Archives for October 2011

Before we start today’s blog I have to give a big shout out to the Cook County Sheriff’s Office. For the cost of a few postcards they were able to arrest over 100 stupid criminals who thought they were getting free TVs. I love stories like this since they get the bad guys, no one gets hurt and they prove, once again, that the bad guys aren’t all that smart. What’s really wonderful about this program is that they do it again and again and it gets regular play in the media and criminals still fall for it. Put it this way, if you get an offer for a free HD TV, call your lawyer first.

Anyway, before I so rudely interrupted myself, “it” happens, if you know what I mean. If you’re unsure watch the edited for TV version of Forrest Gump. Sometimes you end up smelling something you’d rather not. And it’s usually the kind of something that you really wouldn’t want to share with your friends and neighbors. Well, today, it seems there’s a lot of that going around.

We’ll start by looking at a wonderful vacation retreat in South Carolina called Hell Hole. Gosh, doesn’t that sound like the perfect honeymoon spot?

Hell Hole campground in South Carolina’s Oconee County is apparently living up to its name. It has been closed because of human waste in and around a broken bathroom facility, NBC affiliate WYFF-TV reports.

Andrew Pickens Ranger District officials said that the problems started with a failure in a pit toilet at the site. They said as a result, people have vandalized the bathroom.

District Ranger Mike Crane said, “As much as I hate to close a campground, visitor safety is our priority. Because the toilet isn’t working, people are using the bathroom and leaving human waste both inside and outside the building that houses the toilet, as well as throughout the campground. It’s just not sanitary for campers and we believe it could be causing some resource damage as well.”

The USDA Forest Service has temporarily closed overnight camping. Entry to the campground has been stopped by using large boulders to block access to vehicles. Day use is still allowed, but vehicles will have to be parked at the end of the Forest Service road.

A release said the Forest Service will consider whether to continue overnight camping at Hell Hole.

Please read this story carefully. They have ONE toilet for an ENTIRE campground. And it’s broken.

Okay, but does that explain this? Talk about something being rotten in Denmark, Dutch trains are handing out baggies for customers to use as toilets on the trains.

The Dutch national railway has an unusual solution for passengers who need the bathroom on a train line designed without them: plastic bags.

The rail operator underlined that the bags, introduced Friday, are for use in emergencies only, when a train has stopped and passengers can’t be evacuated. The idea has been met with incredulity by politicians and the general public already unhappy with the short-haul “Sprinter” trains’ bathroomless design.

NS spokesman Eric Trinthamer confirmed Friday the “pee-bag” plan is not a joke. The bags are kept out of sight in the conductor’s booth.

The bags have a cup-shaped plastic top and contain a highly absorbent material that turns urine into a gel-like mixture. After use the bags can be sealed and thrown in the trash.

No, Timmy, you can not play with the gel, now go sit down. I don’t care if it’s squishy and fun, go sit down.

What the story misses is the one fun part, there are no private areas on the Sprinter Trains. They’re just like CTA trains, only much faster. Can you imagine whipping out your winky on a crowded train? Well, okay, that guy could, but the rest of you might have problems with this.

WARNING! DO NOT read this next story if you’ve recently eaten or plan on doing so in the near future.

There are times that I believe the human race could benefit if some people were just beaten to death with hammers. Not many, mind you, but there are some, like this next guy, who should at least be included in any conversation about the concept.

A grocery store worker accused of handing out a semen-tainted yogurt sample at an Albuquerque market pleaded guilty Thursday.

Under terms of his plea agreement, Anthony Garcia admitted he tainted a sample of the yogurt he was handing out at Sunflower Market in January. He also admitted putting some of his semen on a plastic spoon that he placed with the yogurt.

Garcia then approached a female customer and offered her a sample.

“The criminal conduct to which Anthony Garcia pleaded guilty today is completely outrageous,” U.S. Attorney Kenneth J. Gonzales said after Garcia’s appearance in federal court. “No one should have to endure this type of experience simply because she or he accepts a food sample while shopping for groceries.”

Garcia, 32, pleaded guilty to charges of adulterating food and making false statements to federal investigators.

