Archives for November 2011

The nice thing about this job is that I can just let my mind wander and contemplate great thoughts. For example, today I found myself wondering if any men still call their penis a tallywhacker and, if so, why? I also contemplated the great mysteries of life that concern the male fascination with the female anatomy. That took several hours of dedicated research. I can now officially attest that men do, indeed, look at women. In other words, as you can plainly see, I earn every penny I make here. Today we are going to discuss a couple of other people, who are paid far more than I am, who have also been contemplating heady stuff. One is a prime example of a group of idiots being allowed to breathe our precious air and the other sounds insane at first blush until you realize he makes 100% sense.

Let’s start with the waste of air.

The European Union assembled a bunch of their best scientists who spent a lot of other people’s money to come to the conclusion that water doesn’t provide hydration.

EU officials concluded that, following a three-year investigation, there was no evidence to prove the previously undisputed fact.

Producers of bottled water are now forbidden by law from making the claim and will face a two-year jail sentence if they defy the edict, which comes into force in the UK next month.

Last night, critics claimed the EU was at odds with both science and common sense. Conservative MEP Roger Helmer said: “This is stupidity writ large.

“The euro is burning, the EU is falling apart and yet here they are: highly-paid, highly-pensioned officials worrying about the obvious qualities of water and trying to deny us the right to say what is patently true.

“If ever there were an episode which demonstrates the folly of the great European project then this is it.”

NHS health guidelines state clearly that drinking water helps avoid dehydration, and that Britons should drink at least 1.2 litres per day.

The Department for Health disputed the wisdom of the new law. A spokesman said: “Of course water hydrates. While we support the EU in preventing false claims about products, we need to exercise common sense as far as possible.”

German professors Dr Andreas Hahn and Dr Moritz Hagenmeyer, who advise food manufacturers on how to advertise their products, asked the European Commission if the claim could be made on labels.

They compiled what they assumed was an uncontroversial statement in order to test new laws which allow products to claim they can reduce the risk of disease, subject to EU approval.

They applied for the right to state that “regular consumption of significant amounts of water can reduce the risk of development of dehydration” as well as preventing a decrease in performance.

However, last February, the European Food Standards Authority (EFSA) refused to approve the statement.

A meeting of 21 scientists in Parma, Italy, concluded that reduced water content in the body was a symptom of dehydration and not something that drinking water could subsequently control.

Now the EFSA verdict has been turned into an EU directive which was issued on Wednesday.

In other words, according to these morons, curing the symptom isn’t good enough. Tell that to anyone who’s had malaria. Quinine doesn’t cure malaria, it cures the symptoms. And, by so doing, allows the patient to live. Without curing the symptoms the patient dies. It’s that simple.

It’s not that hard people. We learned this in 4th grade.

Oh well, this next guy sounds nuts but you have to follow along to understand what he’s saying. A Peruvian mayor claims that drinking water can make men homosexual.

And, he may be right.

In one of the most unusual claims about homosexuality to emerge in some time, a Peruvian mayor is blaming the high mineral levels in the area’s drinking water for a perceived increase in the number of gay men residing in his town.

As Pink News is reporting, Huarmey Mayor Jose Benitez made the bizarre comments at the launch of a local water access project, where he noted high levels of strontium in the tap water. The drinking water comes from Tabalosos, a town which a Lima-based television station once claimed was inhabited by 14,000 gay men.

“Unfortunately strontium reduces male hormones and suddenly we’ll be as Tabalosos, as other towns, where the percentages are increasing of homosexuality,” Benitez is quoted by LGBT Asylum News as saying. “Young people have low self-esteem by this stigma.”

Dr. Robert Castro Rodriguez, dean of the College of Pharmaceutical Chemistry of Lima, quickly dismissed Benitez’s claims, telling Peruvian radio that large amounts of strontium in the body eventually lead to bone cancer, anemia and cardiovascular complications –- but not homosexuality.

It’s not the first eyebrow-raising claim about homosexuality to emerge out of Peru. In 2009, Peruvian Interior Minister Mercedes Cabanillas announced it would ban homosexuals from the police force for damaging the image of the institution, reports the BBC.

