Once winter finally ends in Chicagoland, I start craving fruity/sweet cocktails and rooftop bars. However, a lot of times I don’t feel like staying out to 5 a.m. Could there possibly be a place where I could get both?? I think I’ve finally found happy median to serve my summer bliss: Roof Sundays, at theWit.

Maybe you’ve already been seen at Roof, but not like this! This summer is the debut of “Roof Sundays“… and it’s a guaranteed good time. From fruity drinks, to sexy peeps– this place is rockin’. Oh yeah… and you’ve got that amazing VIEW to boot. Every time I come to Roof Sundays I’m reminded of what an amazing city I live in… just by peering through the glass walls of the bar.

I’ve already discovered my favorite drink for the summer, and it’s on the 27th floor at Roof. Try the, Caipirissima Del Mar if you like rum and you like strawberries– you’ll love this too. Actually, I don’t even really like rum… haha… but I somehow LOVE this drink :). It totally gets my super-stamp of approval. And if you like Bacardi, then the CG² is for you. It’s minty, refreshing and delicious. They really harness the area’s freshest flavors and ingredients, also the dishes and cocktails at ROOF evolve with the seasons.

So, as far as how the place looks inside…..the Roof is basically a wide open lay-out…. partially inside, and partially outside… but they’ve given certain areas of the bar, different names. My favorite section is known as: “The Hangover” it’s an intimate outdoor space with modern furnishings that culminates with a glass-enclosed, cantilevered private table for eight perched 27 stories above the city. This exclusive area features breathtaking views of Lake Michigan and Millennium Park, as well as small heaters for when the temperatures dip.

The Living Room is a spacious indoor penthouse situated under a vaulted ceiling, with floor-to-ceiling windows that provide stunning, close-up views of Chicago’s treasured architecture. It boasts a large, double-sided fireplace, multiple plush couches and settee arrangements, modern communal tables, and an expansive built-in private bar.

The Loft is a chic and sexy indoor space featuring floor-to-ceiling glass windows, modern communal tables, and a retractable glass wall that divides the Living Room from the Patio. The Loft includes a spacious built-in private bar, a fully equipped DJ booth, and a large, woodstone-fired pizza oven.

The Patio is an expansive outdoor space partially enclosed by glass walls that offer spectacular, up-close views of Chicago’s downtown architecture and the Chicago River. The Patio features intimate lounge seating, a semi-raised circular corner booth, counter-height tables with built-in fire pits, a large built-in private bar, and a video wall.

Another really unique thing that Roof offers, are their live musicians. Their General Manager, Ben Galatz says you’ll often find a live saxophonist, or electric violinist playing amongst the guests to set the mood for the night. While I was there, their resident electric violinist Katarina Visnevska, was playing her heart out along with the beats of the DJ. You’ll get to see her wild-style in the video below! She was amazing, definitely check out her official site, too.

Oh…. and how could I forget. The dancers– which are picture perfect! These lovely ladies donned “Kentucky Derby” style hats, and sexy throw-back 1940’s era stripped bathing suits. They are also dancing their hearts in the video– (yet another reason to watch!)

Needless to say, Roof at theWit proudly celebrates their lively and diverse clientele… so go cool off atop the Loop’s best summertime lounge destination. Grab a cool drink and set your gaze upon the sun-drenched views of the City. Maybe even introduce yourself to some new friends?! Kick back. And watch the hot summer day wind away into night… or in Roof Sundays case “day”! Because– after all, it is a “DAYTIME AFFAIR,” and I’ll see you there. (I didn’t mean to make that rhyme either. lol)

Roof at theWit hours: Wed-Sat till 2, Sun-Tue till midnight.
Location:  201 N. State
Contact: 312-239-9501

Last week, when I provided my tiny contribution to entertainment on WBIG (1280 AM), hosted by Ryan and Taylor on The Big Wake Up Call, I realized that the funniest story I shared with their audience started with me being covered in blood. Obviously I’d been treading some dark paths. So, this week, I made a concerted effort to find good news to share, not only with them but with all the nice people who are kind enough to check out my daily ramblings. After I’d eliminated the various and sundry web sites dedicated to the multitude of religious beliefs that can be translated into English, I was left with a very small set of choices. It was then I discovered that good news is like porn. The very first site I found offered to let you read good news only if you busted out a credit card. Since I’m still waiting to be covered for, Nude Hippo related, expenses incurred in 2003, that wasn’t going to happen. The second only offered little teases that lead you to other sites which lead to other sites and so on. Obviously a series of sites that get paid by the click. However, I never did get a full story. The longest was about two paragraphs long and, while cheerful as heck, was missing silly things like facts or a point.

So, the heck with good news.

Let’s just go with the obvious.

If you want to die young and fat, move to the southern United States. Patricia Reany, of Reuters, reports that the most sedentary cities in the US are located there, with the winner (if I may use that term) being Lexington, Kentucky.

“What hurt Lexington most was the actual amount of activity, or exercise, people reported engaging in — any physical activity at all, which was relatively low. And they did have higher rates of deaths from deep vein thrombosis (DVT) as well,” said Matt Marion, deputy editor of Men’s Health.

To compile the rankings of the 100 most sedentary cities featured in the latest issue that will hit the newsstands on Tuesday, the magazine looked at how often residents exercise, the number of households that watched 15 hours of cable television a week and bought more than 11 video games a year, and the rate of DVT, a blood clot in a vein, usually in the leg, which is associated with inactivity.

“When we crunched the numbers Lexington finished at the bottom,” Marion explained.

Southern cities dominated the least active metropolises. Tulsa and Oklahoma City, also scored a low grade, as did Birmingham, Alabama, Laredo in Texas, Nashville, Little Rock and Charleston, West Virginia.