The woman told police that after tasting the sample, she spit on the floor several times and wiped her mouth on the garment she was wearing to get the taste out of her mouth. Investigators collected samples of the woman’s spit from the floor and took the garment she was wearing as evidence.

Police say Garcia was linked to the yogurt through DNA samples. Authorities said Garcia then lied to investigators about the case.

In court documents, federal prosecutors called the allegations “sickening and appalling.”

Garcia faces up to three years of imprisonment to be followed by three years of supervised release. He has been in federal custody since his arrest in July and remained detained pending his sentencing, which has yet to be scheduled.

Well, we know one thing that young lady WILL NOT do for fun.

That being said, I agree with the prosecutors on this one. We have enough to worry about without being terrorized in a shopping mall by a pervert. Actually, guys like him give perverts a bad name.

I mean, according to the female staffers here, I’m a pervert. Yet you don’t see me doing stuff like that. Stuff like this sure, but not like that.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fuvi7AUfZPo&w=500&h=317]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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I do not have a tough job. I get to hang out with nice people, meet exciting new personalities (some a little more exciting that others) and, basically, just enjoy the heck out of stuff. Of course with Nude Hippo under construction things have been a little verklempt. As I noted when we made the switch I was moved near a restroom, still better than the guy who’s forced to work in it, and my stripper pole (which I keep only for office morale) was so reduced in size that the producers were forced to hire a little person.

For entertainment purposes only.

But some jobs have to leave people scratching their heads. For example, imagine that you’re a cop in Florida. The state with the oddest and dumbest crimes on record. What could possibly catch your attention? Brian Hamacher found soemthing that did.

A southwest Florida man found himself in jail twice within a couple of hours after authorities say he tried to break into cars in the parking lot of the jail he’d just been released from.

Donald Gartner, 48, was arrested around 6:30 p.m. Sunday by Pasco County sheriff’s deputies for causing a drunken disturbance in Land O’ Lakes, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

Authorities said they responded to complaints of a man urinating in a yard and spotted Gartner crawling out from under his neighbor’s bushes with his shorts on backward and low on his hips.

Gartner told deputies he was looking for cans of paint in the bushes, then changed his story and said he was trying to replace a porch light. A sheriff’s report said Gartner was “extremely intoxicated” and had admitted to drinking six beers and taking six Oxycodone pills.

Deputies took Gartner into custody, and he was released from the Land O’ Lakes jail around 10 p.m.

But his freedom was short-lived.

Authorities said Gartner went to the jail’s parking lot to wait for a ride but started trying to get into cars in the lot. He was arrested again at around 11:45 p.m.

Gartner told a deputy he hoped the cop was “not mad at him for attempting to get into the cars,” the arrest report said.

No, he wasn’t mad at all. All he had to do was walk outside, arrest the fool and then sit at a desk for a few hours doing more paperwork for the same fool he’d just spent two hours doing paperwork on in the first place. Cops LOVE that. In fact if they arrest you three times in one day they’ll buy you a nice dinner, that’s how happy they get.

BTW, that nice dinner tends to be stale bologna and white bread.

As long as we’re talking about public servants, last week I mentioned how some L.A. firefighters were lending out the city’s firetrucks to be used in porn movies. As it turns out, due to a glitch in the city’s contract with the firefighters, that’s okay. The movies were shot in 2008 and the city has a 2 year statute of limitations on ethics violations.

In related news, the LAFD seems to have become the official PR source for news about, porn star, Charley Chase since they’ve now mentioned her in every press release concerning this incident.

You might not want to click that link at work or in church, if you know what I mean.

In other municipal news, closer to home, Park Ridge has legalized swearing.

George Carlin would have been proud.

It is now officially legal to use the so-called seven dirty words — or any other kind of profanity one chooses — in public in Park Ridge.

As part of an effort to clean up city ordinances, the Park Ridge City Council deleted a law that made it illegal “to use profanity in any street, alley or public place of the City.”

Having an anti-swearing law on the books, even if it is no longer enforced, presents a freedom-of-speech issue, Park Ridge Police Chief Frank Kaminski said.

“Those laws aren’t really constitutional,” said Kaminski, who wasn’t sure how long the anti-profanity rule had been around.

