Archives for June 2011

Once winter finally ends in Chicagoland, I start craving fruity/sweet cocktails and rooftop bars. However, a lot of times I don’t feel like staying out to 5 a.m. Could there possibly be a place where I could get both?? I think I’ve finally found happy median to serve my summer bliss: Roof Sundays, at theWit.

Maybe you’ve already been seen at Roof, but not like this! This summer is the debut of “Roof Sundays“… and it’s a guaranteed good time. From fruity drinks, to sexy peeps– this place is rockin’. Oh yeah… and you’ve got that amazing VIEW to boot. Every time I come to Roof Sundays I’m reminded of what an amazing city I live in… just by peering through the glass walls of the bar.

I’ve already discovered my favorite drink for the summer, and it’s on the 27th floor at Roof. Try the, Caipirissima Del Mar if you like rum and you like strawberries– you’ll love this too. Actually, I don’t even really like rum… haha… but I somehow LOVE this drink :). It totally gets my super-stamp of approval. And if you like Bacardi, then the CG² is for you. It’s minty, refreshing and delicious. They really harness the area’s freshest flavors and ingredients, also the dishes and cocktails at ROOF evolve with the seasons.

So, as far as how the place looks inside…..the Roof is basically a wide open lay-out…. partially inside, and partially outside… but they’ve given certain areas of the bar, different names. My favorite section is known as: “The Hangover” it’s an intimate outdoor space with modern furnishings that culminates with a glass-enclosed, cantilevered private table for eight perched 27 stories above the city. This exclusive area features breathtaking views of Lake Michigan and Millennium Park, as well as small heaters for when the temperatures dip.

The Living Room is a spacious indoor penthouse situated under a vaulted ceiling, with floor-to-ceiling windows that provide stunning, close-up views of Chicago’s treasured architecture. It boasts a large, double-sided fireplace, multiple plush couches and settee arrangements, modern communal tables, and an expansive built-in private bar.

The Loft is a chic and sexy indoor space featuring floor-to-ceiling glass windows, modern communal tables, and a retractable glass wall that divides the Living Room from the Patio. The Loft includes a spacious built-in private bar, a fully equipped DJ booth, and a large, woodstone-fired pizza oven.

The Patio is an expansive outdoor space partially enclosed by glass walls that offer spectacular, up-close views of Chicago’s downtown architecture and the Chicago River. The Patio features intimate lounge seating, a semi-raised circular corner booth, counter-height tables with built-in fire pits, a large built-in private bar, and a video wall.

Another really unique thing that Roof offers, are their live musicians. Their General Manager, Ben Galatz says you’ll often find a live saxophonist, or electric violinist playing amongst the guests to set the mood for the night. While I was there, their resident electric violinist Katarina Visnevska, was playing her heart out along with the beats of the DJ. You’ll get to see her wild-style in the video below! She was amazing, definitely check out her official site, too.

Oh…. and how could I forget. The dancers– which are picture perfect! These lovely ladies donned “Kentucky Derby” style hats, and sexy throw-back 1940’s era stripped bathing suits. They are also dancing their hearts in the video– (yet another reason to watch!)

Needless to say, Roof at theWit proudly celebrates their lively and diverse clientele… so go cool off atop the Loop’s best summertime lounge destination. Grab a cool drink and set your gaze upon the sun-drenched views of the City. Maybe even introduce yourself to some new friends?! Kick back. And watch the hot summer day wind away into night… or in Roof Sundays case “day”! Because– after all, it is a “DAYTIME AFFAIR,” and I’ll see you there. (I didn’t mean to make that rhyme either. lol)

Roof at theWit hours: Wed-Sat till 2, Sun-Tue till midnight.
Location:  201 N. State
Contact: 312-239-9501

