Archives for December 2011

Yesterday I took a stroll down memory lane to bring everyone up to date on the history of wassailing. If you need a short answer just remove the “w” from the word and you’re left with “assail,” which is a form of “assault” which describes the tradition nicely. As you may have figured out Christmas wasn’t always a time of sweetness and nice. The original holiday was glommed onto a pagan holiday, Saturnalia to be specific, to try and convert pagans to Christianity. Despite all the TV specials and holiday decorations you will cite in your emails to me, this was not as successful as it seems. For the first part, the Christmas celebration – from the Old English Cristes Mæsse, which literally means Mass of Christ – was supposed to be a day of quiet reflection that would be spent in church contemplating the birth of the Savior. Instead, the symbols of the Saturnalia and other pagan rituals all got tossed into the fray and the holiday ended up being such a drunken revelry that it was outlawed in Europe and America in the 1500’s and 1600’s. By the 1700’s people had calmed down some and a few traditions had been worked out so that you might recognize the holiday. The first was the addition of Santa Claus.

I know, I know, many people are shocked to find out there is no Santa in the New Testament. Just as they are shocked by the exclusion of the Little Drummer Boy. Well, they’ll have to get over it. The nice people over at All Things Christmas have a succinct and accurate history of Santa Claus, so let’s let them tell it.

The origin of Santa Claus begins in the 4th century with Saint Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, an area in present day Turkey. By all accounts St. Nicholas was a generous man, particularly devoted to children. After his death around 340 A.D. he was buried in Myra, but in 1087 Italian sailors purportedly stole his remains and removed them to Bari, Italy, greatly increasing St. Nicholas’ popularity throughout Europe.

His kindness and reputation for generosity gave rise to claims he that he could perform miracles and devotion to him increased. St. Nicholas became the patron saint of Russia, where he was known by his red cape, flowing white beard, and bishop’s mitre.

In Greece, he is the patron saint of sailors, in France he was the patron of lawyers, and in Belgium the patron of children and travellers. Thousands of churches across Europe were dedicated to him and some time around the 12th century an official church holiday was created in his honor. The Feast of St. Nicholas was celebrated December 6 and the day was marked by gift-giving and charity.

After the Reformation, European followers of St. Nicholas dwindled, but the legend was kept alive in Holland where the Dutch spelling of his name Sint Nikolaas was eventually transformed to Sinterklaas. Dutch children would leave their wooden shoes by the fireplace, and Sinterklaas would reward good children by placing treats in their shoes. Dutch colonists brought brought this tradition with them to America in the 17th century and here the Anglican name of Santa Claus emerged.

In 1822 Clement C. Moore composed the poem A Visit From Saint Nicholas, published as The Night Before Christmas as a gift for his children. In it, he portrays Santa Claus:

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly,
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Other countries feature different gift-bearers for the Christmas or Advent season: La Befana in Italy ~ The Three Kings in Spain, Puerto Rico, and Mexico ~ Christkindl or the Christ Child in Switzerland and Austria ~ Father Christmas in England ~ and Pere Noël, Father Christmas or the Christ Child in France. Still, the figure of Santa Claus as a jolly, benevolent, plump man in a red suit described in Moore’s poem remains with us today and is recognized by children and adults alike around the world.

Yes, even then, the French were wrong on too many levels to matter.

Really, the patron saint of lawyers? That’s how you honor the birth of Christ?

Okay, why not? Nevertheless, the concept of Christmas spread right along with the various missionaries who traveled the globe. Many countries took some or all of the traditions and adapted them to their own. Some of the results are amusing to us and others are just baffling. Port Harbor has the politically correct look at each country’s customs.

Show that to the kids and then keep reading.

In middle Europe, Austria and the like, they took the ancient legend of Krampus and welded it to the legend of Saint Nicholas. So, if you’ve been a good little girl or boy, St. Nick brings you a gift. If not Krampus rips you from your home, throws you in a sack and then nothing but bad things happen to you for all eternity. Or he eats you. One way or the other you’re not having a good day.

No pressure there, is there kiddies?

The legend of Krampus pre-dates Christianity by centuries. He has always been a fearful, goat like, creature who punished sinners and the like. Locking him up with St. Nicholas was just a way to shut up the priests and keep the tradition going. In fact, to this day, many rural areas in Europe do not even bother with the whole St. Nick part and just celebrate Krampus and his demonic friends.

