Update-O-Rama!

Just lie there and let me fill your mind with glorious imagery!
Just lie there and let me fill your mind with glorious imagery!
As more and more people read this blog I find myself getting asked “Hey, what happened to such and such?” Or so and so, as the case may be. Since I understand that Google can be tricky for some, I’ve decided to be helpful and catch people up on the topics that seem to interest them the most. For those who’re concerned about the bump in the universe, I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait for a few years to get a definitive answer. The discovery’s too recent. Unlike on TV, real time has to pass while scientists working at colliders the world over check their research to see if they can find similar or matching results. When I posted the article possible answers ranged from it being a statistical anomaly to a message from God. As of today, that’s still where things stand.

Others wanted to know about Paul Arason’s penis. They’ll be pleased to know that Paul kicked the bucket at the ripe old age of 95 and donated his pickled member to the Icelandic Penis Museum. Paul is the first human represented in the museum but will probably not be the last. It seems there are several wills already written which include a request to have the owner’s personal parts so honored as well. Icelandic men seem to be very proud of their penises and want to make sure they get the posthumous posterity they deserve.

Still others wanted to know more about Mrs. God. Some were very angry about the article. They attacked the researcher who made the discovery, theologian Francesca Stavrakopoulou, for being an atheist and a woman. They also attacked me for giving her pub, like she needed me for that after being on The Discovery Channel and so on. But the rest were just curious. They wanted to know if the story had any validity. The answer to that is a simple yes. It seems pretty clear now that, up until the Moses led patriarchy came to dominate Judaism and thus influence Christianity and Islam, the devout worshiped both Yahweh and Ashera. Moses’ scribes and hard liners like Leviticus had no place in their realms for a nurturing being and simply edited her out of any existing scriptures. More discoveries are being made which support Ms. Stavrakopoulou’s original thesis. I’m not sure how this will all play out in the real world, but it should be interesting to follow.

Many more have written to find out more about the food that will not die. That story’s taken on a life of its own. As you know, hamburgers and fries purchased from McDonald’s will not decay. Even if left in the open for hundreds of days, they still look like they just came out of the microwave. The experiment is easy to duplicate. Just buy a Happy Meal (TM), take off the lettuce and stuff and then photograph it every day until it decomposes or you run out of patience. So far, after about a year, people are beginning to see that patience will lose out first. McDonald’s freely admits that each Chicken McNugget is only 50% chicken and the rest is those ubiquitous “fillers and preservatives” and that they treat their meat before freeze drying it and shipping it to their restaurants. Simply put, if food does not decay in the open air then it’s probably not decaying in you either. You might want to give that some serious thought before you slap down your hard earned money for lunch.

For those who are worried about our impending robot overlords, I will be dealing with them in a few days, so stick around. Also, tomorrow, I’m going to take a long look at the recently released FBI documents that ABSOLUTELY PROVE the existence of UFOs. First off, there’s no need to type in all caps. It’s annoying. Second of all, no they don’t. Tune in tomorrow to find out why.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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