Drive Me Crazy

No, this is NOT the correct technique for parallel parking.
No, this is NOT the correct technique for parallel parking.
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, I took a course called Driver’s Ed. It was an exciting moment in my young life. I learned how to use turn signals, how to keep my hands at 10 & 2 and how to tell the difference between forward and backward. That’s all important information for drivers to know. Later, after I got my permit and prepared to enter the world of adult responsibility, my uncle Lefty taught me how to street race, how to hide a nitrous tank and why you needed to keep extra towels in the back seat. Not for him and I, of course, neither of us swing that way but it was still good info for a young man to know when he couldn’t afford a hotel and needed to get his horn on. As you can see, I had a well rounded education when it came to cars. Oddly enough the one thing I never got good at was repairing cars. I could change a tire, spark plugs and the oil but, after that, I was useless as suspenders on a snake. Even so that never stopped me from driving.

However, there are others who did not have my advantages. They get behind the wheel and they probably shouldn’t. Other people don’t get behind the wheel at all and still manage to cause problems. For example, cops in Shelton, Connecticut had to tase a guy over parking violations after he called police to report his violations.

Yes, true American genius in action.

A Connecticut man was so upset about the lack of parking enforcement in his town that he parked his car illegally in a handicapped space and called police over a dozen times. When they showed up, they subdued him with a stun gun and arrested him.

Shelton police say they had to use the stun gun on Michael Andes Thursday morning after he became combative and screamed at officers that they weren’t doing their job. He was charged with breach of peace, interfering with an officer and was given a parking ticket.

Authorities say Andes first called police at 2 a.m. and yelled at a dispatcher.

Andes posted $1,000 bail and is due in court Sept. 6. There’s no phone listing for Andes. It’s unclear if he has a lawyer.

While, on the one hand, you can sympathize with his problem, especially if you live in a city where morons park in front of your home illegally and screw with your ability to …… never mind, you know what I mean. It was still a bad idea to aggravate the cops.

They have guns and radios and know how to use them. My grandfather used to say “Argue with the guy in the dress not the guy with the gun.” That was good advice then and is good advice now.

Other people do get behind the wheel and seem to misunderstand the basic rules of the road. For example, you’re supposed to keep the tires on the ground. Cops in Kansas City, Missouri had to remove an SUV from an attic.

Six people inside a Kansas City home were shocked to find an SUV sitting in their attic after hearing a loud boom

The residents of the home said they heard the loud boom and found the SUV in their attic at about 8:30 p.m.

“We were in my daughter’s room watching TV when we heard the noise,” said Michelle Brown.

Brown said her son discovered the SUV as he was leaving to go to the store.

“He said, ‘Mama, there’s a truck in the ceiling!” Brown said. “And I’m like, ‘A truck in the ceiling?’ And we all ran out of the house.”

When police arrived, they found three people inside the SUV.

“And the police came and they pulled some people out of the truck because they were still in the truck,” Brown said. “I don’t know how they got up there, but they’re up there!”

Brown was home with five children when the SUV flew into the house at 43rd Street and Kensington Avenue.

Police said they believe the driver of the SUV was speeding north on Kensington Avenue and drove up onto the lawn in front of the home, which acted like a ramp, sending the vehicle into the home’s attic.

The three people in the SUV were taken to a hospital for treatment of their injuries. They’re expected to recover, police said.

Police department spokesman Officer Darin Snapp said the driver of the SUV, Kristopher K. Ploof, 20, of Grandview, was charged on suspicion of driving under the influence and careless driving.

The Red Cross helped the Brown family find temporary shelter.

Really? There might have been chemical additives in his blood? I never would have guessed.

But, I’d rather have that sucker crash into my home than what slammed into a home in Gaines, New York; 300 gallons of sewage and 200 gallons of water.

Oh, joy.

Police say they’re trying to determine what caused a septic tanker truck to crash off a western New York road and slam through the wall of a home before coming to rest in the living room.

The Orleans County Sheriff’s Department says the homeowners weren’t home when the truck driven by 35-year-old Russell Calkins of Albion crashed Thursday morning in Gaines, a rural town 30 miles west of Rochester.

Calkins apparently lost control of the truck, which crossed the center line, hit a stop sign, and continued moving until it crashed through a garage attached to the ranch home and ended up in the living room, according to NBC affiliate WHEC-TV.

Calkins was transported to a Rochester hospital for treatment.

Police say the truck was carrying 200 gallons of fresh water, some of which spilled out, and a separate load of 300 gallons of waste product, which didn’t leak.

The home was declared uninhabitable after the crash, WHEC reported.

Yeah, you’re sitting down watching an exciting rerun of Wheel of Fortune when suddenly a rolling septic tank lands in your living room. That has to be a moment of fun. On the other hand you have to imagine the fun you’ll have trying to explain the situation to your insurance company.

“Hello, Super Cheap Discount Insurance Company, how may I ignore you?”

“My house just got run over by a septic tank.”


Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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