Some Jobs Are Tougher Than Others

You want me to do WHAT with this envelope?
I do not have a tough job. I get to hang out with nice people, meet exciting new personalities (some a little more exciting that others) and, basically, just enjoy the heck out of stuff. Of course with Nude Hippo under construction things have been a little verklempt. As I noted when we made the switch I was moved near a restroom, still better than the guy who’s forced to work in it, and my stripper pole (which I keep only for office morale) was so reduced in size that the producers were forced to hire a little person.

For entertainment purposes only.

But some jobs have to leave people scratching their heads. For example, imagine that you’re a cop in Florida. The state with the oddest and dumbest crimes on record. What could possibly catch your attention? Brian Hamacher found soemthing that did.

A southwest Florida man found himself in jail twice within a couple of hours after authorities say he tried to break into cars in the parking lot of the jail he’d just been released from.

Donald Gartner, 48, was arrested around 6:30 p.m. Sunday by Pasco County sheriff’s deputies for causing a drunken disturbance in Land O’ Lakes, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

Authorities said they responded to complaints of a man urinating in a yard and spotted Gartner crawling out from under his neighbor’s bushes with his shorts on backward and low on his hips.

Gartner told deputies he was looking for cans of paint in the bushes, then changed his story and said he was trying to replace a porch light. A sheriff’s report said Gartner was “extremely intoxicated” and had admitted to drinking six beers and taking six Oxycodone pills.

Deputies took Gartner into custody, and he was released from the Land O’ Lakes jail around 10 p.m.

But his freedom was short-lived.

Authorities said Gartner went to the jail’s parking lot to wait for a ride but started trying to get into cars in the lot. He was arrested again at around 11:45 p.m.

Gartner told a deputy he hoped the cop was “not mad at him for attempting to get into the cars,” the arrest report said.

No, he wasn’t mad at all. All he had to do was walk outside, arrest the fool and then sit at a desk for a few hours doing more paperwork for the same fool he’d just spent two hours doing paperwork on in the first place. Cops LOVE that. In fact if they arrest you three times in one day they’ll buy you a nice dinner, that’s how happy they get.

BTW, that nice dinner tends to be stale bologna and white bread.

As long as we’re talking about public servants, last week I mentioned how some L.A. firefighters were lending out the city’s firetrucks to be used in porn movies. As it turns out, due to a glitch in the city’s contract with the firefighters, that’s okay. The movies were shot in 2008 and the city has a 2 year statute of limitations on ethics violations.

In related news, the LAFD seems to have become the official PR source for news about, porn star, Charley Chase since they’ve now mentioned her in every press release concerning this incident.

You might not want to click that link at work or in church, if you know what I mean.

In other municipal news, closer to home, Park Ridge has legalized swearing.

George Carlin would have been proud.

It is now officially legal to use the so-called seven dirty words — or any other kind of profanity one chooses — in public in Park Ridge.

As part of an effort to clean up city ordinances, the Park Ridge City Council deleted a law that made it illegal “to use profanity in any street, alley or public place of the City.”

Having an anti-swearing law on the books, even if it is no longer enforced, presents a freedom-of-speech issue, Park Ridge Police Chief Frank Kaminski said.

“Those laws aren’t really constitutional,” said Kaminski, who wasn’t sure how long the anti-profanity rule had been around.

The council also deleted a section of the disorderly-conduct rules that outlawed the use of “abusive or obscene language” and gestures.

And Kaminski said the city plans to look at an “indecent exposure” ordinance that prohibits nudity in public, but goes on to say that citizens cannot wear clothing belonging to the opposite gender while in public, though it does not specify what articles of clothing are appropriate for each gender.

So, in a move that’s sure to heal hearts the nation over, you can now say f**k anywhere you want but you can’t be Ru Paul. Well, that’s going to put a damper on the Park Ridge Pride Parade.

No Nude Hippo float for them.

But what if you’re just some schlub making minimum wage and hoping to have enough left over at the end of the week for crazy things like food? Can you expect to work in a sane environment? According to Allison Linn the answer is no.

A contest offering $10 to guess which of your colleagues will be fired next is a good reason to quit your job, according to a judge in Iowa.

Administrative Law Judge Susan D. Ackerman ruled that Misty Shelsky, who worked at the QC Mart convenience store chain for two years, was eligible for unemployment insurance after quitting her job because her employer held a contest offering $10 to the employee who correctly guessed which colleague would next be fired.

Shelsky quit after receiving a memo that announced: “NEW CONTEST – GUESS THE NEXT CASHIER WHO WILL BE FIRED!!!,” according to case records.

In the ruling, the judge called the employers’ actions “egregious and deplorable.”

“The employer’s actions have clearly created a hostile work environment by suggesting its employees turn on each other for a minimal monetary prize. The claimant has established this was an intolerable and detrimental work environment,” Ackerman wrote.

The employer has another chance to appeal the decision, a spokeswoman for the Iowa Workforce Development office said.

William Ernst, who owns the chain, did not immediately respond to two messages from Life Inc. seeking comment.

The Des Moines Register, which first reported the story, said Shelsky was one of several employees who quit after the memo came out.

“It was very degrading,” she told the Des Moines Register. “We looked at that, then looked at each other, and said, ‘OK, we’re done.’”

Not even the producers here are that cruel. They limit those contests to management level and above. I won $50 two months ago.

While not exactly related to the above, it sure seems like it. All of us here at World News Center want to expres our regrets that The Playboy Club has been cancelled on NBC. The show featured Nude Hippo fave, Ashley Lobo. Rumor has it that the show may be resurrected on cable with a slightly racier motif.

One more reason to keep that cable package up to date.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ms79633njIg&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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