Archives for January 2011

It would appear that the concert industry is riding the wave of the “play our classic album in its entirety” tours, and this music geek couldn’t be more thrilled.

Of course just two weeks Chicago hosted the two packed nights at the Aragon where Weezer performed their ‘Blue Album’ and ‘Pinkerton’ on consecutive nights (you can check out my photo gallery from the latter here).  In late ’09 Aragon was also the setting for the Pixies and their ‘Doolittle’ 20^th Anniversary Tour.

So in my book, if an excellent band is setting out to perform a notable record, I’m all for it.  Part of the fun is knowing what’s coming up next, being anxious to hear your favorites, hearing tracks that NEVER get played live under normal circumstances, plus the surprises of the other “favorites” that fill out the rest of the show.

Enter The Jayhawks.  They’re coming to the Vic for two very special nights on Jan. 27 and 28, and tickets are still available for the 28^th.

On these nights, the band will perform two of their seminal albums:  1992’s ‘Hollywood Town Hall’ (on the 27th) and 1995’s ‘Tomorrow The Green Grass’ (on the 28th).  This short tour accompanies both an upcoming record to be released later this year, but also deluxe expanded reissues of both of these albums featuring b-sides, outtakes, rarities and demo versions.

Since 1985, this Minneapolis group has been for all intents and purposes the cornerstone of the Americana (or, “alt-country” if you will) style.

Led by the stunning songwriting, vocal harmony and guitar playing of co-front men Mark Olson and Gary Louris, The Jayhawks laid the groundwork for a genre that generates mass appeal these days.

At a time when the quirky “cowpunk” movement was occurring on college radio in the mid-80s, The Jayhawks figured out how to create music that was firmly rooted in the sounds of Bob Dylan, Gram Parsons, Neil Young, Buffalo Springfield and classic country yet captured the energy and attitude of the era of the bubbling alternative music movement.  Let’s face it, the 80s were a decade of countless acts who wrote music to adhere to a trend or style.  These guys created stuff from within, and it was the genre that was born from them.

If no Jayhawks, then it’s arguably safe to say there’s no Wilco or Old 97s.

‘Hollywood Town Hall’ and ‘Tomorrow The Green Grass’ are considered by most to be the landmark releases by The Jayhawks, and it’ll be a treat to see them performed straight through at the Vic.

The band is touring to just five cities, and doing these special album engagements in only Chicago and New York, so we should consider ourselves lucky.

Seeing this band play live is a sonic joy in the first place, regardless of the fact that we’ll be hearing these definitive records played from front to back.

Tickets for Thursday’s ‘Hollywood Town Hall’ are $29, and you can get them here.

“Waiting For The Sun” from ‘Hollywood Town Hall’:

“Blue” from ‘Tomorrow The Green Grass’:

…and I’m willing to bet that this one will be heard both nights:

The Jayhawks: “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” from 2000’s ‘Smile’:

Ever since Orville and Wilbur Wright soared over the shores of Kittyhawk, right thinking citizens of planet Earth have tried to figure out ways to have coitus in the clouds. By the 1970’s the concept had become so pervasive that Continental Airlines released a wildly suggestive commercial that – if you’ll pardon the pun – flew right over the heads of network censors. Much to the enjoyment of the American public. And if the free flowing booze, smoking areas and gourmet meals have gone the way of the Dodo, there’s still blood coursing through the throbbing veins of travelers and they want to have their high flying fornication. I should note that I joined The Mile High Club in 1984. I was on a flight from Chicago to LA and the young lady seated next to me was terrified of flying. My attempts to calm her down got a little out of hand but the stewardess was nice enough to toss a blanket over us and she was calm the rest of the way.

The passenger that is, the stewardess never seemed upset at all.

But back in my hey-day any efforts towards on-board bonking had to made manually. It was entirely up to you and your partner to make sure that your various and sundry parts intertwined without scaring the heck out of the other passengers. And, while primitive it may have been, I can attest that it was worth the effort.

Nevertheless, as Monica Garske of AOL News reports (memo to self; hang out with Monica), a Seattle entrepreneur has come up with a way to get that party started …. discreetly.

