The Gift of Santa

Yesterday I took a stroll down memory lane to bring everyone up to date on the history of wassailing. If you need a short answer just remove the “w” from the word and you’re left with “assail,” which is a form of “assault” which describes the tradition nicely. As you may have figured out Christmas wasn’t always a time of sweetness and nice. The original holiday was glommed onto a pagan holiday, Saturnalia to be specific, to try and convert pagans to Christianity. Despite all the TV specials and holiday…

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Sing a Little Holiday Song

I promised my co-host Ryan Gatenby that, when we did our Christmas special this coming Friday at 9:10 AM on WBIG 1280 AM, I would have uplifting stuff to discuss. Or, if not uplifting, at least not patently offensive. To get things started in the right direction, I’m going to re-post an article I wrote way back on November 20 of last year. This was months before I was allowed anywhere near the radio show so it will all be new to the listeners. And, since last November we have…

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Mr. Sun Still Loves You

If you’ve been living in or around Chicago this past week your news cycle has been polluted by the official drug dealer of the NFL – accept no substitutions – and Chicago’s crazy mayor who wants dictatorial powers whenever guests come to town. Since Chicago is a hotbed of tourism, I guess that means for ever. And ever and ever …. yeah. I’m sure everything will be fine. But, because of these picayune stories you may have missed out on a couple that probably would have held your interest had…

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What The **** Were They Thinking?

Next week Friday, at 9:10 AM on WBIG 1280 AM, we are going to have a nice Holiday Special dedicated to all the fans of this blog and it’s radio version, The Big Wake Up Call. It will be fun and acceptable for the whole family. In other words, today’s blog will not be a part of it, not even by rumor. On the other hand, I guarantee that this will be the one blog you share with your friends if only for the reason that no one will believe…

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Career Choices

First and foremost, R.I.P. Christopher Hitchens, one of my favorite authors. One thing all can agree on, when it comes to Hitchens is that he made his own choices in life. A heavy drinker, chain smoker and relentless pursuer of the truth, he died just like he lived. On his own terms. Just far too soon. In many ways he was a role model, in many others not so much so. Of course the same could be said about most of us. We have our good points and our bad.…

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What Century is This?

I woke up today, performed my morning ablations, made a light breakfast, flipped on the news and discovered I’d fallen a hundred or more years into the past. And, somehow I’d done so in increments. While science tries to figure out how I got here and, more importantly to me, how to get me back, …. oh, I’m kidding, I didn’t travel through time. It just seems like it. And not in a good way. We’ll start with the mildly clueless and work our way down to the “you have…

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People We’ve Almost Killed

You know there are so many ways to have fun in modern society that we tend to forget about some of the most basic. I’m not talking about family night, watching Uncle Milty on TV Land or slipping Aunt Gertie her bottle, that mom tried to hide, so she can do her Snuffaluffagus impersonation. Nor am I talking about picnics or holding hands or even sex. Although I like sex and think we should all have more of it. Maybe not you and I, that could get awkward, but you…

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The Various Fountains of Youth

Ponce de Leon wandered through Florida looking for the legendary Fountain of Youth. He found gators and mosquitoes and not much else. Keep in mind that this was long before Disney World and local residents had spoiled the state beyond repair. According to de Leon’s journals it was all quite beautiful, as long as you didn’t get eaten by the local fauna. But the main reason for de Leon’s epic search was to find a way to ensure that he, and his followers, would remain forever young. Oh, allegedly, he…

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A Happy Holiday Blog

When I was about four years old and Santa was more real than anything else in my world, I went to a shopping center (there were no malls back then) to see Santa. I was one kid away from getting to sit on Santa’s lap when the kid already there started giving Santa grief. After a few moments of playful bantering Saint Nick had had enough and let fly with “Do not f**k with my jolly, you little brat.” That was when I discovered how certain kids got on the…

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It’s 2 ** 2 ** 2 Conspiracies in One!

I have pointed out, on a few occasions, how a good conspiracy theory starts. You start with one fact, say, “dogs scratch when they have fleas” and then attach it to another random fact, for example, “man scratches his head when he thinks” and publish on the internet that you have proof – PROOF I TELL YOU!!!! – that “Thinking causes fleas.” Or, if you want to be very specific, you start with one fact like “It took accurate cutting to make pyramids” and then extrapolate outwards at random angles…

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