Similarly, Bolivian President Evo Morales decried chicken producers who inject female hormones into their fowl, “and because of that, men who consume them have problems being men,” reports The Los Angeles Times.

He probably should have said that “drinking Peruvian water” has the adverse side effects but that may have gotten lost in the translation. And the nice aside that the polluted water will only cause ” bone cancer, anemia and cardiovascular complications” is not as helpful as it may seem.

Also, the Bolivian president’s concerns about genetically modified foods mirror those of me and millions of others. Speaking as someone who has lived on a farm I can tell you that the differences between the foods you eat and the ones they raise are scarily different.

And that doesn’t even begin to consider the crap people are forced to eat if they buy “fast food.” To put it simply, the ingredients in a McRib are the same as those in a yoga mat.

YUMMY!

Also, in the “I knew this would happen” department, there is now a porno based on the Occupy movement. And, much to everyone’s surprise, I haven’t seen it.

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/21403547 w=501&h=301]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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Cliches make writing easy. Gotta scandal? Toss the word “gate” on it and everyone knows what you mean even if they have no clue that the original referred to a rather nice hotel. I should know, I’ve stayed there. And if you’re throwing a big shin dig that’s guaranteed to be lots of fun for all? Toss “palooza” at the end even if you have no clue who Perry Farrell is or why you should care. I can even remember when Xerox had to sue to get control over their own brand name because so many people were using it as synonym for photocopying that no one remembered it was a real company. Thanksgiving comes with its own cliches. It is the time of year when writers, even lowly ones such as me, are expected to share stories of warmth and camaraderie to show that we aren’t truly jaded jerks or, worse yet, avid sociopaths. And, for what it’s worth, I’d love to help you out. But I can’t. Don’t get me wrong, my childhood had its share of happy moments. I’d have been in prison long ago if it didn’t. But the fact is that my childhood was a segmented affair. Spent here with one group of family and there with another. And there were lots of segments. The consistent underpinning, living with my grandparents, had some moments but wouldn’t come close to being anything the modern nuclear family would recognize as warm and fuzzy. More like tolerated moments of dutiful obligations, followed by Lawrence Welk.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I realized why kids often thought me odd. When we’d talk about this or that family event I never had a corollary. So when I’d share my personal moments I may as well have been speaking Swahili for all the understanding I garnered. But that was my life and it was the only life I knew so I went with it. Not that I had any options, but I never complained.

It was what it was.

Now my immediate family is all dead. And, somehow, it just doesn’t seem right to drag them into some maudlin display of emotion just to make you bust out a hankie and think all is right in the world. But, if you must have treacle with your tryptophan, allow me to share this blogger’s holiday classic.

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Patricia, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs…

There. Feel better now?

Okay, let’s take a look at some Thanksgiving facts that you may not know.

The First Thanksgiving was only eaten with Spoons and Knives
Forks are something that most people take for granted but imagine eating your turkey with a spoon instead of a fork this year. The reason for the fork being absent was because it was not brought by the pilgrims in 1620. It was introduced ten years later by Governor Winthrop of Massachusetts but it was not brought into popular use until the 18th century.

Thanksgiving is not only celebrated in the United States
For those of you who don’t know, the Canadians also celebrate their own form of Thanksgiving. They however celebrate it on the second Monday of October. Throughout their history the Canadians have been known to celebrate days of thanks but it was after the American Revolution, when Americans who were still loyal to Britain moved to Canada. They brought their traditions of Thanksgiving with them and the Canadians began celebrating Thanksgiving as an end to the Harvest. And they Canadians actually refer to our Thanksgiving as “Yanksgiving” in order to differentiate it from their own Thanksgiving.

It is a Presidential Tradition to pardon one turkey each year
President Truman started this tradition in 1947. He handpicked a turkey and then sent it off to live the rest of its days at Frying Pan Park in Herndon, Virginia. It has become tradition that two turkeys be pardoned (in case the first turkey become unavailable). The people of the United States actually get to vote on the name of the turkey. This year President Obama pardoned a turkey named Courage and had it sent to Disneyland.