Having sex on an airplane may sound risque, but getting your jollies in the skies doesn’t have to be as wild as it seems. In fact, you can be downright discreet about it.

That’s the idea, at least, behind the Mile High Intimacy Kits created by Seattle-based entrepreneur Ted Youngs.

The kits — packaged in subtle, travel-ready boxes — contain everything a jet-setter could ever want or need for a quickie, spur-of-the-moment tryst aboard an airplane. The main selling point is that the kits are so inconspicuous, no one would ever have to know your naughty intentions.

At a glance, the boxes look like something you’d keep your toothbrush or toiletries in. But dig deeper inside and it soon becomes clear that you’re planning to do much more than just tend to your personal hygiene in the skies.

Let’s take a look at the contents, shall we?

The smaller “Tease” kit, designed to fit comfortably into a coat pocket or clutch purse, comes with lubricant, two condoms, a “whisper-quiet” massager and a tiny lipstick mirror.

The more deluxe “Seduce” intimacy kit — probably better suited for a carry-on bag — includes double the sexy swag, featuring scented cloths, breath mints, a blindfold, a pocket mirror and an ever-so-discreet “Do Not Disturb” door-hanger.

Lifting a divider reveals another kinky compartment boasting bottles of lubricant and massage oil, a “whisper-quiet” massager, a feather tickler, a pleasure ring and three condoms.

Sounds like an awfully busy flight.

Youngs told AOL News that he came up with the idea for the kits while traveling on an airplane six years ago. He figured there had to be an easier way to join that infamous Mile High Club people are always raving about.

“We considered the trends and how people are much more sexually open these days and wanted to create an accessory for those who wished to have erotic experiences on the go. People tend to be much more sexually liberated when they’re on vacation, open to more things than they would be at home in the middle of doing laundry,” explained Youngs. “The kits just made sense.”

Youngs said the suggestive travel accessories made a mark on consumers instantly. Within two days of launching the products, he said, people were already admitting to using the kits while flying.

“I like to say that we’ve produced more than 1 million orgasms over the past six years in business. That’s a pretty solid accomplishment,” Youngs said with a chuckle. “We also sell the kits at hotels in Las Vegas, and you know they’re being used there.”

Ultimately, Youngs believes the kits help people live out their fantasies.

Because the contents are so suggestive, he said the kits are an easy way to “express desire without coming right out and saying it.”

He figures they’re a good prop for newbies toying with the idea of joining the Mile High Club. He said the kits also come in handy for Mile High Club veterans and couples because the goodies inside can help spice up any romantic encounter.

“There’s a serious element of seduction in the packaging. It’s ambiguous at first, but then you understand where things are heading. It’s a way to make traveling even more pleasurable.”

Youngs said the intimacy kits are travel-ready and TSA-approved. Every bottle of lubricant or massage oil is 100 milliliters or less and every accessory inside is allowed on airplanes.

Although, judging by how grope-happy TSA agents have been lately, Youngs wouldn’t be surprised if travelers carrying the “Tease” or “Seduce” kits were stopped at security checkpoints.

“I think a TSA agent might open up the kit and show it around,” joked Youngs. “I haven’t heard of anyone enduring an extra strip search at the airport because of the kits yet, though.”

Still, given the TSA’s frisky reputation, agents may just see the kit in your coat or handbag as an open invitation to get a little more touchy-feely than usual.

Then again, that’s the whole point of the sexy accessory.

Meanwhile, Phil Kessler, founder of MileHighClub.com, told AOL News that Youngs’ kits are fun, but not necessarily functional.

Kessler — who took out a trademark on the “Mile High Club” in 1984 but isn’t a member himself — said the kits are a “clever way of suggesting” an induction into the Mile High Club. However, he’s just not sure how “subtle” a “Do Not Disturb” door-hanger actually is.

Regardless, he’s happy to see that fliers are still seriously contemplating sex in the skies.

Judging by the number of unique visitors Kessler gets to his website every day, he’s confident that Mile High Club membership is still on the up-and-up and that “the old tradition is maintaining popularity.”