The council also deleted a section of the disorderly-conduct rules that outlawed the use of “abusive or obscene language” and gestures.

And Kaminski said the city plans to look at an “indecent exposure” ordinance that prohibits nudity in public, but goes on to say that citizens cannot wear clothing belonging to the opposite gender while in public, though it does not specify what articles of clothing are appropriate for each gender.

So, in a move that’s sure to heal hearts the nation over, you can now say f**k anywhere you want but you can’t be Ru Paul. Well, that’s going to put a damper on the Park Ridge Pride Parade.

No Nude Hippo float for them.

But what if you’re just some schlub making minimum wage and hoping to have enough left over at the end of the week for crazy things like food? Can you expect to work in a sane environment? According to Allison Linn the answer is no.

A contest offering $10 to guess which of your colleagues will be fired next is a good reason to quit your job, according to a judge in Iowa.

Administrative Law Judge Susan D. Ackerman ruled that Misty Shelsky, who worked at the QC Mart convenience store chain for two years, was eligible for unemployment insurance after quitting her job because her employer held a contest offering $10 to the employee who correctly guessed which colleague would next be fired.

Shelsky quit after receiving a memo that announced: “NEW CONTEST – GUESS THE NEXT CASHIER WHO WILL BE FIRED!!!,” according to case records.

In the ruling, the judge called the employers’ actions “egregious and deplorable.”

“The employer’s actions have clearly created a hostile work environment by suggesting its employees turn on each other for a minimal monetary prize. The claimant has established this was an intolerable and detrimental work environment,” Ackerman wrote.

The employer has another chance to appeal the decision, a spokeswoman for the Iowa Workforce Development office said.

William Ernst, who owns the chain, did not immediately respond to two messages from Life Inc. seeking comment.

The Des Moines Register, which first reported the story, said Shelsky was one of several employees who quit after the memo came out.

“It was very degrading,” she told the Des Moines Register. “We looked at that, then looked at each other, and said, ‘OK, we’re done.’”

Not even the producers here are that cruel. They limit those contests to management level and above. I won $50 two months ago.

While not exactly related to the above, it sure seems like it. All of us here at World News Center want to expres our regrets that The Playboy Club has been cancelled on NBC. The show featured Nude Hippo fave, Ashley Lobo. Rumor has it that the show may be resurrected on cable with a slightly racier motif.

One more reason to keep that cable package up to date.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ms79633njIg&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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Have you ever wondered what some people are thinking? They somehow manage to open their mouths and nothing but stupid falls out. No, I’m not talking about Hank Williams, Jr., a man of whom Deadspin said “exists solely to remind us that genius skips a generation.” No, instead I thought I’d mention Jeff Smith. You may not know him but he was big news in Missouri. He was imprisoned for a year for violating Federal election laws and being a jerk. Well, maybe not the jerk part, but they should have tossed that in. Anyway, now free to roam among us he has, naturally, started a blog. Does he talk about redeeming his place in society? No. Does he talk about the dangers of breaking the law? Nope, no that either. Does he warn children of the horrors that a life of crime can present? Of course not.

So what does he talk about?

Prison sex.

A Missouri state senator who spent a year in federal prison for breaking election laws in 2004 has an account on The Recovering Politician blog all about what his fellow attendees at a Brooklyn cocktail party were too afraid to ask: prison sex. Jeff Smith says he didn’t see any acts of rape, but sex was never very far from anyone’s mind, apparently:

As you might imagine, things can get pretty nasty when several hundred guys are confined in a small area without the benefit of female interaction, other than a pair of (arguably) female prison administrators. Outside muscle-building substances, pornography was perhaps the most prized possession on the compound.

Click over to Smith’s blog for the more logistical details, including a device known as a “gunslinger” that involved a toilet paper roll, some kind of lubricant, and a string.

You know what? On the list of things I’m willing to put on my penis, this isn’t one of them, thank you very much.

But I don’t want to leave you needing therapy. So, instead, I’ll take us across the mighty Atlantic to Munich, Germany to enjoy the public recounts of Oktoberfest. According to Madeline Chambers, this year’s fest featured more beer and less brawls.