The other problem that researchers faced was that many of the respondents thought that DVT was that thing you use to play the movies you got at WalMart so they were thrilled with the results. In case you’re curious, Chicago ranks 31st on the list of the 100 cities surveyed and garnered a B+ rating.

In non-fat related news, Russian scientists claim that humans will meet extraterrestrial life within 20 years. They have been aggressively beaming signals to the universe since the 60’s to try and make that happen. They are hoping to meet bi-peds like us who just are very different.

Good news! I can save them a lot of time and money!

Of course I’m talking about Florida! And, bonus, the next couple of stories come with mutant life forms.

MSNBC reports that parts of Florida are being terrorized by giant, mutant, lizards.

Man, can’t you just hear the tag line “FROM OUT-ERRRR SPAAAAAACE!”?

They’re not Godzilla size but large, nonnative lizards in two South Florida counties are being hunted down after alarming humans, including a homeowner who found one that slipped through a doggie door.

Nine of the critters — formally known as Nile monitor lizards — were seen recently in Broward and Palm Beach counties, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission warned.

“This is a high-priority species for us,” Scott Hardin, who coordinates nonnative species programs at the commission, said in a statement Tuesday. “We plan to go after them aggressively to either try to eradicate them or suppress their numbers if they are determined to be established.”

The commission urged residents to report sightings to 888-IVE-GOT1 instead of trying to deal with them personally.

“Monitor lizards may exceed 7 feet in length and are known to be very defensive when cornered, so the FWC discourages attempts to capture the lizards,” the statement said. “They are known to be more active during the hot summer months, explaining why reports have increased.”

Formally known as? Do they have an informal name, like Scooter?

Actually, I don’t know why they’re so upset. Giant lizards would seem to be the perfect antidote for the giant cockroach infestation that is threatening to overrun the state.

Also, predators like that only hunt and kill the slowest and the dumbest members of the herd, so I’m thinking they could be a great boon for the state’s IQ level as well.

But that could just be me.

Nevertheless, not to be outdone, Lisa Orkin Emmanuel is reporting that a 23 foot squid was found hovering near pleasure boats.

Man, that had to be some easy pickings.

Several people were fishing over the weekend just off Florida’s Atlantic coast when they pulled up a 23-foot-long squid.

They say they were fishing about 12 miles offshore from Port Salerno when they saw the squid, WPTV reported.

“We pulled up… thought it was something to fish on, a pallet or something like that. We looked at it, all three of us were like ‘holy mackerel,’ ” Robert Benz told WPTV.

The squid’s body is about 11 feet long, and its tentacles were so long, it barely fit into the 23-foot-long boat.

“Nobody believes a fisherman,” said Benz. “It didn’t seem it had been dead long, the tentacles were still moving and it was sticking to you when we got it in.

Ellie Van Os, Director of Education and Exhibits at the Florida Oceanographic Society, said such a find is not common. “It’s foreign to imagine that there’s an animal with 8 arms and 2 tentacles that are twice as long as the arms and their mouth is in the middle of their arms … and big eyes.”

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission took the squid to a facility in St. Petersburg for a necropsy.

Okay Scooter, if it’s still moving and it can attach suckers to your flesh, that means it’s still alive not recently dead. Of course to know the difference you’d have had to made it through grammar school in one try. My guess is that it finally died due to complications from DVT due to all the locals it had eaten.

Of course, not all threats to your sanity in Florida come from mutant life forms. A couple in Hudson, Florida are running a sanctuary for skunks.

Five years ago Don and Brenda Hoch took home a skunk after seeing it by chance in a pet store

The Hudson, Fla., couple found they had a way with the animals, and now the Hochs share their home with not one, but 15 skunks.

Their original pet skunk, Spike, shares his permanent home with fourteen others the couple are fostering for Florida Skunk Rescue. Eventually the skunks will move to permanent homes.

“A lot of our rescues are skunks that needed someone to work with them because they were neglected in the home they came from and consequently became biters,” Brenda Hoch said. “We’ve worked with them and have gotten them to become friendly again.”

Fortunately, the Hochs don’t live with a constant fear of being sprayed. The skunks are de-scented at a young age, around two to three weeks old.

I can just hear Floridian children now.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy, can I have an Easter skunk? Please, please pleeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz???????”

What could possibly go wrong?

Oh well, there you have it. All the good news that’s fit to print. Or blog, as the case may be.

Yeah, you may as well surrender.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

All your weddings are belong to us. Yeah, that’s where we’re headed. As I have noted several times before, our world is well on its way to ceding control to our impending robot overlords. For some bizarre reasons there are genetic traitors who insist on teaching robots all the skills they’ll need to eventually control all life on earth. While the news report about President Executron was meant to be humorous, it’s becoming painfully obvious that we are not far from cybernetically imposed curfews and procreation restrictions. And what better way to begin controlling yours and my reproductive systems than by taking over the sacred act of marriage?

You see, it won’t be by the blunt force trauma espoused, over and over, in crappy films like Transformers: Dark of the Moon but will, instead, be a subtle take over in a digital homage to Machiavelli. After all, why expend all that useless energy and possibly damage needed infrastructure, when we seem so willing to just get down on our knees and beg to serve.

Mike Fahey at Kotaku, who seems rational at first blush, tells us of the happy couple who wanted to be first in line to rejoice in humanity’s inevitable demise.

These science posts at Kotaku give me an opportunity to talk about something near and dear to my heart: The Robot menace. A Japanese couple being married by a robot? What if it misinterprets “til death do us part?”

The Japanese love their robots. They’ve been making them for ages, from toys on up to complicated machines that can speak, manipulate objects, and even serve as masturbatory fantasies for a whole new generation of creepy Japanese fanboys.

Yesterday a robot, specifically Kokoro’s four foot tall I-Fairy, presided over the wedding of a Japanese couple in what was the first robot-conducted wedding in human history. The I-Fairy was controlled by a man behind the curtain as she guided 36-year-old Kokoru employee Satoko Inoue and 42-year-old robotics professor Tomohiro Shibata into their new life, using speech synthesis to speak the pre-programmed words that bound the two together.

