Today is Veteran’s Day. A day where Americans are supposed to honor those who have served this country. I have seen many heartfelt, and moving, tributes to the vets but thought that I might do something a little different. First I’ll give you some facts about the holiday so you’ll quit screwing it up and then I’m going to share some military humor. After all, they need laughs just like everyone else.
- Some Veterans Day Facts
- Regardless of the day of the week, Veterans Day is observed on November 11.
- The date was chosen to commemorate World War I, which ended on November 11, 1918.
- Veterans Day was established by Congress on June 4, 1926.
- The purpose of Veterans Day and Memorial Day are often confused. Memorial Day is for honoring military personnel who died in service to their country. Veterans Day is for thanking ALL men and women who have served honorably in the military during times of war and peace.
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was work and how much of it was pleasure?
A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work. A Captain said it was 50-50%. A Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure. The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
“Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”
The room fell silent.
A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions.
Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, “If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?”
“Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.”
A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the restroom at John F. Kennedy Airport, when in walked a Marine staff sergeant, dressed in his dress blues. The little boy turned to the Marine and said, “Wow! Are you a Marine?”
The Marine replied, “Why, yes I am, young man. Would you like to wear my hat?”
“Boy, would I!,” said the little boy. He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror.
As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room. But, this was not just a man — he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger.
The little boy turned and went over to the soldier. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at the soldier’s chest full of medals and combat ribbons. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t. Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say, “Excuse me, Sir. Are you an Airborne Ranger?”
The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice, “Why yes, I am!! Would you like to shine my boots?”
The little boy smiled, and said, “Oh, no sir!! I’m not a Marine. I’m just wearing his hat!”
And, finally, a letter to the editor that shows why we still might, just might, want to make history classes a little more thorough.
Today is Veterans Day, so I asked someone who had been in the Armed Service what he did in the military. He said, “I was in the Pacific Theater.” I asked him if any other GIs were with him. He said “Yes, there were thousands of us in the Pacific Theater.” I asked him how much time he spent in the Pacific Theater. He said that he was in the Pacific Theater every day for five months!
I certainly believe that our fighting men need some recreation, but I think that they don’t need to be in the movie theater that long. Back in 1944, for example, our boys in uniform were having a tough time on the beaches of Norway – yet there were thousands of GIs off in the movie theater who could have been helping out. And as a Concerned American, I think it is a bit excessive for a serviceman to be at the picture show every day for five months. Of course, all Veterans were not in the Pacific Theater, and we should be proud of those who fought and who made sacrifices.
A Concerned American
All those jokes, and that real letter, were provided for free if you don’t count the cost paid by the soldier in the below video.
Have a safe and happy Veterans’ Day.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!