Revelers at Germany’s Oktoberfest, the world’s largest folk festival, consumed a record 7.5 million liters of beer during the 17-day party which ended on Monday in blazing sunshine.

Despite gloom in Germany about the spiralling debt crisis, the festival drew some 6.9 million visitors, many clad in traditional Bavarian lederhosen or dirndls, said the organizers.

Although most visitors come from Bavaria, home of the Oktoberfest, over a million travel to Munich from abroad, mostly from Italy, the United States and Australia.

To the rousing strains of oompah bands, partygoers devoured 118 oxen and 53 calves. But, as usual, the most popular fare to help soak up a “Mass,” or liter mug, of beer was roast chicken — hundreds of thousands of which were consumed, along with pork sausages.

“The atmosphere at the Oktoberfest was, until the last day, absolutely excellent,” said Munich mayor Christian Ude, who described it as a “Dream Oktoberfest.”

The organizers were particularly pleased that there were only 58 brawls in which drinkers used their “Masskrug,” or heavy liter beer mugs, as a weapon, said police.

In true Teutonic tradition, the clear-up is already well under way and the Lost and Found office is sifting through its collection of curiosities. This year they include an 8-centimetre long live grasshopper, a Viking helmet, a walking frame, two crutches and a set of dentures.

A total of 4,750 items were handed in, including 1,045 passports and 390 mobile telephones, said the office. The 48 children who were lost have all been claimed.

Although the strong, specially brewed beer is probably the main draw, especially for tourists from abroad, the festival’s organizers have tried to restore a more traditional feel to the celebrations with folk music and historic funfair rides.

The Oktoberfest was first celebrated 201 years ago when Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess Therese von Sachsen-Hildburghausen and invited Munich’s citizens to join the party on the Theresienwiesen, a patch of green just outside the city center.

Nowadays the tents get so full, especially at weekends, that burly officials have to close the doors. Local firms often book out whole benches for corporate entertainment.

And the guy who lost his passport, cell phone and kid is still trying to get his wife to let him in the house. Having been to Oktoberfest before I can attest that it’s a lot of fun. The people are friendly – well, they’re drunk and happy – and there is enough food to satisfy any appetite. And, yes, after a couple of those Mass beers lederhosen do seem like a very good fashion choice.

But, not once, did I ever consider making my own “gunslinger.”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuDtACzKGRs&w=500&h=317]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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When I was a little World News Center correspondent, around 4 years old, my grandmother ran a kennel. She used to breed Great Danes and German Sheppard’s, but later downsized to Yorkies and Poms. That had a lot to do with the fact that she was getting older and was stuck raising me. I was not an easy child to raise. Of course regular readers probably could have guessed that. But one thing I did learn is that dog whistles drove dogs pyscho, I also learned that their use was an odd form of canine torture. Dog would wail and moan and cover their eyes and basically act like the final reel of Cujo when they heard one. This may come as a surprise to some of you but large dogs hell bent on killing you is not a pleasant experience. Think of it as a similar experience to running into a crack house and announcing “I’m unarmed and I’m here to arrest you.” A whole world of bad awaits you. After that awaits pain.

So it is with a jaundiced eye that I spy today’s story. By that I mean I think the people behind it are completely f***ing insane. ABC News reports that Nestle has created an ad designed exclusively for dogs.

Nestle Purina created an interactive commercial now airing in Germany and Austria featuring different high-pitched squeaks and tones meant to appeal to the furriest of family members.

After consulting with experts in pet behavior based in St. Joseph, Mo., the folks at Nestle Purina learned that dogs’ hearing is twice as sharp as humans’.

“They can pick up frequencies which are beyond our range and they are better at differentiating sounds,” said Dr. Georg Sanders, a nutrition expert and consumer consultant at Nestlé Purina PetCare in Germany.

The commercial, made specifically for Beneful, first uses a squeak similar to the sound a dog’s toy makes, something that both the pup and its owner will be able to hear. The commercial also has the sound of a high-frequency tone – much like a dog whistle — that dogs respond to but humans can hardly recognize.

The marketing ploy follows another of the company’s campaigns, also launched in Germany, where dogs were able to sniff out the smell of Beneful dog food while on a walk with their owners on special posters. It seems the company hopes that by catching the pet’s attention they can also influence the people who make the shopping decisions in the household.

