One of the things that we here are the World News Center are encouraged to do is help people excite their frontal lobes. Often times bonuses are offered such as getting us in free at the Art Institute the first two Wednesdays of any month.Sometimes when they buy one, we get one free. In fact they often allow us to take advantage of some of the best promotions in the country, even before others even here of them. We do our best here to live up to their lofty expectations. For example, I received a wonderful bonus for my efforts to help people appreciate celebrity breasts. In fact I was also given a working key to the rest room.
But there are things besides breasts that can stimulate minds. I know you don’t believe me but it’s true. Some times you can help your brain with things like learning and experiencing life. Of course that takes work. Another way you can do it is like they’re doing it in Israel. They’re inserting digital chips in rat brains in preparation for doing the same to you and I.
The cyborg rats are here.
Scientists at Tel Aviv University have, for the first time, used “digital cerebellums” to restore brain functions of rats that had previously been lost. According to New Scientist, the program essentially created “cyborg” rats, with a portion of their brain function being replaced by a chip.
The function is basic, but shows tremendous promise for a human application.
The team’s synthetic cerebellum is more or less a simple microchip, but can receive sensory input from the brainstem, interpret that nerve input, and send the appropriate signal to a different region of the brainstem to initiate the appropriate movement. Right now it is only capable of dealing with the most basic stimuli/response sequence, but the very fact that researchers can do such a thing marks a pretty remarkable leap forward.
“It’s proof of concept that we can record information from the brain, analyse it in a way similar to the biological network, and return it to the brain,” researcher Matti Mintz told New Scientist.
Scientists did not implant the chips into the rats’ brains, reported PopSci, but instead used electrodes to replicate brain activity. During the experiment the rats learned to blink to a simple stimulus response, something that wasn’t possible without the use of the microchip.
Though this basic response isn’t much, the experiment proves that chips can not only receive information from nerves, like they do in cochlear implants or certain prostheses, but can send information back out to induce movement. It’s just one small step, but proves that at some point scientists may be able to repair parts of the brain disabled by the likes of a stroke with a microchip.
But this isn’t the only function electronics have been able to repair in rats. Earlier this year New Scientist reported that researchers at USC were able to restore previously lost memories in rats using electrodes and chemicals.
Ah yes, the joys of better living through chemistry. I bet you thought those days were behind us. You would be wrong but I can’t fault you for thinking so. It’s just that we now have to face the fact that THX 1138 was a documentary.
Of course there are traditional ways to stimulate your mind that have nothing to do surgery or chemicals. And, bonus to our vegetarian readers, it has nothing to do with meat either. Residents of Portland, Oregon can now hang out at heart healthy strip clubs. And any doctor will tell you that a healthy body leads to a healthy mind.
Casa Diablo gentleman’s club is not the place to go if you want to see a piece of meat.
The world’s first vegan strip club made history by eliminating meat from the menu — but now neighbors have a bone to pick with the soy-serving strip joint.
Plans for a second Casa Diablo location in Portland, Ore. have nearby residents all riled up, The Oregonian reports.
Portland, long considered a crunchy hippie capital, isn’t opposed to the meat-and-dairy free menu.
Neighbors say the problem is the drunkenness, urination, public sex and theft allegedly caused by the rowdy clientele of nearby strip clubs, according to The Portland Mercury.
The owner of Casa Diablo, Johnny “Diablo” Zukle is trying to get a liquor license from state officials for his new joint, The Oregonian says.
Though their menus differ, the vegan strip club could seek an unholy dietary alliance with neighboring steak-serving gentlemen’s club Acropolis. Residents and civic groups battling Casa Diablo also want to shut down Acropolis, The Portland Tribune says.
Two competing demonstrations hit the streets last Friday and got hearts racing as anti-strip club protestors said the city needs to crack down on the clubs. Zukle, meanwhile, staged a counter protest, TV station KATU reports. It featured his staff and customers who said freedom of speech protections guarantee his right to open a gentleman’s club, which they claim will also help the local economy.
Casa Diablo is on the forefront of veggie-minded nudity — but the Stumptown strip joint is not alone.
Earlier this month, the animal rights group PETA announced its plans to create a vegetarian porn website.
Ah, PETA, I have no idea what they’re really trying to accomplish but at least they’re finally admitting that exploiting women is more socially acceptable than exploiting cows. Maybe someone with a better stimulated brain than mine can help out here.
Nevertheless, knowing our readers as I do (yes, Tony, this is for you), I would be remiss if I didn’t include a link to the many naked women who think PETA’s a good idea.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!