Really? You Actually Believe That?

Idiots, Whales and Dollies! Oh My!
First off, a moment of silence. Hollywood lost one of its greats today. Cheetah, the true star of many 1930’s Tarzan movies as passed away at the tender age of 80. For those of you considering a simian companion, I feel I should point out that most of you won’t even sniff 80, let alone live that long. So, you might want to go the puppy route instead. Or kitty. Kitties are nice too.

Okay, before we get to our big story of stupidity today, I want to look at one that’s been getting lots of Twitter play and so on. As you know, if it’s on Twitter it must be important. That’s where I found out that Chad Ochocinco has good taste in men’s foot wear.

Anyway, the nice people at MSNBC have the complete story of a line of profanity laden dolls.

They play. They giggle. But, then, say some angry consumers, the You and Me Play and Giggle Triplet dolls say “OK, crazy b****.”

The adorable-looking dolls, clad in their pajamas with matching nightcaps, make babbling sounds and move their heads and are made exclusively for the Toys “R” Us brand, reported NBCPhiladelphia.com on Monday. The store defended the product and said what customers claim they are hearing is a misunderstanding.

“Obviously we would not sell a doll that uses profanity. What you’re hearing is just baby babble…There are no plans to pull it off the shelves,” Toys “R” Us spokeswoman Jennifer Albano told the NBC Philadelphia’s Lu Ann Cahn.

But others disagreed. An Oaklyn, N.J., grandmother, Pauline Davis, had bought the Giggle Triplets as a last-minute gift on Christmas Eve and was appalled when she got home to test out the dolls before giving them to her grandchildren, the website reported.

“I’m stunned … There’s no mistake about it. The baby does use the B-word that ends in H,” Davis said.

Davis called up the Cherry Hill, N.J. store where she bought the dolls. The store apologized to her, Davis told NBC Philadelphia.

“They were appalled,” Davis said. “But it still doesn’t change things. Who released this doll?”

NBC Philadelphia went to the Cherry Hill Toys “R” Us to test out the dolls and found them on sale, all saying the same thing. Toys “R” Us maintained the toy wasn’t using profanity, and said they had no plans to take it off shelves.

I would imagine it can’t be that hard to distinguish between “ga ga goo goo” and “OK, crazy b****.” For the record, when I listened to the doll online, I clearly heard the “crazy b***h” part, but the “Okay” was kind of lost.

Yep, that was funny and stupid.

Now let’s move on to scary freaking morons. Reuters is reporting that there are people who think they get sore throats from dirty colons – no, I don’t want to think about how – and others who think the ocean became salty due to excess whale sperm.

Yes, these people are idiots. But, since they are famous, even stupider people believe them.

From whale sperm to colon cleansers to the shape of a woman’s foot when she has an orgasm, celebrities did not disappoint during 2011 with their penchant for peddling suspect science in the world’s media.

In its annual list of what it considers the year’s worst abuses against science, the Sense About Science (SAS) campaign named U.S. reality TV star Nicole Polizzi, Republican presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann and American singer-songwriter Suzi Quatro as top offenders, with their dubious views on why the sea is salty, the risks of cervical cancer vaccines and the colon.

“I used to get a lot of sore throats and then one of my sisters told me that all illnesses start in the colon. I started taking a daily colon cleanser powder mixed with fresh juice every morning and it made an enormous difference,” Quatro told the Daily Mail newspaper.

But SAS was keen to dispel such myths. It asked qualified scientists from various disciplines to comment on some of the worst celebrity science offences.

“The colon is very important in some diseases, but it certainly is not the cause of all illnesses,” said Melita Gordon, a consultant gastroenterologist said in the review.

“Sore throats do not come from your colon; they are caused by viruses that come in through your nose and mouth. Taking ‘colon cleansers’ has no beneficial effect on your throat – or on your colon.”

While the review is partly about entertainment, the campaign group stresses it also has a serious aim – to make sure pseudo-science is not allowed to become accepted as true.

After Bachmann used an appearance on a U.S. television show to tell a story of a woman from Tampa, Florida, who said her daughter had become “mentally retarded” after getting an HPV vaccine designed to protect against cervical cancer, doctors said they feared the damage done may take many years to reverse.

“It’s tempting to dismiss celebrity comments on science and health, but their views travel far and wide and, once uttered, a celebrity cancer prevention idea or environmental claim is hard to reverse,” said SAS’s managing director Tracey Brown.

“At a time when celebrities dominate the public realm, the pressure for sound science and evidence must keep pace.”

The review also highlighted a bizarre quote from U.S. TV personality Polizzi, who declared recently: “I don’t really like the beach. I hate sharks, and the water’s all whale sperm. That’s why the ocean’s salty.”

Simon Boxall, a marine expert and oceanographer dismissed Polizzi’s suggestion. “It would take a lot of whale sperm to make the sea that salty,” he said.

Some of the most intriguing pseudo-scientific suggestions came via repeated second hand information picked up at parties – never the most reliable source.

Christian Louboutin, a French footwear designer, was taken with something a fellow party guest told him about shoes.
“She said that what is sexual in a high heel is the arch of the foot, because it is exactly the position of a woman’s foot when she orgasms. So putting your foot in a heel, you are putting yourself in a possibly orgasmic situation,” he explained.

Kevan Wylie, a consultant in sexual medicine, responded drily that it’s important to differentiate cause from effect.
“A woman’s foot may be in this position during orgasm, but that does not mean that putting her foot into this position under other circumstances will result in orgasm,” he said.

To recap:

(1) There aren’t enough whales on the planet to spooge an ocean salty. Not even a hundred times their number could accomplish it.

(2) While the throat does lead to the colon, the trip is one way only. If something goes so far up your butt that it comes out your throat, you’re dead, not ill.

(3) If women could orgasm just by bending their foot men would never see them again.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2up7su7CeMU&w=500&h=319]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, Friday morning around 9:10
for his version of a New Year’s special!

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