Archives for May 2011

Once upon a time, DJ Chucky D. wrote “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” And while he’s written raps that have more popular appeal in our modern times, such as his famous Bah! Humbug!, none seem more salient to me. It’s not that our era is any more dangerous than any other, far from it, it’s just that the lunatics, once relegated to the fringes where it was hoped they they would forget how to procreate, now permeate our headlines. This blog is a standing testament to the idiocy of others. I would rather write about many things, the Sunday science blogs come to mind, but the vast majority of our Hippo readers are fascinated by boobs or our impending robot overlords. Mostly boobs. In fact, I could dedicate a week to the wonderful world of mammaries and receive nary a complaint. Well, maybe I’d get one from that one woman who fervently desires that I write about nothing more interesting than puppies and, preferably, only cute ones at that.

As you may have surmised, she’s not a regular here.

But, today, I thought I’d take a look at some dangerous things. Allan Dowd writes that I stand a good chance of getting laid again since I never smile.

That could be construed as dangerous to some.

Women find happy men less sexually attractive than those with expressions that show pride or hint that they have done wrong and know it, according to Canadian researchers.

The study published online Tuesday in the American Psychological Association journal Emotion showed pictures of the opposite sex to both men and women. Participants were then asked for their initial reactions on sexual attractiveness based the expressions they saw.

“Men who smile were considered fairly unattractive by women,” said Jessica Tracy, a University of British Columbia psychology professor who directed the study.

“So to the extent that men think that smiling is a good thing to do if they want to be found sexually attractive our findings suggest that’s not the case,” Tracy said.

The men’s reaction was just the opposite.

“Women who smile are absolutely very attractive. That was by far the most attractive expression women showed,” Tracy said in an interview.

The researchers admit they are not sure why men and women reacted differently to smiles. In a man, a big smile may make him appear too feminine or more desperate for sex.

The study also adds fuel to the notion that women are attracted to bad boys.

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do …. sorry. I can make this one easy for the shrinks, guys who smile all the time are either trying to sell you something or steal something. Usually both. Even women, who are still baffled by how to use a toilet seat after millennia of practice, can figure that out.

They could have just paid me and saved a lot of time.

Nevertheless, there are some things you take for granted that they’re going to be safe. Walking down the street and not being killed at random is one of them. You would be wrong. Especially if you live in – you guessed this one already didn’t you? – Florida. Reuters reports that more people get killed while walking to their corner grocery in Florida than any other state.

And not by drive by shootings or anything obvious like that.

Several major cities in the state — Orlando, Tampa, Jacksonville, Miami-Fort Lauderdale — took the top spots on a list of the most dangerous metropolitan areas for pedestrians published by a U.S. transportation reform group on Tuesday.

The “Dangerous by Design” report, produced by Transportation for America, ranked cities with populations over a million people in terms of the danger to pedestrians relative to the amount of walking in a given area.

Riverside, California, Las Vegas, Memphis, Phoenix, Houston, and Dallas filled out the top ten in that order.

The author of the report emphasized the role of planning in the dangerous cities for pedestrians.

The common factor urban sprawl, low-density areas that are organized around wide, high-speed streets known as arterials.

Most of the over 47,700 pedestrian fatalities during the last decade were on these arterial roads, researcher Michelle Ernst said.

Did you notice that the list also focuses on states with much higher speed limits and crappy roads? Golly, I wonder if that’s a factor as well?

Another thing you might think is inherently safe, going to a party with your friends, also could be fraught with peril. UPI tells us the fun loving tale of a man who crashed a party and pulled a gun when he was asked to leave.

A California jury convicted a party crasher who pulled a gun only to be disarmed by a partygoer trained in mixed martial arts.

Gregory Anthony McFarland Jr., 24, was convicted May 26 of felony assault with a firearm, gun enhancements, being a felon in possession of a firearm and residential burglary, the San Francisco Chronicle reported Monday.

Police said McFarland and some friends crashed a Daly City party March 25, 2009, and refused to leave when asked. Investigators said McFarland, who was “extremely intoxicated,” brandished a .380 semiautomatic handgun and threatened to shoot the revelers.

