Archives for September 2011

2 Different Ways To Stimulate Your Mind

September 30, 2011 by Leave a Comment

brain-gym-exercises — Work it baby, work it!

One of the things that we here are the World News Center are encouraged to do is help people excite their frontal lobes. Often times bonuses are offered such as getting us in free at the Art Institute the first two Wednesdays of any month.Sometimes when they buy one, we get one free. In fact they often allow us to take advantage of some of the best promotions in the country, even before others even here of them. We do our best here to live up to their lofty expectations. For example, I received a wonderful bonus for my efforts to help people appreciate celebrity breasts. In fact I was also given a working key to the rest room.

But there are things besides breasts that can stimulate minds. I know you don’t believe me but it’s true. Some times you can help your brain with things like learning and experiencing life. Of course that takes work. Another way you can do it is like they’re doing it in Israel. They’re inserting digital chips in rat brains in preparation for doing the same to you and I.

The cyborg rats are here.

Scientists at Tel Aviv University have, for the first time, used “digital cerebellums” to restore brain functions of rats that had previously been lost. According to New Scientist, the program essentially created “cyborg” rats, with a portion of their brain function being replaced by a chip.

The function is basic, but shows tremendous promise for a human application.

From PopSci:

The team’s synthetic cerebellum is more or less a simple microchip, but can receive sensory input from the brainstem, interpret that nerve input, and send the appropriate signal to a different region of the brainstem to initiate the appropriate movement. Right now it is only capable of dealing with the most basic stimuli/response sequence, but the very fact that researchers can do such a thing marks a pretty remarkable leap forward.

“It’s proof of concept that we can record information from the brain, analyse it in a way similar to the biological network, and return it to the brain,” researcher Matti Mintz told New Scientist.

Scientists did not implant the chips into the rats’ brains, reported PopSci, but instead used electrodes to replicate brain activity. During the experiment the rats learned to blink to a simple stimulus response, something that wasn’t possible without the use of the microchip.

Though this basic response isn’t much, the experiment proves that chips can not only receive information from nerves, like they do in cochlear implants or certain prostheses, but can send information back out to induce movement. It’s just one small step, but proves that at some point scientists may be able to repair parts of the brain disabled by the likes of a stroke with a microchip.

But this isn’t the only function electronics have been able to repair in rats. Earlier this year New Scientist reported that researchers at USC were able to restore previously lost memories in rats using electrodes and chemicals.

Ah yes, the joys of better living through chemistry. I bet you thought those days were behind us. You would be wrong but I can’t fault you for thinking so. It’s just that we now have to face the fact that THX 1138 was a documentary.

Of course there are traditional ways to stimulate your mind that have nothing to do surgery or chemicals. And, bonus to our vegetarian readers, it has nothing to do with meat either. Residents of Portland, Oregon can now hang out at heart healthy strip clubs. And any doctor will tell you that a healthy body leads to a healthy mind.

Casa Diablo gentleman’s club is not the place to go if you want to see a piece of meat.

The world’s first vegan strip club made history by eliminating meat from the menu — but now neighbors have a bone to pick with the soy-serving strip joint.

Plans for a second Casa Diablo location in Portland, Ore. have nearby residents all riled up, The Oregonian reports.

Portland, long considered a crunchy hippie capital, isn’t opposed to the meat-and-dairy free menu.

Neighbors say the problem is the drunkenness, urination, public sex and theft allegedly caused by the rowdy clientele of nearby strip clubs, according to The Portland Mercury.

The owner of Casa Diablo, Johnny “Diablo” Zukle is trying to get a liquor license from state officials for his new joint, The Oregonian says.

Though their menus differ, the vegan strip club could seek an unholy dietary alliance with neighboring steak-serving gentlemen’s club Acropolis. Residents and civic groups battling Casa Diablo also want to shut down Acropolis, The Portland Tribune says.

Two competing demonstrations hit the streets last Friday and got hearts racing as anti-strip club protestors said the city needs to crack down on the clubs. Zukle, meanwhile, staged a counter protest, TV station KATU reports. It featured his staff and customers who said freedom of speech protections guarantee his right to open a gentleman’s club, which they claim will also help the local economy.

Casa Diablo is on the forefront of veggie-minded nudity — but the Stumptown strip joint is not alone.

Earlier this month, the animal rights group PETA announced its plans to create a vegetarian porn website.

Ah, PETA, I have no idea what they’re really trying to accomplish but at least they’re finally admitting that exploiting women is more socially acceptable than exploiting cows. Maybe someone with a better stimulated brain than mine can help out here.

Nevertheless, knowing our readers as I do (yes, Tony, this is for you), I would be remiss if I didn’t include a link to the many naked women who think PETA’s a good idea.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wquCCFvbNhI&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Stunningly Obtuse!

September 29, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Today I am going to share some information with you that is going to blow your mind. You’re not going to believe how insightful we here at World News Center can be. I am talking the kind of insight that may change your life, force you to find a new religion, alter the way you do online banking and maybe even (finally) update your Facebook photo from that 1983 one that no one believes any more. In fact, this is going to be so life altering that you may wish to grab a strong drink sit in a comfy chair and then, and only then, continue reading.

Right now, right here, in the aftermath of International Drink a Beer Day, I love the fact I never have to make stuff like that up, I am going to share a secret with you that is going to alter your very perception of our traditional dimensional reality.

Are you ready?

You sure?

Okay, you may want to sit down.

All right, here it is; people without money don’t buy stuff.

I know, I know, go ahead and take a minute to catch your breath.

Now, because this is the real world with real world ramifications, let’s go a step further and note that drug dealers are a for profit business. So, and I know this is an even greater shock to you, they won’t sell their drugs to people without money.

Okay, you probably knew all that but that’s because you’re not from Florida. They actually needed to pass a law, test every welfare recipient and then stare stupidly at the results. What they found out is that 98% of the people on welfare are drug free.