But Nestle Purina says that the commercial is only meant to highlight the special relationship between owners and pets.

“We wanted to create a TV commercial that our four-legged friends can enjoy and listen to, but also allow the owner and dog to experience it together,” said Anna Rabanus, Brand Manager of Beneful for Nestlé Purina PetCare Germany.

Here’s what the owners will experience.

“FLUFFY! QUIT BARKING AND BITING ME!”

Mostly the biting part.

So, thanks to Nestle, billions of canines will be going stark raving mad without any recourse. I’m sure this will all turn out well. In much the same way I figured that the internet was a fad.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He82NBjJqf8&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

As regular readers of this blog know we support nudity when it’s used for a worthy cause. Whether that has been something profound like demanding freedom (scroll down when you get to the page) to demanding the right to bicycle naked, this blog has stood firmly in their respective corners. And, by popular demand, I have always remained fully clothed. The only editorial objection ever posted concerning nudity here was when a bunch of San Franciscans decided to get naked in front of a children’s show. That passed creepy five miles back.

Aside from that, however, we’re gung ho for nekkidness.

Every year ESPN joins us in celebrating naked people. Unlike us they aren’t hampered by multiple orders of protection. Instead they actually get people to gleefully sign up for their annual Body Athletes issue. The reasons become pretty clear when you see one. The photography is artistic and beautiful, the settings are austere and the athletes are honored not exploited. More importantly, ESPN uses the issue to laud athletes you may be unaware of ranging from people with disabilities to people in obscure sports who, nevertheless, manage to maintain well sculpted physiques.

Since this year’s issue will feature a few athletes with Chicago ties, I thought I’d give our loyal readers a head’s up. Ace reporter, Michael McCarthy, from USA Today has the whole story.

Gymnast Alicia Sacramone, snowboarder Gretchen Bleiler, socceer goalie Hope Solo, the NBA’s Blake Griffin, MLB’s Jose Reyes and the NFL’s Steven Jackson lead the list of athletes posing nude in ESPN The Magazine’s third annual “Body Issue.”

Over 20 athletes will appear in the buff (with private parts strategically covered) in the “Bodies We Want” section of the 2011 issue, said editor-in-chief Chad Millman. The mag’s third “exploration and celebration of the athletic form” hits newsstands Oct. 7.

Other female athletes baring their bodies for photographers: the WNBA’s Sylvia Fowles; LPGA rookie Belen Mozo; track and field star Natasha Hastings; hockey player Julie Chu; tennis player Vera Zvonareva; surfer Steph Gilmore; tattooed roller derby player Suzy Hotrod and bowler Kelly Kulick.

The other male athletes: speedskater Apolo Ohno; NHL player Ryan Kesler; UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones; IndyCar racer Helio Castroneves; snowboarder Louie Vito; boxer Sergio Martinez; marathoner Ryan Hall and paralympian Jeremy Campbell.

“This is an issue in the short time we’ve been doing it that’s become pretty anticipated,” says Millman. “In terms of the athletes we’ve attracted, we feel like the group is really strong.”

The first two risque issues featured athletes ranging from Serena Williams, Dwight Howard and mixed martial artist Gina Carano to amputee triathlete Sarah Reinertsen and the USA Women’s Water Polo team.

ESPN has never been shy about cross-promoting other properties from parent Disney. This year’s roster includes four athletes who are either currently on, or have appeared, on ESPN sister network ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, points out consultant David Schwab of Octagon. Solo is currently starring on the show; Ohno; Vito and Castroneves previously appeared.

USA TODAY’s Michael McCarthy went one-on-one with Millman. Among the 22 athletes photographed for the “Bodies We Want III,” some like St. Louis Rams running back Jackson volunteered, Millman said. This year’s issue will also turn the tables by sending a naked reporter to interview clothed hockey players in their locker room. Excerpts:

What’s different this year?