Last week, when I provided my tiny contribution to entertainment on WBIG (1280 AM), hosted by Ryan and Taylor on The Big Wake Up Call, I realized that the funniest story I shared with their audience started with me being covered in blood. Obviously I’d been treading some dark paths. So, this week, I made a concerted effort to find good news to share, not only with them but with all the nice people who are kind enough to check out my daily ramblings. After I’d eliminated the various and sundry web sites dedicated to the multitude of religious beliefs that can be translated into English, I was left with a very small set of choices. It was then I discovered that good news is like porn. The very first site I found offered to let you read good news only if you busted out a credit card. Since I’m still waiting to be covered for, Nude Hippo related, expenses incurred in 2003, that wasn’t going to happen. The second only offered little teases that lead you to other sites which lead to other sites and so on. Obviously a series of sites that get paid by the click. However, I never did get a full story. The longest was about two paragraphs long and, while cheerful as heck, was missing silly things like facts or a point.

So, the heck with good news.

Let’s just go with the obvious.

If you want to die young and fat, move to the southern United States. Patricia Reany, of Reuters, reports that the most sedentary cities in the US are located there, with the winner (if I may use that term) being Lexington, Kentucky.

“What hurt Lexington most was the actual amount of activity, or exercise, people reported engaging in — any physical activity at all, which was relatively low. And they did have higher rates of deaths from deep vein thrombosis (DVT) as well,” said Matt Marion, deputy editor of Men’s Health.

To compile the rankings of the 100 most sedentary cities featured in the latest issue that will hit the newsstands on Tuesday, the magazine looked at how often residents exercise, the number of households that watched 15 hours of cable television a week and bought more than 11 video games a year, and the rate of DVT, a blood clot in a vein, usually in the leg, which is associated with inactivity.

“When we crunched the numbers Lexington finished at the bottom,” Marion explained.

Southern cities dominated the least active metropolises. Tulsa and Oklahoma City, also scored a low grade, as did Birmingham, Alabama, Laredo in Texas, Nashville, Little Rock and Charleston, West Virginia.

The other problem that researchers faced was that many of the respondents thought that DVT was that thing you use to play the movies you got at WalMart so they were thrilled with the results. In case you’re curious, Chicago ranks 31st on the list of the 100 cities surveyed and garnered a B+ rating.

In non-fat related news, Russian scientists claim that humans will meet extraterrestrial life within 20 years. They have been aggressively beaming signals to the universe since the 60’s to try and make that happen. They are hoping to meet bi-peds like us who just are very different.

Good news! I can save them a lot of time and money!

Of course I’m talking about Florida! And, bonus, the next couple of stories come with mutant life forms.

MSNBC reports that parts of Florida are being terrorized by giant, mutant, lizards.

Man, can’t you just hear the tag line “FROM OUT-ERRRR SPAAAAAACE!”?

They’re not Godzilla size but large, nonnative lizards in two South Florida counties are being hunted down after alarming humans, including a homeowner who found one that slipped through a doggie door.

Nine of the critters — formally known as Nile monitor lizards — were seen recently in Broward and Palm Beach counties, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission warned.

“This is a high-priority species for us,” Scott Hardin, who coordinates nonnative species programs at the commission, said in a statement Tuesday. “We plan to go after them aggressively to either try to eradicate them or suppress their numbers if they are determined to be established.”

The commission urged residents to report sightings to 888-IVE-GOT1 instead of trying to deal with them personally.

“Monitor lizards may exceed 7 feet in length and are known to be very defensive when cornered, so the FWC discourages attempts to capture the lizards,” the statement said. “They are known to be more active during the hot summer months, explaining why reports have increased.”

Formally known as? Do they have an informal name, like Scooter?

Actually, I don’t know why they’re so upset. Giant lizards would seem to be the perfect antidote for the giant cockroach infestation that is threatening to overrun the state.

Also, predators like that only hunt and kill the slowest and the dumbest members of the herd, so I’m thinking they could be a great boon for the state’s IQ level as well.

But that could just be me.