However, another partygoer, who is a mixed martial artist, “promptly executed a flawless wrist lock, nearly breaking the suspect’s wrist,” San Mateo County District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said.

McFarland fled without his gun, only to be found by police vomiting in a neighbor’s yard.

He faces as much as 20 years and eight months in prison at his sentencing July 8.

“What’re you in for?”

“Murder. How bout you?”

“Getting my ass kicked in Frisco by some chi-chi personal trainer.”

“Oh, you’re going to love shower time.”

I don’t think I need to add anything more.

Yet, having been raised a Catholic, and even having gone to Catholic school, there is one group of people that I feared but, for all the right reasons, not because I thought they’d pull a 9MM Glok on me.

Nuns gone bad?

UPI has this story as well. Must be a fun day over at UPI, don’tcha think?

The FBI is hunting for two robbers who held up a bank in Palos Heights, Ill., while wearing nun masks and habits and wielding guns, officials said Monday.

The holdup occurred Sunday afternoon at a TCF bank branch, the Chicago Tribune reported.

The robbers, sporting get-ups like those in the 2010 movie “The Town,” displayed handguns when they ordered an employee to give them an undisclosed amount of money, officials said.

They fled in a light-colored sedan.

Nuns on the run? Hasn’t that been done to death?

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Today is a day of hot dogs and Bar-B-Q’s and family picnics. A day when the great unwashed can relax and watch NCIS marathons while drinking beer and waving a little flag. All of that is well and good since the closest most of us ever get to war is watching a rerun of Patton on TV or reading a Tom Clancy novel. And that is the best tribute I can think of to pay our troops. They have sacrificed themselves on foreign lands to keep our shores free from violence. That is not some opaque abstraction, it is raw truth. Men and women from all walks of life have shed their blood and given their lives so the likes of you and I can rest a little easier.

Even so there are those who, from the safety of their recliners, demand extremism in response to every perceived slight. Some of those advocate pure pacifism even if it means the loss of whatever liberties remain. To them I can only say that the idea is sound, a world without violence is a laudable goal, but its execution is flawed since we do not live in such a world. Then there are others who demand, loudly, to know why we don’t deplete our nuclear stockpile whenever we are wronged. To them I note that there is a reason, and a very good one. Many people have issued a response to that call, but the clearest is probably Robert Heinlein’s from his 1959 book, Starship Troopers.

If you wanted to teach a baby a lesson, would you cut its head off? Of course not. You’d paddle it. There can be circumstances when it’s just as foolish to hit an enemy city with an H-bomb as it would be to spank a baby with an axe. War is not violence and killing, pure and simple; war is controlled violence, for a purpose. The purpose of war is to support your government’s decisions by force. The purpose is never to kill the enemy just to be killing him…but to make him do what you want to do. Not killing…but controlled and purposeful violence. But it’s not your business or mine to decide the purpose of the control. It’s never a soldier’s business to decide when or where or how—or why—he fights; that belongs to the statesmen and the generals. The statesmen decide why and how much; the generals take it from there and tell us where and when and how. We supply the violence; other people—’older and wiser heads,’ as they say—supply the control. Which is as it should be

Today, as you may have guessed, is Memorial Day, a holiday first made official on May 5, 1868 by General John Logan. The original holiday was designed to honor the fallen, on both sides, of the Civil War. The holiday was just as divisive as the war until after World War 1 when it was rededicated to all soldiers who gave their lives in the service of their country. In 1971 Congress passed the National Holiday Act which moved the observance of Memorial Day from May 30th to the last Monday of the month of May. Whether that was a good thing or not, I cannot say. Three day weekend = Good, forgetting why we have that weekend = Bad.

Speaking of people who forget, several groups in England want World War II re-enactments to ban any Nazi uniforms. Because, well, because … who do they think was on the other side during WWII? They wrap it all up under flag of “not offending people” but it should be wrapped with the moldy fish in a newspaper and discarded in the trash. I’m not a big fan of re-enactments, but if they are going to do them, then both sides kind of need to be there for any of it to make sense.