Here’s an adorable clip of the ceremony. Isn’t the little robot cute?

Watch CBS News Videos Online
Yes, she’s so adorable. I’m sure that’ll be the last thoughts that pass through the minds of thousands when she becomes an instrument of slaughter in the upcoming robot revolution.

You can call me paranoid, but I’ve watched countless documentaries on the subject of the robot revolution, from Will Smith’s I, Robot to The Matrix. The machines want us dead, and we’re finding ways to help them achieve that goal.

Take I-Fairy here, for instance. She was given the power to bind two people together in matrimony. Shouldn’t she then have the power to sever that bond? Oh, what’s this? An industrial laser? That would certainly help her sever those bonds, permanently, blinking her cute little eyes on and off while using software to amplify the couple’s screams for mercy.

See? That’s exactly what’s going through I-Fairy’s head right now.

What makes this worse is the fact that I-Fairy is being forced to participate in an event celebrating human love, something she can never truly experience, mainly due to the robot killing spree cut from the 1981 documentary, Heartbeeps.

It’s only a matter of time. One minute the robots are watching us march down the aisle, the next they’ll be marching down our streets, bringing humanity together in a way we never suspected they would: as part of a giant, melted puddle.

Congratulations to the happy new couple! I hope it was worth it.

As you can see, Mike shares my concerns. So do all right thinking humans. But, sadly, it seems we are in the minority. More and more people appear to be thrilled to turn over basic responsibilities to others while they turn into vegetative slaves. Or worse, auto-tuned singers with soulless songs.

Our homie, KRS-One, reminds us of humanity’s many accomplishments.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Do you remember the good old days? When kids went to school to learn the 3 R’s; reading, writing and arithmetic? When kids learned why they were called the 3 R’s when only one word actually began with that letter? And, then, once they survived the education gauntlet they went forth and attempted to become productive members of society? Well, those days are gone my friend. Back on November 3rd of last year I wrote about how students in Georgia could take a college level course on the life and times of Lady GaGa.

I almost wish I was making this stuff up.

Not to be outdone, The University of Dundee, in Scotland, is offering a course on the history of comic books.

In the Central Lowlands of Scotland, the University of Dundee is to become the first university in the United Kingdom to provide degrees in comic studies. The university has said that courses for its comic studies subject within the English section will commence in September 2011.

The city of Dundee is known to be the headquarters for D. C. Thomson & Co., a publishing company whose works include various comic books, such as The Beano, The Broons, The Dandy and Oor Wullie. Dr. Chris Murray, a leading British authority on comic books, will be leading the comic studies programme. “This is a very exciting time for comics scholarship, and I am delighted to be able to offer this postgraduate course on comics,” he explained. “This is a unique opportunity to give this important medium the attention it deserves, and to allow those with an interest in comics to study it in detail.”

Those organising courses for the degree believe that comic books now appeal to adults as well as children due to their impact in the areas of politics, art and literature, as well as aspects of popular culture. Amongst the program will be the examinations of comics of an autobiographical nature and similarities with the culture of comic books on an international scale. Students who complete the Master of Letters learning program – running either full-time for a year and two-years if done part-time – will be eligible for a Doctor of Philosophy in comic studies.

Dr. Murray has also noted: “Employability is an important consideration for any postgraduate programme, and it lies at the heart of what we aim to do with this course. There will be practical advice on publishing and developing a career as a comics scholar, writer or artist, and we hope to arrange work placements for students. Comics and graphic novels are becoming an increasingly important form of literature, art and field of study, and it is our intention that our graduates are at the forefront either as researchers, writers, artists or filling other roles within the industry.”

I will be the first to admit that I read a lot of comic books when I was a kid. Had I attempted to write a book report on the exciting adventures of Batman I would have gotten a quick visit to the principal’s office and then been granted some private time at home so that I could rethink my woeful future.

Nevertheless, comics have been an integral part of modern culture. From the film noir revelations of Road to Perdition to the horrific autobiography of Maus, the comic art form has been a means for great artists to tell incredible stories. In context with their real world counterparts, Perdition in a film class, Maus in a history course, they can be a great way for students to grasp nuances they might otherwise miss. But separated from any context they just become pretty pictures.

Of course, let’s say your wunderkind actually completes the gauntlet and goes to law school and earns his degree. You are probably too proud to realize that your glorious child has used this knowledge to amass the world’s largest porn collection.

A New York physician with a doctorate in sexuality said his pornography collection has 350,000 items dating as far back as the 13th century.

Clifford Scheiner, 61, a former emergency room doctor who now operates a mail-order erotic book business, said his collection of pornographic books, films and photos includes 13th century manuscripts in addition to every issue of Playboy magazine ever published, the New York Daily News reported Monday.

“It is certainly one of the largest collections of erotology and sexology in the world,” Scheiner said.

Scheiner said he started collecting pornography and erotica in the 1960s.

“I became interested because of the mystery involved,” he said. “To hear people talk about it — nobody bought it, nobody sold it, nobody owned it, nobody printed it, nobody illustrated it and nobody bound it, but the books were there and that intrigued me.

“I taught myself to recognize most of the dirty words in most of the languages that use the Roman alphabet. I don’t have huge language skills, but I get a pretty good idea of what is going on.”

Scheiner said he has probably spent about $1 million on his collection.

“But that is over a 30-year period, so actually it’s like $30,000 a year,” he said. “That isn’t a whole lot.”

Let’s face it, you know people who don’t earn $30.000 in a year and, if they did, they certainly wouldn’t spend it all on porn. Not even 13th century porn. Heck, not even the cool Pompeii porn that makes some folks so happy.