Nevertheless, not to be outdone, Lisa Orkin Emmanuel is reporting that a 23 foot squid was found hovering near pleasure boats.

Man, that had to be some easy pickings.

Several people were fishing over the weekend just off Florida’s Atlantic coast when they pulled up a 23-foot-long squid.

They say they were fishing about 12 miles offshore from Port Salerno when they saw the squid, WPTV reported.

“We pulled up… thought it was something to fish on, a pallet or something like that. We looked at it, all three of us were like ‘holy mackerel,’ ” Robert Benz told WPTV.

The squid’s body is about 11 feet long, and its tentacles were so long, it barely fit into the 23-foot-long boat.

“Nobody believes a fisherman,” said Benz. “It didn’t seem it had been dead long, the tentacles were still moving and it was sticking to you when we got it in.

Ellie Van Os, Director of Education and Exhibits at the Florida Oceanographic Society, said such a find is not common. “It’s foreign to imagine that there’s an animal with 8 arms and 2 tentacles that are twice as long as the arms and their mouth is in the middle of their arms … and big eyes.”

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission took the squid to a facility in St. Petersburg for a necropsy.

Okay Scooter, if it’s still moving and it can attach suckers to your flesh, that means it’s still alive not recently dead. Of course to know the difference you’d have had to made it through grammar school in one try. My guess is that it finally died due to complications from DVT due to all the locals it had eaten.

Of course, not all threats to your sanity in Florida come from mutant life forms. A couple in Hudson, Florida are running a sanctuary for skunks.

Five years ago Don and Brenda Hoch took home a skunk after seeing it by chance in a pet store

The Hudson, Fla., couple found they had a way with the animals, and now the Hochs share their home with not one, but 15 skunks.

Their original pet skunk, Spike, shares his permanent home with fourteen others the couple are fostering for Florida Skunk Rescue. Eventually the skunks will move to permanent homes.

“A lot of our rescues are skunks that needed someone to work with them because they were neglected in the home they came from and consequently became biters,” Brenda Hoch said. “We’ve worked with them and have gotten them to become friendly again.”

Fortunately, the Hochs don’t live with a constant fear of being sprayed. The skunks are de-scented at a young age, around two to three weeks old.

I can just hear Floridian children now.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy, can I have an Easter skunk? Please, please pleeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz???????”

What could possibly go wrong?

Oh well, there you have it. All the good news that’s fit to print. Or blog, as the case may be.

Yeah, you may as well surrender.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

All your weddings are belong to us. Yeah, that’s where we’re headed. As I have noted several times before, our world is well on its way to ceding control to our impending robot overlords. For some bizarre reasons there are genetic traitors who insist on teaching robots all the skills they’ll need to eventually control all life on earth. While the news report about President Executron was meant to be humorous, it’s becoming painfully obvious that we are not far from cybernetically imposed curfews and procreation restrictions. And what better way to begin controlling yours and my reproductive systems than by taking over the sacred act of marriage?

You see, it won’t be by the blunt force trauma espoused, over and over, in crappy films like Transformers: Dark of the Moon but will, instead, be a subtle take over in a digital homage to Machiavelli. After all, why expend all that useless energy and possibly damage needed infrastructure, when we seem so willing to just get down on our knees and beg to serve.

Mike Fahey at Kotaku, who seems rational at first blush, tells us of the happy couple who wanted to be first in line to rejoice in humanity’s inevitable demise.

These science posts at Kotaku give me an opportunity to talk about something near and dear to my heart: The Robot menace. A Japanese couple being married by a robot? What if it misinterprets “til death do us part?”

The Japanese love their robots. They’ve been making them for ages, from toys on up to complicated machines that can speak, manipulate objects, and even serve as masturbatory fantasies for a whole new generation of creepy Japanese fanboys.