In case you’re wondering why Austria has been the start of two world wars, I think you need wonder no more.

Another part of the world where Christmas got a little twisted is Japan. They don’t believe that Jesus was the Son of God or any of the other stuff in the Bible, but they really liked the whole concept of universal love. In fact they liked it so much that Christmas in Japan has become a very romantic holiday and one that is sponsored by Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Wait? What?

Well, you see, as Americans and other foreigners landed in Japan after the Second World War they went looking for traditional foods for their holiday meals. Since there are no turkeys in Japan they settled on the next best thing, Colonel Sander’s famous recipe. The people at KFC, realizing a gold mine when they saw one, quickly noted how much the dear Colonel looks like Santa and they were off to the races. American traveler, Billy Hammond, wrote a nice diary about Christmas in Japan.

Christmas in Japan is quite different from the Chrismas celebrated in most countries in which the population has a large percentage of Christians or a Christian heritage. Only 1/2 of 1% of the Japanese population is estimated to be Christian, with the majority of Japanese being tolerant of all faiths: Buddhism, Christianity, Shinto, etc. In spite of this, the Japanese are great lovers of festivals and celebrations, including Christmas.

December 25th is not a national holiday in Japan, although December 23rd, which is the birthdate of the present emperor, is. Although it is not an official holiday the Japanese tend to celebrate Christmas, especially in a commercial way. The Japanese celebrate Christmas Eve by eating a ‘Christmas Cake’ which the father of the family purchases on his way home from work (or his wife does in the case where he has to work on Christmas Eve). Stores all over carry versions of this Christmas cake and drop the price of it drastically on December 25th in order to sell everything out by the 26th. This has resulted in a rather interesting expression in which young girls are referred to as a ‘Christmas cakes’: marriageable until their 25th birthday and requiring heavy discounts to get married after their 25th birthdays.

In recent years, thanks to the marketing prowess of the folks at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Christmas Chicken Dinner has become quite popular. Many Japanese even make reservations for their “Christmas Chicken” ahead of time. People line up at their outlets to pick up their orders. As a result of KFC’s brilliant advertising campaign, most Japanese now believe that Westerners celebrate Christmas with a chicken dinner instead of the more common ham or turkey.

Christmas Eve has been hyped by the T.V. media as being a time for romantic miracles. It is seen as a time to be spent with one’s boyfriend or girlfriend in a romantic setting, so fancy restaurants and hotels are often booked solid at this time. It is often also a time when girls get to reveal their affections to boys and vice versa. Because of this, extending a girl an invitation to be together on Christmas Eve has very deep, romantic implications.

When you get to be my age you don’t complain so much about the stale Christmas cakes. In fact you tend to enjoy them more fully.

Huh, oh, yeah, sure, I’m talking about that thing made with flour and eggs. Really I am.

So, as you can see, while everyone has managed to get every aspect of the holiday wrong, starting with the fact that Jesus was born in in April and not December, there is still a lot of good that has come out of the day. And any holiday that can get the message of universal love across 24 time zones and hundreds of languages can’t be all bad, can it?

Editorial Page, New York Sun, 1897

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun:

Dear Editor—

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O’Hanlon

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the scepticism of a sceptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to have men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive of imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest mean, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! He lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyUtThWKqgc&w=500&h=319]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, this Friday morning around 9:10 for his
version of a holiday special!

I promised my co-host Ryan Gatenby that, when we did our Christmas special this coming Friday at 9:10 AM on WBIG 1280 AM, I would have uplifting stuff to discuss. Or, if not uplifting, at least not patently offensive. To get things started in the right direction, I’m going to re-post an article I wrote way back on November 20 of last year. This was months before I was allowed anywhere near the radio show so it will all be new to the listeners. And, since last November we have added a ton of readers, my guess it will be new to most of you as well.

Ladies and gentlemen, the history of wassailing.

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In keeping with my, inadvertent, Christmas theme, I thought I’d take a minute to talk about some of the time honored traditions that make people feel good this time of year. While many folks are stunned when they find out that baby Jesus wasn’t born under a glowing pine tree and there’s not one single mention of the little drummer boy anywhere in the Gospels (neither synoptic nor gnostic), the stories still live on.