Benjamin Franklin wanted the Turkey to be the national bird of the United States
Luckily for those of us who prefer the Eagle, Thomas Jefferson was opposed to this idea and fought Benjamin Franklin on it. It has been rumored that Benjamin Franklin named the male Turkey “Tom” in retaliation. Franklin’s reasoning was that the turkey has a much greater significance to the American people (being the main food source for the Pilgrims) and he claimed that the Eagle had “bad moral character.”

The best way to check if a Cranberry is ripe is to bounce it
If you want to know if a cranberry is ripe then all you need to do it throw it at the ground and measure how high it bounces. As long as it bounces higher than four inches it is ready to be picked. Who knew that is what it takes to make the perfect cranberry sauce for your Thanksgiving. The cranberry is actually one of only three fruits that are native to North America and it is served at 94% of Thanksgiving dinners.

Thanksgiving has not always been the fourth Thursday of November
It was Abraham Lincoln that slated Thanksgiving as the fourth Thanksgiving of November. In 1939 President Franklin Roosevelt moved Thanksgiving up a week in the hope that it would move up the Christmas shopping season and be fruitful to retailers. The move was proven to be very unpopular and it was changed back two years later.

Thanksgiving brought about the creation of T.V. Dinners
Part of the reason that Swanson started creating T.V. Dinners in 1953 was because they needed to find something to do with 260 tons of frozen turkeys that were left over from Thanksgiving. Talk about a lot of Turkey dinners!

Think you have it rough imagine feeding 140 people for 3 days!
The first thanksgiving was comprised of the surviving 50 Pilgrims and 90 Wampanoag Indians. This was definitely an endeavor because there were only 5 surviving women. Just imagine the amount of food that would involve and cooking trying to keep that many men well-fed for three straight days.

Turkeys in Space
Turkeys as food have become such an important staple and comfort food of Americans that Turkey has even been served in space. The first meal in space was a Turkey dinner and Thanksgiving has been celebrated on a number of space shuttles including the Columbia and the Mir.

Americans eat the weight of Singapore in Turkey every Thanksgiving
According to a study done by the National Turkey Association Americans ate 690 million pounds of turkey during Thanksgiving 2007. That is equal to the weight of the entire population of Singapore. If that isn’t enough to make you feel stuffed then nothing will.

I have a friend who lives in Singapore. She would be appalled by that. She’s a vegetarian and confused enough, as it is, by American behaviors.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjKF7aQthcQ&w=500&h=319]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Western religion has had a long problem with the whole idea of sex. Some of the earliest porn can be found in the Old Testament, or the Talmud if you prefer, with the Songs of Solomon of the tales of Bathsheba. Yet right along side those tales are the many admonitions against everything (except selling your daughters) in Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Among others. The various western religions preach peace above all else and, yet, glorify the stories of King David. A guy who sent his buddy to die so he could bang his wife. And that was one the of the nicer things he’s credited with. So it should come as no surprise that, after several thousand years of confused indoctrination, western societies have some issues with the whole sex thing. Back in 2005 the Catholic Church fired Professor Caterina Bonci for being too sexy to teach young people. The fact that it took them 14 years to notice she was too sexy should come as no surprise since history has shown that they tend to dwell on problems, i.e., the world is round, for a while before coming to any rash decisions.

Well, the world has come a long way since then.

I’ve written about the phenomena of Pole Dancing for Jesus. Well, one pastor in New York has added to that theme by encouraging his congregants to Kiss for Christ.

A New York City pastor is delivering sermons on how to keep marriages alive that feature public kissing contests during services.

Pastor Maurice Johnson of the non-denominational Winners Church in Queens gives sermons, titled “The Power and Pleasure of Romance,” to highlight the importance of marriage in the African-American community, the New York Post reported Saturday.

“Some people were like, ‘It seems strange to do at church,'” he said, “but they thought it was very creative.”

During services, held in the PS 38 gym in the Queens borough’s Rosedale neighborhood, four married couples are asked to approach the pulpit. Then, accompanied by R&B music, the couples demonstrate their passion by making out for 5 minutes.

The congregation then chooses a winning couple by applause. The most amorous pair win $50 to spend on a date.

“You see kissing in all kinds of contexts, but you don’t necessarily see it in a marriage context,” said Frantz Cochy, 39, who won the contest with his wife of 13 years, Makeetah, 36. “I wasn’t embarrassed, but I guess I felt a little awkward.”