Yesterday a robot, specifically Kokoro’s four foot tall I-Fairy, presided over the wedding of a Japanese couple in what was the first robot-conducted wedding in human history. The I-Fairy was controlled by a man behind the curtain as she guided 36-year-old Kokoru employee Satoko Inoue and 42-year-old robotics professor Tomohiro Shibata into their new life, using speech synthesis to speak the pre-programmed words that bound the two together.

Here’s an adorable clip of the ceremony. Isn’t the little robot cute?

Watch CBS News Videos Online
Yes, she’s so adorable. I’m sure that’ll be the last thoughts that pass through the minds of thousands when she becomes an instrument of slaughter in the upcoming robot revolution.

You can call me paranoid, but I’ve watched countless documentaries on the subject of the robot revolution, from Will Smith’s I, Robot to The Matrix. The machines want us dead, and we’re finding ways to help them achieve that goal.

Take I-Fairy here, for instance. She was given the power to bind two people together in matrimony. Shouldn’t she then have the power to sever that bond? Oh, what’s this? An industrial laser? That would certainly help her sever those bonds, permanently, blinking her cute little eyes on and off while using software to amplify the couple’s screams for mercy.

See? That’s exactly what’s going through I-Fairy’s head right now.

What makes this worse is the fact that I-Fairy is being forced to participate in an event celebrating human love, something she can never truly experience, mainly due to the robot killing spree cut from the 1981 documentary, Heartbeeps.

It’s only a matter of time. One minute the robots are watching us march down the aisle, the next they’ll be marching down our streets, bringing humanity together in a way we never suspected they would: as part of a giant, melted puddle.

Congratulations to the happy new couple! I hope it was worth it.

As you can see, Mike shares my concerns. So do all right thinking humans. But, sadly, it seems we are in the minority. More and more people appear to be thrilled to turn over basic responsibilities to others while they turn into vegetative slaves. Or worse, auto-tuned singers with soulless songs.

Our homie, KRS-One, reminds us of humanity’s many accomplishments.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Do you remember the good old days? When kids went to school to learn the 3 R’s; reading, writing and arithmetic? When kids learned why they were called the 3 R’s when only one word actually began with that letter? And, then, once they survived the education gauntlet they went forth and attempted to become productive members of society? Well, those days are gone my friend. Back on November 3rd of last year I wrote about how students in Georgia could take a college level course on the life and times of Lady GaGa.

I almost wish I was making this stuff up.

Not to be outdone, The University of Dundee, in Scotland, is offering a course on the history of comic books.

In the Central Lowlands of Scotland, the University of Dundee is to become the first university in the United Kingdom to provide degrees in comic studies. The university has said that courses for its comic studies subject within the English section will commence in September 2011.

The city of Dundee is known to be the headquarters for D. C. Thomson & Co., a publishing company whose works include various comic books, such as The Beano, The Broons, The Dandy and Oor Wullie. Dr. Chris Murray, a leading British authority on comic books, will be leading the comic studies programme. “This is a very exciting time for comics scholarship, and I am delighted to be able to offer this postgraduate course on comics,” he explained. “This is a unique opportunity to give this important medium the attention it deserves, and to allow those with an interest in comics to study it in detail.”

Those organising courses for the degree believe that comic books now appeal to adults as well as children due to their impact in the areas of politics, art and literature, as well as aspects of popular culture. Amongst the program will be the examinations of comics of an autobiographical nature and similarities with the culture of comic books on an international scale. Students who complete the Master of Letters learning program – running either full-time for a year and two-years if done part-time – will be eligible for a Doctor of Philosophy in comic studies.

Dr. Murray has also noted: “Employability is an important consideration for any postgraduate programme, and it lies at the heart of what we aim to do with this course. There will be practical advice on publishing and developing a career as a comics scholar, writer or artist, and we hope to arrange work placements for students. Comics and graphic novels are becoming an increasingly important form of literature, art and field of study, and it is our intention that our graduates are at the forefront either as researchers, writers, artists or filling other roles within the industry.”