Bill Kaczor at Forbes Magazine has the whole story.

Preliminary figures on a new Florida law requiring drug tests for welfare applicants show that they are less likely than other people to use drugs, not more. One famous Floridian suggests that it’s the people who came up with the law who should be submitting specimens.

Columnist and best-selling author Carl Hiaasen offered to pay for drug testing for all 160 members of the Florida Legislature in what he called “a patriotic whiz-fest.” Several of the law’s supporters say they’re on board.

“There is a certain public interest in going after hypocrisy,” Hiaasen said Tuesday, two days after he made his proposal in a Miami Herald column.

“Folks that are applying for DCF (Department of Children and Families) money normally wouldn’t be standing in that line, and on top of that humiliation they now get to pee in a cup so they can get grocery money for their kids,” Hiaasen told The Associated Press in an interview at his Vero Beach home.

Gov. Rick Scott and other supporters of the law – the only one of its kind currently on the books in the U.S. – say the tests will save the state cash by weeding out people who would use welfare money on drugs. Critics say that just a few months after it went into effect, the law has already refuted the idea that people receiving public assistance are more likely to use drugs.

Preliminary figures show that about 2.5 percent of up to 2,000 applicants for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families have tested positive since the law went into effect in July. Another 2 percent declined to take the test, Department of Children and Families officials say.

The Justice Department estimates that 6 percent of Americans 12 and older use illegal drugs.

The American Civil Liberties Union is challenging the law, saying it violates welfare applicants’ constitutional right against unreasonable searches. For that reason, a federal appellate court struck down a similar Michigan law in 2003.

The state hasn’t said how much it believes it has saved by requiring the drug tests, but some of the law’s most ardent backers say they’re willing to take Hiaasen up on his offer.

“Tell him to write the check,” said Senate President Pro Tempore Mike Bennett. “I’ll be the first one to take it.”

The Bradenton Republican said he’d even sponsor a bill that would require legislators to get urine tests – and require Hiassen to pay for them.

“Half the citizens of the state of Florida probably think half of the Legislature is on drugs, anyhow,” Bennett cracked. “Nobody knows which half. That’s the problem.”

Rep. Jimmie Smith, an Inverness Republican who sponsored the measure, is also happy to accept. He’s a retired staff sergeant who ran an Army testing program as his unit’s drug coordinator.

Some legislative opponents of the law leaned against Hiaasen’s idea, including Senate Democratic Leader Nan Rich of Weston. She had suggested – tongue-in-cheek – that lawmakers themselves agree to drug tests when the legislation was debated.

“I personally would be willing to be drug-tested, but again I don’t think you should be testing anybody unless there is a reasonable suspicion that they are taking drugs,” Rich said in an interview.

“It’s not a good return on investment …, a waste of Carl Hiaasen’s money,” said Sen. Eleanor Sobel, a Hollywood Democrat who voted against the legislation. “He should use the money to help the homeless.”

Hiaasen, though, said he thought the tests would be well worth the cost: $10 to $25 each.

“It would have an incredibly high entertainment value for me, and I’d probably get another column out of it,” he said.

He said he’d also pay for a drug test for Scott.

The Republican governor not only urged lawmakers to pass the drug testing requirement, but ordered agencies under his control to test all new hires and do random testing of existing employees. He put the policy on hold, except for the Department of Corrections, due to a separate court challenge.

Scott spokesman Lane Wright noted that the governor’s office had a random drug testing policy for its employees before Scott was elected. He said the governor himself has not been tested since taking office in January but is “willing to be drug tested now.”

Hiaasen qualified his offer by saying he’d pay for the legislative drug tests only if all lawmakers took them together at the start of the legislative session in January.

“That way when the crazy stuff starts to happen a month or two later people won’t just automatically assume that they’re all stoned,” he said. “The reality will set in that these people … actually don’t have any drugs in their system and they’re still acting this way.”

That last sentence should scare the hell out of all sapient beings.

In the meantime the people who need our help the most are being humiliated, forced to be treated like parolees and generally dehumanized.

Well, I did warn you that Florida is where the human genome goes to die.

Oh well, until the rest of the universe figures that out, here’s a music video from someone who has too much money. That means he can afford the drugs he’s clearly doing.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2spZ-NDfS4&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Clueless in the News

September 28, 2011 by Leave a Comment

pink-clams — I feel better about America already

There are times when it’s fun to do this job. The kind of day when you wake up and stare happily at the morning’s results. I use a simple, customized, robot to search the World Wide Web, a/k/a the Internet a/k/a The Interweb a/k/a that Dying Fad, to see what is happening where on our humble planet. Today is one of those days. I happily perused various options. Some, while funny at first blush, tended to be VERY depressing when you read them. Like the nice lady who went to upgrade her breast implants and ended up with a Uniboob. You want to laugh but you also realize the many layers of hell she is going through. You certainly would not wish a similar fate on a loved one. Or an enemy.

But there are others that are just too good to pass up. For example, police in Attelboro, Massachusetts, are reporting that they arrested a man who washed his car in the nude.

At a public car wash.

A man who scrubbed his pickup truck in the nude at a Massachusetts car wash has been sentenced to a year of probation.

Robert E. Bailey, of Cumberland, R.I., pleaded guilty on Monday to open and gross conduct for being naked at Economy Car Wash in North Attleborough on May 31.

Police say Bailey was wearing shorts by the time they arrived at the scene and denied doing anything wrong.

A judge also ordered Bailey to stay away from the car wash and the witness and to continue counseling. He will also be required to register as a sex offender.

So, let’s see if we have this all straight. This genetic reject drove several hundred miles from his home in Rhode Island so that he could show up in a strange car wash and let his winky fly in the breeze? This is his idea of a good time? Remind me to NEVER party with that guy.

