New Nude News

Today, the phrase 'This just in' takes on a whole new meaning
If you’re like me, and your therapist thanks God that you’re not, but if you are – or were – then there are times when your mind is going to turn to naked women. That time is usually between sun up and sun up on any given day. Certainly this blog has come out in favor of smoking hot women getting naked to support worthy causes. But only worthy causes, we’re not cads. And, being that we agree with Michelle Obama that Americans need to get out and exercise more, we can see no greater example to follow than the famous nude rugby scrum in Dunedin England. That is not to confused with a nude Dumbledore, even though both have British roots. And, certainly, mainstream media seems to be catching up with the progressive think tank that is the Nude Hippo World News Center. From the, internationally renowned, Naked News to the stunning upstart, Clothes Free TV to the fact that if you Google Nude News this blog will show up on the first page of searches, it is clear that more and more people want to see other people naked.

In other words, the terrorists have not won.

So, today, in honor of all that, we’re going to take a look at nudes in the news. Our first story comes from – drum roll please – FLORIDA! And, because it’s from Florida, it involves people who screw up the whole concept of being naked. Also combining it with indoor golf was just stupid.

A tiff over porn in Vero Beach ended not in hugs and kisses but rather with a golf club and a beat down, according to a recently released Indian River County Sheriff’s Office report.

A 23-year-old man on Sept. 19 told deputies his “female roommate” whacked him with a golf club, which the roommate apparently identified as a six iron.

“He said that they got into an argument over porn,” the report states. “She told him to get away from her and he did not. She then grabbed a golf club and started beating him with it.”

The 24-year-old woman appeared to be teed off and said she was leaving and not coming back.

“She told me she used a six iron on him,” a report states.

Golfers typically use a six iron for an approach shot, though it can be used to tee off on a par 3.

In 1971, Alan Shepard, commander of Apollo 14, used a six-iron head attached to a utility tool to hit a couple of golf balls on the surface of the moon.

Shepard’s famous lunar golf incident came about 16 years before the birth of the woman in the apparent Vero porn golf club beating brouhaha.

A six iron is not to be confused with a six pack of soda, a six shot handgun, Six Flags amusement park, six degrees of separation, a sixth sense or a sick sense of humor.

A deputy noted “several large contusions” on the man’s arms, face and back.

The man apparently gave the woman a mulligan, not wanting her to be arrested.

Yesterday we talked about an 18 year old woman who was arrested for stealing to support her porn habit. It only took me one day to find her soul mate. Now, as long they don’t breed, I wish them nothing but happiness.

Moving on, we turn our jaundiced eye to a Kid Rock concert. No, not The Wiggles, the guy from Detroit. Because only in Canada could a woman get arrested for flashing her breasts during a show that features non-stop nudity.

Kid Rock is not exactly known for his progressive, respectful opinions about women. His concerts illustrate this quite plainly. With female pole dancers on stage and numerous images of naked and nearly-naked women flashing on the big screens in time to the music, one could be forgiven for thinking nudity was perfectly acceptable at the event. Add in a cameraman who’s encouraging the female audience members to flash a la Girls Gone Wild, and it’s no surprise the audience got into the groove and flashed their breasts.

But when Andrea Irwin joined in the breast-revealing fun, the owners of Scotiabank Place, the Ottawa-area arena where Kid Rock played Tuesday night, didn’t think it was fun at all and summarily ejected Irwin from the arena.

After her ejection, Irwin told the Toronto Sun:

“There were two strippers on stage and pornographic pictures in the background with women with their breasts exposed. It was very X-rated. So I thought what I was doing was just part of the concert.”

Scotiabank Place, however, released a statement via email where they supported the ejection, stating “We pride ourselves on providing a safe and respectable environment, especially at all-ages shows like the Kid Rock event was last night,” said Vice President and Executive Director Tom Conroy.

Calling a Kid Rock concert a “safe and respectful environment” is certainly a stretch of credibility. Perhaps the organizers extend the courtesy only to the the concert attendees rather than the concert performer. While I’m certainly not a fan of nudity for the purposes of publicity, exploitation and titillation, it’s certainly rich for the organizers to say that this individual was ejected because of the “family friendly” environment at a concert where breasts and pole dancers are prominently on display.

It’s also questionable whether the reaction of Scotiabank Place staff was appropriate. If a man had removed his shirt, would he have been asked to leave or would he have been simply asked to put his shirt back on?

Given that it is legal to be topless in Ontario, it would certainly be interesting to see if the reaction would be any different if the flasher was a man. But given that nobody makes money off exploiting topless men, nobody seems to worry about that.

Umm … nope, nothing I can add there. The Scotiabank Place staff is clearly run by diseased howler monkeys so let’s move on.

In this great land of ours it is now legal to paint naked women in public, with only a couple of minor restrictions. Artist Andy Golub, whose work celebrates the energy of the naked female, will now be allowed to hone his craft as long as his models wear g-strings when it’s daylight.

An artist arrested for applying body paint to a nude model in New York’s Times Square will have charges against him dropped if his models strip naked only after dark, according to a court agreement reached Thursday.