There are millions of stories of heroism that can be used to define Memorial Day. Some of them I have heard personally from the men and, now, women who lived through them. I fear that picking any one over another would only serve to denigrate the ones I missed, so I won’t do that. Instead, I ask you to take a minute out of your busy life and visit a VFW Post or AMVETS Hall near you so you can hear the stories directly from the mouths of the heroes who were there.

In parting, I leave you with this memorandum from an Army veteran.

“It is the soldier, not the reporter, Who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the soldier, not the poet, Who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the soldier, not the organizer, Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the soldier, Who salutes the flag, Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag, Who allows the protestor to burn the flag.

– Charles M. Province

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

I love doing these Sunday Science blogs. Ever since René Descartes proudly claimed “Cogito ergo sum!” (I think, therefore I am), mankind has realized that its ability to think is what truly separates us from the lower life forms. Sentience, by definition, means being not only capable of making a flint tool or using a stick as a weapon, any monkey can do that, but to be fully self aware. To know not just what you are at the moment, but to understand your past and be capable of planning for your future. To truly comprehend yourself and your place in the world. To understand that your ability to question your existence is proof of it. That’s a whole lot of meaning to pack into 3 little Latin words.

But where does it come from? Is consciousness a divine gift, a random gathering of neurons or something else?

Our old pal Ian O’Neill takes a look at that question and has an interesting alternative. What if quantum theory explained human sapience?

Consciousness: How do you go about explaining that? Indeed, many scientists are currently studying what happens in the brain and how the mind relates to the outside world, but quantifying what gives us consciousness is proving to be a rather tough nut to crack.

Is there some supernatural influence? Is it purely biological? Or is there something else, something more… physicsy?

In a fascinating column for New Statesman, writer Michael Brooks touches on this tricky subject, and it reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend not so long ago.

“Don’t you think our consciousness might be explained by the Large Hadron Collider?” my friend asked. (Full disclosure: There was gin and tonic involved, so this wasn’t an everyday discussion.)

“What do you mean?” I asked in reply.

“Well, the LHC is probing states of matter that existed immediately after the Big Bang, so it’s bound to throw up some new physics — don’t you reckon it might uncover some sort of particle, or energy, that might explain our connectivity with the Universe?”

(By “energy,” she wasn’t referring to energy in the physical sense, she was playfully baiting me with New Age philosophy.)

Possibly inspired by the crazy science butchered in the TV series FlashForward — in which everyone on the planet gets knocked out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds, having visions 6 months into the future, after an experiment apparently went awry in a particle accelerator — my friend was quick to point out that quantum physics, by its nature, is weird, and consciousness is, well, weird, so there must be some connection.

While this may be attractive — after all, quantum mechanics brought us Schrodinger’s-very-confused-dead-or-alive-(or both)-Cat — there is a fundamental flaw in this logic. And as Brooks mentions in his article, “strange quantum effects don’t fit in with our everyday experience of the world, they have been invoked to resolve myriad things we don’t yet understand, such as supernatural phenomena.”

Although consciousness is not a supernatural phenomenon, science has yet to explain it. In this world of high technology, where we seem to have an answer for everything, it seems odd that we don’t yet have an answer for what makes us, us. Why shouldn’t quantum theory explain consciousness?

Brooks mentions Deepak Chopra’s book “Quantum Healing,” in which Chopra jumped to the conclusion that quantum entanglement links everything in the Universe, and therefore it must create consciousness. However, even respected scientists aren’t immune to the pull of the mystery of quantum mechanics.

Roger Penrose, famous British physicist, recently argued “that we will need to invoke ‘new physics and exotic biological structures’: rewriting quantum theory to make sense of consciousness,” Brooks writes.

Although Brooks calls Penrose’s point of view “disappointing,” I don’t find it surprising as this is the same physicist that saw odd patterns in the cosmic microwave background radiation and jumped to the conclusion that it must be a gravitational wave signal from a previous universe. In the end, Penrose was making shapes out of random noise — akin to imagining bunny shapes in the clouds.