One tradition has become a staple of the holiday season; caroling. Or, to be more historically accurate, wassailing. Now, speaking as an Irish cliché, this is one tradition I understand. Like all well conceived ideas, this one was spawned by drunks with rocks. Nothing says “Happy Holidays!” to me more than the thought of staggering by people’s homes and demanding booze. Let the kids keep the watered down version of candy and costumes for Halloween, I’m sticking with the grown ups and threatening anyone who doesn’t fill my cup.

Monica Garske from AOL News takes a joyous look at the history of caroling.

Christmas caroling has long been a favorite tradition of church groups, elderly choirs and children, but did you know that the first groups of carolers were nothing but a bunch of rowdy drunks?

That’s the tune from David McKillop, senior vice president of programming for the History Channel, who recently talked to AOL News about the network’s upcoming holiday special, “The Real Story of Christmas,” premiering (ED:in 2010).

The TV special examines the surprising historical origins of our most bizarre Christmas customs, including why some of us go door to door singing holiday songs to any strangers who will listen.

McKillop said the origin of caroling dates back to the pagan celebration of the winter solstice, when Christmas was regarded as a festival of pure joy and drunken revelry. Oh, and prayer was involved somewhere in there too.

According to McKillop, groups of poor medieval carolers would go around to houses singing and begging for food and drinks, threatening to throw rocks through the windows of anyone who refused to give them a handout.

They literally “went medieval” on people.

“They would get very, very rowdy. Eventually, the drunken revelry got too out of hand, and Christmas was banned for years in America in the 16th and 17th centuries,” explained McKillop.

Sheesh. Sounds like an episode of “Carolers Gone Wild.” If you don’t open your door to singing strangers this year, no one will blame you.

McKillop said those same ancient winter-solstice celebrations — which usually lasted 12 days — gave rise to the tradition of burning a yule log, often mentioned in classic Christmas songs.

“People would try to find the biggest log possible to burn in a fireplace, to keep the light and warmth going during the 12 days of the feast,” he said.

Another fun fact: Santa Claus wasn’t always so chummy and cheery. In fact, he was kind of a downer who ran with a bad crowd.

McKillop said the St. Nick of old European legend was said to be accompanied not by elves but by an impish little devil creature named “Krampus” who beat up and kidnapped naughty children.

“If kids were bad, Krampus would leave them bad gifts. I think that’s where the idea of giving people coal for Christmas first sprouted. That Krampus was mean,” said McKillop.

Garske and McKillop take a look at quite a few other traditions, so make sure to read the whole article.

So, this holiday season, when you’re hanging with a sexy, little, elf (yes, that’s our little Ashley dressed as an elf), drinking yourself into oblivion and trying to convince all who are unfortunate enough to listen that you’re really a tenor, just remember that you’re honoring a centuries old custom.

And if anyone doesn’t like it, throw a rock at them.

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You’ll be pleased to know that our institutions of higher learning are helping maintain the high standards set by the carolers and choirs of our ancestors. Feel free to sing along.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuLXTOS3r5s&w=500&h=319]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

If you’ve been living in or around Chicago this past week your news cycle has been polluted by the official drug dealer of the NFL – accept no substitutions – and Chicago’s crazy mayor who wants dictatorial powers whenever guests come to town. Since Chicago is a hotbed of tourism, I guess that means for ever. And ever and ever …. yeah. I’m sure everything will be fine. But, because of these picayune stories you may have missed out on a couple that probably would have held your interest had you heard them. And I’m not talking about my recently quitting smoking either. Believe it or not I’m talking about something more important than that. In fact, two somethings.

1: A comet is going to crash into the sun and cause it to explode and kill us all!

YEAH!

and, 2: We don’t need no stinking comet, the sun will explode in December of 2012 all on its own!

YEAH, again!

We’ll deal with the first Internet rumor first since it has the benefit of actually having a real comet in the vicinity. The comet is named Lovejoy. They tried to come up with a wimpier name but Percy Dovetonsils was already taken. Anyway, this week Lovejoy angled into the Sun. Given the fact that this is like an ice cream cone attacking a flame thrower, it’s seriously doubtful that Lovejoy was going to accomplish anything except getting melted.

