Archives for April 2011

As Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged discovered not everyone’s lucky enough to ascertain the right mixture with an irrational particle accelerator, a liquid lunch, and a pair of rubber bands. In other words, as far as we know, humans are mortal. But what would happen to us if we could achieve immortality? Or, at least, greatly extended lives? Jack McDevitt, in his book Polaris, postulates that those who are granted this ‘gift’ would be forced to segregate themselves from society in order not to cause long term animosity. That makes a rough sense. After all, if you knew that you were going to live 70 or so years and your neighbor was going to live 10 times that or more, you might feel a little cheated. And while Asimov may have believed that “violence is the last refuge of the incompetent,” you and I both know that there’d be people with torches and pitchforks demanding that they too get what their neighbor’s got or there’d be hell to pay.

Nevertheless, given the holiday, it seems appropriate to take look at what strides science has made in attempting to ascertain immortality. Jennifer Viegas, from Discovery News Online, says they know more than you might have guessed.

Some animals and plants that reproduce asexually “can in principle achieve essentially eternal life,” according to a University of Gothenburg press release.

Scientists at the university are studying such species to find out how they avoid aging. So far, one chemical appears to be key: telomerase. This is an enzyme that protects DNA. It is more active in the longest-lived people, so its benefits likely extend throughout the animal kingdom.

The animals that can possibly achieve immortality under ideal conditions, such as sea squirts, certain corals, Hydra, and Turritopsis nutricula (the immortal jellyfish), often activate telomerase. Helen Nilsson Sköld of the Department of Marine Ecology, University of Gothenburg, and colleague Matthias Obst are studying sea squirts and starfish to learn more about how these marine creatures seem to ward off aging.

Out of the animal immortality A-list, sea squirts and starfish have genes that most closely resemble those of humans.

“Animals that clone themselves, in which part of an individual’s body is passed on to the next generations, have particularly interesting conditions related to remaining in good health to persist,” Sköld was quoted as saying in the press release. “This makes it useful to study these animals in order to understand mechanisms of aging in humans.”

“My research has shown that sea squirts rejuvenate themselves by activating the enzyme telomerase, and in this way extending their chromosomes and protecting their DNA,” she added. “They also have a special ability to discard ‘junk’ from their cells. Older parts of the animal are quite simply broken down, and are then partially recycled when new and healthy parts grow out from the adult bodies.”

Starfish are also amazingly immune to problems that affect the rest of us. If they lose a body part, for example, many species can simply grow another one. Reproduction involves tearing apart their bodies, somewhat akin to growing a new plant from a broken off piece of a “mother plant.”

Eternal life, from an evolutionary standpoint, however, has a big drawback. Due to asexual reproduction, the species as a whole retains very low genetic variation. This means they could be particularly vulnerable to climate change and not enjoy immortality after all.

Scientists are therefore rushing to study such species, which may hold the secrets of increasing our own longevity. It would be a colossal human mistake if our pollution, habitat encroachment and other activities erased our chances of learning more about nature’s anti-aging secrets.

I don’t think the universe is ready for a clone of me. It has enough issues with the single version.

Nevertheless, above and beyond all of that, you should know that scientists have already genetically engineered a mouse to grow younger. The mouse had been designed to grow older faster than normal so scientists could address issues with aging but then they reactivated the aforementioned enzyme telomeres and the little critter’s organs and muscles returned to youthful vigor.

Moreover, they’re studying a 17 year old girl who, thanks to a very rare disease, stopped aging around the age of 1. I’m not sure I’d want to spend eternity as an infant, but that doesn’t seem to be the final goal.

One advantage of a greatly extended life span would be having the chance to truly get to know the people in my life. For example, I could find out why Ian O’Neill – whose kind permission allows me to rummage through Discovery’s science archives every Sunday – is a big fan of trance music. Or, maybe, I could have the time to get to know each and everyone of you.

That would be nice.

I’d like to take this moment to wish all of our Christian readers a Happy Easter and, since I’m also a fan of trance music, I’d like to share one of my favorites with the class.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

I know you don’t come here to learn anything but are forced to on occasion anyway. Never anything useful, I’m not cruel, but still something you can talk about after your regular conversation crashes.

“Hi honey, how was your day?”

