We all want to be liked. It’s hard wired into our DNA. Even those lonely losers who play World of Warcraft and talk about their twelfth level dwarfs would giggle like school girls if a real person actually took the time to get to know and, eventually, like them. For some people the best way to get noticed is to remind people of others. Some come about this gift naturally, like the poor bastard featured in the film The Devil’s Double. HEY! You look just like Uday Hussein! Let’s party!.
Yeah, maybe not.
But what if you were wanted because, and we’re just talking here, you looked like President Obama and people wanted you to star in porn. Or, maybe, you look like Sarah Palin and people wanted you to star in porn. You get the idea. And, no, I couldn’t find any Mother Theresa porn so your beliefs are safe for another day.
But the one thing that all these scenarios have in common is that you could say “no.” You don’t need a reason, you don’t even need a lawyer. You just say “no, thanks,” and walk away. But what if you lived in a country where you couldn’t? Ahram Online (I’m linking to the English translation, so don’t panic) says that’s exactly what happened to this poor guy.
An Egyptian man was severely beaten after an Iraqi gang tried to kidnap and force him to film pornographic videos because of his astonishing resemblance to former Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein.
Mohamed Bishr says he was on his way on Sunday to a café in the bustling downtown area of Egypt’s second city of Alexandria when three men wearing black suits tried to force him into the back of a van.
“The three men, who had guns hanging from their belts, forced me out of my car and shoved me into a van, hitting my head,” Bishr, a devout Muslim, told Ahram’s Arabic portal from his hospital bed.
The incident was short but traumatic. Bishr said the last thing he remembers was the men yelling at each other, and then throwing him out of the van where he hit his face on the pavement.
Passers-by quickly gathered around but were too afraid to apprehend the apparently armed kidnappers.
Bishr’s son, Mahmoud, said that his father had previously met with a group of unidentified people — who spoke Arabic in an Iraqi or Syrian dialect — and had been offered LE2 million pounds (US$333,000) to impersonate the late dictator in a pornographic video. Bishr refused.
His son said that after the meeting his father had received several telephone calls threatening him with kidnap if he didn’t change his mind and shoot the Saddam sex tape.
It is believed his kidnappers would have tried to pass off the video recording they made as genuine and sell it to international media.
This was not the first time Bishr has been harassed because of his looks, according to his sons. They said other Iraqis in Egypt had previously assaulted their father, telling him “you are Saddam Hussein and we will turn you in for the million-dollar reward.”
Bishr has changed his residence four times to avoid such harrassment, they claimed.
“We asked the police to put special protection on our father, because this has happened to us several times,” said Mahmoud.
Former Iraqi president Saddam Hussein, executed in Baghdad in 2006, was rumoured to have used the services of several doubles to make public appearances in his place.
None are thought to have performed in adult films.
Really, Saddam porn? Is there a market of any type for that and, if so, can we just nuke it for the good of all humanity? As to Mr. Bishr, might I suggest dying, and trimming, that beard? It would go a long way to solving your problem.
Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank my good buddy Nick for making sure I read this.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!