Speaking of porn, Director Michael Bay, creator of the most expensive “B” movies ever made, recently wrote a letter to film projectionists demanding, politely, that they use a far more expensive projection technique than most theaters will allow so that his 3D epic, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, can be accredited with the artistic merit he claims it will so richly deserve. His letter contained such lines as “We’re all in this together” and “Let’s make the audience believe again.”

Much to his chagrin, The Projectionists Guild of America East, responded. Here are a couple of excerpts, the entire letter is viewable via the link above.

“If we’re all in this together, how about throwing us a bone and making a movie with recognizably human characters, plotting that wasn’t put together by a developmentally challenged robot that once read a Robert McKee book, and that doesn’t resemble a two-and-a-half-hour beer commercial?”

-AND-

“I’m kidding. I would never tell you how to do your job. So stop telling us how to do ours.”

Well, you can see their point. They have to watch this drek hundreds of times.

Oh, why did I liken this to porn? Well, porn’s all about titillation and self gratification without any intellectual stimulation. This fulfills all those requirements easily. Also, side note, the movie is over 2 1/2 hours long, making it longer than 2001: A Space Odyssey and less thought provoking than that film’s closing credits.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

We’ve had a couple of downer posts lately so I thought I’d provide a chuckle for the masses. Well, okay, the Space Beer one was kind of fun, but it has seemed that things have been a little down around here. Which, believe it or not, isn’t true. Things have actually been kind of fun here in the land of Hippo. The ladies in the office have joined a continuing education class that really seems to have perked up office morale. The guys in the office have come up with communal activities that have really helped us bond and be more sensitive to the needs of others. Our lord and master has loosened our chains enough that we can now use the bathroom. Of course the ruckus caused by the cleaning crew might have had something to do with that.

One never really knows.

Nevertheless, today seems like a good day for some schadenfreude. And where is misery the most fun? Florida.

Let’s start with how Florida bank robbers differ from thinking humans. WPBF-TV tells the hysterical story of the guy who robbed a bank and used a taxi as his getaway vehicle.

The FBI has arrested a man accused of putting on a suit and tie, robbing a South Florida bank and then leaving in a taxi.

Jeffrey Harrington, 27, of North Miami, is accused of robbing the Bank of America branch in Hallandale Beach on Tuesday morning. He was arrested Wednesday.

According to the FBI, Harrington handed the teller a note demanding the teller fill envelopes with money and warning the teller not to set off the alarm because it would trigger an explosive device.

The note also read: “Remember the money is insured. Don’t be a hero.”

Authorities said Harrington left the bank and got into a parked taxicab that had picked him up from his home earlier that morning.

After the robbery, the taxi dropped Harrington off at the barbershop where he works, authorities said.
A co-worker told the FBI he saw Harrington at the barbershop putting a large amount of money in his pocket.

“No, really, officers, I get great tips doing fades and weaves.”

Yeah, they didn’t buy it either.

Of course at least he didn’t involve his mom, which is a common theme in Florida. John P. Wise tells the fun story of the guy who texted his mom to dump his meth.

A Florida man texted his mother asking her to hide his drug evidence, police in Bay County said.

Anthony Paul Burdeshaw, 33, is being held on drug charges in Bayou George.

Investigators said they were talking to Burdeshaw’s mother about an abandoned barn next to the family’s home that contained methamphetamine-manufacturing chemicals when she received a text from her son. According to a story in TheNewsHerald.com, the message read: “Hey Mom can u go to my bedroom and get the glass bowl under the bed and wash it with water really good and don’t give the cops permission to search.”

The mother eventually brought out to police a glass bowl that tested positive for meth.

Actually, for a meth head, he has excellent spelling and grammar skills.

On the other hand, Floridians do make it easy for criminals to commit crimes. In Boynton Beach you can use any credit card you happen to find without being asked to show any ID. Store owners are stunned, STUNNED I TELL YOU, that some folks used this oversight to steal thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff.

In comparison, yesterday I got carded when I was buying $30 worth of groceries by a lady who spoke zero English.

So, maybe I should do all my shopping in Florida.

“Mr. Hippo? Your cherry red Ferrari is ready. Just sign here.”

Yeah, I can see it now.

Of course, people in Florida also celebrate life’s defining moments differently. In New Port Richey simple events like going to rehab will involve the police.

A Florida couple was arrested for engaging in a sex act on a scooter in a strip mall parking lot, police said.

Investigators were called Tuesday night to a shopping center in New Port Richey after a family witnessed the sex act, according to a report on TampaBay.com.

Dawn Strait and Franklin Rowland were charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, TampaBay.com reported.
Strait, 49, told the arresting officer that she performed the act because she was sad that Franklin was going to detox soon, according to the report.

Now I know why our fellow Hippo, Scott, bought a scooter.

How does that work?

“Honey, I’m going to be gone for a couple of days, so let’s take the scooter to the most public place possible so you can ….”

I never said they were smart.

Of course, they do seem to have a training program for young criminals in Florida, so maybe this topic can be brought up. On the other hand, North Miami Beach cops recently arrested an 11 year old kid for his second major robbery. So that course can’t be very thorough.

“But, Uncle Big Bad,” you whine, “there must be some good people in Florida.”

Well, yes and no. As Angela Rozier reports, there’s a South Florida woman trying to raise awareness for recovering addicts by walking all the way to Washington D.C. Which is a good thing because, you see, if she was trying to raise cash, she’d be doomed. No one has donated a dime to her cause.

Not a pair of shoes, not a sandwich, nothing.

Of course, the reason for that is obvious. Florida’s state motto is “Rehab’s for Quitters!”

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

People come up to me on the street all the time and say “Get away from my daughter you freak! Don’t make me call the cops!” I wish they’d stop doing that. It makes shopkeepers nervous while I’m trying to buy smokes. Anyway, today’s not about me. Today’s about one of the most important topics I could think of when it comes to science. Black holes swallowing the solar system? Leave that to the amateurs. Quantum string theory and faster than light travel? HAH! A mere bag of shells. A single site injectable cure for all viral diseases that would end Aids and cancer all in one shot? Nah. That can wait.