“Fine. And your’s?”

“Fine.”

(unhealthy pause)

“So, have you seen the new, musical, toilets?”

See? You’re right back in the swing of things.

Before we sing a song of sewage let’s catch everyone up on the history of the flush toilet. Despite popular belief the modern flush toilet was not invented by Thomas Crapper. Nor was it invented by anyone named John. Nope, the original flush toilet was invented and developed simultaneously in ancient Rome, Egypt, India and Pakistan. In Wilbur Smith’s historical fiction, River God, there’s a scene where Pharaoh is introduced to the first flushing toilet and is so enthralled with it that he makes one of his wives demonstrate its use in front of the court. While crude by our standards, it still worked on the same principle; it removed sewage from the home and deposited it elsewhere safely. In this case, the Nile where it would work as fertilizer.

We’ve come a long way since those heady, halcyon, days of toilet technology. There are now over 100 different kinds of toilets ranging from the common house flusher, that we all know and love, to toilets that can measure your blood pressure and provide and instant analysis of your end products.

Some of those even provide a printout so people can compare results. With whom is not made clear and I, personally, don’t want to know.

Now, Phil Lamarr of YAHOO! News is announcing that Kohler has taken toilet technology to a whole new level. I’m including his link becasue he has some great video of the toilet in action (but not in use, so don’t panic). However he tries very hard to be funny and, to be blunt, fails miserably. So if you watch with the sound off you should be fine.

Nevertheless this toilet, called the numi, is a wonder to behold. With an asking price of $6,300.00 it’d better be.

It has a pulsing bidet function that can be controlled by the user via a handy remote that comes with their purchase. Given the many options, especially the ‘thrusting wave’ function, there may be some women who’ll never leave their bathrooms again.

It also has a nice music selection that you can access to help you relax while you relieve yourself. And, if you want, there’s a docking port so you can play your own MP3 collection. I mean, after all, who among us hasn’t had that uncomfortable moment where we couldn’t go go without Gaga?

It also comes with mood lighting, an air dryer, a foot warmer, a deodorizer and a motion activated lid so you don’t have to sully yourself with the lowly act of actually touching the toilet.

While all of this may be good news for most of us, it’s not such a great idea for purveyors of elephant poop products. They want their poop on the ground the way God intended. As Monica Garske reports, there is a burgeoning market for paper made from poop.

Finding your desk covered in animal dung doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

When it’s in stationery form, at least.

Whenever entrepreneur Michael Flancman talks about his business, there’s usually an elephant in the room. That’s because he runs the Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Co., a unique, environmentally conscious company based in Thailand that specializes in turning elephant dung into paper goods and stationery.

On any given day, Thailand-based entrepreneur Michael Flancman can be found scooping up elephant or cow poo at conservation parks and farms. He uses the droppings to make paper goods and stationery for his company, the Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Co.

Here’s how it works: Every week, Flancman and a team of employees visit elephant conservation parks near Chiang Mai to collect naturally dried elephant droppings.

After the poo is gathered, Flancman said it’s carefully rinsed with water, leaving only the fibrous materials from the grasses, bamboo and fruits the elephants have eaten but couldn’t digest.

Then, Flancman said, those fibers are thrown into a giant pot of boiling water to ensure an even more thorough cleansing and sterilization, leaving the fibers primed and ready to be made into paper.

Once additional fibers from pineapple plants and trees are thrown into the all-natural mix to add thickness, Flancman said his team separates the moist pulp into small cakes that are then spread over a mesh-bottomed tray and left out to dry naturally under the sun for several hours.

Once dry, the cakes transform into sheets of paper, and Flancman and his crew are able to peel them off the tray and start making Poo Poo Paper products.

He said this tedious handmade process is repeated often, and in the end, the paper comes out sturdy and oatmeal-colored without a hint of stinkiness.

