Dangerous Times

Once upon a time, DJ Chucky D. wrote “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” And while he’s written raps that have more popular appeal in our modern times, such as his famous Bah! Humbug!, none seem more salient to me. It’s not that our era is any more dangerous than any other, far from it, it’s just that the lunatics, once relegated to the fringes where it was hoped they they would forget how to procreate, now permeate our headlines. This blog is a standing testament to the idiocy of others. I would rather write about many things, the Sunday science blogs come to mind, but the vast majority of our Hippo readers are fascinated by boobs or our impending robot overlords. Mostly boobs. In fact, I could dedicate a week to the wonderful world of mammaries and receive nary a complaint. Well, maybe I’d get one from that one woman who fervently desires that I write about nothing more interesting than puppies and, preferably, only cute ones at that.

As you may have surmised, she’s not a regular here.

But, today, I thought I’d take a look at some dangerous things. Allan Dowd writes that I stand a good chance of getting laid again since I never smile.

That could be construed as dangerous to some.

Women find happy men less sexually attractive than those with expressions that show pride or hint that they have done wrong and know it, according to Canadian researchers.

The study published online Tuesday in the American Psychological Association journal Emotion showed pictures of the opposite sex to both men and women. Participants were then asked for their initial reactions on sexual attractiveness based the expressions they saw.

“Men who smile were considered fairly unattractive by women,” said Jessica Tracy, a University of British Columbia psychology professor who directed the study.

“So to the extent that men think that smiling is a good thing to do if they want to be found sexually attractive our findings suggest that’s not the case,” Tracy said.

The men’s reaction was just the opposite.

“Women who smile are absolutely very attractive. That was by far the most attractive expression women showed,” Tracy said in an interview.

The researchers admit they are not sure why men and women reacted differently to smiles. In a man, a big smile may make him appear too feminine or more desperate for sex.

The study also adds fuel to the notion that women are attracted to bad boys.

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do …. sorry. I can make this one easy for the shrinks, guys who smile all the time are either trying to sell you something or steal something. Usually both. Even women, who are still baffled by how to use a toilet seat after millennia of practice, can figure that out.

They could have just paid me and saved a lot of time.

Nevertheless, there are some things you take for granted that they’re going to be safe. Walking down the street and not being killed at random is one of them. You would be wrong. Especially if you live in – you guessed this one already didn’t you? – Florida. Reuters reports that more people get killed while walking to their corner grocery in Florida than any other state.

And not by drive by shootings or anything obvious like that.

Several major cities in the state — Orlando, Tampa, Jacksonville, Miami-Fort Lauderdale — took the top spots on a list of the most dangerous metropolitan areas for pedestrians published by a U.S. transportation reform group on Tuesday.

The “Dangerous by Design” report, produced by Transportation for America, ranked cities with populations over a million people in terms of the danger to pedestrians relative to the amount of walking in a given area.

Riverside, California, Las Vegas, Memphis, Phoenix, Houston, and Dallas filled out the top ten in that order.

The author of the report emphasized the role of planning in the dangerous cities for pedestrians.

The common factor urban sprawl, low-density areas that are organized around wide, high-speed streets known as arterials.

Most of the over 47,700 pedestrian fatalities during the last decade were on these arterial roads, researcher Michelle Ernst said.

Did you notice that the list also focuses on states with much higher speed limits and crappy roads? Golly, I wonder if that’s a factor as well?

Another thing you might think is inherently safe, going to a party with your friends, also could be fraught with peril. UPI tells us the fun loving tale of a man who crashed a party and pulled a gun when he was asked to leave.

A California jury convicted a party crasher who pulled a gun only to be disarmed by a partygoer trained in mixed martial arts.

Gregory Anthony McFarland Jr., 24, was convicted May 26 of felony assault with a firearm, gun enhancements, being a felon in possession of a firearm and residential burglary, the San Francisco Chronicle reported Monday.

Police said McFarland and some friends crashed a Daly City party March 25, 2009, and refused to leave when asked. Investigators said McFarland, who was “extremely intoxicated,” brandished a .380 semiautomatic handgun and threatened to shoot the revelers.

However, another partygoer, who is a mixed martial artist, “promptly executed a flawless wrist lock, nearly breaking the suspect’s wrist,” San Mateo County District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said.

McFarland fled without his gun, only to be found by police vomiting in a neighbor’s yard.

He faces as much as 20 years and eight months in prison at his sentencing July 8.

“What’re you in for?”

“Murder. How bout you?”

“Getting my ass kicked in Frisco by some chi-chi personal trainer.”

“Oh, you’re going to love shower time.”

I don’t think I need to add anything more.

Yet, having been raised a Catholic, and even having gone to Catholic school, there is one group of people that I feared but, for all the right reasons, not because I thought they’d pull a 9MM Glok on me.

Nuns gone bad?

UPI has this story as well. Must be a fun day over at UPI, don’tcha think?

The FBI is hunting for two robbers who held up a bank in Palos Heights, Ill., while wearing nun masks and habits and wielding guns, officials said Monday.

The holdup occurred Sunday afternoon at a TCF bank branch, the Chicago Tribune reported.

The robbers, sporting get-ups like those in the 2010 movie “The Town,” displayed handguns when they ordered an employee to give them an undisclosed amount of money, officials said.

They fled in a light-colored sedan.

Nuns on the run? Hasn’t that been done to death?

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!