Okay, so he’s clueless in his own way, we can all admit that. Others are clueless in ways that defy description. For example, a nice ice cream shop in Florida unveiled its new mascot. An ice cream cone that just happens to look like a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

The family that runs an Ocala ice cream shop said it never meant to offend anyone.

The Ice Cream Family Corner and Sandwiches restaurant opened just three months ago at the busy intersection of South Pine Avenue and Southwest 17th Street.

A worker came across an old ice cream costume in a back closet of the building, and decided to have one of the employees wear the costume and stand on the street corner to advertise the business.

Server Jasmine Gonzalez said they noticed business had dropped off severely two weeks later.

Gonzalez said they soon learned rumors were flying around town, specifically on Facebook, that the ice cream cone costume resembled that of a Klu Klux Klan member.

The family that runs the ice cream shop is from Puerto Rico, and said it didn’t even know what the Klu Klux Klan was until the controversy erupted.

The workers are no longer using the costume, and they said they want the community to know it was never intended to represent anything but an ice cream cone.

The controversy attracted plenty of media attention. During the lunch hour Tuesday, there were more reporters and cameras in the shop than there were customers.

See kids? This is why you pay attention in history class, so you don’t go out and commit acts of mind boggling stupidity. It will also stop you from opening a ham sandwich stand in Israel, so there are lots of practical benefits to school.

But sometimes clueless people can be fun. Or at least easily tied to your floor. Police in Brevard County, Florida report that a young lady tried to rob a convenience story with a toy gun to hilarious results.

A toy gun certainly calls for a game of cops and robbers, so when an a would-be robber with a plastic pistol came into a Florida convenience store, one clerk decided to play “let’s pretend” — and fooled the masked man into thinking he was a police officer.

Wilnelia Caraballo, 19, walked into a Palm Bay Kangeroo Express around 5:51 a.m. Sunday morning, intoxicated, masked, and holding a plastic “Uzi-type gun,” the Orlando Centinel reports, quoting police.

Store employees allegedly watched Carballo walk up to the check-out counter, which was unattended for the moment.

As Caraballo made her way around the counter, one of the store clerks — who is either fearless or knows a plastic gun when he sees one — yelled “Palm Bay Police. Get on the ground!”

Thinking that her plot had been foiled, Caraballo complied — at least for a moment. Reports indicated that the woman did make one attempt to escape, but store employees subdued her until authorities arrived.

Authorities later confirmed that Caraballo’s weapon of choice was, in fact, a toy.

Police took Caraballo to Brevard County Jail and charged her with attempted armed robbery.

My buddy, who’s a heartless cynic, figures the employees must be from out of town since no Floridians are smart enough to do something like that. Since I had some free time I blew a call down to the Palm Bay cops, explained my buddy’s premise and got hung up on.

I’ll take that to mean he’s right.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR4yQFZK9YM&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Different Paths to Freedom

September 26, 2011 by Leave a Comment

nekkid — A typical San Francisco gathering

We live in uncertain times. Corporate oligarchies run amok and regular citizens almost become numb to the sound of their rights being trampled. Toss in the fact that many local municipalities seem to be run by diseased howler monkeys and you have a recipe for fomenting rebellion. How much can one society take before it breaks apart at the seams and becomes something none of us want? Sadly, there is a part of me that thinks we will find out sooner rather than later. That old cold war bogeyman, the Communist Party, has been making a comeback here in Chicago. Race rights groups, represented by a rainbow of colors – ironically enough, spout their eugenic laced bigotry as though there was a fact hidden in there somewhere. Religious fundamentalists, of all creeds, wrap themselves tighter and tighter in their paranoia without ever realizing that their most likely support groups are the very people they fear the most.

In other words, given what’s passing for normal these days, something really over the top has to happen before I notice. Well, something did. A California family has been ordered to quit holding bible study classes in their home or face fines of up to $500.

I almost wish I could make stuff up this weird, I’d be a millionaire.

An Orange County, California couple has been ordered to shut down a Bible study in their home amid complaints from local officials who say it is operating as a church.

Chuck and Stephanie Fromm, of San Juan Capistrano, were fined $300 this month for holding what city officials called ‘a regular gathering of more than three people’, according to local reports.

The Fromms will reportedly face fines of $500 per meeting for any further ‘religious gatherings’ in their home.

Stephanie Fromm told CBS Los Angeles the city will require the family to obtain a conditional use permit to hold such gatherings.

A religious legal non-profit group – Sacramento-based Pacific Justice Institute – has taken up the family’s cause, calling it a case of religious freedom.

The couple’s attorney, Brad Dacus, said city officials rejected the Fromms’ appeal. They will appeal the decision to the California Superior Court in Orange County.

And they are prepared to take the case to the federal level if they have to.

Mrs Fromm told CBS2: ‘We’re just gathering and enjoying each other’s company and fellowship. And we enjoy studying God’s word.’

Mr Dacus said more than 20 Bible study groups meet in San Juan Capistrano.

He said the city ‘needed some kind of rational basis to justify their rigid intolerance towards this family for having a Bible study in their home.’

City Attorney Omar Sandoval said the issue is a matter of zoning.

‘The Fromm case further involves regular meetings on Sunday mornings and Thursday afternoons with up to 50 people, with impacts on the residential neighbourhood on street access and parking,’ he said.

Yeah, I believe him. That’s almost the exact same excuse used when cops roust five year old’s selling lemonade.

Of course, being conservative Christians, their protests are going to take a more traditional route, which is fine. There’s room here for everyone today.

However, I know my readers and they want boobs as well as brains. Sometimes, like now, I get lucky enough to give them both. Protesters in Salt Lake City, upset with more and more restrictive laws being imposed by the local Mormons, took to the streets wearing nothing but their skivvies.

Thousands of people stripped to their underwear and ran through Salt Lake City to protest what they called the “uptight” laws of Utah.

Undie Run organizer Nate Porter says the goal of the event Saturday was to organize people frustrated by the conservative nature of the state’s politics.

An excellent use of a Bible verse.

