searching every nook and cranny of my establishment,” Dylan DeGrazio said.

Here’s what we all know about the Cinemark 5 movie complex. They don’t clean the bathrooms. The fact that they could smell a rotting corpse and not notice it tells me that there are other smells there that defy convention. I think I’ll just wait until the movie comes to HBO.

It’s safer that way.

Let’s hop off the death train and head down to South Carolina. The land where Newt Gingrich sounds sane and laws are for suckers. I just love this story.

Police in Georgia said two men who failed to return a $6,000 car from a test drive were identified as a pair of escapees from South Carolina.

Authorities said Dameon Simpson, 34, and Kyle William Norris, 26, escaped from a pre-release work detail outside Florence, S.C., and the pair stole a sport-utility vehicle and fled to Georgia, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Friday.

Investigators said the men went to Swanson Auto Buying Service in Lawrenceville Monday and took a $6,000 car for a test drive. The owner of the dealership, Kent Swanson, said he knew they wouldn’t be returning when one of them called 15 minutes later to ask if the vehicle had GPS installed.

So let’s follow along shall we? In South Carolina escaping from prison involves walking away, maybe with a jaunty wave just to let them know you’re gone, and in Georgia all you need to get a car is a smile. Because these guys did not have any ID or money kids, they’d just escaped from prison.

We’ll ignore the the Mormon mom who offered her 10 year old daughter as part of a ménage à troi to pay off her pawn debt. The Muslim she offered this deal to called the cops instead. She now claims to have been joking.

Yeah, babe, that’s a real knee slapper. Leno awaits.

All right, let’s close on a lighter note. Police in Miami, Florida, of course this happened in Florida, arrested an 18 year old man//boy for impersonating a cop.

But, wait, there’s more!

A South Florida teenager was arrested Thursday for allegedly impersonating a police officer and carrying a concealed weapon. CBS affiliate WKMG reports 18-year-old Matthew Scheidt was arrested on Miami Beach. According to authorities, Scheidt was recently arrested in Osceola County for allegedly impersonating a physician’s assistant and treating patients at a hospital.

Scheidt posted bond on Thursday but a judge Friday revoked bond and ordered him back to jail. Detectives obtained a grand theft felony warrant Thursday, related to the theft of a radio police said Scheidt was using to impersonate an officer.

A police report says Scheidt pulled up next to an undercover officer in a white Ford, resembling an unmarked police car.

The officer said Scheidt was “conducting himself as an officer and using a laptop.” The report says he was using police jargon and told the officer to put on his seatbelt.

I can kind of see how he got away with impersonating a cop. You really don’t need a lot of gear to pull it off. But a doctor? How could they not know he didn’t belong there? What does it take to get a medical degree in Florida? $20 and a note from your mom?

“He’s got a white coat, pronounced splenectomy correctly and extra morphine for Mrs. Teddlebaum, he must be a doctor.”

Oy-freaking-vey.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iypUpv9xelg&w=420&h=315]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!