So why is there this apparent connection between consciousness and quantum theory? Brooks calls it the “conservation of mysteries,” where you have two separate mysteries, but for some reason, we think there must be causation (i.e. one mystery causes the other).

This is along the same lines as the logical fallacy cum hoc ergo propter hoc (“with this, therefore because of this”) and it applies to a whole host of scientific (and pseudo-scientific) reasoning. Just because quantum theory acts mysteriously, it doesn’t mean quantum theory explains the mystery of consciousness.

Of course, quantum theory might explain consciousness, but that can only be proved or disproved through scientific method rather than by simply making stuff up.

How can you not love a guy who loves trance music and drinks gin? If he didn’t already work at Discovery News he’d fit right in here.

But, love him or not, he’s 100% right. The belief that quantum theory can explain human consciousness doesn’t even rise to the level of a hypothesis at this point.

That being said, if true it opens up some interesting possibilities. In 2006 James Rollins wrote a book called Black Order. In it he cogitated about the idea of quantum consciousness and what it might really mean. He came to the conclusion – well the characters in his book did, I have no way of knowing what he thinks – that the development of the mind will eventually lead man to become what many believe already exists, God.

The idea being that God is not an abstract concept of beginnings but a goal for mankind to ultimately achieve. And that to achieve it we must first come to grips with the quantum nature of thought. That we must understand our minds are not simple computers but complex collections of neurons which are evolving even as I type. And that this evolution could lead us to a truly higher level of consciousness, one that would give mankind abilities currently only ascribed to the divine.

Of course in his book the scientists carry guns, survive explosions and outsmart Nazis, which isn’t the traditional methodology used for scientific discourse. Although it would garner a lot more headlines, and open some interesting debates, if it did.

On the other hand, we currently only use about 10% of our brains so we may not be as self aware as we think.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

We all have our little fetishes. Most of them, in the grand scheme of things, are harmless. You want to be wrapped in latex and spanked by an Amazon? More power to you I say. If you feel the need to dress like a hamster so that you can remain in touch with your feral core, go for it. Not sure if you have a fetish? Not a problem, that’s why God created the internet. Just click here to read a list of the ten most popular fetishes. If you see something you like you’re good to go. If not, I’m sure a simple Google search will get you in touch with what you need to touch.

But make sure you understand the terms before you go an play. As a way of warning, one gentleman in Australia woefully misunderstood the term “blow job” and stuck an air compressor in his butt cheek. Doctors say he’ll live but never forget the experience. He’d actually inflated himself to the point where flesh was separating from muscle before he was rescued. Yet another item on the long list of things I’ll never try.

In other words if you and your partner, or partners as the case may be, agree that doing such and such will be a rewarding experience for all involved, have at it and go with my blessings.

That being said, this next dude still freaks me out. The Telegraph (UK) reports on a man who doesn’t just love his cars, he makes love to them.

Edward Smith, who lives with his current “girlfriend” – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not “sick” and had no desire to change his ways.

“I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love,” he said.

“Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it’s just wonderful.

“I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart and I have no desire to change.”

He added: “I’m not sick and I don’t want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.”

Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.

But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was “making love” to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.

As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.

Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

But he confesses that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or car showrooms.

His last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago – and he could not bring himself to consummate it, although he did have sex with girls in his younger days.

Mr Smith, from Washington state in the US, kept quiet about his secret fetish for years, but agreed to be interviewed as part of a channel Five documentary into “mechaphilia”. He is shown meeting other enthusiasts at a rally in California

Talking about how his unusual passion developed, Mr Smith said: “It’s something that grew as a part of me when I was a kid and I could not shake it.

“I just loved cute cars right from the beginning, but over the years it got stronger once I got into my teenage years and was my first having sexual urges.

“When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it.

“I didn’t fully understand it myself except that I know I’m not hurting anyone and I do not intend to.”

He added: “There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving.

“There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them.

“As far as women go, they never really interested me much. And I’m not gay.”

Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together by internet forums.

First the good news, he isn’t breeding.

Now the bad news, he likes to fondle stranger’s cars.

