Better Than A Holiday in The Sun?

What do you mean you lost the freaking keys?
What do you mean you lost the freaking keys?
Whether you call it Ragnarork, Armageddon or just the plain old Apocalypse, astute readers of this blog know that it’s come and gone hundreds of times thus far. And is due to do so again. In fact the end of the world is coming again this October and again in December of 2012 and again ….. well, you get the idea. Obviously, if you’re like me – and I’m beginning to think that many of you are, you see this as an excellent reason to hold a party and hoist a toast to the great and mighty Zarquon. Or to Sanforized toupees, whichever you prefer. No matter what you decide, it’s an excellent excuse to party. And, for single geeky guys, it may be the one time they’ll actually get some. After all, what girl could resist a pick up line like “C’mon babe, it isn’t like there’ll be anyone left who can make fun of you tomorrow”? Without fear of recriminations it’ll be a big ol’ FESSSSTIVAL!

“But wait a minute there, Uncle Big Bad,” you whine, “what about those of us who would like to wake up the day after the end of the world and keep living our sad little lives? What are we to do?”

Fear not my dear poopers of the ultimate party, there’s hope for you too. David Moye reports that you can grab the next spaceship out of Dodge for under $25.00 (tax not included).

Some people see the 2012 doomsday prophecies as a sign the world will end on Dec. 21 next year.

Others see the apocalyptic predictions as nonsensical hogwash fueled by superstition and misconceptions about the Mayan calendar.

But Jack Dowd, an entrepreneur in Fairfield, Iowa, sees the fears of Armageddon as an opportunity to make some cash.

Dowd, 27, a former writer’s assistant on the sci-fi series “The Dead Zone,” is capitalizing on doomsday hype by offering escape packages to people who would like to leave Earth should the apocalypse strike four days before the 2012 Christmas shopping season ends.

There are two packages available at his website. The first-class package for $24.49 includes a one-way ticket aboard the USS Ark 2012 Escape Ship to an Earth-like planet, one single sleep pod and an intergalactic Passport ID Card that Dowd promises will allow passengers to “seamlessly make it through any wormhole checkpoint or space customs.”

However, folks who purchase the $44.99 “Superluminal” package get upgraded to the luxury suite sleep pod that comes with a flat-screen TV, starlight window and mini bar. They also get a 2012 edition guidebook and “VIP access to exclusive areas of the USS Ark 2012, including the Officers Lounge, 360-degree Stargazing Deck and Zero Gravity Room.”

It’s hard to tell what’s more amazing, the package itself or the fact that a few people have actually purchased it, mostly as a gag gift.

Dowd himself admits he started the site as a joke and is still surprised he’s getting orders.

“I didn’t expect anyone to actually purchase one,” he told AOL News. “I initially saw this more as entertainment than a product to sell. I figure I’ve sold somewhere between 50 and 100 tickets.”

Dowd came up with the idea around the time the movie “2012” was released in theaters.

“I had been hearing more and more people begin to talk about the Mayan Prophecy of 2012,” he said. “When I saw a preview for the movie, the idea popped into my head to take it to the next level and actually allow people to purchase Escape Earth tickets for 2012.

“I hoped it would be fun or at least entertaining and maybe a fun novelty gift to give someone, as you actually receive the 2012 travel package in the mail.

Dowd admits he is “slightly poking fun at the hype surrounding a 2012 apocalypse,” but insists the site isn’t meant to offend anyone or to be taken seriously.

But some 2012 true believers like Robert Richardson fear that others may fall for Dowd’s product and believe incorrectly that he is prepared to transfer them away from Mother Earth should a planet-destroying calamity take place next winter.

Richardson, who runs Off Grid Survival, a website that helps people prepare for worst-case scenarios such as, well, the end of human civilization as we know it, recognizes that Dowd’s product is a novelty gift, but says a small percentage of humanity may throw good money after bad.

“I think some people don’t take things like the 2012 insurance as a joke, and I think the people selling it are more than aware of that fact,” Richardson said. “While the average person would never buy into believing in such a product, there is a small segment of the population that takes it very seriously. Look at the Heaven’s Gate cult who committed a mass suicide because of the Hale-Bopp Comet.

“I think products like that prey upon the weak and do a huge amount of damage to the survival/prepping movement.”

Richardson insists no one knows what will happen in the year 2012, but admits it bothers him when people exploit the date for financial gains.

“I think that it takes focus off the fact that people should be prepared for whatever is to come,” he said.

Meanwhile, 2012 survival advocate Peter Kling, author of “Letter to Earth: You Can Survive Armageddon!” (Eloquent Press), sees a benefit to products like Dowd’s.

“I’m doing everything I can to warn people, and a product like this brings more attention to it,” he said. “The media is using scare tactics.”

Dowd says he’s heard only one complaint from someone who found the product distasteful, which is why he offers money-back guarantees. However, they are available only to those who perish in an apocalyptic situation on Dec. 21, 2012.

“Obviously, that’s part of the absurdity,” he helpfully pointed out.

To the serious Mr. Richardson, I’d like to point out that while the Bible promises a world without end, it says nothing about it having any people on it. In other words, lighten up and enjoy the time you’ve got.

To the dour Mr. Kling, I would note that the reason the media comes off as using scare tactics is because the extinction of all sentient and related life forms in a single day makes for very poor comedy.

Go ahead, give it a try.

“Good evening nobody. I’m the last person alive on the planet. TA DAA!”

Nope. Not even a chuckle.

Look at it this way, if the world does end tomorrow, or any other day, there’s nothing you can do about it. So you may as well live as though your life has some meaning and enjoy the gifts that surround you.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

Related posts