From what he’s heard over the years from actual Mile High Club members, airplane bathrooms are still the most private place to hook up while flying.

He said red-eye flights are even better because they tend to be less crowded and most other passengers are sleeping anyway.

Good to know. Onward and upward.

It’s kind of sad to know that the guy who owns the trademark has never enjoyed its perks. It almost makes me want to buy him a ticket and a …. oh, never mind, I’ve got better things to do with my money.

If you want to put a little zip in your next trip, you can buy the kits online. They start for around $20.00.

You’ve wasted more than that on beer, so think of it as a pleasurable investment.

While I know this will come as a shock to some of our more genteel readers, in an effort to engender journalistic transparency I must admit that I have been known to toss back a frosty cold adult libation from time to time. Moreover, I’ve also been known to enjoy the heartwarming aroma of a good bourbon or peach based liqueur. In fact, for years, my only email address was from Beer.com. Then they went nuts, targeted younger and younger readers and all their advertising went away and they went bankrupt. Yes, they were clearly sipping their wares.

Nevertheless in spite of, or perhaps due to, the above I’m very cognizant of the schizoid responses engendered by some people when the topic turns to alcohol. Never has it been more clear than the late, rarely lamented, Huey Long’s famous response when Louisiana was contemplating legalizing the sale of alcohol.

If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.

But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it.

This is my position, and I will not compromise!

As you can see, there are mixed emotions on this topic.

Even so I feel safe in stating that alcohol, in the hands of the undisciplined, can cause dire effects. It can cause someone to release inhibitions that are better left locked away. Photocopying their butt at a Holiday party, having sex with the twins while their spouse is at home, suddenly thinking they know how to dance, all of these things have been related to alcohol.

But, thanks to MSNBC, we can add one more item to that list. Calling 911 to get laid.

A 42-year-old man has been arrested and charged with calling 911 to request a hooker, according to an arrest report obtained by the Lexington Dispatch.

Records show Lonnie Michael Felts called 911 three times on Sunday. The first time he called, he requested “a hooker and an escort to get boots,” the arrest report showed, according to the Dispatch.

After an officer warned Felts about misusing the system, he made two more calls, the newspaper reported.

On the third, “Felts called on 911 again for a non-emergency domestic escort,” the Dispatch reported.

According to the arrest report, Felts was under the influence of drugs, alcohol or both when the incident happened.

He’s been charged with accessing the 911 system for a purpose other than an emergency communication.

This is not what Jim Croce had in mind when he wrote “Operator.”

“911, what’s the nature of your emergency?”

“I’m horny.”

Yeah, I can see how that would go bad quickly.

But people aren’t the only ones going to jail for being drunk and stupid. The Daily Record (UK) reports that an owl in Germany was arrested after it was unable to pronounce Pforzheim correctly.

Police in Germany arrested an owl that got drunk on schnapps, according to German media.

Cops said on Tuesday they had discovered a paralytic owl that appeared to have drunk too much Schnapps from two discarded bottles.

“A woman walking her dog alerted the police after seeing the bird sitting by the side of the road oblivious to passing traffic,” Frank Otruba, spokesman for the police in the southwestern city of Pforzheim, told Spiegel Online.

The Brown Owl didn’t appear to be injured and officers quickly concluded that it had had one too many.

One of its eyelids was drooping, adding to the general impression of inebriation.

“It wasn’t staggering around and we didn’t breathalyze it but there were two little bottles of Schapps in the immediate vicinity,” said Otruba.

“We took it to a local bird expert who has treated alcoholised birds before and she has been giving it lots of water.”

The bird will be released once it has sobered up, police said.

Who knew that drunken flying birds was an issue so pervasive it requires a specialist? Or, at the very least, someone with aviary alcohol experience.

And how does one gather that experience? Long nights spent trying tequila mockingbird?

Sound it out, I haven’t got the time.

Clearly the use of alcohol by the obstreperous, whether human or not, needs to be more carefully monitored. In the meantime, I can offer some sound advice; drink alcohol regularly to build up your stamina and stay away from phones.