• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

World News Center

Everything you want to know about anything that's meaningful

  • News
  • Reviews
  • About
  • Contact Us
You are here: Home / Sure Signs of the Apocalypse!

Sure Signs of the Apocalypse!

February 7, 2011 by

No, they are not the new line of My Little Ponies.
No, they are not the new line of My Little Ponies.

My grandmother used to love to quote Revelations. It’s a fun little read if you’ve missed it. Her favorite part was figuring out when the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would begin their fiery gallop across the tundra of humanity and end it all. As I’ve noted before, thanks to prophecies based on Revelations, among others, the world has ended over 200 times already and seems poised to do so again later this year. 10 days before Halloween, in case you had plans. Clearly, the first true sign of that impending doom is already upon us; The Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl yesterday. While I will grant that this may not be seen as an portent of panicked predestination in the rest of the world, anyone who lives in Chicago, who has an IQ above a turnip’s, knows that any success in Green Bay means nothing but abject misery here. Worse yet, their coach Mike McCarthy has a sense of humor. Just click that link and try to imagine Lovie Smith even attempting something that cool. Especially with Playboy Playmate Jamie Edmondson portraying a bitter former cheerleader who still wears her outfit over 20 years later.

I mention Jamie since she’s a fan of this blog and visa versa. So click on her name and vote for her to be Playmate of the Year. It’s the least you can do. And we all know that you always do the absolute least you can do.

But, for those naysayers who think it was just another Super Bowl yesterday, I ask you to look around. Over 100 tons of fish have been found dead off the coast of Parana in Paranagua. Too obscure? How about the 2,000,000 dead croakers (yes, that is ironic) that were found in Chesapeake Bay. That’s in Maryland for those of you who slept through Geography in Grammar School. And none of this even begins to count the thousands more dead fish found in Arkansas.

Still not convinced?

What about the massive amounts of birds falling from the skies of Sweden, Kentucky, Arkansas (again) and the mass extinction of turtle doves in Italy?

You remember turtle doves, you got two of them for the 12 days of Christmas.

It’s gotten so bad that Google is mapping all of the incidents so you can play along at home.

“But wait,” you whine, “all of these things have rational explanations. Why are you trying to scare the pants off of people?”

Rational explanations? Pardon me while I chuckle my posterior away.

Do you mean rational explanations like this one? The one that claims that all the birds were killed by a flying semi tractor trailer?

State Agriculture Commissioner John McMillan says about 300 blackbirds found dead recently near Athens in Limestone County appear to have died from flying into or being struck by a large object, such as an tractor-trailer rig.

The state Department of Agriculture and Industries has been doing lab tests on large bird kills that occurred recently in two north Alabama counties. The results of the kill at Scottsboro in Jackson County are not yet complete.

McMillan said Wednesday the bird deaths are not considered a human health threat at this time, but the public should avoid or limit contact with any dead wild animal.

In other words, leave your collection of road kill cookbooks at home and, instead, go download the free cookbook that features Ashley Lobo and Gina Ferraro, among others. At least there’s no chance of catching Ebola from their recipes.

In the meantime, just realize that you live in a world where flying tractor trailers seem like a rational explanation and then tell me I’m wrong about the Apocalypse.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Primary Sidebar

Archives

  • October 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • December 2021
  • October 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • November 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • September 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010

Copyright © 2023 · Metro Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in