How would you like to wake up one morning and see some random dude in your driveway doing – actually, how the heck does he do that? – God knows what to your little sports car?

And even if you called the cops on him, what would the actual charge be? How could you even begin to explain it to the 911 operator.

“911, what’s that nature of your emergency?”

“There’s some guy having sex with my car.”

“There’s someone in your car having sex?”

“No, there’s someone ON my car having sex.”

“Do you know the person he’s having sex with?”

“There is no other person, like I said he’s having sex WITH my car.”

“Have you been drinking?”

You can see how this might take a while.

However, like he said, he’s not really harming anyone and he has no friends, so I guess we shouldn’t worry about him too much. On the other hand, there are at least 499 other people who are just like him, so maybe you should park your smooth ride in a garage, just to be safe. I know I wouldn’t want to clean that off one day.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

People have been getting naked in public ever since there was a public to get naked in. It had been a time honored way to have fun and make the occasional political protest. From the first Bacchanalia to Lady Godiva, history is littered with naked people. I would feel free to bet that you’ve been naked at some point in your life, even if not in public. And even if you were in public, you’re still not alone. Just Google naturist movement and the first thing you get is Wikipedia article offering you multiple choices on who you might wish to get naked with. Yes, there’s even one for devout Christians. See? Nobody has to be left out.

But -and you knew there was going to be a “but” didn’t you? – there is a time and a place for everything. Being naked on a beach? Both good and fun. Being naked in church? Only if you’re being baptized and you’re under the age of 1. Today we are going to take a peek at a few examples of how to do it wrong.

A teacher in Georgia decided to celebrate his new found love of transcendental meditation by showing his third eye to everyone in school.

A teacher who stripped off his clothes and walked naked around a Georgia elementary school gave cops a New Age explanation for his behavior, claiming that he had achieved a “new level of enlightenment” and “wanted everybody to be free now that his third eye was open,” according to a police report.

For allowing others to see his third eye last Friday afternoon at the B.C. Haynie Elementary School, Harlan Porter was charged with public indecency. The 31-year-old educator, pictured in the mug shot at right, was booked into the Clayton County Jail on the misdemeanor charge and released after posting $2000 bond.

Since Porter’s April 22 stroll–which came at about 3:20 PM–was not witnessed by any students, who had been dismissed, he avoided more serious charges.

—-EDITED FOR LENGTH—-

According to cops, fellow teachers reported that Porter “did not drink sodas or other canned beverages and maintained a strict vegan diet” and was not known to take drugs or drink alcohol. “However on the date in question they noticed that he was drinking a coke and had gone to taco bell to get tacos for lunch,” reported Officer Khari Reed.

It is unknown what role, if any, the Mexican delicacy may have played in Porter’s ill-advised decision to unveil his third eye, though Reed did note that the teacher “had recently learned that his employment contract would not be renewed.” Reed also reported that Porter had previously been “diagnosed schizophrenic,” though the school’s principal told cops the educator had never exhibited “strange behavior.”

Taco Bell made him do it? That gives a whole new spin on thinking outside the bun.

Even so, he still is in better shape than the guy who got naked on a NY subway, yelled profanities and then attacked a cop. There’s video of that mess if you’re inclined to click the link.

Of course no story about public nudity would be complete without an obligatory Florida reference. And, you know me well enough to know that I would never disappoint you. A man there was recently arrested after claiming to be King of the World.

Police in Florida’s Big Coppitt Key near Key West say a Pennsylvania man ran naked through the streets shouting about his apparent global royalty.

Someone apparently forgot to tell the local law enforcement about the ascension of 43-year-old Richard Gervasi to the world throne.

When deputies arrived, he allegedly charged after one… so cops called to the scene shot a taser at him.

But his majesty would not go down easy… in fact, after being tased, he pulled the taser prongs out of his skin and got up, according to KeysNet.com.

So they tased him again… and again.

Not surprisingly, police believe generous portions of alcohol and a helping of LSD played a role.

No, I blame Taco Bell.

But what about people who take the crap spewed by Dr. Phil seriously? Yes, there really are some. Jamie Gray tells about the guy who got naked in Idaho as part of his ‘therapy.’