Nudity was prohibited by organizers. Participants donned bras, panties, nightgowns, swimwear or colorful boxer shorts — and some added political messages by expressing support for causes like gay marriage on their chests, backs or legs.

Salt Lake City is the home of the Mormon church, which is a vocal opponent of gay marriage.

Porter estimates 3,000 people participated in the run, which began in downtown Salt Lake City and circled past the state Capitol building about a mile away.

Of course, no protest is complete unless somebody’s naked. And in San Francisco a whole bunch of naked people got together to protest – and, no, I’m not making this up – restrictions on their public nudity.

one such restriction that has been suggested is that naked people follow basic common sense when it comes to public health and use a towel on their chairs.

We can’t have those Nazis telling us to do that, can we?

Hanging out on a street corner has taken on new meaning in San Francisco.

Several dozen men and at least one woman took part in a naked protest Saturday in an area of the Castro District neighborhood that has become known for its nude visitors. Several carried signs that read, “Nudity is Not a Crime” and “Get Your Hate Off My Body,” as they milled around, undeterred by the brisk weather and light mist.

San Francisco generally allows public nudity, but a city supervisor has proposed regulating the practice. Supervisor Scott Wiener’s proposal would require the clothing-averse to cover up in restaurants. It would also require nudists to put a cloth or other barrier under their bottoms if they take a seat in public.

Mitch Hightower, the organizer of the so-called “nude-in,” said it was not intended as a protest against the proposal. The goal, Hightower said, was to promote acceptance of the human body no matter what shape or form it comes in.

“The people out here believe there is nothing indecent or offensive about the human body,” he said.

The event, which had been scheduled before Wiener’s proposal was announced, was part of the unofficial celebrations leading up to the annual Folsom Street Fair, billed as the world’s largest leather and fetish event.

Some of the protesters say elements of Wiener’s proposal weren’t necessary. For instance, putting down a towel is already etiquette among nudists, said George Davis, 65, who wore a black fanny pack, a fake lei and sandals at the nude-in.

“As nudists, why do we have to go to a special beach or a special resort?” Davis asked. “Why can’t we just go to a park, which we’re doing today?”

Passersby mostly seemed amused by the demonstration. Some stopped to take photographs with the naked men.

“It doesn’t bother me in the least,” said Michael Zaverton, who was visiting from Cleveland.

Zaverton, 58, said he has gone to a nude beach. Still, he hesitated as he considered whether he would participate in a more public display like the nude-in.

“It takes a little more courage ’cause most of these guys, let’s admit it, are not body-beautiful,” he joked.

But Heather Flynn was not as amused. The Oakland resident, who was heading to a nearby screening of “The Little Mermaid” with her 7-year-old daughter, walked by briskly.

“When you’re at the corner of a kid’s event, I think you should cover up a little,” Flynn, 27, said.

Her daughter, Blanca, was more blunt. She scrunched up her face as she said the nudists should definitely put some clothes on.

I am about as far from being a prude as can be. I have been naked in many places, on several continents actually, and have never had a problem. Why not? Because I only do it around other consenting adults. I know, that’s silly of me and I should hang out naked in front of The Little Mermaid because ….. actually, there’s no good reason there.

Sorry protesters, I’ll support two out of three here today, but you freaks have got to toss on some togs and get lives.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yljbcRu3tiU&w=480&h=360]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

I Am Here to Eat Your Young

September 24, 2011 by Leave a Comment

HippoHead — This is not a picture of me.

No, I’m not, it just seems that way to people when they meet me for the first time. Nude Hippo’s glorious web site is going through some changes. While they’re prepping for their 15th anniversary, yes there will be dancing girls and booze, they needed to take down the site. So as a temporary fix, since people actually seem to want to read the crap I write, they set me up with a new office in the back, very close to the bathroom (how convenient!) and gave me a smaller version of my old office’s stripper pole until the new one with the mirrored ball accessories can be installed. The midget was just a bonus.

For those of you who are new to Nude Hippo News stuff, also known as The World News Center of NudeHippo.com (make sure you say punta com instead of dot com so people know you live in Chicago), basically it’s an overview of some very odd stuff. Topics tend to focus on how Florida is where the gene pool went to die, why robots will be ruling the world in our lifetime and how people who believe in UFOs are really, really, gullible. When the main site gets back up you can wander around at will and find out all of this for yourself.

And, just in case you can’t get enough of my type written blatherings there’s also a radio show which airs on WBIG-1280 AM (Aurora’s FOX! Sports Affiliate) and then is foisted on humanity as a podcast.

You can currently listen to a year’s worth of podcasts. That’s the kind of activity that most mental health professionals try and help their patients avoid, but I consider it a great deal of fun. Of course, I talk to cats so take it for what it’s worth.

In the meantime, you can also follow us on Facebook or at my favorite local bar. If you follow me there though you have to buy me a drink.

Well, until I write about something intelligent, take a moment out of your busy day to watch one of the most bizarre music videos ever made; Polish Girl by Neon Indian. I’ve seen it twice and still have no freaking clue what it’s about.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0Q_JwOqko4&w=500&h=281]

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

We’re #1

September 8, 2011 by

It’s a funny old world we live in. While it seems that 99% of the world wants to drown us in Napalm, it also seems like 99% of the world wants to be us. The truth, as is usually the case, is somewhere in between. There are certainly many things to admire about America. Americans tend to look out for each other in the main, despite what you see on the news. Also, despite what you may have heard, not all Americans are bats**t crazy and drooling every time they try and express a political opinion. Most of us can vote quite well without requiring tear gas, thank you very much. We, though we sometimes are too shy to admit it, are more accepting of different lifestyles than many other countries. And, in general, our form of government gives people, even the crazy ones, the best chance to heard and have their concerns acted on.

In fact, if you want to have some fun, remind those people who yell at their TVs and then wait for a response that India is actually the world’s largest democracy and then duck.