Bother me not with any of these picayune matters.

There is only one topic I can think of that is more important. Not even the space bikini is this important. Close, I admit, but not quite.

No, my fellow heathens, today we are going to talk about how to make beer in space.

As our friend Ian O’Neill writes, this isn’t as easy as you might think and drinking beer in space can cause all sorts of problems. Like the, proverbial, wet burp. Or, as you may know it, projectile vomiting.

An Australian brewing company has, for the first time, manufactured a space beer. As in, a beer that can actually be consumed in space! This is most certainly one giant leap for beer affectionados.

We’ve heard of the beer produced by Japanese brewing company Sapporo, which, in 2008, manufactured a beer produced from third-generation barley grown on the International Space Station. But for all intents and purposes, that “space beer” was just beverage produced from a small amount of ingredients that had been grown in space. Apart from being a clever marketing ploy, it was identical (down to the the barley’s DNA, interestingly) to terrestrial beer.

Having said that, at the time, I was very enthusiastic about Sapporo’s plan (and I still am) — it was a huge step forward in proving that we can grow stuff in space.

In 2009, I even recorded a 365 Days of Astronomy podcast titled “The Link Between Beer and Space Settlement,” in which I describe the Japanese space beer effort and relate to to extraterrestrial colonization by mankind.

My excitement for Sapporo space beer can be summarized by Okayama University biologist Manabu Sugimoto, one of the Japanese scientists involved with the use of space-grown barley in beer.

“In the future, we may reach a point where humans will spend an extended period of time in space and must grow food to sustain ourselves […] In the long run, we hope our space research will be not just about producing food, but about enjoying food and relaxing [in space].”

Note the highlighted text: “but about enjoying food and relaxing [in space].”

And herein lies the problem. Sapporo’s space beer is actually a misnomer; it should be called “Sopporo brewed-from-ingredients-grown-in-microgravity beer” — the beer wasn’t produced for being enjoyed in space. Bummer.

The Wet Burp Cometh

Surely any beer can be consumed in space, right? Wrong. Not only would the launch costs be astronomical to get a crate of Stella into orbit, it’s a physical impracticality to consume any carbonated beverage in space.

Why? Zero-G has a rather nasty side effect of the “wet burp” phenomenon.

Think about it, what happens when you swallow a mouthful of beer on Earth? It goes down your throat and sits in your stomach. Gravity ensures the fluid stays in your stomach, allowing the carbon dioxide bubbles to expand and rise to the top of the fluid. You can then sit back and let out an impressive burp to impress your friends as the carbon dioxide is vented out of your mouth.

Now try doing that in space.

There’s little gravity to keep the fluid in your stomach, but you still need to vent that carbon dioxide that is expanding inside your belly. You try to burp…. but you end up venting the carbon dioxide, beer, and whatever else was inside your stomach through your mouth and nose. This, my friends, is called a “wet burp”; an explosive near-vomit experience guaranteed to gross out anyone who has the misfortune to be floating around with you.

Space-Safe Beer

But all is not lost! The Australian 4-Pines Brewing Company teamed up with Saber Astronautics Australia who did some lateral thinking and realized there’s no way any future astronaut will be able to pick up Barbarella over a pint at the orbital space bar if a “wet burp” makes an appearance.

In addition, the scientists involved with the beer research also had to consider changes in taste perception when in space. It has been reported that astronauts on long-duration missions on board the space station experience changes in taste. Therefore, a crisp, flavorsome ale on Earth may taste like stale swill in space.

Selecting a strong, reduced-carbon dioxide stout, the researchers have created a space-safe beer called “Vostok” (in honor of the first manned, Russian spacecraft flown by Yuri Gagarin in 1961). Presumably, Vostok was the winner of taste tests flown on several zero-G parabolic flights in association with Astronauts4Hire last year.

Like my excitement for the Sapporo “space beer,” the Australian brewing company agrees that any development in the production of alcoholic beverages for space is a good thing for the advancement of mankind.

“Wherever humans have journeyed or conquest to throughout history in the last few thousand years, we first worry about water, food, shelter and clothing,” Jaron Mitchell, the founder of Four Pines, told news.com.au.

“In many cases beer is the next consideration soon after the above four.”

I wonder how long we’ll have to wait for an orbital space hotel, fully equipped with a “Pub Module”?

I for one look forward to enjoying a “Vostok” atop Mars’ Olympus Mons (but I promise to recycle the empties).

The only known bottles of Sapporo’s Space Beer are long gone. So, if you want to try the next best thing you’d better bone up on your astronaut training.

Oh, sure, some of you are scoffing at the importance of beer in space. But, as I’ve pointed out before, beer has been responsible for some of the greatest discoveries in human history. And, on the spiritual side, beer has played an important role in the development of religions.

So who are you to deny our, space faring, descendants the thrill of discovery and guidance for their souls?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Besides, when we finally do meet the aliens who are roaming the universe do you really want to invite them over for a glass of water and a tube of goo food? Of course not. Nothing says “welcome to our part of the galaxy” better than a frosty cold beer and a bar-b-q.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

I know it doesn’t always seem like it but I am proud to be an American. I like the many freedoms our country offers and I utilize one of the most basic every day when I write this blog. Sometimes people respond to my use of this freedom by exercising their own rights. Comments run the gamut from calling me a jerk to telling me I’m a genius. I sometimes wonder if it’s possible for both to be true.

I will admit that I am continually surprised by how quickly Americans are willing to give up some of their freedoms. Oh, people will blame this president or that for the intrusions into our lives, but the fact is every perceived threat since the 1800’s has been met with laws – enacted by the people we voted into office – that restrict somebody’s freedoms. Usually those who had the least to begin with. While we look back at some of those moments and wince, like the Dred Scott decision that reinforced the rights of slave owners, there are others we just seem to learn to live with.