I get it, it’s eco-friendly, recycling in its purest form and all that. I still don’t see me rushing to WalMart to grab a ream. But hey, if poo poo paper is your thing it’s nice to know you’re not alone. It’s also nice to know you’re not me.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Before I get into this mess today, there are a couple of things that need to be dealt with first. Let’s start with the Ancient Aliens crowd. They believe that humanity could not have developed much beyond the wheel and fire, and they have doubts about that, without guidance from an advanced culture. To hear them tell it, and they do every freaking day on the History Channel – which should be renamed the Crackpot Theories Channel – all of the Hindu gods were really aliens and that’s why they look so different. Moreover, these people claim that said aliens dropped atomic bombs in India and on Sodom and Gomorrah. Because, well – you know, there’s a reason in there somewhere. Ignoring logic and facts for a moment, what’s their motivation? If the idea of a couple of isolated atomic strikes was to cow us into submission, then why didn’t they come down and force us to submit? If the idea was to show us that they hold a very high moral code, then why not bomb Egypt or Greece? In their day they made the antics of Sodom seem like a pre-school. And, since both were major powers, people would have paid attention to that little message. There are those who argue that the aliens are being subtle. To which I ask; what the heck’s so subtle about an atomic bomb?

Despite specious evidence and wild conjecture, these people continue on with their varied, for lack of a better term, hypotheses as though they were written in stone instead of water.

“Aha,” they cry when they realize you’re not buying any of this, “what about batteries?” What about them? Crude batteries were manufactured in Egypt almost 3,000 years ago. The devices could store, and then retransmit, an electrical charge. Egypt housed some of the finest minds in the world in its hey day and those minds would have been curious about many things, including conductivity (see lightning strikes for reason #1). If it was a gift from aliens, it was a truly worthless one. Without an electrical infrastructure there was no use for the contraption. It quickly faded as a novelty and never saw wide use. Later cultures, including the Greeks at their peak, made the same discovery with the same results. It wasn’t until Ben Franklin rediscovered the concept of the battery that it began to make headway into public use. And, even then, it took more than a century for it to have widespread practical value.

Then there’s the story of Thomas Fowler, who invented a terrnary computer in 1840. Well, then, it was called a calculating machine and not a computer and there were tons of those around. It was also built out of wood and not any alien metals. Even so, it would be a quantum leap above anything we have now. Instead of a circuit being either on or off, it would allow the circuit to also be both on AND off. Instead of a binary system, it would use trinary. Right now, due to existing infrastructure, it’s still just a novelty but does that mean that Tom had alien professors?

Doubtful. Even college students would notice something like that.

For the moment let’s follow the prudent course and quote Bertrand Russell. He offered what he called “a form of Occam’s Razor” which was “Whenever possible, substitute constructions out of known entities for inferences to unknown entities.” Do that and your ancient alien activities turn to mist.

Simply put, I feel safe in dismissing these people and their wild eyed hunches in the aggregate and moving on to the fun stories that have been falling out of the FBI’s secret vault. Well, it’s not really a secret since it’s been open to the public since 1970 and it’s not much of a vault either. But it sounds cooler to say it is so I’ll play along.

For all the voluminous UFO related documents that have come to the fore, they are all based on one simple statement; Between 1935 and 1941, 3 UFOs crashed on Earth. Specifically in Germany, the United States and in Russia. Allegedly all 3 were 50 feet in diameter and each contained 3 dead aliens.

Before we go any further, let’s talk about those ships. About 15% of the ship could be usable space, and I’m being generous with that assessment. Anything in the spinning part of the disk would be crushed by gravity. Remember that the disk has to spin fast enough to counter gravity. It would be like living in a centrifuge. So, in the tiny remainder of the ship, a space about 7 1/2 feet in diameter, there’s the engines, living quarters, pilot’s area and some form of on-board computer. Unless those aliens are about 6 inches tall, that’s going to be hopelessly cramped.

Now, let’s take a look at the crashes. The first one supposedly occurred in Germany. When you consider that, the rest become irrelevant.

Adolph Hitler’s rise to power surrounded him with some very driven people. Xenophobes, racists, psychopaths and so on, all wishing for power and control over the world. Hitler’s great claim to power, the famous Beer Hall Putsch, was actually a dismal failure. It was deemed a success when Hitler’s cronies hastily reformed the facts to fit their needs. This was PR spin on an epic scale. In other words, when reality didn’t fit their needs, they lied. That would be an ongoing theme for the Nazi Party.