Johnson, 39, told the Post that showering your spouse with physical affection is a good way to strengthen a romantic partnership.

“God created a desire for love and romance,” Johnson said.

“Any society that celebrates marriage, romance and love is going to be a free society. Public displays of affection aren’t wrong. Adam and Eve were naked, and they were not ashamed.”

That has got to be uncomfortable for the kids. I mean, how do you respond, when you’re 8 or 9, to “Wow, your mom’s tongue is incredible!”?

Nevertheless, the idea behind the whole thing seems sound. Why not celebrate your love in public? I just wonder why he doesn’t take that concept to its logical conclusion? Just get everybody butt naked and have at it.

Down the block, and slightly less divinely inspired, NYC announced that it was ending its, long running, strip poker exhibit.

New York artist Zefrey Throwell wrapped up his latest performance art piece that featured poker players stripping down for passersby on the street.

The installation project, titled “I’ll Raise You One,” was staged at Art in General’s storefront project space in Tribeca, the New York Daily News reported.

For seven days from 10:30 a.m. until 6 p.m., people on the street were able to watch project participants playing a game of strip poker.

“I asked players to show up with whatever they wanted — clothes equal currency,” Throwell said. “Wear layers, that was the advice they were given.”

The project, which ended Saturday, was Throwell’s latest attempt at social commentary through an artistic medium.

“I see it as an economic and social critique of how society has its wealth distributed,” Throwell told ArtInfo.com.

Throwell is best known for “Ocularpation: Wall Street,” another performance piece that featured nude actors mimicking Wall Street workers.

Yeah, I believe him. It had nothing to do with getting random people naked in public. Because, after all, when you see a bunch of nude, or scantily clad, people sitting around a table isn’t the first thing you think of “economic upheaval?”

Me neither.

In New Philadelphia, Ohio religion, sex and politics have come together with hilarious results. They banned the promotion of an anti-pornography play for being too sexy.

If only I could make stuff like this up.

A poster for a play with the word sex in the title has been banned from a northeast Ohio courthouse.

This week, Tuscarawas County commissioners ordered the removal of posters advertising a local production of the play No Sex Please, We’re British.

Commissioners got a complaint about sex in the title. Commissioner Chris Abbuhl tells The (Dover-New Philadelphia) Times-Reporter that the person thought the poster was inappropriate for a public building.

Nonprofit groups have historically been allowed to put up posters in the courthouse, including the Little Theatre hosting the play.

Play director Lee Elliott describes the poster as “bright and shiny with a pair of women’s legs,” but not dirty.

The play is about a couple dealing with a flood of pornography coming into their apartment.

And so it goes.

I’ll simply leave you with this thought; if everyone practiced abstinence as promoted by the preachers, who would be left to preach?

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

When I was nine years old I was deeply inspired by Evel Knievel. As such I decided that I needed to have a cool stunt too. Since my family would not let me assemble a large ramp to see if my Schwin Spider could leap cars or buses I had to come up with something else. It took my, still forming, brain a bit but I finally came up with a great idea. Well, a great idea for a 9 year old anyway. I would haul my bicycle up onto the garage roof and jump off as far as I could. The garage was on the side of our house and longer than half the lot so I figured I could get up some speed. The first part of my plan went flawlessly. I sped across the roof, got my front wheel slightly raised and was airborne quicker than I had realized was possible. Believe it or not I actually cleared about half the driveway and landed safely. The problem arose, however, when I tried to stop. There was a Home Juice truck parked at the end of the driveway. In those days they opened on the side so the driver could just grab his delivery without being in the street. I hit the truck at full speed and wiped out his entire stock. There was broken glass and juice everywhere. After the damages were paid my family vacillated between being proud of what I’d accomplished and wanting to send me to military school. In the end they decided to suspend my bike riding privileges for the rest of the summer. I learned my lesson and never did that again. I did other stupid stuff, but never that.

In my mind, until I hit the truck, all I could think was “What could possibly go wrong?” It is in that spirit today that I share these stories with you. In Florida, naturally, a transvestite was arrested for performing illegal plastic surgery.