A naked man was arrested walking down the street in the North End on Thursday night, just after 6:30 p.m.

Boise Police say 20-year-old Jonathan Palmer was walking in the area of 15th and Hill when they caught up with him. Lt. Kent Lipple says dispatchers received several calls from people saying they’d seen him.

Lipple says Palmer was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, but rather, Palmer wanted to conquer his own fears and help the public conquer its fears too.

“He wanted to face his fear of being naked in public,” Lipple said.

According to Lipple, Palmer told arresting officers: “I want the public to understand it’s okay to see a naked man walk down the road.”

Lipple says the man was cooperative and articulate. Palmer was arrested on a misdemeanor public nudity charge.

See? Be nice to the cops and they’ll toss out the felony charges. No word on whether or not Mr. Lipple visited Taco Bell before his therapeutic epiphany.

Closer to home and also based on a personal form of therapy, Megan Craig tells about a woman who believed walking naked to a police station was a spiritual experience, literally.

A woman found standing naked outside the Gurnee Police Station told police that spirits told her to take her clothes off and walk to the police department, according to an official.

The 52-year-old local woman showed up at the department on O’Plaine Road at about 7:30 a.m. on May 23, said Gurnee Police Cmdr. Jay Patrick. Three officers found her standing at the southwest corner of the building.

The woman allegedly told the officer she was “awakened by the spirits in her apartment” and that they told her to remove her clothes before proceeding to the police facility, Patrick said.

One of the officers wrapped the woman in a blanket.

She was taken to Vista Medical Center East in Waukegan by the Gurnee Fire Department and voluntarily admitted herself for psychological evaluation, Patrick said.

Police are not releasing the woman’s name, since she wasn’t charged with a crime.

I’m sure our producers will be inviting her to our next annual Nude Hippo romp at Six Flags. After all, she’s already nearby. As is a Taco Bell.

However, there’s one guy who can’t blame Taco Bell. Sam Tyson tells a whimsical tale of a naked man who tried to rob a house while walking around with a computer mouse stuck in his butt.

A burglary call for Oconee County sheriff’s deputies turned bizarre Monday morning when their suspect was found naked with a USB-powered computer peripheral in his rectum and apparently drugged, an incident report shows.

Authorities responded to Bernwood Circle near the town of Seneca late Monday morning after a resident complained of a burglar. When deputies arrived, they found Noah Smith, 24, lying face down and naked inside the doorway of the victim’s home, the report stated.

When the deputy tried to make contact with Smith, he slapped the deputy. In return, the deputy deployed his taser, which had no effect on Smith, the report stated.

With reinforcements, deputies approached Smith again in the victim’s bedroom. A deputy managed to handcuff Smith before he jumped off the victim’s bed and tried to kick other deputies in the room, the report stated.

Then, according to the report, Smith was pepper sprayed. Undeterred, Smith continued to kick at the officers and otherwise evade capture. He was struck with a police baton several times, and Smith attempted to bite the deputy.

Smith’s head and mouth were covered with a blanket to prevent him from biting. He was wrestled down so shackles could be placed on his legs and his arms were hog-tied, the report stated. An EMS crew responded and provided a stretcher to which Smith was also tied.

Deputies and officers from the Seneca Police Department opined that Smith might have been high on mushrooms, and identified equipment that could be used to get high in the victim’s home.

During a medical exam at a nearby hospital, medical personnel found a USB cord hanging from Smith’s rectum. An X-ray revealed the culprit — a mouse — lodged inside Smith.

He told emergency room personnel that he could not remember what had happened to him.

After the medical exam, he was charged with resisting arrest, 1st and 3rd degree assault a battery charges, and indecent exposure. Smith was transported to the Oconee County Detention Center.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I occasionally like mushrooms on my tacos so, who knows, maybe our our intrepid nudist hit the .99¢ value menu before he headed out for his little date with destiny …. and tasers.

In case you aren’t getting enough nudity in your news, click here for highlights from Naked News, a truly inspirational news program that, sadly, has nothing to do with Taco Bell.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!