Now fast forward to 1935 when Germany was supposed to have discovered the downed UFO. Germany was bound by the onerous Treaty of Versailles. Their military and their economy were both gutted by it. In retrospect, it was about as short sighted as a treaty could be. Germany was trying frantically to get out from under its many oppressions. Hitler had the military working in secret and was aided by the fact that the terms of the treaty were being enforced by a buffoon. Neville Chamberlain was more interested in being popular than being good at his job. For example, when the Nazi’s claimed to be honoring the treaty by keeping the total tonnage of their navy less than that of Britain’s even if they had many more ships, he agreed. That allowed Germany to build many more boats which were faster and deadlier than anything in the British navy. The ships in the British fleet were mammoth. The German navy was built on speed and killing power. It was a mistake that could easily have been avoided had he done something wild like, I don’t know, gone and seen for himself.

Hitler also did something else that no one else in the world was doing. He poured all of his available resources into military and scientific research. Scientists were given free reign to look into any possibility, no matter how irrational, if it could be used to increase Germany’s strength. And that’s exactly what they did.

Rocket technology, despite claims contrariwise from UFO enthusiasts, had existed in basic form for almost 3,000 years. It was invented by the Chinese to make fireworks and some crude weapons. Theoretical advances in different propulsion systems had been made around the turn of the 20th century. Hitler’s scientists started with those and, thanks to unlimited funding and manpower, made tremendous leaps forward.

Jet engines, far from being super secret high tech whims of fancy, had been invented prior to 1930 by Dr. Hans von Ohain and Sir Frank Whittle. Neither knew of the other’s work and Sir Whittle applied for a patent in 1930 when his research was complete.

So much for aliens. All Hitler did was steal existing, human, technology and throw a lot of resources at it.

Anyway, back to our crashed UFO in Germany.

Just FYI, these must be the most incompetent space-farers in the universe to have crashed into the same planet three times in such a short span.

Nevertheless, it’s well known that Hitler was fascinated by the unexplained, he even hired psychics to guide him, and he was surrounded by excellent liars and sycophants. Add in the fact that he was being pestered by the WWI allies (excluding Chamberlain who seemed content to watch cricket and sip tea) to explain where all this tech was coming from, as the rest of the world was fighting through a depression, and you have a recipe for what followed.

Hitler and his scientists obviously hashed out a rough idea of what an alien space ship would look like and created forged documents to claim they’d found one. Of course, super secret documents that would scare the pants off of high ranking officials the world over are useless unless they aren’t all that secret. So, SURPRISE! SURPRISE!, these highly classified documents quickly ended up in the hands of western spies.

Within 5 years American and Russian documents made their way back to Germany showing that these countries had, amazingly enough, captured their own downed UFOs. Unfortunately they did so without the advantage of garnering any new technologies. Both the American and Russian armies were built with conventional weapons and tactics.

But, HEY!, somewhere somehow they still held to their claim that they each had a shiny UFO.

Oy vey.

After that, the rest is obvious. Since no side could admit the fallacy, and no side had any true advantage, the ruse continued on. Yes, the Nazi military was the best in the world in it’s time and, yes, they probably would have won the war had not Hitler been a military moron. But none of those facts require alien technology to be explained. A simple combination of resources and hubris covers all the bases.

Does all of this mean that aliens don’t exist? Of course not. The odds are overwhelmingly in favor of there being life on other planets. But does that mean that our backwoods planet is the crossroad of the universe? Not bloody likely.

So, when you hear people like Professor Bill Wickersham calling for a Congressional study of UFO phenomena, feel free to send him this link.

It’ll save the world a lot of time and money.

Hit'N'Hide – Space Invaders by SECRET-REALITE

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

I’m always looking for new tips when it comes to makeup application– and I found this awesome article from the fabulous, Jenny Patinkin. Jenny is the owner of Dollface Beauty School. Dollface offers a variety of makeup classes for women of all ages, too!

I LOVE wearing eye lashes… have you ever tried? It was pretty tough when I first started gluing them on, but after a little practice it wasn’t so bad. There’s even a class coming up on May 14th, 2011— where you can learn how to correctly apply lashes yourself. You know how Kim Kardashian always has that ‘lushes lash’ look these days?? Well, it’s not easy to accomplish that same look if you haven’t mastered the lash application. So, check out the Lush Lash Seminar– it’s for a small group of women who want to up their makeup game. Lashes are such a huge trend right now, but even for a more natural look, false lashes can really open up the eyes and add a lot of dimension and interest, not to mention drama.

