It’s A Dog’s Life?

Bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay. You guessed it, today we’re going to talk about doggies. When I was a wee witto Big Bad my grandmother ran an AKC approved kennel. She’d started with Great Danes and Shepherds and later, as she got older, switched to Yorkshire Terriers and Pomeranians. The former weren’t just the toys you saw with Za Za Gabor, she also bred the full sized ratter versions. One, named BoBo, could take down a raccoon without blinking. Let’s see some pretentious yahoo try and stuff something like him in her purse. Anyway, as you might have guessed, I’ve been around dogs. The fact that I own cats now is more a matter of logistics than any preference one way or another. I like animals and like having them around. As it turns out our fearless leader, he who is responsible for all that is good and holy in my life, has a dog. More importantly for you, it’s a dog he’s pimping to WCIU to be their “Top Dog.” Think of that as a family friendly, canine oriented, page three girl. So, click on the WCIU link and vote for Madi. It will be your first, and only, choice. You can go to the page 3 link too. If you do, vote for Peta. I know her and she’s very nice.

She’s also screamingly hot and doesn’t mind being naked in public.

Anyway, I digress.

As it turns out, being a dog isn’t all smelling butts and eating kibble. Sometimes you’re forced to get smacked out of your mind on Valium. Reuters is reporting that an animal shelter will have to get all of its animals stoned for an upcoming rock concert.

I know, sometimes this job is just too easy.

When rock and roll fans flock to an outdoor music festival in upscale East Hampton next month, the pampered pooches and kitties at a neighbouring animal shelter may be popping Valium to cope.

The Animal Rescue Fund of the Hamptons is so concerned about the well-being of its 150 furry residents that executive director Sara Davidson also is considering noise-reducing earmuffs for the animals.

The shelter sits on wooded land flanked near an airport where the weekend-long “Music to Know Festival” is expected to draw 6,000 fans daily on August 13 and 14.

Featured artists include Ellie Goulding, the pop singer who performed for the royal wedding of Prince William and the former Kate Middleton, as well as the Tom Tom Club and the band Vampire Weekend.

Along with the possibility of tranquilizers and earmuffs, soothing classical music will be pumped through the kennels to drown out the rock music din, Davidson said.

“The veterinarian will make the determination if any animals are reacting adversely to the sound (of the rock festival),” Davidson said.

“She will make the determination of what, if any, medication they need. Valium is given to animals that are experiencing nervous conditions.”

The festival was originally planned for the wealthy village of Amagansett before complaints and a lawsuit caused the concert to be moved to an old runway at the East Hampton Airport, said organizer Chris Jones.

Even in its new location, the music festival has been generating complaints about possible snaking traffic, blaring music and mounds of litter for months.

But shelter worries about the dire effect rock music will have on the dogs and cats seem a bit of a stretch, Jones said.
“The animal shelter is literally 50 yards (meters) away from the main runway at the airport,” he said. “So you literally have a G-5 engine that flies to England taking off 50 yards from the animal shelter. I don’t think there’s going to be noise anywhere near the animal shelter other than noise from the airplanes.”

Davidson said the animals are used to the roar of jet engines but could be disturbed having to listen to rock and roll from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. two nights in a row.

“What we don’t know is how the animals are going to react to amplification and the low base line,” she said.

The Hamptons are also the location for one of the dumbest shows on television.

First of all, it’s a freaking bass-line, not a base-line. The former involves low frequency amplified noises that come from a select variety of instruments. The latter is a scientific mean used to tell the effect of an experiment.

I may not be smart enough to live in the Hamptons, but even I know that.

But despite all this, I have to be amazed that they’re worried that a rock concert is going to cause more noise than an airport. I have, sadly, been to rock concerts over the last few years. Gone are the halcyon days of 120db festivals that left you saying “WHAT’D YOU SAY???” and, instead, we are treated to wimpy little things that bore the living snot out of me.

Above and beyond that, did you see the freaking line up? I doubt that one of those acts has ever even heard of a “Stack of Marshall’s.” More likely they uses stacks of pillows and then hug.

Yeah, rock is dead.

Of course this could all just be a scam by the dogs to get high. One never really knows.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!