A Miami Gardens transgender woman is facing charges of practicing medicine without a license after police say she injected a patient’s rear with everything but the kitchen sink in an illegal cosmetic surgery procedure.

Oneal Ron Morris, 30, was arrested Friday after an investigation by Miami Gardens Police and the Florida Department of Health.

According to police, the victim saw Morris in May and was injected in her buttocks with a substance consisting of cement, “Fix a Flat,” mineral oil and super glue.

The amateur incision was then sealed with super glue, police said. The victim was later hospitalized with a serious medical condition as a result of the injections.

Morris, who police say is a man but appears to look like a woman and sports an apparently enhanced rear herself in arrest photos, was being held on $7,500 bond. it was unknown whether she has an attorney.

Police believe there may be other victims of Morris who may be afraid to come forward. They said the victims haven’t done anything illegal and shouldn’t be afraid to come forward.

Anyone with information is asked to call Miami Gardens Police at 305-474-1420.

I’m leaving the number in since I know some of the Nude Hippo staff are currently in Florida and you never really know what they’ll get into. That being said, what kind of moron agrees to have plastic surgery done by someone in their living room? I’m fine with hitting the dollar store for the occasional discount item, but allowing someone to stick an air hose in my anus so I can get the J-Lo look is completely off the menu. Not going to happen.

Of course, there are other things that might cause problems. Like teaching your dog to drive.

A dog allegedly was spotted driving a mobile home down the street in Darwin, Australia, after learning how to drive by observing his owner, observers claim.

Woodley, a 2-year-old German Koolie, allegedly took the mobile home for a spin while his owner, Richard McCormack was in a store, The Sun reported.

“I came out and saw the bus going down the road. I couldn’t believe it,” McCormack said.

This isn’t the first time Woodley has tried to take the wheel, his owner explained.

“He sits next to me when I’m driving and in the driver’s seat when I’m not. The handbrake is on the dashboard and he’s seen me release it many times. He was just copying me. He’s tried it on before,” said McCormack.

The vehicle was eventually brought to a stop when bystander Phil Newton, 30, jumped in an open window and put the handbrake back on after seeing that a dog was navigating the mobile home.

“This was weird, even for the Northern Territory,” he said.

Okay, here’s where I have a problem; “He’s tried it on before.”

Forgive me for pointing out the blindingly obvious but TAKE THE DAMN DOG OUT OF THE CAR WHEN YOU LEAVE!!!

Can it be that freaking hard?

Anyway, since the Holiday Season is upon us I feel that I should take a moment to point out the lovely selection of toys that can kill your child.

A Power Rangers “samurai mega blade” and a Godzilla figure with dagger-like attachments are some of the most dangerous toys lurking in stores this holiday season, according to a consumer watchdog group.

Boston-based World Against Toys Causing Harm (WATCH) on Wednesday issued its annual list of the 10 worst children’s toys, just in time for the shopping frenzy that typically starts in late November.

On the list were items the group said pose risks for choking, electrocution, puncture wounds and more.

Joan Siff, president of WATCH, said there have been at least 28 toy recalls representing 3.8 million units in the United States over the past year.

“Any recall is too late in the process,” she said, urging better vetting and testing of toys before they go on sale. “Testing cannot take place in the marketplace.”

The group has produced its list each year since 1973, and has been successful in getting a number of toys pulled from the shelves. It found this year’s selections at leading big-box retailers, online, and in small specialty stores.

James Swartz, a director of WATCH, demonstrated the “Z-Curve Bow,” a foam bow and arrow set recommended for kids eight and over.

A warning label suggested the bow should not be pulled back “at more than half strength” and that “anyone at close distance to the target should be alerted” before firing.

“That is a weapon,” Swartz said, shooting an arrow into a wall with a loud thud.

Also featured was a “Fold & Go Trampoline” which came with the warning it should only be used for controlled bouncing.

“What young child has the ability, the desire, the knowledge to use it in that manner?” said Swartz. “That’s not possible in the real world.”

German wooden toys seem sturdy and rather quaint. But a wooden duck, sold for babies as young as a year, has a pull cord about 33 inches long — a potential strangulation hazard.

The industry’s standard limits strings on cribs and playpen toys to 12 inches.