Nevertheless, there are some things that this country does well. For example, when someone dies here, they stay dead. Not like in Russia where a woman died at her own funeral when she woke up and realized she was in a coffin. While technically convenient, I imagine that was mildly disconcerting to the assembled mourners.

Nor do we limit the idiocy of the proletariat. Unlike in South Korea, if you – as a proud American – want to use the image of Kin Jong-Il for target practice, you are free to do so.

Another thing we do well is preserve the sanctity of our nude beaches. As reported in Florida (where else?), if you are caught driving around with no pants and harassing teenage girls, you will go to jail. The fact that you manage a Christian radio station will earn you no benefits at all.

So what brought all of this about?

I’ve been listening to a few radio programs this week and have heard several people completely screw up the most basic facts of our history. Not just Sarah Palin’s odd take on the ride of Paul Revere either. I’ve heard how the Second Amendment guarantees us the right to own nuclear weapons, how the First Amendment allows for people to yell FIRE in a crowded theater and the American flag was based on the colors of blood, skies and virginity.

The first two assertions are beyond my help, or any rational thought for that matter, but I feel pretty confident that I can straighten out the last one.

The Washington Post recently printed the five most common myths about our flag and they serve as a good reminder of what is, and is not, true.

Americans love our flag. We display it at concerts and stadiums to celebrate, and at times of national tragedy to show our resolve. We have our schoolchildren pledge allegiance to it; we have consecrated it in our national anthem; we have a holiday to honor it — Tuesday (June 14, 2011), in fact. Yet the iconography and history of the American flag, especially its early history, are infused with myth and misrepresentation. Here are five of the most prevalent myths.

1. Betsy Ross made the first American flag.

The Betsy Ross story is the most tenacious piece of fiction involving the flag. There simply is no credible historical evidence — letters, diaries, newspaper accounts, bills of sale — that Ross (then known as Elizabeth Claypoole) either made or had a hand in designing the American flag before it made its debut in 1777.

The story cropped up in 1870, almost 100 years after the first flag was supposedly sewn, when William Canby, Ross’s grandson, told the Historical Society of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia that his grandmother made the flag at George Washington’s behest. Canby’s sole evidence: affidavits from family members. The iconic 1893 painting of Ross sitting in her Philadelphia parlor with the sun beaming down on the flag in her lap is a scene invented by Charles H. Weisgerber, the artist and entrepreneur who profited from the Betsy Ross legend.

While Ross did make flags in Philadelphia in the late 1770s, it is all but certain that the story about her creating the American flag is a myth.

As President Woodrow Wilson, who presided over the first official national Flag Day on June 14, 1916, is said to have replied when asked his thoughts on the story: “Would that it were true.”

2. The red, white and blue colors symbolize American sacrifice.

No federal law, resolution or executive order exists providing an official reason for the flag’s colors — or their meaning. The closest thing to an explanation are the words of Charles Thomson, the secretary of the Continental Congress, who was instrumental in the design of the Great Seal of the United States. Thomson’s report to Congress on June 20, 1782, the day the seal was approved, contained a description of the colors, the same as those in the flag: “White signifies purity and innocence. Red hardiness and valour and Blue . . . signifies vigilance, perseverance and justice.”

Various official documents and proclamations — including one by President Ronald Reagan marking 1986 as the “Year of the Flag” — have echoed that reasoning.

But the colors do not have, nor have they ever had, any official imprimatur. Historians believe that the use of red, white and blue in the Stars and Stripes has to do with the simple fact that they were the colors of the first flag of the American colonies, the Continental Colors. And there is little doubt where the red, white and blue of the Continental Colors came from: the Union Jack of England.

3. The Pledge of Allegiance has long been recited in Congress and other governmental bodies.

The pledge was written by magazine editor Francis Bellamy in 1892 for a nationwide public school celebration of the 400th anniversary of Christopher Columbus’s landing. In 1898, during the Spanish American War, New York became the first state to mandate that public school students recite the Pledge of Allegiance at the beginning of each school day. Many states followed suit, and the pledge remained a staple of the daily routine in many schools until 1988, when it became an issue in the presidential campaign.

Vice President George H.W. Bush criticized his opponent, Democrat Michael Dukakis, for vetoing a bill as governor of Massachusetts that would have required the pledge to be recited in public schools. Dukakis said he did so after being advised that the law was unconstitutional.

At the height of the campaign, on Sept. 13, 1988, the pledge was recited on the floor of the House of Representatives for the first time. Republican members of the House, who were in the minority, offered a resolution to that effect, and it was accepted by Speaker Jim Wright, a Democrat. Wright ruled that from then on, the pledge would be recited at the start of business each day that the House was in session.

The Senate did not begin daily recital of the pledge until June 24, 1999. Since then, the pledge has become part of the opening rituals of nearly all state and local governmental bodies.

4. It is illegal to burn the American flag.

It was illegal until 1989, when the Supreme Court ruled 5 to 4 in Texas v. Johnson that burning the flag is a form of symbolic speech protected by the First Amendment. The case involved Gregory Lee Johnson, a member of the Revolutionary Communist Youth Brigade, who had burned the flag during a protest at the 1984 Republican National Convention. He was convicted of violating Texas’s flag-desecration law, fined $2,000 and sentenced to a year in jail. The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals overturned the conviction, ruling that Johnson was exercising his First Amendment right to freedom of speech.

The Supreme Court’s decision invalidated a 1968 national flag-desecration law, as well as similar laws in 48 states (all except Wyoming and Alaska). In response, Congress passed the Flag Protection Act, but that law was also challenged and wound up in the Supreme Court. The court in 1990 essentially affirmed its earlier ruling, stating that any law banning flag burning violated free speech.

