Stinky News

Yucky poo poo!
Before we start today’s blog I have to give a big shout out to the Cook County Sheriff’s Office. For the cost of a few postcards they were able to arrest over 100 stupid criminals who thought they were getting free TVs. I love stories like this since they get the bad guys, no one gets hurt and they prove, once again, that the bad guys aren’t all that smart. What’s really wonderful about this program is that they do it again and again and it gets regular play in the media and criminals still fall for it. Put it this way, if you get an offer for a free HD TV, call your lawyer first.

Anyway, before I so rudely interrupted myself, “it” happens, if you know what I mean. If you’re unsure watch the edited for TV version of Forrest Gump. Sometimes you end up smelling something you’d rather not. And it’s usually the kind of something that you really wouldn’t want to share with your friends and neighbors. Well, today, it seems there’s a lot of that going around.

We’ll start by looking at a wonderful vacation retreat in South Carolina called Hell Hole. Gosh, doesn’t that sound like the perfect honeymoon spot?

Hell Hole campground in South Carolina’s Oconee County is apparently living up to its name. It has been closed because of human waste in and around a broken bathroom facility, NBC affiliate WYFF-TV reports.

Andrew Pickens Ranger District officials said that the problems started with a failure in a pit toilet at the site. They said as a result, people have vandalized the bathroom.

District Ranger Mike Crane said, “As much as I hate to close a campground, visitor safety is our priority. Because the toilet isn’t working, people are using the bathroom and leaving human waste both inside and outside the building that houses the toilet, as well as throughout the campground. It’s just not sanitary for campers and we believe it could be causing some resource damage as well.”

The USDA Forest Service has temporarily closed overnight camping. Entry to the campground has been stopped by using large boulders to block access to vehicles. Day use is still allowed, but vehicles will have to be parked at the end of the Forest Service road.

A release said the Forest Service will consider whether to continue overnight camping at Hell Hole.

Please read this story carefully. They have ONE toilet for an ENTIRE campground. And it’s broken.

Okay, but does that explain this? Talk about something being rotten in Denmark, Dutch trains are handing out baggies for customers to use as toilets on the trains.

The Dutch national railway has an unusual solution for passengers who need the bathroom on a train line designed without them: plastic bags.

The rail operator underlined that the bags, introduced Friday, are for use in emergencies only, when a train has stopped and passengers can’t be evacuated. The idea has been met with incredulity by politicians and the general public already unhappy with the short-haul “Sprinter” trains’ bathroomless design.

NS spokesman Eric Trinthamer confirmed Friday the “pee-bag” plan is not a joke. The bags are kept out of sight in the conductor’s booth.

The bags have a cup-shaped plastic top and contain a highly absorbent material that turns urine into a gel-like mixture. After use the bags can be sealed and thrown in the trash.

No, Timmy, you can not play with the gel, now go sit down. I don’t care if it’s squishy and fun, go sit down.

What the story misses is the one fun part, there are no private areas on the Sprinter Trains. They’re just like CTA trains, only much faster. Can you imagine whipping out your winky on a crowded train? Well, okay, that guy could, but the rest of you might have problems with this.

WARNING! DO NOT read this next story if you’ve recently eaten or plan on doing so in the near future.

There are times that I believe the human race could benefit if some people were just beaten to death with hammers. Not many, mind you, but there are some, like this next guy, who should at least be included in any conversation about the concept.

A grocery store worker accused of handing out a semen-tainted yogurt sample at an Albuquerque market pleaded guilty Thursday.

Under terms of his plea agreement, Anthony Garcia admitted he tainted a sample of the yogurt he was handing out at Sunflower Market in January. He also admitted putting some of his semen on a plastic spoon that he placed with the yogurt.

Garcia then approached a female customer and offered her a sample.

“The criminal conduct to which Anthony Garcia pleaded guilty today is completely outrageous,” U.S. Attorney Kenneth J. Gonzales said after Garcia’s appearance in federal court. “No one should have to endure this type of experience simply because she or he accepts a food sample while shopping for groceries.”

Garcia, 32, pleaded guilty to charges of adulterating food and making false statements to federal investigators.

The woman told police that after tasting the sample, she spit on the floor several times and wiped her mouth on the garment she was wearing to get the taste out of her mouth. Investigators collected samples of the woman’s spit from the floor and took the garment she was wearing as evidence.

Police say Garcia was linked to the yogurt through DNA samples. Authorities said Garcia then lied to investigators about the case.

In court documents, federal prosecutors called the allegations “sickening and appalling.”

Garcia faces up to three years of imprisonment to be followed by three years of supervised release. He has been in federal custody since his arrest in July and remained detained pending his sentencing, which has yet to be scheduled.

Well, we know one thing that young lady WILL NOT do for fun.

That being said, I agree with the prosecutors on this one. We have enough to worry about without being terrorized in a shopping mall by a pervert. Actually, guys like him give perverts a bad name.

I mean, according to the female staffers here, I’m a pervert. Yet you don’t see me doing stuff like that. Stuff like this sure, but not like that.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fuvi7AUfZPo&w=500&h=317]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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