I will be the first to admit that I read a lot of comic books when I was a kid. Had I attempted to write a book report on the exciting adventures of Batman I would have gotten a quick visit to the principal’s office and then been granted some private time at home so that I could rethink my woeful future.

Nevertheless, comics have been an integral part of modern culture. From the film noir revelations of Road to Perdition to the horrific autobiography of Maus, the comic art form has been a means for great artists to tell incredible stories. In context with their real world counterparts, Perdition in a film class, Maus in a history course, they can be a great way for students to grasp nuances they might otherwise miss. But separated from any context they just become pretty pictures.

Of course, let’s say your wunderkind actually completes the gauntlet and goes to law school and earns his degree. You are probably too proud to realize that your glorious child has used this knowledge to amass the world’s largest porn collection.

A New York physician with a doctorate in sexuality said his pornography collection has 350,000 items dating as far back as the 13th century.

Clifford Scheiner, 61, a former emergency room doctor who now operates a mail-order erotic book business, said his collection of pornographic books, films and photos includes 13th century manuscripts in addition to every issue of Playboy magazine ever published, the New York Daily News reported Monday.

“It is certainly one of the largest collections of erotology and sexology in the world,” Scheiner said.

Scheiner said he started collecting pornography and erotica in the 1960s.

“I became interested because of the mystery involved,” he said. “To hear people talk about it — nobody bought it, nobody sold it, nobody owned it, nobody printed it, nobody illustrated it and nobody bound it, but the books were there and that intrigued me.

“I taught myself to recognize most of the dirty words in most of the languages that use the Roman alphabet. I don’t have huge language skills, but I get a pretty good idea of what is going on.”

Scheiner said he has probably spent about $1 million on his collection.

“But that is over a 30-year period, so actually it’s like $30,000 a year,” he said. “That isn’t a whole lot.”

Let’s face it, you know people who don’t earn $30.000 in a year and, if they did, they certainly wouldn’t spend it all on porn. Not even 13th century porn. Heck, not even the cool Pompeii porn that makes some folks so happy.

Speaking of porn, Director Michael Bay, creator of the most expensive “B” movies ever made, recently wrote a letter to film projectionists demanding, politely, that they use a far more expensive projection technique than most theaters will allow so that his 3D epic, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, can be accredited with the artistic merit he claims it will so richly deserve. His letter contained such lines as “We’re all in this together” and “Let’s make the audience believe again.”

Much to his chagrin, The Projectionists Guild of America East, responded. Here are a couple of excerpts, the entire letter is viewable via the link above.

“If we’re all in this together, how about throwing us a bone and making a movie with recognizably human characters, plotting that wasn’t put together by a developmentally challenged robot that once read a Robert McKee book, and that doesn’t resemble a two-and-a-half-hour beer commercial?”

-AND-

“I’m kidding. I would never tell you how to do your job. So stop telling us how to do ours.”

Well, you can see their point. They have to watch this drek hundreds of times.

Oh, why did I liken this to porn? Well, porn’s all about titillation and self gratification without any intellectual stimulation. This fulfills all those requirements easily. Also, side note, the movie is over 2 1/2 hours long, making it longer than 2001: A Space Odyssey and less thought provoking than that film’s closing credits.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

We’ve had a couple of downer posts lately so I thought I’d provide a chuckle for the masses. Well, okay, the Space Beer one was kind of fun, but it has seemed that things have been a little down around here. Which, believe it or not, isn’t true. Things have actually been kind of fun here in the land of Hippo. The ladies in the office have joined a continuing education class that really seems to have perked up office morale. The guys in the office have come up with communal activities that have really helped us bond and be more sensitive to the needs of others. Our lord and master has loosened our chains enough that we can now use the bathroom. Of course the ruckus caused by the cleaning crew might have had something to do with that.

One never really knows.