It is fun though, I’ve done it.

While we sometimes wonder what the heck is wrong with people when we read stories about a guy dressed up as Gumby trying to rob a 7-Eleven and then getting laughed out of the store, we know he’s not the same as us. In fact the clerk was so amused that she forgot to call the cops for 6 hours.

Or we may express a mix of bemusement and outrage, mostly bemusement, when we read about the guy who shoplift 2 live lobsters by stuffing them in his pants while still recognizing that he does not represent America. Suffice it to say that was not the best laid plan in the history of man. He’s in jail and not the hospital, for which he should count himself lucky.

Some stuff in our great land just defies explanation. For example, a Republican fund raising raffle in Arizona, right near where Gabrielle Giffords was shot, is offering a Glok 9mm as it’s main prize. That would be the same type of gun that was used to shoot Mrs. Giffords in the first place. Let’s face it, tact is not a requirement for anything any more. But, again, not all of us are that insensitive.

We won’t even begin to discuss Florida, where the gene pool went to die.

Yet in spite or because of, I can’t really be sure, these things, America has been ranked as the coolest country in the world.

They may be witnessing their global superpower influence decline in the face of challenges from other emerging players on the world stage, but Americans have been voted the world’s “coolest nationality” in an international poll.

Social networking site Badoo.com (www.badoo.com) asked 30,000 people across 15 countries to name the coolest nationality and also found that the Spanish were considered the coolest Europeans, Brazilians the coolest Latin Americans and Belgians the globe’s least cool nationality.

“We hear a lot in the media about anti-Americanism,” says Lloyd Price, Badoo’s Director of Marketing. “But we sometimes forget how many people across the world consider Americans seriously cool.”

Of course, not all Americans are cool far from it. Some like Snoop Dogg, Lady Gaga, Samuel L. Jackson, Johnny Depp and Quentin Tarantino are way cooler than others.

Americans, however, are the dudes who invented cool and who still embody it in many fields from music to movies and TV to technology.

“America,” says Price, “boasts the world’s coolest leader, Obama; the coolest rappers, Jay-Z and Snoop Dogg; and the coolest man in technology, Steve Jobs of Apple, the man who even made geeks cool.”

Brazilians are ranked the second coolest nationality in the Badoo poll and the coolest Latin Americans, ahead of Mexicans and Argentinians. The Spanish, in third place, are the coolest Europeans.

The French are voted cooler than the British, and Canadians cooler than the Belgians. This may come as a relief for Canadians, who are sometimes viewed as chronically uncool.

Or, as Michael Ignatieff, the Canadian politician, once put it: “Paris, Texas stands as a metaphor for broken dreams; Paris, Saskatchewan just sounds ridiculous.”

THE 10 COOLEST NATIONALITIES
1. Americans
2. Brazilians
3. Spanish
4. Italians
5. French
6. British
7. Dutch
8. Mexicans
9. Argentinians
10. Russians

FIVE LEAST COOL
1. Belgians
2. Poles
3. Turks
4. Canadians
5. Germans

Belgium is also boring.

I mean mind crushingly boring. As in watching paint dry would be such a violent step up that you might suffer vertigo kind of boring.

While we may cringe at seeing Lady GaGa listed as a reason for our success, there is something to it. She(?) is a a living example of how Americans love to support their rebels, even the aesthetically plagiarist ones. And if, along the way, she actually makes some kids think about how bullying is uncool and how treating all people with respect is, then I can tolerate another round of Born This Way.

Not two, of course, but I’m good for one more.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

New Mexico. The New Florida?

September 7, 2011 by

Enchantment (syn) magical, charm, conjure, hex

My beloved White Sox have been cursed by a Big Donkey and relegated to a baseball afterthought. My new neighbor refuses to remove his wind chimes when he goes to bed because of religious reasons. As I noted yesterday, that would have something to do with the Church of Satan as far as I’m concerned. The Bulls appear to be set for a winter in Mexico since they won’t be playing basketball and the Hawks look to emulate the Charlestown Chiefs, which is actually cool with me. It’s hockey, not Disney on ice. In other words, it looks like I’ll have some free time. One thing I won’t be doing with my free time is visiting New Mexico. Not even on a fly over.

Let’s start at the top.

A New Mexico mayor has admitted that he was hammered when he entered his fair metropolis into a long term contract with a California company. Now he wants out of that contract.

Mexico border town mayor and congressional candidate Martin Resendiz was drunk when he signed nine contracts with a California company that is now suing the city for $1 million, according to a deposition in the case.

“The day I signed, I had way too much to drink. It was after 5 p.m. and I signed it (the contracts) and I didn’t know what I was signing,” the Sunland Park mayor wrote in response to questions from lawyers for the architectural design firm Synthesis+. “My sister had to pick me up.”

The lawsuit claims the company is owed $1 million for work performed under the nine contracts, according to a report Thursday in the Albuquerque Journal. Sunland Park contends the contracts were not valid because they weren’t approved by the City Council.

Resendiz, a former El Paso, Texas, police officer and Sunland Park municipal judge, has been mayor since March 2008 and has said he plans to seek the Democratic nomination to challenge Republican U.S. Rep. Steve Pearce.

Resendiz could not be reached Thursday morning, but his office said it expected to issue a statement.

According to a transcript of Resendiz’s June 2010 deposition by attorney Victor Poulos, Resendiz acknowledged signing the documents in May or June 2008 after several hours of drinking with Sythesis+ executives at Ardovino’s Crossing, an Italian restaurant in Sunland Park. Among the executives present was architect Daniel Soltero.

“Again, this was after two or three hours of us drinking, not exactly the best time to do business, not exactly the best time to read over legal documents, which he (Soltero) did not portray at any time to be legal documents,” Resendiz said, according to a transcript of the deposition.