I love Jenny’s tips when it comes to makeup for all ages…CHECK them out, below!

 

Eyeshadow Evolution:
Daughter – Enjoy glitter while there are no fine lines in which it can collect.
Mother – Use shimmer in a strategic way to create the look of brightness and space.
Grandmother – Stick with sheer, natural colors that have a subtle, satiny sheen.

Concealer Continuity:
Daughter – Spot treat pesky pimples.
Mother – Disguise exhaustion and the passage of time by covering under-eye circles, large pores and uneven skin tone.
Grandmother – Switch to a creamy highlighting formula to regain the look of hydration and restored luminosity.

 

Lipstick Lineage:
Daughter – Experiment! Anything goes!
Mother – Always have a hint of shine, even it’s just clear balm. Matte colors and dry lips can be very aging.
Grandmother – Embrace pinky tones – they really perk up the complexion.

Check out DollfaceBeautySchool.com for more information on Dollface Beauty School. OR! You can “LIKE” them on Facebook or follow them on Twitter  like I did!

Fans of wistful, breezy indie rock, listen up.

Brooklyn-based Beach Fossils bring their jangly melodic tunes to Empty Bottle tonight.  Lo-fi, catchy hooks with delicate vocals–it would be the perfect stuff for spring…if we were, you know, actually having spring weather right now.

The group’s new EP entitled What A Pleasure arrived in March, and their self-titled full length was released a year ago.  Not that you shouldn’t trust your own ears, but both have received excellent reviews and each earned a rating of over 7 from Pitchfork.  As we finally emerge from our winter hibernation cubby holes, this is just the stuff to have on your mp3 player.

Beach Fossils – “What A Pleasure”

The show is at 9:30, with Beach Fossils playing last.  They’re joined by California’s upbeat indie outfit Craft Spells and local boys Brain Idea, and tickets are $10 now or $12 at the door.

Craft Spells – “You Should Close The Door”

As more and more people read this blog I find myself getting asked “Hey, what happened to such and such?” Or so and so, as the case may be. Since I understand that Google can be tricky for some, I’ve decided to be helpful and catch people up on the topics that seem to interest them the most. For those who’re concerned about the bump in the universe, I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait for a few years to get a definitive answer. The discovery’s too recent. Unlike on TV, real time has to pass while scientists working at colliders the world over check their research to see if they can find similar or matching results. When I posted the article possible answers ranged from it being a statistical anomaly to a message from God. As of today, that’s still where things stand.

Others wanted to know about Paul Arason’s penis. They’ll be pleased to know that Paul kicked the bucket at the ripe old age of 95 and donated his pickled member to the Icelandic Penis Museum. Paul is the first human represented in the museum but will probably not be the last. It seems there are several wills already written which include a request to have the owner’s personal parts so honored as well. Icelandic men seem to be very proud of their penises and want to make sure they get the posthumous posterity they deserve.

Still others wanted to know more about Mrs. God. Some were very angry about the article. They attacked the researcher who made the discovery, theologian Francesca Stavrakopoulou, for being an atheist and a woman. They also attacked me for giving her pub, like she needed me for that after being on The Discovery Channel and so on. But the rest were just curious. They wanted to know if the story had any validity. The answer to that is a simple yes. It seems pretty clear now that, up until the Moses led patriarchy came to dominate Judaism and thus influence Christianity and Islam, the devout worshiped both Yahweh and Ashera. Moses’ scribes and hard liners like Leviticus had no place in their realms for a nurturing being and simply edited her out of any existing scriptures. More discoveries are being made which support Ms. Stavrakopoulou’s original thesis. I’m not sure how this will all play out in the real world, but it should be interesting to follow.

Many more have written to find out more about the food that will not die. That story’s taken on a life of its own. As you know, hamburgers and fries purchased from McDonald’s will not decay. Even if left in the open for hundreds of days, they still look like they just came out of the microwave. The experiment is easy to duplicate. Just buy a Happy Meal (TM), take off the lettuce and stuff and then photograph it every day until it decomposes or you run out of patience. So far, after about a year, people are beginning to see that patience will lose out first. McDonald’s freely admits that each Chicken McNugget is only 50% chicken and the rest is those ubiquitous “fillers and preservatives” and that they treat their meat before freeze drying it and shipping it to their restaurants. Simply put, if food does not decay in the open air then it’s probably not decaying in you either. You might want to give that some serious thought before you slap down your hard earned money for lunch.

