The Humor’s in the Little Things

Not that long ago I wrote a fun little piece about animal psychics and a runaway cow. You’ll be pleased to know that the cow, named Yvonne, has been returned to its rightful owner, allegedly to become hamburger soon. However no psychics were harmed in the process. Also, none were even close in their claims as to the cow’s location. Not that this fact will help in stopping them the next time a farm animal takes it on the lam. I also, recently wrote about how the TSA has a tendency to target people of color when it comes to enforcing their rules. You will be pleased to note that, in response to the public hue and cry over this issue, the TSA now makes up random rules for famous white people too. Billie Joe Armstrong, lead singer of Green Day, was tossed off a Southwest flight for having baggy pants. However, unlike the nice Mr. Marmon who was sent to jail and held on $11,000 bond for teh same infraction, Mr. Armstrong was placed on a later flight and apologized to. Nevertheless, for the TSA, this is progress in their quest for equality.

In the cliche department we need look no further than a Romanian classroom that was infested with bats. Gee, the home of Count Dracula has bats? Who knew? But, I’ll give them this, Romanians know when to let sleeping bats lie.

School official Mirela Aldescu told Romanian daily Adevarul that the creatures had probably flown in overnight through open windows. She says that rather than disturb them they took the exam in another classroom.

Works for me.

In the guaranteed to make the news category, we have a guy who bit a python.

A snakebite in a north Sacramento neighborhood left the victim seriously hurt, but the injured party isn’t whom you’d expect.

David Senk, 54, was jailed on suspicion of maiming or mutilating a reptile, with bail set at $10,000, the Sacramento Bee reported.

Police say a python underwent emergency surgery after a man allegedly bit the creature twice.

Officers were called to Del Paso Heights around 6:30 p.m. Thursday after a passer-by reported that a man was lying on the ground and might have been assaulted, according to Sgt. Andrew Pettit. When they arrived, they found David Senk, 54, still lying there — but police say he wasn’t the one who was assaulted.

Another man approached officers and accused Senk of taking two bites out of his pet python, Pettit said.

The man, who was an acquaintance of Senk, told police that the suspect asked to hold the pet, then began biting, the Sacramento Bee reported.

Senk was arrested on suspicion of unlawfully maiming or mutilating a reptile and booked on $10,000 bail.

The python’s doing well after surgery and updated reports are claiming that Mr. Senk was so hammered he didn’t remember doing this. I’m pleased with the former and not surprised by the latter.

In the I have no clue section of the news, Fairfield County police in Ohio, the state that brought us DEVO and Drew Cary, are trying to figure out why thousands of pairs of women’s panties, some used, have been appearing all over their highways.

There’s nothing I can really add to that.

In the God has a sense of irony department, Spanish authorities are reporting that a man who survived a vicious car accident was killed, by a sleeping driver, minutes into his journey to go to a shrine and thank God for letting him survive the first accident. And, just to make sure we all get the joke, the man’s two aunts were killed by the same driver.

Okay, we get it, please don’t tell us another one.

IN the meantime, it’s a big fluffy Saturday out there, so go, have fun and stay out of the news.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!