As it turns out, while Lovejoy didn’t cause our solar system to melt, neither did it cause its own demise. Ian O’Neill has the complete story.

You would have been very optimistic if, before Comet Lovejoy’s apparent suicidal near-miss of the sun’s surface, you’d placed a bet on the icy interloper’s survival. But if you did, you’d be laughing all the way to the bank.

This is why I don’t gamble — I was anything but optimistic of the chances the Kreutz Sungrazing comet — officially designated as C/2011 W3 (Lovejoy) — would live through the hellish temperatures it endured as it made the death-defying solar dive.

But as NASA’s Solar Dynamics Observatory (SDO) watched the comet emerge from the other side of the sun Thursday evening, Comet Lovejoy proved the doubters wrong and continued its orbit after passing only 87,000 miles above the sun’s photosphere. In doing so, it had endured temperatures of over a million degrees Celsius.

Watch the video of the lucky comet zooming away from the limb of the sun:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72DVbKyAfNQ&w=480&h=360]

“Breaking News! Lovejoy lives! The comet Lovejoy has survived it’s journey around the sun to reemerge on the other side,” exclaimed the SDO’s Twitter feed after seeing the singed comet race away from our nearest star.

It goes to show that, in space, you can never take anything for granted.

The second rumor is a little harder to deal with since people with IQs higher than a turnip are forced to prove a negative. But, Francis Reddy, of NASA’s Goddard Spaceflight Center, decided to give it the old school try anyways. And, for the most part, he did okay.

Really? There are people out there who predict — with an unbelievable degree of accuracy — that December 2012 will herald a rare stellar explosion that will wipe out (or at least cripple) life on Earth?

Well, if my email inbox is anything to go by, then yes, I’m sure this little doomsday scenario is doing the rounds. And by the sound of things, NASA is also getting fed up with messages from individuals needlessly worrying about a star that’s about to go “BOOM!”

In an impromptu public space service announcement from the U.S. space agency on Friday, Francis Reddy, of NASA’s Goddard Spaceflight Center, went on the record to say: “…astronomers can say with certainty that there is no threatening star close enough to hurt Earth.”

As if the world didn’t have enough doomsday scenarios to worry about — like nonsensical killer solar flares, non-existent Planet X’s, silly geomagnetic reversals, insane pole shifts and hordes of kamikaze lemmings* — doomsayers are apparently circulating the myth that a star is soon to go gangbusters this time next year. Wow.

“Astronomers estimate that, on average, about one or two supernovae explode each century in our galaxy,” says Reddy. “But for Earth’s ozone layer to experience damage from a supernova, the blast must occur less than 50 light-years away.”

Guess what? The nearest star likely to go supernova any time soon is much further than 50 light-years away. Also, the galaxy is a very big place, so the odds of any stellar dramatics even remotely close to the solar system in the next 12 months is vanishingly small.

Reddy goes into some of the details as to how a supernova could cause damage to the Earth’s atmosphere and the life therein — because, let’s face it, a star’s core collapse would be bad news if it were in our cosmic backyard — but as there’s no dying stars around, why be concerned?

But here’s the kicker. What about a gamma-ray burst, the supernova’s big bad cousin?

As a massive star runs out of fuel and collapses, sometimes it may form a black hole. These massive dying stars are called Wolf-Rayet (WR) stars, my favorite stellar objects. If the conditions are right, it is thought that as a WR star collapses and stellar material starts to fall into the newborn singularity, powerful jets of radiation will blast from the exploding star’s poles.

Should Earth be in the line-of-sight of one of these bad boys then, well, bad news for us.

Probably the most scary thing about GRBs is their range. Should Earth be caught in the cross-hairs of a GRB, its radiation would hurt us even if the star was 10,000 light-years distant.

Fortunately, these kinds of local events happen approximately every 15 million years or so, and the nearest gamma-ray burst on record occurred a rather remote 1.3 billion light-years away.

So where are the doomsayers getting their information from if the science (and statistics) is telling us that a nearby supernova or GRB isn’t expected any time soon?

Well, in the effort to build the fear-factor for the impending end of the Mayan “Long Count” calendar (plus an unhealthy dose of superstition and conspiracy), 2012ers are busy trying to sell their personal versions of doom.