What’s nice about the ‘Body Issue’ at this point is that people know what it is and they recognize what our goal is. Now we have athletes and their representatives and the leagues coming to us and saying, ‘Can we get so and so in the Body Issue?’ Or ‘Can I get my client in the ‘Body Issue?’ There’s much less convincing that we have to do than what we had to do in Years 1 and 2. Because people understand what we’re trying to do and how we’re trying to highlight sports and athletes and various body types. So for us, the aim for this issue is what it always is which is to celebrate athletes in the condition that they’re in.

Were you surprised when Hope Solo tweeted she was posing?

That’s an interesting story. … We want to keep the names of the athletes under wraps for a variety of reasons. … So Hope was in her trailer getting ready. And Sue Hovey, the executive editor who puts the whole ‘Body Issue’ together, walked in and was talking with Hope’s publicist, I think. They were telling the story about how they try to keep the names under wraps. At that point, Hope was like, ‘So I shouldn’t be tweeting out that I’m getting ready to go naked for ESPN The Magazine?’ She had just sent it out. … That’s also an indication of how much more difficult it is to keep these things under wraps. When we do, we feel like we accomplished something.

Did anybody say yes who previously said no?

Gretchen Bleiler. She’s someone who we had gone to the first couple of years. She had demurred. … She’s been in the magazine a lot and on our cover before. She saw what we were doing with the issue, and how we celebrate athletes’ bodies in all forms, and decided it was something she wanted to be a part of. When that happens, you feel like you are doing well by the athletes and doing a good job with the issue. … They put themselves in a very vulnerable position for us. It’s not easy to appear on a set, with a lot of different people, and disrobe.

Anybody turn you down?

Not that I know of. But to be honest, if they did, I wouldn’t want to say. Because we might want to keep going back to them. The same as we did with Gretchen.

How did Jackson volunteer?

Gary Belsky was the editor-in-chief before me. The ‘Body Issue’ was his brainchild. … He loves to go to red carpets and the parties when ESPN is involved, like at the ESPY’s or the Super Bowl. He’ll go up to athletes and just ask them, ‘Hey, will you be in the Body Issue?’ So he saw Steven Jackson. He introduced himself and said, ‘I have a question for you.’ Steven Jackson said, ‘You want me to be in the Body Issue?’ Gary goes ‘Yeah.’ Steven goes, ‘I’ve been waiting for you to ask.’

Will there be any repeat athletes from the first two ‘Body’ issues?

There are no repeat athletes.

Will Danica Patrick or Tiger Woods be in? They were not in first two?

Danica Patrick and Tiger Woods are not in the issue. That I can confirm for you.

Which athletes will appear on the covers?

We have picked the athletes for the covers. There will be four covers. I’d rather not say who they are yet. Just because we want to reveal those on the day the issue is released to build anticipation. But I have chosen the covers and there will be four of them.

Do you still give athletes control over what pictures are used?

Yes. We let the athletes see the pictures on set. The last thing we want to do is do something, when they’re feeling this vulnerable, that makes them uncomfortable. We have no hesitancy letting them see a shot on set. So they get an indication of what we like and what we’re thinking about. Just so they’re comfortable.

What feature stories will accompany ‘Bodies We Want III’?’

One of the things that’s very interesting to me is how athletes deal with bodies in various forms of injury and rehab. … There’s a couple of bigger name athlete stories, and you could probably guess, about their rehab and procedures that they’re having we had been working on that we’ll probably have in this issue. We also have a story about the metaphor of ‘balls.’ Last year Dave Fleming, one of our senior writers, did a story about how athletes control their bowels in endurance sports. Or any sports really. … This year, Dave is tackling the idea of balls as a metaphor for courage on the field. … We also actually turned the tables on athletes and sent one of our writers to do interviews with the L.A. Kings. In this instance, the writer was naked — and not the athletes. … To give a sense of what perspective is like. And to talk about the locker room ethos of nudity and how it’s different from sport to sport and how the players feel about it and what it’s like for the writer to finally understand what it means to be in that position that the athletes are in. … The writer is Morty Ain. He was a brave man for doing it. … It’s funny, we have a writer who’s done a lot of nudity for us and is not shy about getting naked. We originally wanted him to do the story. He just became the president of his son’s Little League Baseball League. He was like, ‘I just don’t feel, as the president of my son’s Little League League, I can actually go out and be naked any more.’