And, Skippy, also not the best time to be signing anything. But I am curious what he thought he was signing? I’ve been to many establishments where drinking was a pass time and none of them handed me documents at any point of my stay. I have been handed contracts to review, which I neatly put in my briefcase, took home and read in the morning. It’s not that hard if you’re not stupid to begin with.

Of course, in Santa Fe, cops have the difficult issue of firing one of their own for breaking the law. First his story, then mine.

A New Mexico state police officer has been fired after security cameras caught him having sex with a woman on the hood of a car.

Officer Bert Lopez’s dismissal from the New Mexico state police was confirmed by The Santa Fe New Mexican (http://bit.ly/oIqKyd ) on Saturday. The newspaper said Lopez has 30 days to appeal the firing.

The surveillance photos were taken from a motion-triggered security camera positioned at the front gate of the county-owned La Bajada Ranch south of Santa Fe. The encounter was at the remote Canyon Ranch.

Two photos showing a uniformed officer having sex on the hood were forwarded to Santa Fe Sheriff Robert Garcia, who identified the officer as being with New Mexico State Police. He forwarded the images to State Police Chief Robert Shilling.

An internal investigation was immediately launched, and Lopez, an eight-year veteran, was put on paid administrative leave for about three weeks.

Police officials would not comment on whether the dismissal was an indication whether the officer was on duty at the time of the incident.

The dismissal came days after investigators said the officer didn’t commit a crime. Officials were assured the sexual encounter was not in exchange for anything related to his position as a law enforcement officer.

My turn. Many years ago I met a comely young lass who begged me to take her to the Planetarium. It was around 4 AM at the time. So, we went. When we got there we walked around and saw an empty Chicago police car. I looked at her, she at me and we were doing the horizontal bop on top of the car within minutes.

Unfortunately, it seems that the officer who belonged to the car had merely been answering an urgent call from nature and he returned to find us polishing his hood. A few embarrassed phone calls later we were let out of jail and no charges were filed. I was never allowed to see her again. Her parents sent her to a nice school somewhere in Europe a few days later.

However, I should note that I wasn’t doing this on the taxpayer’s dime.

Oh well, things could have been worse. In the case of the next story, they could have been MUCH WORSE!!!! It seems that a woman was detained, given a body cavity search and then charged for the experience. Yep, definitely take Las Cruces off of your New Mexico travel plans.

Should a drug suspect have to pay the bill for undergoing a court-ordered cavity search that finds nothing?

No, says a New Mexico woman who wants Doña Ana County officials to pay the $1,122 hospital bill she received after undergoing such a search on suspicion she was hiding heroin, The Las Cruces Sun-News reported.

The woman’s identity was not being released.

Her lawyer, Michael Lilley of Las Cruces, filed a claim Aug. 30 against the county to justify her demand that authorities pay for her forcible body cavity search, according to the newspaper. Here’s what happened, the newspaper said:

The Metro Narcotics Agency had “credible information from a reliable source” that the woman had concealed up to an ounce of heroin, which led to a search warrant on July 1, said Metro Sgt. Mike Alba.

The woman was searched at Memorial Medical Center, which then billed her for $1,122.

No heroin or any other narcotic was recovered from the exam.

The woman was not arrested or charged.

The woman had no criminal history in New Mexico.

County officials would not comment on a pending lawsuit, the newspaper reported.

In New Mexico “credible information from a reliable source” really means “we met this guy at a bar and he seemed cool.”

It’s also how they select their mayors.

Nevertheless, no story about New Mexico would be complete without a fun look at Roswell. I think I understand this state much better just knowing that it is full of people who think a UFO crashed and managed to leave no debris. Even though a craft hitting a planet at any speeds near those required for re-entry would leave a trail for miles. Okay, here’s the story.

A military fighter plane crashed Wednesday in southern New Mexico after the pilot ejected safely, Air Force officials said.

The QF-4 Phantom from Holloman Air Force Base crashed in grasslands between Roswell and Artesia, sparking a fire that burned 28 acres before it was contained.

The pilot was in good condition, according to a statement from Col. David Krumm, commander of the 49th Wing.

KOB-TV reported there was live ammunition aboard the plane, and rescue crews were being asked to approach the crash site with caution. Holloman officials declined to confirm that report, but Krumm said in his statement that the base was “asking the public to cooperate with military and civilian authorities at the scene to ensure the safety of everyone involved.”

The aircraft was assigned to and operated by Detachment 1, 82nd Aerial Target Squadron.

The QF-4 is used as a target for weapons testing. It can be flown by remote control or with a pilot.

This incident comes on the heels of the annual Roswell UFO Festival that was celebrated in the small town over the July 4 weekend.

The festivities commemorate one of the most debated and legendary events in the history of UFO studies: the alleged crash of an alien spaceship and its otherworldly crew on a ranch just outside Roswell in early July 1947, followed by a press conference confirming the crash.

Wanna have some fun? Point out to Roswell heads that the actual alleged crash was in Corona, New Mexico which is about 75 miles away. Wanna have more fun? Ask them to show you the debris trail. You’ll end up buying a souvenir and laughing at them for the rest of your life.

That being said, I’m glad the pilot’s okay. I don’t need anyone to die to make me laugh. Rappers using the desert to pretend they live in the hood are good enough for me.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Dating, They’re Doing it Wrong

September 6, 2011 by

How was your weekend? Mine was pretty nice. I caught up on some stuff around mi casa, hung out with some buds, watched some baseball and greeted my new neighbors. They seemed nice and normal – husband, wife, 2 kids, mini van and so on – until I got back home. That’s when I discovered that they are members of that certain Satanic cult that believes in the power of wind chimes. These people, no matter how sweet they act, should – by law and on moral grounds – be shot. I can’t think of anything more annoying than the sound of dingling bells at 4 AM while I’m trying to sleep. If anyone ever does a study on it I’ll bet every serial killer known to man was exposed to wind chimes somewhere in his or her life. In fact, given the look of sleep deprivation on another neighbor’s face this morning, I’ll bet there’s one more in the making as I type. Clive Barker on a demented bender couldn’t match the horror of wind chimes.

