• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

World News Center

Everything you want to know about anything that's meaningful

  • News
  • Reviews
  • About
  • Contact Us
You are here: Home / Dear God How I Love Florida!

Dear God How I Love Florida!

May 2, 2011 by

The road less traveled? How about the path unseen?
The road less traveled? How about the path unseen?
I like finding the obvious. It makes my job easier. I can concentrate on feeding my fish and my cats, though not to each other, and perusing the latest sports scores before I type one letter here at Nude Hippo.

Today I’ve discovered that there’s something in the water in Florida, and I’m not just talking about the brackish waters in swamps. I’m serious. These people must be infected by some sort of stupidity virus. Sure, there are stupid people everywhere. I bet you’ve even run into a few at work or at Little League games. But they are the exception, not the rule. In Florida, the family values state where homosexuality is on its way to being illegal while bestiality is still legal (well, that explains Orlando’s mouse fetish), it seems this is the home of the incredibly dense. How bad is it? When you look up the word “obtuse” in your dictionary, there’s nothing but a map of Florida.

Nuff said.

For example, on the family values front, Brian Hamacher tells the heartwarming tale of a nice young lady who tried to buy her 80 year old dad a hooker for Easter.

Because nothing signifies rising from the dead like … oh, never mind.

A woman in Tampa may have figured she’d found a better Easter gift for her elderly father than a basket of candy: a tryst with a prostitute.

Pia Kirchberg, 51, and father Maurice Kirchberg, 80, were both arrested over the holiday weekend after the daughter allegedly tried to buy dear old dad a hooker, according to abcactionnews.com.

Cops were conducting a sting in an area of Tampa known for prostitution when the younger Kirchberg went looking for a pretty woman.

But police say the father-daughter pair, whose hometown is Dubuque, Iowa, wasn’t looking to spend big. Pia Kirchberg allegedly offered an undercover officer just $20 to have sex with her father, according to the report.

Both were charged with soliciting prostitution and released on $250 bond. They were two of eight people busted in the sting.

“Prostitution is illegal. It doesn’t matter how old you are,” police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said. “If we catch you trying to solicit a prostitute, you’re going to jail.”

You go there Mrs. Barney Fife.

Actually, I’m kind of split on this one. If, at 80, your pappy wants a little carnal carnival for the day, it sure beats giving him flowers or candy. But, c’mon, call an escort service and get a real pro. It’s your dad for cry-yi.

Not that I’d know the difference or anything.

Nevertheless, do you need a reason to party? Todd Wright says the best reason in Florida is being the first person ever to be bitten by an American crocodile.

No, I can’t make this stuff up and nor do I have to.

A Florida Keys couple is poised to make the history books, although today they are simply celebrating the fact that they are alive.

Mike Gregory and Leigha Poulson may soon hold the dubious distinction of being the first people in the state to ever be attacked by the elusive American crocodile.

“I think it’s cool. Kind of made history a little bit,” Gregory said. “We’re lucky to be alive.”

While state officials are trying to confirm the alleged attack, which happened Thursday morning in the Upper Keys, the couple says they have the bite and scratch marks to prove it.

Gregory, 23, and 20-year-old Poulson were kayaking at around 3:30 a.m. after a night of partying when they’re vessel was flipped, they said.

As they scrambled to get back to the kayak, each was bitten on the leg. Poulson also suffered scratch marks on her side.
“I was saying how pretty it was out there and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else because I am from Ohio and then the boat just flipped,” said Poulson, who moved to the Keys to study marine biology at Florida Keys Community College. “I was screaming ‘Oh my God!'”

Pictures of the attack were sent to the “Croc Doc,” Frank Mazzotti, a biologist at the University of Florida Research and Education Center in Davie. He said no other animal could have caused such damage.

“That area is almost all crocodiles. On very rare occasions an alligator may stray into there,” Mazzotti said. “Nine out of 10 times it would be a croc in that area. It’s possible that it may have been an alligator, but that’s going out on a limb to say that.”

Crocodiles usually roam in the brackish, salt water in the Keys, while alligators set up territory further inland in the fresh water.

Poulson and Gregory thought they might have stumbled on another marine animal that night.

“We thought we might have hit a manatee and gotten bruised up,” Gregory told the Florida Keynoter.

“We made it back to the house and we got into the light,” he said. “We looked at each other and we’re bleeding like crazy.”

American crocodiles were once on the verge of extinction and are still classified as a threatened species.

Unlike people’s usually view of the croc based off the prehistoric-looking, aggressive saltwater crocodiles of Africa, American crocs are fairly shy and prefer flight over a fight, Mazzotti said.

He said Thursday’s incident wasn’t by a man-eating predator, but a scared reptile who was minding its own business.

“I wouldn’t describe it as an attack. It was an escape attempt by the crocodile,” Mazzotti said. “They are not grabbing you
to eat you. They are giving a warning, ‘Don’t mess with me.'”

Well, I guess it’s nice to know that after all those folks were looking for an American croc, someone was nice enough to find one. But I think a Kodak moment would have sufficed.

Then again, I don’t live in Florida.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Primary Sidebar

Archives

  • October 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • December 2021
  • October 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • November 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • September 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010

Copyright © 2023 · Metro Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in