How do you pick athletes over the course of the year?

Generally, it starts with the editors compiling a list of the people that we’d want to see in the issue. We think about star power, we think about body types and sports diversity. We want to think about a racial mix and a gender mix. Over the year, editors generally keep a list of the people they think would be interesting. That they’d want to see in there. That they think would attract attention and they think would keep readers interested. Its something that, like I said, a lot of times people are reaching out to us at this point. The WTA (Women’s Tennis Association) was interested in getting involved. Steven Jackson was interested in getting involved. … Helio Castroneves happened to be in our office in New York. Sue Hovey said, ‘Hey, would you be interested in being in the ‘Body Issue?’ He said, ‘Yes, absolutely.’ We don’t want to make it all about the four major sports. That’s why we try to limit it to one athlete per sport.

Is ‘Body Issue’ competing with Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue?

I don’t see it that way for a variety of reasons. The Swimsuit Issue is a tremendous success and it’s an exciting issue when it comes out. But it’s not about sports and it’s not about athletes. I don’t see it as being competitive with SI at all. It comes out in February and ours comes out at a different time of year. Ours is only about the athletic form. … We’re not about just showing people who are buff and trying to excite the masses.

Do some of your 2 million subscribers complain?

You know what’s interesting? There’s always people who call in who are angry and want to to cancel. But its never the numbers you think its going to be. … Mostly people recognize what we’re celebrating. They understand this is an ode to the athletic form in all forms and all different body shapes and sizes.

Just FYI, ESPN, like Sports Illustrated, allows subscribers the option of skipping these issues. So if you don’t want them you need not receive them. Of course, that requires about 2 seconds of work on the part of the reader so it gets ignored.

I guess it’s just easier to complain.

Anyway, these issues are a lot of fun mostly because the athletes are having fun. They know full well that their magnificent bodies aren’t going to last forever and that a keepsake like this will.

Now if I could just convince our editors to let me put together an All Nude Nude Hippo calendar (I promise it will tastefully done), this would be a perfect day.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt0V0_1MS0Q&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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Earlier this week, showing the kind of insight that is normally reserved for bricks and exceptionally stupid trees, a group of Wall Street financiers sat on a balcony and shared a champagne brunch as they watched, and derided, the common folk on the street below. For those of you who have not been privy to the ongoing occupation of Wall Street, you can’t be blamed, since the media that is paid for by these very wealthy people hasn’t been covering this at all. And if they do they tend to dismiss it as the rouge actions of a couple of hippies and their dirty dog B-I-N-G-O.

In fact there are thousands of protesters there and their number is growing daily. It is getting to the point that some very smart people are wondering if we may not be witnessing a true revolution. If the, so called, middle and under classes no longer buy into the status quo this whole country could come to a screeching halt. Way back in 1940, Rapmaster Bobby H. (a/k/a Robert Heinlein) wrote about a similar scenario in The Roads Must Roll. Although, in Heinlein’s world, it is an anti-union, anti-populist view, it still is a pretty solid look at what could happen. Keep in mind that the protesters in NYC are not violent or crazy. These are people just like you and I who are tired of all the financial gamesmanship that is going on. After all, every company listed in the Fortune 500 has been turning a profit since the President bailed them out. Yet very few have done anything with that money to help the economy or add jobs.

But some minds are not numb to the needs of humanity. In fact some minds seem patently unsure there is this thing called humanity. That, in fact, that humanity thing may just be a mathematical manifestation of string theory gone amok. Nevertheless that hasn’t prevented these minds from banding together for the betterment of all, whether said “all” actually exists or not.

There are many great scientific discoveries and tremendous social experiments that take place each year. We are here today to patently ignore them. Instead we are going to celebrate those wonderful minds that look at the effects of a full bladder on your ability to drive machinery.

No, I am not making this up. Mark Pratt has the whole story.

Driving while desperately needing to urinate isn’t a crime, but maybe it should be.

Peter Snyder and his colleagues found that having a bladder at its bursting point reduced attention span and the ability to make decisions to the same degree expected with low levels of alcohol intoxication or 24 hours of sleep deprivation. The research earned them the 2011 Ig Nobel prize for medicine.