For those who are worried about our impending robot overlords, I will be dealing with them in a few days, so stick around. Also, tomorrow, I’m going to take a long look at the recently released FBI documents that ABSOLUTELY PROVE the existence of UFOs. First off, there’s no need to type in all caps. It’s annoying. Second of all, no they don’t. Tune in tomorrow to find out why.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Today is a wildly popular day celebrated with festive parties the world over. As many enlightened citizens of our global village know, today’s the birthday of Austria’s most famous vegetarian artist, Adolf Hitler. While one would think, with Austria’s rich history of wonderful beer halls (several of which have had me crawl out of them), that there would be some use of history’s most legendary hops fueled beverage in the ceremonies, it turns out that isn’t the case. For reasons that can only be explained in a wafting cloud of smoke imbued with a Grateful Dead soundtrack, it seems that a certain segment of society celebrates the day by smoking a ton of weed. Don’t get me wrong, I love pot heads. They’re fun to be around. If you really want to have a good time, catch a pot head after they’ve smoked a fatty, hold up your hand and say, in your most serious voice, “thumb.” You can keep that up for hours. It’s like giving a puppy a ball with a bell inside. And just like that ball, the novelty wears off sooner rather than later.

Okay, I’m kidding. The guys who started 4:20 as a celebration of marijuana tended to skip a lot of school back in the day. It’s doubtful they even heard of Hitler. Anyway, George Mathis has some info on the 420 phenomena.

When Atlantans celebrate “420″ they’re likely quaffing a quality ale from homegrown brewer Sweetwater.

But, there’s another kind of homegrown getting buzz on April 20, referred to as “Marijuana Freedom Day” by many marijuana smokers and NORML, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.

I’ve only smoked when I’ve lost a bet (curse you Kent Hrbek!), and, like Clinton, I didn’t inhale. But, I am continually surprised by old college chums who have yet to give up the habit.

Say what you will about pot smokers, but they are a dedicated sort, and don’t seem to cause as much trouble as imbibers of legal drink. I’ve been tracking crime news for quite a while, and I don’t recall anything akin to the mayhem promised in “Reefer Madness.”

How did 420 come about?

Originally, 420 referred to a time of day, not a calendar date.

According to Wikipedia, the term was crafted by a group of teenagers in California way back in 1971. The group, who called themselves “The Waldos,” coined the phrase “4:20 Louis” as shorthand for a 4:20 p.m. meeting at a statue of Louis Pasteur at San Rafael High School.

The term didn’t get national play until 1998, when High Times Magazine wrote an article about The Waldos.

How are people celebrating today?

In California, medical marijuana dispensaries are offering “Old School” prices and expect to double their number of customers.

One dispensary is offering free weed.

“420 is the appreciation of the medicine and what it is and what it does,” said Tyler Grant, with Emerald Pathway in Fort Collins, Colo. “And it brings people together, kind of like St. Patrick’s Day.”

Unsurprisingly, lots of colleges will be the site of unofficial observances. Details were … sketchy.

The funny thing about “The Waldos” is that they demanded that only pseudonyms be used in the original High Times article, and the subsequent Huffington Post “ton of weed” article that I linked to in the first paragraph, and then turned around and opened a website, that was clearly designed by a stoner, and posted their pictures on it.

“DUUUUUUDE! I thought anonymous meant, like, you know, messy.”

But what about those of us who don’t partake in nature’s gift? Melissa Dahl at Body Odd, says not to worry. You can get the same happy feelings by hitting your foot with a hammer and swearing up a storm.

Next time you stub your toe, go ahead and let those four-letter words fly. Cursing actually does help dull our perception of pain, research suggests.

In the study, researchers from the UK’s Keele University asked participants for five words they’d likely use after hitting their thumb with a hammer; the first word listed would be their go-to profanity during the experiment. (They were also asked to list five boring words — ones they’d use to describe a table.)

