The Things We Do For Love

Seeing as how I was once arrested, but never formally charged, for having sex on top of a police car, I tend to sympathize with those rare few who dare to be different. And some folks can even earn your admiration. Like Luis Lopez who was tossed out of jail by accident, went to his girlfriend’s house, found out it was all a mistake and went back to jail before anyone there was the wiser. He even had to wait to be let back in. But, at least, he did get a little something something for his day and this will certainly look good when he comes up for parole in a few months. Which is more than I can say for the Christian musician Twinkle, who may or may not be female, who was arrested for DUI after singing at police while they tried to question him/her. Yes cops have a sense of humor but not when you’re parked in the middle of an intersection and weaving while sitting still. One recent arrestee, most definitely a female, is Nicole Marie Anadell who, while waiting for her mother of the year award, took her kids trick or treating while slamming down vodka and other drinks before puking one of said drinks onto an infant and then leaving its stroller in the middle of the street for people like Twinkle to, hopefully, miss.

Did I mention that all of eh above occurred in Florida? I know, it almost seems redundant.

Speaking of those who work with children, I would be remiss if I neglected Lee County middle school teacher Christine Murgueytio who slammed into a parked car at school and whose lunchbox contained empty beer cans and a couple of plums. My guess is that the plums were just for show.

Of course, no Floridan family blog wold be complete without that one mom who sends her kids into therapy long before they get near a kindergarten.

Here’s another example of why motherhood and Xanex don’t mix.

Sheila Lederer, of Wellington, called 911 and reported that somebody was hiding in her bushes, reports The Palm Beach Post.

A 32-year-old woman, who admitted taking Xanax, was screaming at a tree when deputies arrived and said, “Get out of here,” the affidavit says. She reportedly told the deputy she was talking to the tree. Lederer then told the deputy to arrest her mailbox.

It gets worse.

One of the children said that Lederer had been calling her the wrong name the whole week.

I had a neighbor, when I was a wee lad, who used to call every child Bob. Including his own. All of which were girls. I guess he was just ahead of the trend.

Of course, I’m sure he loved them all equally.

Speaking of love, what do you do when you need some ready cash so you can impress the female of the species? If you’re Anthony Wyatt you steal some appliances and then a parade float to hold them all and then ….. well, you’re driving a stolen parade float in the middle of a city, so then you get arrested.

But, one couple couldn’t even be bothered with the parade float. Thanks to our loyal reader, Adam Starodub for sending me this gem which got me started today.

If Alexander Pratt and Clara Pearson were ever to write an illustrated manual together, they should call it The Joyride of Sex. On Thursday night the feisty twosome allegedly stole a Honda Civic so they could have a quickie. Sadly, they never got the chance.

After sharing a romantic pre-coital dinner (we presume) at a convenience store*, the couple allegedly spotted the Civic running and with its doors unlocked, hopped in, and drove away. Alas, the car belonged to the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office, so the couple didn’t get very far before the authorities caught up with them and arrested them on grand theft auto charges. They were then hauled off to the County Jail, which lacked heart-shaped hot tubs.

According to the affidavit, the Palm Beach Post reports, “Pratt told deputies he knew the car was stolen but didn’t regret it because he wanted to ‘go to have intimate relations with Pearson.'” (In the Anthology of Illicit Car Tryst Quotes, that’s right up there with “I’m fucking this chick.” Not as sexxxy, but definitely sweeter.) If loving his lady in a stolen car is wrong, then Pratt (allegedly) doesn’t want to be right.

* The fastest way to a woman’s bed—or backseat—is the Slim Jim-and-peanut-pack combo. Most potent aphrodisiacs ever, those.

First off, when did cops start driving Honda Civics? Don’t criminals laugh at them as they speed away on their skateboards? I mean, even with the turbo, those things top out around 75mph. Oh well, it’s Florida, I guess it made sense to them. So much does that eludes the rest of us.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KCem_Za9TY&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!