Toys often have thematic tie-ins to popular movies, television shows or books, arguably making them likely choices for shoppers looking for a familiar brand.

On the “Sword Fighting Jack Sparrow” figurine, fashioned after Pirates of the Caribbean star Johnny Depp, the pirate’s right hand is armed with a 4-inch long, rigid, plastic sword.

The Consumer Products Safety Commission reports that in 2009 about 250,000 toy-related injuries were treated in U.S. hospital emergency rooms, a number that has been rising.

Reports of toy hazards, however, “needlessly frighten parents” this time of year, said the Toy Industry Association. It said less than half of one percent of the estimated 3 billion toys sold each year in the United States are recalled.

“Toys are safer now than they’ve ever been,” said Stacy Leistner, a spokesman for the Toy Industry Association, the trade group for the North American toy industry.

The design, testing, production and inspection of toys are constantly being strengthened, the group said.

“Certainly from the industry, safety is our number one priority year round, not just at the holidays,” Leistner said.
For a full list of the group’s 2011 10 worst toys: CLICK HERE

Yes, the majority of toys are safe. Which is why lists like this are so important. It keeps parents from feeling that anything they buy is 100% safe just because it’s in the store. Just because they can sue after the fact doesn’t mean they’ll get their kid back. In this case it is better to err on the side of caution.

We are, each and everyone of us, bludgeoned daily about the need to “go green.” Many of those efforts are well meaning and, possibly, even useful. But there are others that are merely scams designed solely to separate you from your money. That Electric Dog Polisher isn’t really going to save the planet or make Fido happy. Fortunately for you there is an easy to access website that lists all the wonderful scams out there so you won’t get taken. Think of it as the green version of Snopes. In other words, a very handy tool. But, when people talk about “going green” they usually refer us to the wonderful world of nature. It then becomes fair to wonder if nature is really providing us with any sort of good example. It would seem that with the hellacious weather, occasional ice ages and so forth that Big Mama N. is a peevish sort who really doesn’t care about her cute witto Gaia. But it turns out that her mild tantrums are merely part of a larger cycle.

I mean MUUUUUUUUCH larger.

Think galactic in scale.

Our old pal Ian O’Neill, from Discovery News, takes a look at the largest recycling project known to man. Galaxies that reuse stellar material.

Some galaxies have strict rules on recycling, but others are reckless and rapidly dump stellar gas into intergalactic space, resulting in them paying the ultimate price: a premature death.

So, if a galaxy wants a long, happy life it pays to be sustainable — this means “going green” on a galactic scale.

These findings are due for publication in three separate papers in the Nov. 18 issue of the journal Science. The three studies are headed by Nicolas Lehner of the University of Notre Dame in South Bend, Ind.; Jason Tumlinson of the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore, Md.; and Todd Tripp of the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.

Recycled Halos

Using the Cosmic Origins Spectrograph (COS) aboard the Hubble Space Telescope, the three teams have identified vast “halos” of gas surrounding a selection of 40 galaxies.

Previously invisible, these halos are much larger than previously believed and act as reservoirs for recycled “star stuff” — light elements such as hydrogen and helium, and heavier elements like carbon, oxygen, nitrogen and neon. Some galactic halos reach as far as 450,000 light-years from their visible galactic disks.

The astronomers found that our galaxy also has a halo extending up to 20,000 light-years from the Milky Way’s disk, providing an explanation as to the mysterious source of gas that supplies our galaxy.

But not only are these halos bigger than previously believed, the astronomers were surprised to find that there is as much gas inside the halos as there is between the stars within a given galaxy.

“There’s as much heavy elements out in the halos of the galaxies as there is in their interstellar medium,” Tumlinson told Discovery News, “that is what shocked us.”

The heavier elements detected in galactic halos can only be formed inside stars and the waste products of supernovae — powerful explosions that result from massive star death.

However, rather than venting and losing these waste gases to intergalactic space, the halos are replenished and provide an invaluable “feedback loop” where the gas falls back in to the galaxy, helping to create new star birth.

The halos observed by COS therefore support not only star birth, but also planets, complex organic molecules and, ultimately, life.

