Thank God for Florida

Before we begin I just want to ask the nice people at the NRA a simple question; Not to say that you’re all racist, self serving, sociopaths who have no regard for humanity, but where was the call to arm all hoody wearing Skittle lovers when Trayvon Martin was shot? I’ll hang up and wait for your response. Moving on. It has to suck to be John Boehner right now. Believe it or not he’s not a moron. He has a narrow point of view, that is true, but he’s…

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Sexapalooza 2012

While some of the below stories have graced this blog this year, seeing them all in one place is so impressive that it must be shared. And the beautiful part about it is that they have edited out the naked criminals – like the guy who robbed a 7-11 or the guy who peed on a police car while naked – to keep the list as short as it is. This is a state where it is illegal to molest an alligator or a manatee, and has been for years,…

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Getting Around

People used to love to travel. You would go to the airport, have a smoke and a drink while you waited for your flight. Then you’d get on the plane and be treated like a god. Personal service, a smoking section and food that rivaled stuff served in better restaurants. The same held true for cross country train travel. To a lesser degree bus travel as well. The one thing all three had in common was that happiness of the traveler was sacrosanct. The transportation companies wanted to get you…

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Merry Christmas Ya’ll (The Movie Edition)

By now you’ve opened the gifts, had your Christmas breakfast and settled in for another year of holiday entertainment. At least until the NBA takes over your TV. This is truly a magical time. The toys haven’t been broken yet. Uncle Ned is still mostly sober. Aunt Edna, still aglow from the kisses from the kids, has yet to begin her annual screed about what a failure you are. Cousin Tony seems to have taken his meds today so that’s one less thing to worry about. As I said, it’s…

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Tradition!

Merry Christmas everyone. It’s time, once again, for us to take a look at the glorious traditions that surround this odd holiday. We have already discussed the Krampus, that lovely little fellow who either casts your children into hell or eats them, depending on what part of Austria you hang out in. But, we neglected his female cousin Perchta The Belly Slitter. Because nothing says HAPPY HOLIDAYS like eviscerated children. Have I mentioned that Austria was the home for the beginning of two world wars? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I…

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Out of this World

You’ll be pleased to learn that Honey Boo Boo will not be starring in a porno anytime soon. Mostly because there are laws forbidding it. You’ll be horrified to learn that those laws do not apply to adult members of the show so Crazy Tony will be starring in a line of “redneck porn.” Yet another very good reason another to endorse space travel. Because, no matter how good a sense of humor you have, there has to be a part of your soul screaming for God to come and…

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Yo Pope, Peeps Dis!

People who have fought for centuries for rights for themselves suddenly seem very happy to deny those self-same rights to others. This is known as stupid. And counterproductive. When people read in the Bible that Peter was martyred or that Paul was martyred they neglect to figure out that they were martyred because their beliefs were considered criminal. Oh, for those who are being home-schooled, “martyred” means killed. Usually in a very public and painful way. In the cases of Peter and Paul, one of those two wacky cats was…

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Idiot Apocalypse

I do my best to simplify things. There have been some thorny concepts presented up here that the average lay person was able to wrap their head around once I’d weeded out the hyper complex math and so on. The ability of some people to be able to sense four dimensions instead of the usual three? Explained. Putting a giant stamp on the “aliens exist but they’re not in our neighborhood” theory? The WOW Signal, explained. Why UFOs are a hoax or, at best, a result of a delusion? Explained…

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Another Birther Conspiracy

1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to his own town to register. 4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married…

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Just Wanna Chat With God

It’s the holidays. That magical time of the year when you get the annual story about the lady who shoplifted at Wal Mart so her daughter could have a nice Christmas. One of the nice gifts she got her daughter was a 24 oz can of beer. There is nothing like a mother’s love. Of course that happened in Florida, a state so insane that a list of its top 40 most unusual headlines barely scratches the surface and misses many of the gems we had here. Of course they…

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