Really People? Did You All Fail Grade School?

Yeah, that about sums it up.
First off, let me introduce you to America’s newest scam. It’s fun, it’s easy and it will cause you to file bankruptcy. Here you go. You innocently go online to check out those “online colleges” you’ve heard so much about. You innocently enter your cell number to get more info. Then the calls start. I got over 60 in one week. Here’s the scam. As long as you’ve never had a student loan, or have paid your previous one off, they will sign you up, get you the loan (at insane interest) and then you’ll discover that, even if you actually get a degree, many states won’t recognize it. Now, you have a worthless education, you’re on the hook for more money than a standard education would cost and you’re unemployable. There’s a great conversation going online about how the various scams work when it comes to an online degree. I’ll keep it simple; if the program is part of an accredited college (i.e., Northwestern) then have at it. If not, run away from it. Oh, and just FYI, there is no such thing as an easy payment plan for student loans. They pay back just like regular loans. Anyway, after getting the nice people at Verizon to help me block a series of numbers, my life is back to normal. That’ll teach me to want to better myself.

Ah, who am I kidding, no it won’t. I’ll just continue to be careful about it.

So, let’s start with something funny just so we can all relax. A bear walked into a pizza parlor and stole a beef and blue cheese pie. Since the bear weighed around 600lbs, the staff let him. He left without paying his bill and authorities were called. I can’t wait to see if they can collect.

Now, back to the topic at hand. The reason people get conned is, for the most part, they’re either greedy or stupid. In many cases both. Reuters is reporting that one in five British women believe that men who lie on the couch and watch sports are suffering from the “man flu.” More importantly, they think there’s a medical cure.

One in five British women believe that the debilitating “man-flu” disease which temporarily leaves sufferers prostrate on the sofa watching televised sports is real, according to a new study.

The survey, which questioned 2,000 British adults about health and wellbeing, showed that misconceptions and old wives’ tales, including the myth that eating carrots improves night vision, prevail among the population when it comes to beliefs about common illnesses.

“Unbelievably, there are still a lot of misconceptions around how minor illnesses and conditions are caused or prevented,” study leader Mike Smith, said in a statement.

The top 10 health myths ranged from the theory that eating carrots will aid night vision to the belief that too much stress will turn your hair grey, both subscribed to by one in 10 of the population.

More than a third of people said that sugar makes children hyper, and 37 percent said they believed we lose most of our body heat through our heads — the most popular misconception of the survey.

While the face, head and chest are more sensitive to temperature change than the rest of the body, covering one part of the body has as much effect as covering any other, researchers said.

“The Contagion study suggests that a large majority of the population are still under the illusion that they can, for example, get square eyes from watching too much television, or get better night vision from eating more carrots,” Smith said.

“These are just not true, but do go to show that no matter how many millions are spent on health and education, some medical myths still prevail,” he said.

When illness strikes, almost half of people agreed that men exaggerate their symptoms to get attention, with 38 percent also believing that men take longer to recover from illness than women.

Over half of respondents admitted to self-diagnosis, using the internet to research their symptoms.

“Old wives’ tales are just that — tales that should not be listened to or abided by. If the public are in any real doubt as to how to treat a condition, they should always refer to their GP (family doctor) or professional medical adviser,” Smith said.

The study was specially commissioned to mark the release of Hollywood thriller “Contagion” starring Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow and Jude Law.

Before you go nuts, there’s a reason that the whole carrots improve eyesight was actually taught in schools and so on. It was invented in the 1940’s by the British Air Force to explain why their pilots were so good at bombing at night. They didn’t want the Nazi’s to know they’d invented a new kind of bomb sight that gave their pilots tremendous advantages. And, they accomplished all this without alien technology.

I bet there are some of you who don’t believe that last sentence.

Oh well.

Anyway, in Northampton Massachusetts, lesbian capitol of America and home of Smith College, a professor conned an entire campus into thinking the campus was going all veggie and locavore.

A prank at a Massachusetts college convinced many students the campus was going vegetarian and locavore — serving only local food and beverages.

Smith College Professors Jay Garfield and Jim Henle said they masterminded the prank as part of their introductory class in logic. They instructed their 100 students to convince the campus the administration was planning to ban meat and all foods from outside of New England from being served at the school, The Boston Globe reported Tuesday.

The faux news sparked protests and counter-protests last week with chalk slogans opposing the move appearing on sidewalks across the college. About one-third of the students in the class at the all-female school said they believed they had been successful in fooling the campus.

The prank culminated Monday with President Carol Christ showing up at Garfield and Henle’s class to inform them they were being fired for revealing the school’s “secret” plan to go vegetarian and locavore. She accused them of owning a share in a local farm set to profit from the plan.

However, the class discovered the announcement was all part of the hoax when Christ was interrupted by the school’s provost, who explained the instructors could not be fired because they have tenure.

Garfield and Henle said they are thinking of ways to top the prank next year.

Now, before I get angry letters from women in the Northeast, allow me to explain my earlier comments. The town has a sign promoting itself as Lesbianville, USA. There, I really don’t think I need any more. It also used to house the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Museum, but that seems to have disappeared.

BTW, the fact that it was two men who came up with this prank shall remain unremarked.

So, kids, consider these simple truths. If it sounds to good to be true, it is. If it makes no freaking sense whatsoever, it probably doesn’t work and, last but not least, there is not one single person in Nigeria who really wants to make you rich.

Or, use my grandfather’s test of veracity; “Would you believe it if you heard it in a bar?”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HBxUWSxcq8&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Related posts