Participants were then instructed to submerge their unclenched hand in a container of 41-degree water, and keep it there — while repeatedly cursing — for as long as they could. Before and after plunging their hands into the chilly water, their heart rate was recorded. And after they could no longer stand the cold temperature, they were asked to rate the amount of pain they were in, too.

What’s surprising is that the researchers had thought that swearing would make the cold water feel much colder, lowering the participants’ tolerance for pain and heightening their perception of it. “In fact, the opposite occurred — people withstood a moderately to strongly painful stimulus for significantly longer if they repeated a swear word rather than a nonswear word,” write the team, led by Keele University psychologist Richard Stephens, in the journal Neuroreport.

From the way participants’ heart rates accelerated post-swearing, the psychologists believed their fight-or-flight response had been activated — that may be because cursing can amp up feelings of aggression. (Think of a bunch of rowdy NFL players psyching each other up before a big game.)

Interestingly, women reported feeling less pain after swearing a blue streak. (Hilariously, the researchers report that cussing “did not increase pain tolerance in males with a tendency to catastrophise.” That’s the polite British way of saying some of the boys were total drama queens.)

Has your own research already proven that a few well-timed swear words can soothe a stubbed toe? Do tell.

I know that I’ve used the occasional colorful colloquialism to express my inner me. I know that, more often than not, I’ve felt much better when done.

Well, however you mend the pain of your day, I hope you have the sense not to drive after you’ve done so. There’s nothing worse than being pulled over for driving while in foot pain

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Lawyers, to me, are like other people’s intestinal bacteria; necessary, but not something I want to hang out with. Nevertheless, we live in a world where every action requires legal counsel. It’s why we see warning labels that were clearly written by someone who’s spent their life surrounded by idiots. From the package of a letter opener that says, “Caution: Safety goggles recommended,” to the label on a baby stroller that has a small storage pouch which reads, “Do not put child in bag,” to the T-shirt transfer warning that says, “Do not iron while wearing shirt,” to the small tractor which has a warning label that reads, “Danger: Avoid Death” (always good advice), we’re encompassed by people who think we’re morons. And it’s easy to see why. Lawyers are the one subset of humanity that deals exclusively with people who are stupid enough to get caught in the first place. And most times their inevitable capture does not require a whole lot of deductive reasoning or even much effort.

For example; police in Ontario recently arrested a topless, 58 year old, woman after she hit a bus with her car. Police said she was distracted because her pet bird was flying loose in the vehicle. That story raises so many questions that I really don’t want answers to that I’ll just move on.

Then there’s the nice waiter who works for a Florida Olive Garden who switched a toddler’s sippy cup of pineapple juice for a sippy cup of sangria. It only took a nanosecond for police and lawyers to be all over this one.

Memo to parents: since the requirements to work in national chain restaurants clearly stop at “able to walk upright” make sure to check anything presented to your child before they eat or drink it.

Or better yet, eat at home.

But it isn’t just the criminals who give us pause. Nope, a judge at the International Court in the Hauge just ruled that attorneys can not cross dress in court. Specifically she ruled that the lawyers can not wear powdered wigs in her court. For some reason the sight of men wearing long black dresses (sure they claim they’re robes but we know better) and poofy white George Washington wigs was not earning the respect of the defendants.

I can’t imagine why not.

In Romania a lawmaker has been asked to stop moonwalking on TV and doing comedic impressions of living sportscasters and dead dictators in court. Because, in a country where lawyers and politicians still wear purple to ward off evil on certain days and the main tourist attraction is vampires, they can’t have people not taking their parliamentary proceedings seriously.

But the highlight of our day comes from Florida where police arrested a busload of pimps and hookers for prostitution and other illegal activities. You might be wondering how many countless hours the, poor and abused, taxpayers were billed for when you consider the amount of time required to research each case, set up each sting, make all the arrests and so on. You’ll be pleased to know that, while it took them a couple of days to round everybody up, the actual research and set up time was equal to a lunch break. It seems all of these criminal masterminds had posted ads on BackPage.com. Really subtle ones like “I’ll have sex with you for $100.” The cops just sent out a few emails and had some fun. Make sure to click the link to see the mug shots. One of the prostitutes was 5 months pregnant and looked like me in drag and another was a guy with breast implants.

You might want to keep this story in mind the next time you hit a web site looking for a playmate.

