Serial Killer Barbie!

Parents the world over dread that moment when their son or daughter decides they MUST have a Barbie. It isn’t so much the doll, that’s a few bucks and not a hassle, no, it’s the whole Barbie world that needs to be bought to keep Barbie happy. There is an entire website dedicated to stuff you don’t want or need but will end up shelling out the equivalent of an annual mortgage payment to obtain. You have to, HAVE TO I SAY, buy Barbie friends, castles, cars, clubs, jewelry and so on. You can easily spend more on Barbie that you would on a real woman. The only redeeming thing about Barbie that I can see is that my friend Kristy Kay provides her voice in all those movies and songs. I would spend Barbie money on Kristy, but she has good taste in men so that’ll never happen.

Nevertheless, there is one Barbie that money can’t buy, but nevertheless supports. David Lohr reports that Greenpeace claims that Serial Killer Barbie is ruining rain forests.

An environmental organization has accused Barbie, the world’s most popular doll, of being a sadistic serial killer.

According to Greenpeace, the 52-year-old fashion icon immortalized in plastic by Mattel, Inc., is involved in rainforest destruction in Indonesia.

“Barbie is trashing rainforests and pushing critically endangered wildlife, like tigers, towards extinction,” said Bustar Maitar, head of Greenpeace’s campaign to save the forests in Indonesia.

“This is happening because Barbie’s packaging comes from the rainforests of Indonesia, home to species like the Sumatran tiger,” Maitar continued.

Greenpeace said they opened the investigation of Barbie after forensic testing revealed the origin of her packaging. The organization also claims they have obtained company certificates that allegedly show that Mattel uses packaging produced by a company that was previously exposed for wrecking rainforests.

“Mattel … must stop wrapping the world’s most famous toy in rainforest destruction,” Maitar said.

The dark underbelly of Barbie’s alleged activities has damaged her relationship with her on-again-off-again boyfriend, Ken, Greenpeace said.

According to Rolf Skar, a blogger for Greenpeace, Barbie — or rather a female activist dressed as Barbie — was present during the protest.

“On ground level, Barbie cruised around in her bright pink ‘dream dozer’ more worried about her wardrobe than the fate the forests, tigers, and our climate,” Skar wrote in a blog post. “When asked what her reaction was to Ken’s objection to her role in forest destruction, she smiled, batted her lashes and said, referring to her bulldozer, ‘do you think they will let me park this at the mall?'”

Nearly a dozen activists, including “Barbie,” were arrested after hanging the posters. They were charged with conspiracy and trespassing, according to Reuters.

Mattel has since issued a statement regarding Greenpeace’s allegations, saying they are disappointed in the organization’s actions.

“Playing responsibly has long been an important part of Mattel’s business practices. … Over the past months we have been in communication with Greenpeace on a variety of paper sourcing issues. We are surprised and disappointed that they have taken this inflammatory approach,” the statement read.

The company said they will “continue to assess our paper sourcing and packaging improvements” as they move forward.

Note they didn’t say that Greepeace was wrong, far from it, just that they were disappointed.

In a videotaped interview with Ken Greepeace makes it clear that all is not well in Barbie’s world. And if a gender neutral guy who lives in a pink dream-house thinks your sketchy, what’s really left for you?

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!