Those decisions led to a national movement to amend the Constitution to make flag desecration illegal. The leading voice in that effort has been the Citizens Flag Alliance, which was founded in 1994 by the American Legion. Proposed amendments have come up regularly in the House and Senate since then but have yet to receive sufficient support.

5. It’s okay to wear a Stars and Stripes T-shirt.

The U.S. Flag Code frowns on the use of the flag “for advertising purposes.” It goes on to warn against the sale or display of any “article of merchandise . . . upon which shall have been printed, painted, attached, or otherwise placed a representation of” the flag to “advertise, call attention to, decorate, mark, or distinguish the article or substance on which so placed.”

In other words, when you wear a flag T-shirt or hat while reclining on an American flag beach towel near your American flag camping chair, you are violating the Flag Code. The code, which was drawn up at the first National Flag Conference in Washington in 1923, is part of the law of the land. But it is not enforced, nor is it enforceable. It is merely a set of guidelines, letting Americans know what to do — and what not to do — with our red, white and blue national emblem.

There is no Flag Police. You will not be arrested for wearing a flag-embossed T-shirt on Flag Day — or any other day of the year.

Here’s something not mentioned in the article. Francis Bellamy, the author of The Pledge of Allegiance was an avowed socialist who believed in equal rights for women and African-Americans. A highly unpopular stance in 1892. Moreover, the phrase “under God” wasn’t added until 1954, during the height of one of our xenophobic paranoia phases. Kind of similar to what we’re going through now.

Then it was the godless Russians, today it’s anyone from the Middle East. Tomorrow? Who knows? It seems we need to be afraid of someone all the time.

Despite all that, I’d still rather be here than there. Mostly because here, at least, we offer ourselves the chance to overcome those fears.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Over the years, NUDE HIPPO has covered some events that after watching it, you could say “That was sooo gay!” and it wouldn’t be an insult to anyone.

As the Gay Pride Parade celebration takes place, we here would like to fondly look back at some of our more colorful coverage of the gay community!  Our team of reporters have covered singing & dancing, Olympic challenges, and even the parade.

Here are just some of our coverage with reports by Amy Zanglin, Catie Keogh, Kristen Frielich & Bill McCormick with photos by Santino Santiago.

CHICAGO PRIDE PARADE:

CHICAGO DRAG KINGS:

WINDY CITY GAY IDOL:

CHICAGO GAY GAMES VII:

CHI-TOWN SQUARES:

CHICAGO GAY GAMES VII -PT. 2:

CHICAGO PRIDE PARADE GALLERY:

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We all know that one person who goes a little above and beyond the call. Whenever the parents on the block build their kids a tree-house, this person builds a multi-level cathedral with underground parking for their Big Wheels. Because, you know, valet service seemed too ostentatious. If you have a clown at your kids’ party, they have Cirque du Soleil. To be polite, they are wildly insecure losers who are begging for attention they don’t really deserve.

Then there are the folks who, unable to enjoy the world God’s given them, demand the end times fall now. They point to this or that random omen as the true portent of doom. The fact that they’ve never been right, or even close, doesn’t slow them at all. Of course, when people are robbing banks to get free health care, you might see their overall point.

But what happens when a person described in the first paragraph is also the person described in the second?

Well, that’s when things get interesting. Greg Wilson, of NBC Chicago, tells the tale of a Dutch man who built – or rebuilt, depending on your beliefs – Noah’s Ark.

A doomsday dream of massive flooding prompted a Dutch man to build a modern day Noah’s Ark that is 100 yards long and four stories tall.

Johan Huibers, head of a construction company in Dordrecht, Holland, said he started work on the mega-ship three years ago. Now nearly complete, the ark has gone from an Armageddon escape vehicle to a major tourist attraction.

“I dreamed that a part of Holland was flooded,” Huibers explained in a “Today” show segment. “The next day, I get the idea to build an ark.”

The ark, which Huibers insists is seaworthy, sits in a shipyard. It is identical in size to the one the Bible says Noah built, 300 cubits in length, 30 cubits high, and 50 cubits wide.

Huibers has outfitted the ship with life-size replicas of animals, including one elephant that cost $11,000 alone. He hopes the ark will become a museum of sorts, inspiring people to read the Bible. He also plans to float it down the River Thames in advance of the 2012 Olympics.

Some may note that in the film “An Inconvenient Truth,” Al Gore predicted the Netherlands would be flooded if the ice on Greenland melted. And while such a dream inspired the project, Huibers doesn’t believe his ship would really provide much sanctuary in such a cataclysmic event.

“No I don’t think so,” he told NBC News.

No, it wouldn’t. According to the Talmud, the Bible and the Qur’an, Noah’s Ark was 300 cubits long. That’s approximately 450 feet. Or 130 yards, if you’re so disposed. If you included the end zones and safety buffers, it would fit on a football field.

Now, ignoring the fact that if you only had two of each animal that inbreeding would cause them to be extinct or horribly mutated within a generation or two, there still isn’t enough room to make this work. Not for every animal on earth. Of course, one way around that conundrum is to limit the number of animals actually taken. Thus we get the Talmud’s caveat that God only required Noah to bring seven pairs of the birds and the clean animals, and one pair of the unclean animals.

Well, then the first question becomes, “Where did all the other animals come from?”

Try not to think about it too much. It’ll hurt your head.

On the plus side, although inspired by an apocalyptic dream, Mr. Huibers’ ark isn’t really designed to save the last remnants of life, just to be a travelling museum and maybe make him a few bucks. After all, no matter how bad the economy is, people will always pay to see a boat filled with stuffed animals.

Nothing wrong with that.

But I can’t help but think that most people, when confronted by a one time dream like that, would have just bought an antacid.