Police arrested Andy Golub, 45, in July and charged him with violating public exposure and lewdness laws. He has been painting nude models for about three years.

Golub’s lawyer, Ronald Kuby, argued that New York laws do not prohibit public nudity in the name of art, and a compromise was reached that was the basis of the court ruling.

Under the agreement, “he is permitted to paint bare breasts any time, anywhere, but the G-strings have to stay on until daylight goes out,” Kuby said after a hearing in Manhattan criminal court.

State laws against public exposure exempt “any person entertaining or performing in a play, exhibition, show or entertainment,” Kuby said. Municipalities are allowed to devise their own restrictions, but New York City generally does not do so, Kuby said.

Golub, of Nyack, New York, said he likes to paint nude models because their bodies have energy and dynamism that he finds lacking in canvas.

“I feel that when I do live body painting it’s a good thing, a positive thing,” he said.

Charges against Golub will be dropped in six months if he abides by the terms of the agreement and is not arrested again. Charges against Karla Storie, a model from Texas arrested with him, will be dismissed if she too is not arrested again in the next six months.

Golub said he was planning to return to criminal court on Friday and paint a nude model in a park near the courthouse.

Good for him. It’s a pity justice is blind, I think she’d like his stuff.

But there is one theme that cannot be ignored. Nudity is not just for the young anymore. And that’s fine since people are living longer, enjoying life (when they can afford to) and trying very hard not to be those old wankers who keep yelling for kids to get off their lawn. That is why the entire staff here is proud to support a group of aging British soap opera stars who ripped off all their clothes to demand better script writing.

No, I am not making this up. Quit laughing and read the damn article.

A group of British soap opera actresses appear naked this month in a magazine to raise awareness of age discrimination on television.

According to Jessica Laurence of AOL News, “The stars of Loose Women, Eastenders and Coronation Street have stripped bare for a photo shoot in Best magazine as part of a campaign to fight ageism in TV. Posing completely nude for the magazine’s Body Image issue, Gillian Taylforth (EastEnders), Beverley Callard (Coronation Street), Sherrie Hewson and Andrea McLean (Loose Women) protested against the scarcity of roles for older women on television.”

This is, of course, not the first time that a group of British women of a certain age (or a bit beyond) have stripped for a cause. The 2003 hit comedy film Calendar Girls, starring Helen Mirren, was based on a real-life story of a dozen women in their sixties and seventies who posed nude as a fundraiser for a women’s community organization.

Fair or not, the emphasis on beauty and youth is universal. Ancient Greek myths were overwhelmingly about young, attractive heroes and heroines going on quests and overcoming great obstacles. From Sandro Botticelli’s 1484 painting The Birth of Venus to Francisco Goya’s 1880 Nude Maja, artists have always focused on beauty and youth. There are, of course, some representations of older men and women in classical art and literature, but youth has always been prized.

Perhaps recognizing this, the women wisely target screenwriters. One of the women noted, “Women my age face a lack of parts because writers don’t write about women in their 50s. You used to confront ageism in your 50s, then it was in your 40s now anyone over the age of 35 suffers the stigma of being ‘too old.'”

Though addressing issues of ageism through nudity creates awareness among the general public, it’s easier to change the screenwriting world than the rest of the world.

The fact is that there are few good TV and film roles written for older people, male or female. Actors undeniably have a longer shelf life than actresses, though even Hollywood’s biggest male stars are offered fewer and fewer significant roles as they age.

Once-handsome but aging leading men like Robert Redford, Warren Beatty, Clint Eastwood, Kevin Costner, Robert Duvall, Richard Gere, and others rarely appear in films anymore. Many have taken producing and directing roles to keep a hand in the youth-and-looks focused business.

Pressuring screenwriters may help, but consumers can also vote with their purses and pocketbooks. Studios respond to box office receipts, and when audiences decide that they want to see films about older women (and men), Hollywood will make more films starring older actors. But an audience must create the demand.

Today’s Brad Pitts and Johnny Depps will be tomorrow’s Kirk Douglases and David Nivens, replaced (maybe) by Nicolas Hoults and Anton Yelchins. The ageism the women are protesting is partly about Hollywood’s narrow vision, but it’s also about the numbers.

There are only so many TV and film roles to go around, and an ever-growing population of actresses and actors wanting those roles. A casting director for a coming-of-age script (an ever-popular genre) won’t call Jessica Lange, Kate Winslet, or probably even Natalie Portman.

There has never been a society that generally values old age over youth, and it seems unlikely that there ever will be. Youth has always represented opportunity and potential, and the promise of future generations. Favoring youth and beauty over old age seems inherent in humanity.

But it’s not a zero-sum game; there’s no reason a society can’t value its older citizens for their abilities and experience as much as it values youth.

Amen to that sister. Age is a matter of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.

So, today, we’ll close our little blog with a look at the famous Russian diva, Nikita, sadly edited to meet Nude Hippo’s public guidelines.

Our private guidelines would make Larry Flynt blush.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdUiTe2TU_c&w=500&h=317]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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