What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Works for me.
Works for me.
When I was nine years old I was deeply inspired by Evel Knievel. As such I decided that I needed to have a cool stunt too. Since my family would not let me assemble a large ramp to see if my Schwin Spider could leap cars or buses I had to come up with something else. It took my, still forming, brain a bit but I finally came up with a great idea. Well, a great idea for a 9 year old anyway. I would haul my bicycle up onto the garage roof and jump off as far as I could. The garage was on the side of our house and longer than half the lot so I figured I could get up some speed. The first part of my plan went flawlessly. I sped across the roof, got my front wheel slightly raised and was airborne quicker than I had realized was possible. Believe it or not I actually cleared about half the driveway and landed safely. The problem arose, however, when I tried to stop. There was a Home Juice truck parked at the end of the driveway. In those days they opened on the side so the driver could just grab his delivery without being in the street. I hit the truck at full speed and wiped out his entire stock. There was broken glass and juice everywhere. After the damages were paid my family vacillated between being proud of what I’d accomplished and wanting to send me to military school. In the end they decided to suspend my bike riding privileges for the rest of the summer. I learned my lesson and never did that again. I did other stupid stuff, but never that.

In my mind, until I hit the truck, all I could think was “What could possibly go wrong?” It is in that spirit today that I share these stories with you. In Florida, naturally, a transvestite was arrested for performing illegal plastic surgery.

A Miami Gardens transgender woman is facing charges of practicing medicine without a license after police say she injected a patient’s rear with everything but the kitchen sink in an illegal cosmetic surgery procedure.

Oneal Ron Morris, 30, was arrested Friday after an investigation by Miami Gardens Police and the Florida Department of Health.

According to police, the victim saw Morris in May and was injected in her buttocks with a substance consisting of cement, “Fix a Flat,” mineral oil and super glue.

The amateur incision was then sealed with super glue, police said. The victim was later hospitalized with a serious medical condition as a result of the injections.

Morris, who police say is a man but appears to look like a woman and sports an apparently enhanced rear herself in arrest photos, was being held on $7,500 bond. it was unknown whether she has an attorney.

Police believe there may be other victims of Morris who may be afraid to come forward. They said the victims haven’t done anything illegal and shouldn’t be afraid to come forward.

Anyone with information is asked to call Miami Gardens Police at 305-474-1420.

I’m leaving the number in since I know some of the Nude Hippo staff are currently in Florida and you never really know what they’ll get into. That being said, what kind of moron agrees to have plastic surgery done by someone in their living room? I’m fine with hitting the dollar store for the occasional discount item, but allowing someone to stick an air hose in my anus so I can get the J-Lo look is completely off the menu. Not going to happen.

Of course, there are other things that might cause problems. Like teaching your dog to drive.

A dog allegedly was spotted driving a mobile home down the street in Darwin, Australia, after learning how to drive by observing his owner, observers claim.

Woodley, a 2-year-old German Koolie, allegedly took the mobile home for a spin while his owner, Richard McCormack was in a store, The Sun reported.

“I came out and saw the bus going down the road. I couldn’t believe it,” McCormack said.

This isn’t the first time Woodley has tried to take the wheel, his owner explained.

“He sits next to me when I’m driving and in the driver’s seat when I’m not. The handbrake is on the dashboard and he’s seen me release it many times. He was just copying me. He’s tried it on before,” said McCormack.

The vehicle was eventually brought to a stop when bystander Phil Newton, 30, jumped in an open window and put the handbrake back on after seeing that a dog was navigating the mobile home.

“This was weird, even for the Northern Territory,” he said.

Okay, here’s where I have a problem; “He’s tried it on before.”

Forgive me for pointing out the blindingly obvious but TAKE THE DAMN DOG OUT OF THE CAR WHEN YOU LEAVE!!!

Can it be that freaking hard?

Anyway, since the Holiday Season is upon us I feel that I should take a moment to point out the lovely selection of toys that can kill your child.

A Power Rangers “samurai mega blade” and a Godzilla figure with dagger-like attachments are some of the most dangerous toys lurking in stores this holiday season, according to a consumer watchdog group.

Boston-based World Against Toys Causing Harm (WATCH) on Wednesday issued its annual list of the 10 worst children’s toys, just in time for the shopping frenzy that typically starts in late November.

On the list were items the group said pose risks for choking, electrocution, puncture wounds and more.

Joan Siff, president of WATCH, said there have been at least 28 toy recalls representing 3.8 million units in the United States over the past year.

“Any recall is too late in the process,” she said, urging better vetting and testing of toys before they go on sale. “Testing cannot take place in the marketplace.”

The group has produced its list each year since 1973, and has been successful in getting a number of toys pulled from the shelves. It found this year’s selections at leading big-box retailers, online, and in small specialty stores.

James Swartz, a director of WATCH, demonstrated the “Z-Curve Bow,” a foam bow and arrow set recommended for kids eight and over.

A warning label suggested the bow should not be pulled back “at more than half strength” and that “anyone at close distance to the target should be alerted” before firing.

“That is a weapon,” Swartz said, shooting an arrow into a wall with a loud thud.

Also featured was a “Fold & Go Trampoline” which came with the warning it should only be used for controlled bouncing.

“What young child has the ability, the desire, the knowledge to use it in that manner?” said Swartz. “That’s not possible in the real world.”

German wooden toys seem sturdy and rather quaint. But a wooden duck, sold for babies as young as a year, has a pull cord about 33 inches long — a potential strangulation hazard.

The industry’s standard limits strings on cribs and playpen toys to 12 inches.

Toys often have thematic tie-ins to popular movies, television shows or books, arguably making them likely choices for shoppers looking for a familiar brand.

On the “Sword Fighting Jack Sparrow” figurine, fashioned after Pirates of the Caribbean star Johnny Depp, the pirate’s right hand is armed with a 4-inch long, rigid, plastic sword.

The Consumer Products Safety Commission reports that in 2009 about 250,000 toy-related injuries were treated in U.S. hospital emergency rooms, a number that has been rising.

Reports of toy hazards, however, “needlessly frighten parents” this time of year, said the Toy Industry Association. It said less than half of one percent of the estimated 3 billion toys sold each year in the United States are recalled.

“Toys are safer now than they’ve ever been,” said Stacy Leistner, a spokesman for the Toy Industry Association, the trade group for the North American toy industry.

The design, testing, production and inspection of toys are constantly being strengthened, the group said.

“Certainly from the industry, safety is our number one priority year round, not just at the holidays,” Leistner said.
For a full list of the group’s 2011 10 worst toys: CLICK HERE

Yes, the majority of toys are safe. Which is why lists like this are so important. It keeps parents from feeling that anything they buy is 100% safe just because it’s in the store. Just because they can sue after the fact doesn’t mean they’ll get their kid back. In this case it is better to err on the side of caution.

Related posts