Oddly enough, most doomsayers have a book to sell or website to advertise, so I won’t be getting my doomsday “science” from those wingnuts.

*My own fabricated doomsday event. Everyone else is inventing end-of-the-world scenarios, so why can’t I?

Of the scenarios listed, I think kamikaze lemmings is the most plausible. Oh, wait, lemmings are natural kamikazes in the first place.

Darn. Well maybe Ian can get them little planes with little bombs to make it more realistic.

That could be fun.

Anyway, here’s a simple rule of thumb you can use when dealing with rumors like these. If they involve you being able to buy a T-shirt or survival kit, they are a scam. If they involve any form of numerology, they are deluded. If they involve all of the above, plus some religion, they are dangerous.

Just avoid them all and you can live a long, happy, life.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Next week Friday, at 9:10 AM on WBIG 1280 AM, we are going to have a nice Holiday Special dedicated to all the fans of this blog and it’s radio version, The Big Wake Up Call. It will be fun and acceptable for the whole family. In other words, today’s blog will not be a part of it, not even by rumor. On the other hand, I guarantee that this will be the one blog you share with your friends if only for the reason that no one will believe you without a link and pictures. And video. Of course I have video. What kind of World News dude would I be without video?

But before I link to the video I need to prep you for what it is you’ll be seeing.

First off I have to let you know that a lot of adults got together and thought this was a great idea. Not just any adults, many were professional educators. Not only did this idea get out of the planning stages, they actually made it a school sponsored event. Worse, they corralled their best and brightest students into participating, albeit unwittingly.

Okay, keep in mind that what happened happened in public so it only got as bad as it could under those circumstances. I have no desire whatsoever to know what would have happened in a private setting.

They were told to expect a kiss from a ‘special someone’.

But the joke was on teenagers at Rosemount High School when the mystery lip locks they suspected came from their classmates… were actually from their parents.

Now that footage of the cringe-worthy pep rally prank has gone viral, John Wollersheim says as the school principal he owes an apology to everyone who was offended by the incestual display.

A KARE-TV report says the prank for last week’s assembly was planned by the staff.

The winter-sport team captains were blindfolded as their mothers and fathers approached. A video posted on YouTube shows some of the kisses lasting several seconds.

One parent-child pair even moves to the gym floor, rolling around on top of one another.

In another moment of inappropriate passion, a mother moves her son‘s hand south so far he appears to grab her rear.

After the make out sessions end, the students are asked to guess whose lips met theirs.

‘Um, they had luscious lips,’ says one male student.

Ripping the blindfold off, he’s shocked to see, not a female student – but his own mother standing in front of him, as the crowd laughs.

Mr. Wollersheim said the video shows only a single minute of a 30-minute assembly, but he’s not making excuses. He says the intent was to leave students feeling ‘pepped’, not embarrassed.

Mr Wollersheim told the network: ‘This is supposed to be a fun event and it should leave everyone feeling pepped and if it’s leaving people not feeling good or embarrassed or hurt then that’s the exact opposite of what we’re trying to do.’

One YouTube commenter, claiming to be a student at Rosemount, called the prank is a ‘tradition that only happens every six years or something.’

But Mr Wollersheim said it will not happen again on his watch.

‘As principal I am responsible for everything that happens in the school so, ultimately, I am the person that needs to answer for this,’ he continued.

‘I know there are people who are upset about what they have seen and as principal I am responsible for what happens here. For all the people who are offended, they are genuinely offended, and I owe them an apology.’

I realize that the news may be a little slow to get to Minnesota but I’m sure that even they have heard rumors about what happened at Penn State and Syracuse. And, maybe, just maybe, someone might have thought that a round of high spirited incestuous pedophilia might not be such a good move? Even in quest of the saintly goal of making the students “feel pepped.”

Just FYI, when I was 16 and lip-locked with a hottie, the pep I felt required readjustment of my pants. I would not want to be in that mood and then find out that said hottie was my mom. Not even Dr. Phil could make that right.

Obviously they didn’t put any intelligent thought into this. And most, being obvious products of inbreeding themselves, still don’t seem to understand why people are upset. Read the principal’s apology above. He apologizes if they offended anyone, not for the acts themselves. In a different interview he noted that none of the students or parents involved in the kissing have complained to him.

This man is a moron.

