You’re Too Sexy For Your Church

Do these garters clash with my wimple?
Western religion has had a long problem with the whole idea of sex. Some of the earliest porn can be found in the Old Testament, or the Talmud if you prefer, with the Songs of Solomon of the tales of Bathsheba. Yet right along side those tales are the many admonitions against everything (except selling your daughters) in Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Among others. The various western religions preach peace above all else and, yet, glorify the stories of King David. A guy who sent his buddy to die so he could bang his wife. And that was one the of the nicer things he’s credited with. So it should come as no surprise that, after several thousand years of confused indoctrination, western societies have some issues with the whole sex thing. Back in 2005 the Catholic Church fired Professor Caterina Bonci for being too sexy to teach young people. The fact that it took them 14 years to notice she was too sexy should come as no surprise since history has shown that they tend to dwell on problems, i.e., the world is round, for a while before coming to any rash decisions.

Well, the world has come a long way since then.

I’ve written about the phenomena of Pole Dancing for Jesus. Well, one pastor in New York has added to that theme by encouraging his congregants to Kiss for Christ.

A New York City pastor is delivering sermons on how to keep marriages alive that feature public kissing contests during services.

Pastor Maurice Johnson of the non-denominational Winners Church in Queens gives sermons, titled “The Power and Pleasure of Romance,” to highlight the importance of marriage in the African-American community, the New York Post reported Saturday.

“Some people were like, ‘It seems strange to do at church,'” he said, “but they thought it was very creative.”

During services, held in the PS 38 gym in the Queens borough’s Rosedale neighborhood, four married couples are asked to approach the pulpit. Then, accompanied by R&B music, the couples demonstrate their passion by making out for 5 minutes.

The congregation then chooses a winning couple by applause. The most amorous pair win $50 to spend on a date.

“You see kissing in all kinds of contexts, but you don’t necessarily see it in a marriage context,” said Frantz Cochy, 39, who won the contest with his wife of 13 years, Makeetah, 36. “I wasn’t embarrassed, but I guess I felt a little awkward.”

Johnson, 39, told the Post that showering your spouse with physical affection is a good way to strengthen a romantic partnership.

“God created a desire for love and romance,” Johnson said.

“Any society that celebrates marriage, romance and love is going to be a free society. Public displays of affection aren’t wrong. Adam and Eve were naked, and they were not ashamed.”

That has got to be uncomfortable for the kids. I mean, how do you respond, when you’re 8 or 9, to “Wow, your mom’s tongue is incredible!”?

Nevertheless, the idea behind the whole thing seems sound. Why not celebrate your love in public? I just wonder why he doesn’t take that concept to its logical conclusion? Just get everybody butt naked and have at it.

Down the block, and slightly less divinely inspired, NYC announced that it was ending its, long running, strip poker exhibit.

New York artist Zefrey Throwell wrapped up his latest performance art piece that featured poker players stripping down for passersby on the street.

The installation project, titled “I’ll Raise You One,” was staged at Art in General’s storefront project space in Tribeca, the New York Daily News reported.

For seven days from 10:30 a.m. until 6 p.m., people on the street were able to watch project participants playing a game of strip poker.

“I asked players to show up with whatever they wanted — clothes equal currency,” Throwell said. “Wear layers, that was the advice they were given.”

The project, which ended Saturday, was Throwell’s latest attempt at social commentary through an artistic medium.

“I see it as an economic and social critique of how society has its wealth distributed,” Throwell told

Throwell is best known for “Ocularpation: Wall Street,” another performance piece that featured nude actors mimicking Wall Street workers.

Yeah, I believe him. It had nothing to do with getting random people naked in public. Because, after all, when you see a bunch of nude, or scantily clad, people sitting around a table isn’t the first thing you think of “economic upheaval?”

Me neither.

In New Philadelphia, Ohio religion, sex and politics have come together with hilarious results. They banned the promotion of an anti-pornography play for being too sexy.

If only I could make stuff like this up.

A poster for a play with the word sex in the title has been banned from a northeast Ohio courthouse.

This week, Tuscarawas County commissioners ordered the removal of posters advertising a local production of the play No Sex Please, We’re British.

Commissioners got a complaint about sex in the title. Commissioner Chris Abbuhl tells The (Dover-New Philadelphia) Times-Reporter that the person thought the poster was inappropriate for a public building.

Nonprofit groups have historically been allowed to put up posters in the courthouse, including the Little Theatre hosting the play.

Play director Lee Elliott describes the poster as “bright and shiny with a pair of women’s legs,” but not dirty.

The play is about a couple dealing with a flood of pornography coming into their apartment.

And so it goes.

I’ll simply leave you with this thought; if everyone practiced abstinence as promoted by the preachers, who would be left to preach?


Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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