We Are (Recycled) Star Stuff

The Milky Way’s halo contains enough ionized hydrogen to create 100 million stars and enough gas “feeds” our galaxy to create one star per year. This halo is then replenished with gases from supernovae and stellar winds — hydrogen laced with a cocktail of heavy elements — to sustain star birth for another billion years, the researchers estimate.

Interestingly, as Tumlinson speculates, this large-scale recycling of elements in our galaxy has implications for not only our sun, but us personally.

“Your body is 70 percent water and every water molecule has an oxygen atom in it,” he said. “The theorists say the recycling time (in the Milky Way’s halo) is approximately a billion years, so that means — potentially — that some of the material (oxygen) inside your body has cycled in and out of the galaxy ten times in the history of the galaxy. At least once, maybe up to ten times.”

To quote Carl Sagan, “We’re made of star stuff,” perhaps in light of this research, it should read: “We’re made of recycled star stuff.”

The “Amy Winehouse” of Galaxies

However, this scenario isn’t universal. The researchers found that there must be a balance between star birth and halo replenishment. If demand outstrips supply, then there’s a problem; a galactic-sized sustainability problem.

In the case of young galaxies that underwent rapid star creation (commonly referred to as “star burst” galaxies), the violent star production phase resulted in a rapid expulsion of enriched stellar gas.

“We found the James Dean or Amy Winehouse of that population, you know, the galaxies that lived fast and died young,” Tumlinson pointed out. “(Todd) Tripp’s team studied that in their paper.”

“That paper used a galaxy that is known as a ‘post-star burst galaxy’ and its spectrum showed that it had a very robust star burst (phase),” he continued. “It was one of those live fast, die young galaxies.”

Unfortunately for these galaxies, the waste gas didn’t hang around in a neat halo ready to supply the material needed to birth baby stars. Instead the gas was lost to intergalactic space, starving the galactic halos.

The COS instrument has clocked the waste gas from galaxies with high star production rates traveling at 2 million miles per hour — fast enough for the gas to be lost from the galaxy forever.

“So not only have we found that star-forming galaxies are pervasively surrounded by large halos of hot gas,” said Tripp in Thursday’s press release, “we have also observed that hot gas in transit — we have caught the stuff in the process of moving out of a galaxy and into intergalactic space.”

It therefore pays to be a galaxy with a low star production rate. These galaxies produce slower streams of waste gases that collect in galactic halos that in turn get recycled by future star birth.

The moral of the story is that when mom tells you to do “everything in moderation,” tell her that she is universally correct.

Think of it this way. Every time you exhale you send molecules into the air, those are in turn recycled into someone else’s body wherein they are then exhaled and passed along to the next person. So, each and everyone of us are recycled bits of everyone else.

The same holds true for successful galaxies.

In other space related news Russia proudly announced that, while its Mars mision is a bust and several bad and occasionally fatal things have happened over the last year, they were finally able to successfully launch an Angry Bird into orbit.

Not satisfied with being catapulted across iPhone and iPad screens all over the world, this particular Angry Bird (the “plain old projectile” one) decided to use the ultimate catapult to blast himself into space: a Soyuz-FG booster rocket.

Seen here dangling from the cockpit during last night’s Soyuz launch sending three men into space, the little red toy is more than just a mascot; he’s a representative of the most recent pair of iPads to be sent to the International Space Station (ISS).

This particular soft toy had a practical use, too — it was used by cosmonauts Anton Shkaplerov and Anatoly Ivanishin, and NASA astronaut Daniel Burbank as a “zero gravity indicator.”

According to CollectSPACE.com, the Angry Bird was selected by Shkaplerov’s 5-year-old daughter for the flight, and he would have done her proud.

During launch, the camera inside the capsule could clearly see the dangling bird. Nine minutes into the flight, just after third stage separation (9 minutes 25 seconds into the video below), the bird did his thing: he floated freely, signifying the capsule had reached orbit and the crew was experiencing microgravity.

“As you can see from the Angry Bird floating above Shkaplerov, the crew has reached orbit,” the NASA launch commentator said humorously in the live NASA TV footage of the launch.

I’m no app developer, but I think this might be the perfect time for Angry Bird creators Rovio to consider a Special Space Edition…

I guess that’s one way to recycle your kid’s toys.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfrxFbhy5RI&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!