LOOK! In the Sky! It’s Stuff That Belongs There!

Call NASA! We found aliens!
Call NASA! We found aliens!
Life’s a funny old thing. One minute you’re living it and the next you’re not. You got absolutely no choice as to how your’s began and you’ll only have limited choices as to how it can end. But, in the interim, you have a veritable cornucopia of options from which to make your mark on the planet. You can like this, but not that. You can eat that, but never this. You have free will. To keep that free will from careening around your universe like a pinball on acid, you’re given an education and access to all the world’s knowledge in these magical places called libraries. This all allows you to know actual facts and make conscious decisions. It’s then up to use to use these tools you’ve been given in the most fulfilling way possible. No matter your belief system, from Atheist to Zoroastrian, you’re encouraged to make choices that better yourself and the world around you.

Which is why today makes me sad.

Because, against all rational thought, there are still people out there who are willing to empty their family’s coffers to purchase a pizza with the alleged face of Jesus made out of cheese. Don’t worry, the pizza parlor already beat you to the obvious and is marketing it as “Praise Cheesus!”

Of course it’s on e-Bay.

In keeping with our food inspired delusions, Lee Spiegal reports that there are a large number of people who are worried about being attacked by giant alien doughnuts.

UFOs come in all shapes and sizes, but have you ever heard of a doughnut-shaped aerial phenomenon?

Unusual weather-radar images have shown up on viewing screens in several countries, with one ring-like object appearing to be larger than Belgium.

Though these formations may look out of this world — leading some to speculate they are UFOs “cloaking” and “uncloaking” themselves over Earth — the odd shapes have more to do with meteorology than mother ships, according to experts.

In this first video (posted on Lee’s page), a very large, doughnut-shaped “thing” appears and disappears over Europe on a radar screen.

Turns out, this formation is only visible on radar screens, as it is a result of the kinds of radar antennae used to create the radar maps often broadcast during TV weather reports, according to Marc Dantonio, chief photo/video analyst for the Mutual UFO Network, an international organization dedicated to studying and solving the UFO enigma.

“That doughnut or ring is something called a melting circle, where snow melted and radar picks it up — it’s a very thick area that forms an anomalistic ring,” Dantonio told AOL News.

When radar installations pick up these formations of melting snow, they miss an area directly above the antennae called the “cone of silence.”

“The radar only has a certain range out to which it can go — that’s the outer border of the doughnut. And the inner border of the doughnut is based on the angle that the radar is aiming in the sky,” Dantonio said.

Dantonio knows a thing or two about angles and precise measurements of things. He’s president of FX Models, a Connecticut-based company that creates special effects and models for the History Channel and the Learning Channel, as well as numerous defense contractors, including the Navy, the Smithsonian Institution, the U.S. Congress and the U.S. Joint Chiefs in Washington, D.C.

And here you thought that the Cone of Silence was just a fictional invention from the TV show Get Smart.

But, since we’re on the subjects of pizza and doughnuts we must take a look closer to home. It seems that my well educated and good looking neighbors here in Chicago aren’t immune to making incredibly dumb leaps of deduction either. Lee Spiegal, who seems to have been saddled with the weirdo desk today, reports that many Chicagoans reported UFOs over Lake Michigan. These reports surprised the nice people who were launching pretty balloons for charity.

Here’s a perfect example of not jumping to conclusions when you see mysterious lights in the night sky.

Over the weekend, Chicago residents thought they witnessed UFOs slowly moving in the sky above the Windy City’s South Side.

Nicole Dragozetich was driving along 35th Street and Western Avenue around 8 p.m. on Saturday when she saw nearly a dozen people looking up at the sky.

When she then spotted a line of orange-colored blinking lights moving in the sky, Dragozetich caught them on her cellphone camera, WLS-TV reports.

One person on the video can be heard saying, “They came from Roswell,” a reference to the famous 1947 crash of an alleged alien craft in Roswell, N.M. But these UFOs quickly turned into IFOs (identified flying objects).

Renee Hutchinson, founder and president of the Baby James Foundation — which fights for strict child abuse laws — said the mystery nighttime lights were, in fact, sky lanterns released in the air in memory of abuse victims.

“You light the bottom of them and they heat up, and as they heat up, they fill up like hot air balloons and they go into the sky,” Hutchinson said.

As part of an annual anti-child-abuse rally Saturday night in Chicago, the sky lanterns “in honor of the angels” were released at 7:30 p.m.

Hutchinson explained that this was an unusual way to get attention for her ongoing cause.

And it certainly did the trick.

Yes it did. And since the Baby James Foundation got a ton of free press out of this hullabaloo, I feel a little better about it. But still, Roswell? Has that person even heard of a map? It isn’t like it’s walking distance from The Cell to New Mexico.

Oh well, as obviated by today’s blog, things are what you make of them. And if you make them into giant alien doughnuts bent on world domination, then maybe a short trip to the nice people with the happy pills is in order.

If for nothing else, to help you get a grip on perspective.

Oh, okay, here you go. Kick back, relax and watch a real UFO.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!

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