What can a kid possibly say in that situation? His/her parents were in on the plan, the teachers and faculty approved the plan, what the heck good does complaining do at this point? All the people he/she could complain to are the problem. That’s becomes especially clear now that this video (see, I promised you video) came out.

All we can hope is that none of these screwed up kids have anything to do with the educational system when they grow up. There’s enough problems as it is.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jQzzaiP9l4&w=640&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

First and foremost, R.I.P. Christopher Hitchens, one of my favorite authors. One thing all can agree on, when it comes to Hitchens is that he made his own choices in life. A heavy drinker, chain smoker and relentless pursuer of the truth, he died just like he lived. On his own terms. Just far too soon. In many ways he was a role model, in many others not so much so. Of course the same could be said about most of us. We have our good points and our bad. At then end life breaks out the scales and sees which side outweighed the other. Hitchens broke into the newspaper, and later book, industry the old fashioned way. He simply wrote the pants off of his contemporaries. Of course, times have changed. Now he’d probably have to blog for a few years, see how his hit count stacked up against others, if he could get a sponsor or two and then, and only then, could he be considered for a job. Simply put the world has become crowded with people who claim to have talent in various fields. If you want the latest music just log onto You Tube and you can see thousands of talentless hacks demanding your attention. If you want literature, just slap a genre into Google and prepare to scour millions of blogs all claiming to be the best thing to happen to literature since Chaucer. Not that 99.999% of them will have the slightest clue who Chaucer was, but that’s not the point. They have a blog and they’re not afraid to use it. Over the last 25 years or so the filters have been removed. People no longer have to be vetted by their peers to reach the public eye. In some cases that has been a good thing. Voices that would have been lost to us are now heard. But those are the exceptions, not the rule.

Still, like any good market, the Internet seems to be sorting itself out. i-Tunes, which used to allow any idiot with an MP3 to get a slot now requires that said idiot have distribution, and an aggregator if they don’t have a label. It still allows a lot to get through but they are getting a firmer handle on things. Authors can still self publish, it’s even easier these days thanks to Kindle, but getting a market for your book – beyond friends and family – requires a capital investment large enough to guarantee shelf space at book stores and advertising on line. Both these methods allow the hobbyist to release their stuff for their “fans” but winnow the serious contenders down dramatically before the public is forced to try and choose.

In other words, you need a way to separate yourself from the crowd. Wedding planners in China have caused a minor stir, and the arrest of a local millionaire, for offering strippers for wedding receptions.

They come with the band.

A Chinese man has been arrested after hiring two strippers for his son’s wedding reception, which didn’t sit well with fellow villagers.

Zhang Cheng from Xuzhou, Jiangsu province, had originally planned to hire a band for his son’s special day, before changing his mind. Why? Well, according to the Global Times, Cheng was informed that the strippers would have “special features”.

The newspaper added: “After watching the show, Zhang decided it would be appropriate for his son’s wedding and requested two strippers for the event.

“Barely five minutes had passed before hundreds of villagers in the conservative community were swarming to the venue, trying to catch a glimpse.”

While I’m not entirely sure why the villagers would have reported the incident if they were trying to “catch a glimpse”, I can report that Cheng was arrested the following day, although the charge remains unclear.

According to Financial Times blogger Ranjit Lall, “Jiangsu has been China’s largest recipient of foreign direct investment for the last four years.” I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to wonder what all the money’s being spent on.

Let’s see, middle aged white guys with lots of money whose wives are at home …. gosh, who would have believed a sex industry would have blossomed in that moral environment? And the Chinese are not exactly the cutting edge provocateurs of woman’s rights in the first place.

I’m sure the ladies are using the money they earn to go to college. And become politicians.

Just like Maria Kozhevnikova (which should be spelled Maria Kozhevnikoba if you want to pronounce it right), who has become a ranking member of the Russian government less than two years after she took off all her clothes for Playboy.

A Playboy playmate has been elected as one of Vladimir Putin’s MPs in the Russian parliament, giving him some cheer after all the recent protests against election fraud by his party.

Maria Kozhevnikova, 27, an actress, posed nude for the Russian edition of the magazine two years ago soon after breaking up from a boyfriend.

She featured on the cover and seven revealing pages were devoted to her inside the magazine.