Nevertheless, today seems like a good day for some schadenfreude. And where is misery the most fun? Florida.

Let’s start with how Florida bank robbers differ from thinking humans. WPBF-TV tells the hysterical story of the guy who robbed a bank and used a taxi as his getaway vehicle.

The FBI has arrested a man accused of putting on a suit and tie, robbing a South Florida bank and then leaving in a taxi.

Jeffrey Harrington, 27, of North Miami, is accused of robbing the Bank of America branch in Hallandale Beach on Tuesday morning. He was arrested Wednesday.

According to the FBI, Harrington handed the teller a note demanding the teller fill envelopes with money and warning the teller not to set off the alarm because it would trigger an explosive device.

The note also read: “Remember the money is insured. Don’t be a hero.”

Authorities said Harrington left the bank and got into a parked taxicab that had picked him up from his home earlier that morning.

After the robbery, the taxi dropped Harrington off at the barbershop where he works, authorities said.
A co-worker told the FBI he saw Harrington at the barbershop putting a large amount of money in his pocket.

“No, really, officers, I get great tips doing fades and weaves.”

Yeah, they didn’t buy it either.

Of course at least he didn’t involve his mom, which is a common theme in Florida. John P. Wise tells the fun story of the guy who texted his mom to dump his meth.

A Florida man texted his mother asking her to hide his drug evidence, police in Bay County said.

Anthony Paul Burdeshaw, 33, is being held on drug charges in Bayou George.

Investigators said they were talking to Burdeshaw’s mother about an abandoned barn next to the family’s home that contained methamphetamine-manufacturing chemicals when she received a text from her son. According to a story in TheNewsHerald.com, the message read: “Hey Mom can u go to my bedroom and get the glass bowl under the bed and wash it with water really good and don’t give the cops permission to search.”

The mother eventually brought out to police a glass bowl that tested positive for meth.

Actually, for a meth head, he has excellent spelling and grammar skills.

On the other hand, Floridians do make it easy for criminals to commit crimes. In Boynton Beach you can use any credit card you happen to find without being asked to show any ID. Store owners are stunned, STUNNED I TELL YOU, that some folks used this oversight to steal thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff.

In comparison, yesterday I got carded when I was buying $30 worth of groceries by a lady who spoke zero English.

So, maybe I should do all my shopping in Florida.

“Mr. Hippo? Your cherry red Ferrari is ready. Just sign here.”

Yeah, I can see it now.

Of course, people in Florida also celebrate life’s defining moments differently. In New Port Richey simple events like going to rehab will involve the police.

A Florida couple was arrested for engaging in a sex act on a scooter in a strip mall parking lot, police said.

Investigators were called Tuesday night to a shopping center in New Port Richey after a family witnessed the sex act, according to a report on TampaBay.com.

Dawn Strait and Franklin Rowland were charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, TampaBay.com reported.
Strait, 49, told the arresting officer that she performed the act because she was sad that Franklin was going to detox soon, according to the report.

Now I know why our fellow Hippo, Scott, bought a scooter.

How does that work?

“Honey, I’m going to be gone for a couple of days, so let’s take the scooter to the most public place possible so you can ….”

I never said they were smart.

Of course, they do seem to have a training program for young criminals in Florida, so maybe this topic can be brought up. On the other hand, North Miami Beach cops recently arrested an 11 year old kid for his second major robbery. So that course can’t be very thorough.

“But, Uncle Big Bad,” you whine, “there must be some good people in Florida.”

Well, yes and no. As Angela Rozier reports, there’s a South Florida woman trying to raise awareness for recovering addicts by walking all the way to Washington D.C. Which is a good thing because, you see, if she was trying to raise cash, she’d be doomed. No one has donated a dime to her cause.

Not a pair of shoes, not a sandwich, nothing.

Of course, the reason for that is obvious. Florida’s state motto is “Rehab’s for Quitters!”

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!