Okay, sorry, but I really hate freaking wind chimes. Anyway, today, we’re going to talk about the joys of dating. As people throughout time have discovered dating is not an easy task. There are rituals to be performed, traditions honored and so on. You don’t get to jump from “I like your smile” straight into the horizontal mambo if you’re looking for a relationship. But some people seem to have problems dealing with other people and, therefore, resort to less conventional methods to satisfy their needs.

For example, the nice man in Palmetto, Florida – of course it was Florida, where else would something like this start? – who molested a vending machine found out that police, even in Florida, frown on that type of behavior.

Police in Florida said they arrested a man who “maliciously molested, opened, broke, injured, damaged and inserted his body parts” into a vending machine.

The Palmetto Police Department said Michael Aguiar, 20, denied assaulting the vending machine at Budick Coin Laundry at 11:30 p.m. Aug. 17 until police showed him surveillance footage of the incident after his Monday arrest, The Bradenton (Fla.) Herald reported Friday.

Officers said Aguiar then admitted to breaking into the vending machine and taking $10 worth of coins from it.

The police report said Aguiar “maliciously molested, opened, broke, injured, damaged and inserted his body parts” into the machine.

Aguiar was taken to the Manatee County Jail on a burglary charge and two violations of probation. He was ordered held without bail.

“Inserted his body parts.” That has to be the most polite way I’ve ever seen it described. Although how that earned him $10 in quarters is beyond me. Maybe the machine was impressed?

Oh well, at least his prey was upright. Cops in Hamilton, Ohio arrested a man, for the sixth time, for having sex with other people’s pool toys.

Police in Ohio said a man who was seen engaging in sexual activity with an inflatable swimming raft had previous arrests for public indecency.

Hamilton police said they arrested Edwin Charles Tobergta, 32, after a witness — the owner of the raft — reported he was engaging in sexual activity with the pink swimming accessory in the alley behind his home, the Hamilton Journal News reported Tuesday.

The owner told police the man was told to stop, but he fled with the raft.

Police said Tobergta, who was charged with public indecency, admitted to the act and told officers he needs help for his problem, police said.

Hamilton Municipal Court records revealed the man had been previously arrested at least five times for similar offenses, the newspaper reported.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. The second step should never involve other people’s pool toys. Just trust me on this.

But, my hero today, has taken the bad date concept to a whole new level. Sure, his issues involved humans, but that’s where rational thought died. Cops in Witchita, Kansas say you can’t make this stuff up.

Police in Kansas said a man was arrested on a charge of patronizing a prostitute after he called police to complain about an escort service.

Wichita police said they responded to a call from a hotel room shortly before 5:30 a.m. Wednesday. A 26-year-old man, whose name was not released, told them he placed an order with an online escort service and neither of the two women who showed up to his room were the woman he requested, The Wichita Eagle reported Friday.

The man said he paid the women $160 but soon changed his mind and asked for his money back. He called police when the women told him they don’t give refunds and left the hotel.

Police said they arrested the man after he explained the situation.

So this nice gentleman adds to the illustrious ranks of failed 911 calls. And, when you clik the link, you’ll note the lady in Florida is probably a saint down there. After all, where else would someone lock themselves INSIDE their car?

Yes, a WalMart was involved.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

The Humor’s in the Little Things

September 3, 2011 by

Not that long ago I wrote a fun little piece about animal psychics and a runaway cow. You’ll be pleased to know that the cow, named Yvonne, has been returned to its rightful owner, allegedly to become hamburger soon. However no psychics were harmed in the process. Also, none were even close in their claims as to the cow’s location. Not that this fact will help in stopping them the next time a farm animal takes it on the lam. I also, recently wrote about how the TSA has a tendency to target people of color when it comes to enforcing their rules. You will be pleased to note that, in response to the public hue and cry over this issue, the TSA now makes up random rules for famous white people too. Billie Joe Armstrong, lead singer of Green Day, was tossed off a Southwest flight for having baggy pants. However, unlike the nice Mr. Marmon who was sent to jail and held on $11,000 bond for teh same infraction, Mr. Armstrong was placed on a later flight and apologized to. Nevertheless, for the TSA, this is progress in their quest for equality.

In the cliche department we need look no further than a Romanian classroom that was infested with bats. Gee, the home of Count Dracula has bats? Who knew? But, I’ll give them this, Romanians know when to let sleeping bats lie.

School official Mirela Aldescu told Romanian daily Adevarul that the creatures had probably flown in overnight through open windows. She says that rather than disturb them they took the exam in another classroom.

Works for me.

In the guaranteed to make the news category, we have a guy who bit a python.

A snakebite in a north Sacramento neighborhood left the victim seriously hurt, but the injured party isn’t whom you’d expect.

David Senk, 54, was jailed on suspicion of maiming or mutilating a reptile, with bail set at $10,000, the Sacramento Bee reported.

Police say a python underwent emergency surgery after a man allegedly bit the creature twice.

Officers were called to Del Paso Heights around 6:30 p.m. Thursday after a passer-by reported that a man was lying on the ground and might have been assaulted, according to Sgt. Andrew Pettit. When they arrived, they found David Senk, 54, still lying there — but police say he wasn’t the one who was assaulted.

Another man approached officers and accused Senk of taking two bites out of his pet python, Pettit said.

The man, who was an acquaintance of Senk, told police that the suspect asked to hold the pet, then began biting, the Sacramento Bee reported.

Senk was arrested on suspicion of unlawfully maiming or mutilating a reptile and booked on $10,000 bail.

The python’s doing well after surgery and updated reports are claiming that Mr. Senk was so hammered he didn’t remember doing this. I’m pleased with the former and not surprised by the latter.

In the I have no clue section of the news, Fairfield County police in Ohio, the state that brought us DEVO and Drew Cary, are trying to figure out why thousands of pairs of women’s panties, some used, have been appearing all over their highways.