‘Playboy magazine invites readers to meet Maria and get to know her better,’ boasted the title.

The daughter of a Soviet ice hockey player, Alexander Kozhevnikov, who was twice an Olympic champion, Maria was a lead singer in Russian group called Love Stories before taking on film roles.

She is now best known as a star in Univers, a TV sitcom about student life.

Like former spy and glamour icon Anna Chapman, she was a member of the Young Guard of Putin’s political party United Russia, which is currently facing allegations of vote-rigging after this month winning a narrow overall majority in parliament.

Putin says killing of Gaddafi was repulsive as he accuses opponents of working with West to destabilise Russia

‘For me this is an absolutely big event in my life,’ she said after being confirmed as the new MP for ice-clad Tomsk in Siberia.

‘I’m just an ordinary citizen of the Russian Federation. With the problems I face every day, now I’ll be provided a platform where I can speak up the difficulties and offer solutions.’

She insisted: ‘I think now the time has come when the young people’s voice is listened to. The future of our country belongs to young people, and we must also be involved.

‘I faced the problems of not being able to find a job after college, or buy an apartment by myself.’

Despite portraying herself as just like any other Russian woman, whispers in Moscow say her family is close to a Putin ally.

And she showed her loyalty to strongman premier Putin – who is now standing for a return to the Kremlin presidency – by criticising those behind the recent protests against him.

She warned of ‘professional provocateurs’ whose mission was to ‘ignite’ the people.

‘This can lead to a lot of victims among the ordinary people,’ she said.

She made clear she stands for a ‘strong Russia’ under Putin.

The actress-turned-politician originally intended to go into gymnastics, the main career of another United Russia MP Alina Kabaeva, who also posed semi-nude for a Russian magazine.

Kabaeva, 28, who twice won Olympic gold medals in rhythmic gymnastics, has been romantically linked to Putin, though both sides deny a relationship.

But what do you do for a career if you don’t have the physical attributes, or the desire, to be a stripper or nude model? In other words, where do you go if you want to use your brain? According to Deborah Acosta of the Miami Herald, you don’t want to go to Florida. Young people there are re-enacting Exodus to get the heck away from there.

When Christina Caldwell moved back to her native Miami after living out west for six years, she planned to remain. But after two years of dead-end jobs as a bartender and receptionist, she left for California — for good. She now makes more than $100,000 a year at a post-production company in Venice Beach.

“I would never, ever move back to Miami,” she says.

Christina is not alone: South Florida is losing young people in droves, according to recent national and local studies. The area’s high unemployment rate, lack of innovative jobs and huge income gaps have created a perfect storm that many young people are unwilling to wait out.

One study by the Brookings Institute ranks South Florida as fifth among the top five metro areas losing residents in the 25-34 year-old demographic group along with New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago. The study, released in October, looked at six years’ worth of data, from 2005-2010, from the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey to rank 51 U.S. metropolitan areas by annual average net migration.

The Miami Herald asked members of this group why so many opted to leave, using an online database of sources who are part of the Public Insight Network .

“There weren’t that many opportunities here,” said Victor Thompson, 33.

Thompson, who grew up in Miami-Dade, went to Florida International University and started his tech career in South Florida at a local Yahoo.com office in Coral Gables.

When he outgrew the local tech industry, he took a position with Sony as lead producer for Crackle Movies en Español, a move that required relocation to California. He’s going in January with his wife and newborn daughter, although somewhat reluctantly.

“It’s tough to realize that you have to leave your home to stay in your job,” he said.

At 10 percent, South Florida’s unemployment rate is much higher than the country’s 8.6 percent, making it more difficult for first-time job seekers to penetrate the local job market.

The area also has one of the smallest shares of tech jobs, lagging most other competing metro areas, according to a study commissioned by Miami-Dade’s economic development agency, the Beacon Council. The council’s study, released earlier this month, also shows that South Florida trails behind in innovation and young professionals.

“I can’t think of one friend in South Florida who has a successful career,” said Lauren Hord, 31, who moved back to Seattle in August after trying to settle in her native South Florida numerous times.

This time, she says, she’s not coming back.

“All of my high school friends with successful careers are in New York, Los Angeles, Seattle,” said Hord, who attended Pine Crest, a Broward private school with a stellar reputation.

The Beacon Council study supports Hord’s conclusion.