As you can see, lawyers and their clients are a perversion of the human genome that needs to be dealt with. Maybe we can ship them off to a deserted island somewhere to fend for themselves or, better yet, just shoot them into space and let them colonize the first uninhabited world they find.

Either way would work for me.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

In 1998, the original HIPPO 5 would get together for their weekly Friday Movie Night, but that all ended when they watched the original SCREAM movie.

A killer known as “ghost face” begins killing off yhe stars of NUDE HIPPO, and as the body count begins rising, they find themselves living in a real-life horror film.

The Original Hippo 5:  Tony “Tim” Lossano, Julie Esterline, Ramona Roberts, Michelle Wenglarz & Nick Rosario with appearances by John Craelius, Karole Sakellaris & Jennifer Wenglarz  – Camera by Chris Haskell  – Edited by Matt Bell  – Written by John Craelius  – Directed by Tony Lossano

As regular readers of this blog know I’m a big fan of science. The whole concept of taking a hunch, surrounding it with available knowledge, turning it into a hypotheses and then, after years of hard work and research, releasing it as a viable theory is something that fascinates me. Once it makes it that far it then gets vetted by other scientists and it either becomes recognized as a fact or falls into discredit. Sometimes it just gets sent back for minor corrections and then bursts upon the scientific scene in all its glory for others to use and, hopefully, further human knowledge. The steps are rigorous for a reason. They help the world avoid the embarrassment of another cold fusion fiasco.

That being said, not all scientific discoveries are made in sterile labs or by people with an alphabet soup of degrees behind their name. Regular folks, just like you and I, have been helping better the world around us for centuries. Some guy with a telescope finds a comet that shouldn’t be there and our view of interstellar mechanics is enriched. A lady discovers a way to formalize dry ingredients that can easily be reconstituted and suddenly the whole world can eat pancakes. And on and on it goes.

Today is no exception. As Reuters is reporting, the lovely and wonderful Rachel de Boer has discovered a way for women to smooth their savage breasts.

Rachel de Boer finally told some friends a secret she’d kept for years: She slept with stuffed socks sewn between the cups of an old bra to prevent cleavage wrinkles and smooth out her neckline.

Three years later, a professionally designed and manufactured version of that same contraption is sold in 150 lingerie shops across the Netherlands and Belgium, approved by a research institute and getting interest from retail outlets in Germany, Austria, Portugal, Spain, Britain and France.

“It started out as my secret, I didn’t want to talk about my wrinkles or the (first) bra I made, which was ugly,” de Boer told Reuters on Thursday. “But I slept like that for seven years and then I turned 40, told my friends and they admitted they also had this problem.”

Sceptical but curious, her friends also wanted sock bras to smooth out their cleavage wrinkles. So De Boer made five more versions of what is now called “La Decollette.”

Her friends were so enthusiastic about the results, they encouraged the former real estate agent to stop selling houses and design an anti-wrinkle night bra that women would want to wear to bed.

La Decollette, which has a soft, padded rectangular piece of material between the collar bone and the sternum and sits between the breasts, was born and to De Boer’s amazement, has addressed a problem many women all over Europe seem to share.

The cupless bra is worn at night and keeps the breasts “in place” to prevent the compressing of breasts together which De Boer says can create vertical wrinkles.

“If you sleep on your back, then you will never have this problem,” she says adding, “Le Decollette works because the breast are separated through the night.”

De Boer’s anti-wrinkle bra has been a hit at lingerie shows around Europe and she said it also has the stamp of approval from the Parisian research institute CERCO or Center d’Etudes et de Recherches Cosmetologique.

CERCO carried out research on women between 35 and 60 years old and declared that those who wear the bra can see cleavage wrinkles reduced significantly after 24 hours, she said.

De Boer sold 12,000 of the 50-euro ($72) one-size fits all, anti-wrinkle bras last year, expects to sell 25,000 this year and 50,000 next year.

Talks are also underway to ship the bras to the United States and Canada.

While Americans tend to be reluctant to talk about private issues in public forums, I’m hoping that today’s blog will inspire women to openly discuss this breakthrough and demand that their local lingerie store carry this fine product.

It could be the beginning of a golden age for my favorite gorgeous globes.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!