There’s nothing I can really add to that.

In the God has a sense of irony department, Spanish authorities are reporting that a man who survived a vicious car accident was killed, by a sleeping driver, minutes into his journey to go to a shrine and thank God for letting him survive the first accident. And, just to make sure we all get the joke, the man’s two aunts were killed by the same driver.

Okay, we get it, please don’t tell us another one.

IN the meantime, it’s a big fluffy Saturday out there, so go, have fun and stay out of the news.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Just In Case You’re Wondering What Happened to Corporate America

September 2, 2011 by

Why yes, I'd love to have you for dinner. Can you grab a nice Chianti on your way over?

Sometimes this job is easy. I get up in the morning, manage not to spill anything on myself and check out the various news stories flopping around the globe. On easy days, like this one, a theme is handed to me on a silver platter. Let’s start with the fun stuff. I know, from the intricate demographics this site collects, that 93% of my readers are well educated, good looking and consider themselves to be the caretakers of humanity. Exactly the kind of people who would open fire fro a bell tower if they thought all you needed to get into college was a hug.

People might want to lock up their bell towers right about now.

According to Kara Spak at the Sun Times, prospective students at De Paul University no longer need take the ACT or SAT. Instead they can answer questions like these;

1. Describe your short- and long-term goals and how you plan to accomplish them.

2. Describe a personal challenge you have faced, or a situation that you found to be particularly difficult. How did you react and what conclusions did you draw from the experience? Were you or others treated unfairly? Were you able to turn to others for support?

3. Discuss how involved you have been with your community through volunteer, neighborhood, place of worship, or other activities. Describe why community is or is not important to you. Give examples of playing a leadership role in your school or community.

4. Think about the interests you have pursued outside of your high school classes (e.g. independently or through a student organization, part-time work, sports, playing a musical instrument, volunteering, independent study, etc.) Describe any knowledge or mastery of skills you have gained as a result.

Seriously? I could have gotten through this stuff blind drunk while intimately occupied by a female of the opposite sex. College is supposed to be where kids go for ADVANCED learning, not New Age group speak. Not keeping score in soccer when your kid is 4 makes some sense. Not keeping score for future leaders of America breeds losers.

Of course, knowing now that a college degree is the equivalent of having seen an episode of Oprah, the following makes sense. Domino’s Pizza is opening a franchise on the moon.

Domino’s Japanese arm has proposed a branch on Earth’s nearest galactic neighbour is the latest escalation in a pizza publicity war.

Rival chain Pizza Hut set the bar high in 2001 by delivering a pizza to astronauts orbiting the Earth in the International Space Station, but Domino’s fought back last year in a series of events to mark the 25th anniversary of its arrival in Japan.

In December, the company paid one person Y2.5 million (£20,046) to work for one hour delivering pizzas.

The competition has been taken beyond the stratosphere now, however, with construction firm Maeda Corp coming up with a plan for a dome-shaped concrete Domino’s restaurant on the surface of the moon.

The company estimates the entire project will cost Y1.67 trillion – some £13.4 billion – of which Y560 billion (£4.5 billion) will be required to transport 70 tons of construction materials and pizza-making equipment to the moon aboard 15 rockets.

Keen to make the most of local resources, Domino’s said it will keep costs down by using mineral deposits on the moon to make the concrete, which is likely to cost around Y194 billion (£1.5 billion).

An artist’s impression of the restaurant anticipates a two-storey dome with a diameter of around 26 metres and a basement level constructed of steel plating and an area to prepare pizzas. Staff would be required to live on the premises.

“We started thinking about this project last year, although we have not yet determined when the restaurant might open,” Tomohide Matsunaga, a spokesman for Domino’s, told The Daily Telegraph. The company also expects to be able to offer delivery services.

“In the future, we anticipate there will be many people living on the moon, astronauts who are working there and, in the future, citizens of the moon,” he said.

Oh yeah, this is a great idea. I saw a Domino’s delivery driver yesterday run over a cat, freak out and then reverse into a light pole. The cat’s fine, the pole is not. But, seriously, these are the people we want manning 15 rocket ships full of enough explosive fuel to wipe out a major city? Who the heck thought this was a good idea?

Oh, never mind. I have an answer to that. Nick Collins of the Telegraph UK reports that 1 in 25 CEOs are psychopaths.

Yep, that explains everything.

Psychopaths are defined by their lack of moral instincts, but many are able to hide this by a natural ability to charm and manipulate both their seniors and subordinates.

While some psychopaths are outwardly aggressive and destructive, factors like a happy upbringing can help others to mimic colleagues and fit in at work.

The capacity of the ‘successful psychopath’ to identify and outwardly display the qualities corporate leaders admire helps them climb the career ladder quickly despite being poor managers.

This makes it virtually impossible to tell the difference between a psychopath and a genuinely good boss, leading psychologists said in a BBC Horizon programme to be screened on Wednesday.

Paul Babiak, a New York psychologist, said: “Psychopaths really aren’t the kind of person you think they are … you could be living with or married to one for 20 years or more and not know that person is a psychopath.

“Part of the problem is that the very things we’re looking for in our leaders, the psychopath can easily mimic.

“Their natural tendency is to be charming. Take that charm and couch it in the right business language and it sounds like charismatic leadership”.

Prof Bob Hare of the University of British Columbia in Canada said as many as one in 100 Americans have some psychopathic characteristics.

He added: “A psychopath can actually put themselves in your skin, intellectually not emotionally.

“What this allows them to do is use words to manipulate and con and to interact with you without the baggage of feeling your pain.”

Oh course, their manipulations are made easier when all the college graduates they get to work for them have the skill level of a tree.

So there you have it, if you have the intellect of a rock, and the willingness to eat pizza on the moon, you can be a CEO. Me? I wondering if I can get a gig at a web site in India.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!