Despite South Florida’s high concentration of college students, the region has fewer young professionals compared to competing metro areas nationwide. The young professionals who remain have a lower educational attainment than those in most other competing metros. For instance, 27.8 percent of South Florida’s residents have a bachelor’s degree or higher, compared with 37.4 percent in Seattle’s metro area, according to the Beacon Council study.

In other words, not only is South Florida losing its educated young professionals, it may be losing the best and the brightest.

“People that I’ve worked with, that are geniuses, are gone,’’ said Thompson, who is gearing up for his relocation to Los Angeles. “That’s why I call it a brain drain — because smart people are leaving.”

Miami-Dade also finished last in its share of college-educated residents when compared with 15 similar metro areas, according to the Beacon Council-commissioned study.

Seattle, Denver, Houston, Dallas and Austin are the top five metro areas gaining residents in the 25-34 year-old demographic, in contrast to South Florida.

Those top cities have the right combination of “the three T’s,” says Richard Florida, an American urban studies theorist and Professor at the Rotman School of Management in the University of Toronto. He defines those as talent, tolerance and technology — qualities, he says, that are imperative in attracting the kind of people that will help build a better economy.

“Miami does very well on diversity, amenity and lifestyle, but it doesn’t have the tech economy or business base to create the kind of job activity that will draw or retain young people,” said Florida, who resides in Miami Beach half the year.

Not all the young professionals who move out of Miami, however, are finding success.

Lke most of the young migrants the Herald spoke to, Alex Montalvo, 33, had countless other reasons for leaving Miami for Seattle two months ago. Chief among them: sense of community.

“South Florida doesn’t offer much for the middle class. The nightlife, the eating options, the maneuverability, all favor the wealthy,” Montalvo said in response to a query from the Herald. “It’s a fun place, but becoming too expensive and with a lack of a vibrant middle class.”

But he’s having difficulty finding a suitable position.

In Miami, where he worked for seven years, he helped develop community environmental education programs for the City of Miami; at various times, he was interim executive director and program director.

Now he’s applying for less-senior positions at nonprofit organizations in Seattle. But he’s not getting any callbacks.
“I feel like Miami in some ways didn’t prepare me enough for a workplace outside of Miami,” he said. “Maybe I didn’t have the right professional development. I’m asking myself those questions now.”

South Florida had the nation’s second-highest rate of income inequality from 2005-2009, according to another report issued in October by the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey. This income chasm is among the reasons Liana Minassian, 25, is leaving for Los Angeles on Jan. 14.

After graduating from the University of Miami, she had hoped to settle in Coral Gables but is finding it hard to fit in.

“The majority of my friends have left,” said Minassian, who grew up in Pembroke Pines, and now works as a secretary at the UM Humanities Center. “It kind of confirms what I already think: that no one really wants to stay here.”

Despite the statistics, Richard Florida said things are looking up.

South Florida is “in the early stages of transitioning from a tourism to a quality of life city,” he said. It was becoming a place in which people want to live, he added.

The housing market implosion is helping, he says. Because of the depressed housing market, more young people and families — and fewer wealthy snowbirds — are moving into the downtown areas.

“That creates an active vibrant environment that is likely to serve the city and region well in the future,” he said.

Florida also pointed to the budding art communities in Miami’s Wynwood and downtown areas as a step in the right direction, but he thinks allowing proposed casinos in these areas would undo a lot of the progress.

“The casino is a step backward from where a great, vibrant, locally rooted, diverse community should be going,” he said.

Minassian is pleased with the urban growth in the Wynwood and downtown neighborhoods but says they aren’t yet thriving enough to keep her around.

“I just hope that the people who do like it enough to stay will have a hand in helping to make it so people don’t always leave.”

Having been to South Beach and Miami several times over the past few years I can sum it up thusly. In South Beach there is a boutique that sells the latest fashions at prices that would stun you. Three blocks away, where the poor people live, you can get last years fashions at K-Mart prices. Why? Because there is no middle class to pick up the slack. There are no TJ Max’s or anything like that. You either have the latest and most expensive or you got crap.

By the way, there are some great deals there as long as you don’t wear the stuff in Miami where they’ll make fun of you.

Then again, as regular readers know, Florida is where the gene pool went to die.

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