Stimulating the Economy

Does this cartoon dude look like Bill Clinton or is it just me?
Money is a fascinating tool. We use it for many things. Sure, you buy stuff with it but you can also save it, use it for equity of many types, assign it importance above or below something else and so on. Money can buy you sex. Don’t laugh. If this guy had any cash the cops wouldn’t have arrested him, naked, covered in cooking oil while trying to seduce teenage girls.Then again, I’m not sure there’s a hooker on the planet who would agree to this. Just FYI, the young ladies involved were not R. Kelly fans so, when offered the chance to spend an evening with a naked fat man covered in cooking oil and carrying crack cocaine, they called the cops. See? There is hope for America’s youth. Anyway, in general, money allows you to do stuff.

But not any more.

In Louisiana it is now illegal to pay for lots of stuff with cash.

Cold hard cash. It’s good everywhere you go, right? You can use it to pay for anything.

But that’s not the case here in Louisiana now. It’s a law that was passed during this year’s busy legislative session.

House bill 195 basically says those who buy and sell second hand goods cannot use cash to make those transactions, and it flew so far under the radar most businesses don’t even know about it.

“We’re gonna lose a lot of business,” says Danny Guidry, who owns the Pioneer Trading Post in Lafayette. He deals in buying and selling unique second hand items.

“We don’t want this cash transaction to be taken away from us. It’s an everyday transaction,” Guidry explains.

Guidry says, “I think everyone in this business once they find out about it. They’re will definitely be a lot of uproar.”

The law states those who buy or sell second hand goods are prohibited from using cash. State representative Rickey Hardy co-authored the bill.

Hardy says, “they give a check or a cashiers money order, or electronic one of those three mechanisms is used.”

Hardy says the bill is targeted at criminals who steal anything from copper to televisions, and sell them for a quick buck. Having a paper trail will make it easier for law enforcement.

“It’s a mechanism to be used so the police department has something to go on and have a lead,” explains Hardy.

Guidry feels his store shouldn’t have to change it’s ways of doing business, because he may possibly buy or sell stolen goods. Something he says has happened once in his eight years.

“We are being targeted for something we shouldn’t be.”

Besides non-profit resellers like Goodwill, and garage sales, the language of the bill encompasses stores like the Pioneer Trading Post and flea markets.

Lawyer Thad Ackel Jr. feels the passage of this bill begins a slippery slope for economic freedom in the state.

“The government is placing a significant restriction on individuals transacting in their own private property,” says Ackel.

Pawn shops have been forced to keep records of their clients for years. However under this bill they are still allowed to deal in cash.

I really can’t wait for cops to try and enforce this law. As written it would also apply to garage sales, church bake sales and so on. Because, as we all know, those are hotbeds of gang banging activity.

But, what can we do to help the economy? Not a problem. Lawmakers in Florida, where else, are demanding that dwarf tossing be legalized.

A POLITICIAN wants to make “dwarf tossing” legal in Melbourne.

But Victorians shouldn’t expect such a competition in their capital city any time soon.

It’s the city of the same name in the US state of Florida where the push is on to provide employment opportunity for little people.

Republican Ritch Workman filed the proposed legislation this week, according to the Palm Beach Post, which quoted him as saying, “In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?”

Mr Workman also called the decision to outlaw dwarf tossing “an example of Big Brother government”.

The bar attraction generally involves people competing to throw dwarfs in padded clothing on to mattresses or at Velcro-coated walls.

“I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Mr Workman said.

“I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.”

But members of Little People of America cautioned against what the Post called “a Leave No Tossed Dwarf Behind bill”.

Robert Van Etten, a 1.04m engineering consultant said, “The people who were thrown were alcoholics with low self-esteem. Many of them were injured. One committed suicide.”

David Dodge, a 1.32m computer network consultant warned, “The possibility of getting paralysed is high. And then to be used as an object for people’s amusement is very degrading.”

Although said to have started in Australia, dwarf tossing’s origins are sketchy. It was banned in Florida after a participant died.

But, c’mon, this is the state dedicated to the joy of dwarfs. After all, they have a whole section of the state set aside to the Heigh Ho theme. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, other than everything?

But in China, where capitalism was supposed to go to die, capitalist heroes, who are descendants of the most famous fascists in history, have come up with a perfectly family friendly way to sell cars. They are using live, nude, models to see cars.

And you thought we Asians are conservative. While the idea of pairing cars and women together seems like a decidedly Western concept, the Chinese have outdone the Americans in this department. Not content with having girls frolicking in teeny-tiny bikinis, the organizers at a Volkswagen show in Heilongjiang province decided that the models should wear their birthday suits!

I wonder what the Chinese commie government thinks about this….

Actually, this is not an isolated incident, if we can put it that way. Car shows in China have gotten raunchier by the minute. Just capitalism at work, my friends. Just capitalism.

I’m just trying to picture this conversation

“Oh, honey, we have to buy the new Jeta.”

“Why?”

“Because they have a hot naked chick who is pretending to think I’m cute.”

I wonder what the divorce rate in China will be?

Some things that can help you save money, even without hot naked girls, is making sure your cell phone plan covers the people who are using it. A Florida lady – c’mon – where else? – let her 2 deaf mute relatives use the phone out of the country (i.e., all text and video) in Canada and got a $200,000 bill. T-Mobile, to their credit, cut the bill to 1% of the total, but that’s still a couple of grand.

Nevertheless, America has long been the world’s leader using naked women to sell stuff and I refuse to see a great American tradition die just because there are a few minor glitches in the economy. Let’s support our history and make America great again.

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Mayday Parade / Kids In Love from Nickolas Hawkins on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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