Dr. Dog “The Ark” from Adam kurland on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

I’m not a big fan of traveling commercially, whether by train or plane (never a bus). I don’t like being treated like one of the cattle, I dislike the intrusions into my privacy and I don’t enjoy having to explain, even though I have a medical card, that the steel rods holding my left leg together are not a bomb. However, I tolerate all that because I do enjoy arriving some place new. I think the same could be said of most travelers. We’re happy enough once we get where we’re going. But anyone who’s traveled over the last ten years has to have noticed a disturbing trend. If you have any sort of natural tan you’re going to draw the attention of the TSA and/or “airline authorities.” We’re talking about a group of people who, no matter their color, aren’t very well trained, are not paid very well and are given absolute authority over all they survey.

Gosh, what could possibly go wrong?

My ex-wife is Mexican. She finally refused to travel with me, no matter how much she wanted to see a place, simply due to the TSA. There could be a line longer than a football field and they would find the time to empty her purse, pat her down, make snide remarks and, usually, confiscate something dangerous like her lipstick.

“We don’t make the rules, mam, take it up with your congress person.”

Uh huh. Meanwhile I once transported a disassembled Glock 9mm from Vegas to Chicago without incident. In the grand scheme of things which would you rather face while locked in a plane at 30,000 feet? Her lipstick or my Glock?

It is with this in mind that I bring you two stories today. First, one you’ve probably already heard. University of New Mexico football player, Deshon Marman was kicked off a plane and detained by police for wearing baggy pants.

Yes, Deshon is African-American and not one of the East Hampton Marman’s.

A passenger has been removed from a plane at San Francisco International Airport and arrested after refusing to pull up his pants.

Deshon Marman, 20, who was in San Francisco to attend a former high school teammate’s funeral, was asked to pull up his sagging pants before boarding a US Airways flight to Albuquerque yesterday, the San Francisco Chronicle reported.

Marman’s pants were reportedly below his waist, exposing much of his boxer shorts, the newspaper quoted a police spokesman as saying.

An airline employee asked Marman to pull up his pants at the boarding gate, and the request was repeated aboard the plane, but he refused.

“At that point he was asked to leave the plane,” Sgt. Michael Rodriguez told the Chronicle. “It took 15 to 20 minutes of talking to get him to leave the plane, and he was arrested for trespassing.”

Marman, who plays football for the University of New Mexico, allegedly resisted officers as he was removed from the plane.

Marman’s mother, Donna Doyle, said her son was singled out “because of the way he looks – young black man with dreads and baggy pants”.

“But he’s a good kid trying to make it, and he’s going through a lot,” she added.

A spokeswoman for US Airways told the Chronicle the airline’s dress code forbids “indecent exposure or inappropriate” attire.

Marman was being held on $11,000 bail.

Really? $11,000 bail? My guess is that Mr. Marman couldn’t believe he was being subjected to this kind of treatment and reacted more out of shock than anything else. You’ll also be relived to know that the District Attorney is still vigorously pursuing punishment of this kid who got into college on scholastic and athletic scholarships.

Yep, he’s a true threat to national security.

“But, Uncle Big Bad,” you whine, “those rules apply to everybody. Really they do.”

Okay. Let’s look at the rule again.

The airline’s dress code forbids indecent exposure or inappropriate attire.

Same airport, same TSA.

Days before a college football player was arrested on a US Airways flight at San Francisco airport following a dispute over his saggy pants, the airline allowed another man wearing skimpy women’s panties and mid-thigh stockings to fly, according to a passenger and airline spokeswoman.

Jill Tarlow, a passenger on a June 9 flight from Fort Lauderdale, Fla., to Phoenix, took a photo of the scantily clad man, which she provided to the San Francisco Chronicle. The newspaper published the photo in its Wednesday edition.

The man flew six days before University of New Mexico football player DeShon Marman was arrested on a US Airways flight at San Francisco airport following allegations he refused to pull up his pants.

Tarlow told the Chronicle she and other passengers complained before boarding the plane, but US Airways employees did not prevent the unidentified man from flying.

“No one would believe me if I didn’t take his picture,” Tarlow, 40, of Phoenix said. “It was unbelievable.”

US Airways spokeswoman Valerie Wunder defended the airline’s decision to let the man fly, saying employees acted correctly.

“We don’t have a dress code policy,” Wunder said. “Obviously, if their private parts are exposed, that’s not appropriate…So if they’re not exposing their private parts, they’re allowed to fly.”

The airline has said Marman was exposing a body part on June 15 when he was repeatedly asked to pull up his pants.

His attorney, Joe O’Sullivan, said surveillance video would show his client’s skin was not showing. He accused the airline of racial discrimination. Marman is African American.

“It just shows the hypocrisy involved,” O’Sullivan told the Chronicle. “A white man is allowed to fly in underwear without question, but my client was asked to pull up his pajama pants because they hung below his waist.”

Wunder said Marman was asked to leave the flight not because of his clothing, but because he refused an employee’s request.

Marman was arrested on suspicion of trespassing, battery of a police officer and obstruction after refusing to leave the plane on the captain’s orders, according to police. Police have also said he injured an officer while being taken into custody.

Prosecutors have until July 18 to file any charges against him.

Wait? What? They DON’T have a dress code policy? What’s that silly thing I quoted above then? Random words spit out by a deranged Speak and Spell? If they hadn’t badgered Mr. Marmon about his pants, tacky though they may be, then nothing would have happened to him except he would be back playing safety for his team and going to classes so he could have a better life.

The one thing that should scare the bejeezus out of any traveler is Wunder’s comment that the young man ran afoul with the law “because he refused an employee’s request.”

Those “requests” need not have any basis in reality or logic. People have been tossed off of planes for breast feeding and having autistic children.

I guess the lesson to be learned here is that if you want to fly, dressing like Dame Edna on a bender is okay, dressing like Twista on his way to work isn’t.

You know, in retrospect, my ex may have gotten this right. If you can’t drive there you don’t need to go there.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!