“When people reach a point when they are in so much pain they just can’t stand it anymore, it was like being drunk,” said Snyder, a professor of neurology at Brown University in Providence, R.I.

“The ability to hold information was really impaired,” he said.

This year’s winners of the dubious distinction handed out Thursday at Harvard University for head-scratching scientific discoveries included a team of Japanese scientists who invented a fire alarm that smells like wasabi; a European mayor who solved his city’s parking problems with a piece of heavy military equipment; a Norwegian researcher who explored the science behind sighing; and the numerous people throughout history whose mathematical calculations to predict the end of the world have fallen flat.

The 21st annual awards sponsored by the Annals of Improbable Research were handed out by real Nobel laureates and featured the usual doses of silliness, including a mini-opera about the chemistry in a coffee shop and the ritual launching of paper airplanes.

The point of Snyder’s work was to determine the effects of pain on decision-making. Working with full bladders is a “low cost, low risk” way of causing pain that can be resolved easily, simply by going to the bathroom.

The research, done with scientists at Australian universities, was also fun. The group even crowned an unofficial withholding champion — the person who could go the longest before his bladder exploded. Australian researcher David Darby held out for three hours.

Vilnius, Lithuania Mayor Arturas Zuokas won the Ig Nobel peace prize for his heavy-handed way of dealing with parking scofflaws. He crushed their cars with a military armored personnel carrier.

“I just decided that it was time to teach bullies who had no respect for the rights of others a lesson that left an impression,” he said in an email.

In a video posted on YouTube, Zuokas crushes a Mercedes-Benz blocking not just a bicycle lane, but also a pedestrian crossing, in Vilnius’ picturesque Old Town.

Zuokas was coy when asked whether the car-crushing was a stunt — the well-dressed owner did not appear to be too angry — but said the plan appears to have worked. The city has returned to what the mayor calls “more standard and boring” means of controlling parking scofflaws: issuing tickets and towing vehicles.

But he warns he has the tank on standby.

The chemistry prize went to Japanese researchers who invented a fire alarm that emits the pungent odor of wasabi, the sinus-clearing green paste served with sushi.

“Wasabi odor is useful as a fire alarm to deaf people who failed to wake up with a conventional mode such as sound, vibration or flashing light,” said Makoto Imai, professor of psychiatry at Shiga University of Medical Science.

The key is allyl isothiocyanate, the compound in wasabi that gives out its distinctive smell and can be detected even during sleep.

The team settled on wasabi after trying about 100 odors, including rotten eggs.

Karl Teigen’s research, which won him the psychology prize, perhaps best embodies the spirit of the Ig Nobels. His study on why people sigh has no practical applications as far as he can determine. He and his students decided to study sighing simply because they found no one else had.

“People think that others’ sighs chiefly express sadness and sorrow, but that their own sighs are more often due to resignation and giving up,” said Teigen, a psychology professor at the University of Oslo in Norway. “We studied the giving up aspect experimentally by giving people puzzles that looked simple, but they could not solve. And they sighed. We think they sighed because they had to give up a hypothesis, an idea, a hope, or an attempt — and perhaps be ready for a new one.”

Most winners were delighted to take home the prize.

“It certainly caught me off guard,” said Snyder, the Brown professor. “But at heart I am a teacher, and I am concerned that scientific literacy in this country is on the decline. The Ig Nobels show that science isn’t always dry and technical, and can be fun.”

Teigen played on the Ig Nobels’ own catchphrase to describe his feelings. “Ig Nobel prizes are assumed to make people laugh and then think — and I would add: then sigh.”

Now that you’re done laughing at the ideas presented above I hope you can take a minute to realize that every one of them, except that whole sighing thing, are 100% useful. The wasabi alarm could save lives and the study of pain on a person’s ability to concentrate could have many long term ramifications. Last year’s winners included a bra that could be used as a gas mask in an emergency. Stupid? Yes. Useful? Sure would be if some idiot decides to blow something up near your home and you need to keep breathing.

Also, you gotta admit, ripping a bra off a woman to save both your lives (one cup per mouth) is a heck of a lot more fun than wrapping a hanky around your head.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE41YPdPuis&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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