Archives for January 2011

When the Village People released their classic, boi bar banger, In The Navy (video below), no one realized that it was far too subtle compared to reality. While many of our country’s young men and women stationed overseas are dedicated professionals whose service does nothing but make its citizens proud, there are a few who give us pause for thought. Or, in some cases, make me rethink not joining the armed services since they seem to be having more fun than I ever did.

Group showers? Check. Public self-gratification, simulated and otherwise? Check. Drag queens? You betcha. Lewd and lascivious behavior? In spades. Although I would have gone without the gay bashing, the rest seems to have been a party I would have enjoyed and remembered.

As Corinne Reilly of Pilot Online reports, Capt. Owen Honors runs his ship as though his orders came from Comedy Central instead of the Pentagon.

While the Navy issued no formal word Monday as to whether Capt. Owen Honors will retain his position as commander of the aircraft carrier Enterprise, military experts said his Navy career is almost certainly over.

The Virginian-Pilot reported Saturday that during his tenure as second-in-command aboard the Norfolk-based carrier, Honors produced and broadcast for the crew a series of short videos that included sexual jokes, subordinates parading in drag, anti-gay remarks, and sailors pretending to masturbate and shower together.

The newspaper published an edited version of one of the videos on its website over the weekend. Since then, the video has been broadcast by numerous national and international media outlets.

While some have criticized Honors since the videos became public, others – especially retired and active-duty sailors – have rallied in his support.

On ABCs “Good Morning America” show today, retired Gen. Wesley Clark, the former supreme commander of NATO, called the videos “incompatible with the climate of command we are trying to establish in the armed forces.”

U.S. Fleet Forces Command has launched an investigation into the videos. Other media outlets were reporting late Monday that Honors could be relieved of command as soon as today, but the Navy said no official call had been made.

Military experts said it’s unlikely Honors will stay, given that officers have been removed for far less in the past.

“This is very serious,” said Eugene Fidell, a law professor at Yale University and president of the National Institute of Military Justice. “After watching the videos, I don’t see how he could stay. He runs a warship, not a fraternity house.”

Ward Carroll, the editor of Military.com and a retired Navy aviator who flew with Honors, said, “Unfortunately, he pushed buttons that you just can’t push.”

The Navy isn’t saying how long its investigation might take, but authorities don’t have unlimited time to decide Honors’ future: The Enterprise and its 6,000 sailors and Marines are slated to deploy overseas this month.

“Especially given the deployment, I expect he’ll be removed sooner rather than later,” Fidell said.

The Navy hasn’t announced plans to delay the deployment, and Fidell doubts it will. “They’ll put someone else in his place and they’ll go,” he said.

Honors will probably face a mast, or a Navy disciplinary hearing before an admiral, before being forced to retire, Fidell said. Honors’ rank may be reduced, he added.

Honors made the videos with the help of subordinates in 2006 and 2007, while he was the ship’s executive officer, or XO. He returned as commander in May.

The videos were part of something Honors called “XO Movie Night.” In them, he indicates they’re meant to entertain the crew.

The Virginian-Pilot obtained three of the videos last week. Sailors who were aboard the Enterprise at the time said they were Honors’ ideas and that he made most of them while the ship was deployed. They were shown roughly once a week on closed-circuit shipwide television.

It’s unclear why the videos recently resurfaced, although one sailor who spoke to the newspaper said they remain on a shipboard computer.

Military.com’s Carroll said the biggest question is whether anyone other than Honors will be disciplined for the movies – namely, his superiors at the time.

A Fleet Forces spokesman, Cmdr. Chris Sims, said the Navy’s investigation isn’t limited to Honors. Among the questions the inquiry seeks to answer is whether Honors was reprimanded appropriately four years ago, Sims said.

The Navy has acknowledged that Honors’ bosses were aware of the videos; they told him in early 2007 to stop making them, the Navy said.

At least one video that includes anti-gay remarks and officers pretending to masturbate was made after July of that year, according to Honors’ comments in it.

Honors has not responded to requests for an interview. Neither has the Enterprise’s then-commanding officer, Larry Rice, now a rear admiral assigned to the Norfolk-based Joint Forces Command. Rear Adm. Raymond Spicer and Vice Adm. Daniel Holloway, who commanded the Enterprise carrier strike group during Honors’ time as XO, could not be reached.

A Facebook page set up for Honors’ supporters had more than 1,500 members as of Monday evening. In comments on the page, users argue that the videos are harmless and that Honors was right to use humor and levity to boost the crew’s morale during long, difficult deployments.

“You don’t know that kind of constant pressure until you’ve been there,” said J. Tyler Ballance, a retired Navy commander who captained an anti-mine ship in the 1990s. “This is the kind of guy who keep spirits up no matter what.”

Others noted that making humorous videos is a common practice during carrier deployments, and that XOs often record messages for the crew.

But Fidell, of the National Institute of Military Justice, said Honors’ videos – at the least the ones that contain anti-gay remarks and sailors mimicking masturbation – are something very different.

“To say that you need to create this kind of material in order for the ship to be happy – that’s just not a valid argument,” he said. “This is so far off any standard for acceptable behavior for someone in his position.”

A handful of sailors who were assigned to the Enterprise when the videos were being shown told The Pilot last week that some crew members raised concerns about them and were brushed off. In at least two of the videos, Honors admits they drew complaints.

A female sailor told the newspaper she and a number of other women on board were offended by their content.

In the Navy’s most recent statements about the videos, it called them “clearly inappropriate.”

“The Navy does not endorse or condone these kinds of actions,” the statement said. “Those in command… are charged to lead by example and are held accountable for setting the proper tone and upholding the standards of honor, courage and commitment that we expect sailors to exemplify.”

I’m not sure how the videos were a morale builder, but I do know that my delicate readers are salivating over the chance to watch them.

Okay, click here and you can get all three. I should note that, even though they’ve been edited for content, you might not want to watch them where your boss or clergy person might catch you. After all, you wouldn’t want them to think you’re the kind of pervert who enjoys this kind of randy entertainment.

Village People – In the navy (version originale)
Uploaded by scorpiomusic. – See the latest featured music videos.

Beyond the occasional game of Spider Solitaire I don’t really play video games. By the time Pong came out I was discovering girls. I found them to be far more entertaining than any video game. Also, any money I wanted to waste on games had to be earned by me. I had a paper route back then and there was no way I was tossing quarter after quarter into a cheesy looking tennis game. Not when I could waste my money on taking those sweet smelling companions of the female variety to movies and then to Gene and Judes or Cock Robin for food I could afford.

Although, in fairness, there used to be a robot bowling game at the old Riviera Lanes in Melrose Park that had my attention for a while. Then a young brunette showed up to be the shoe girl and I forgot all about it.

As the years went by I did play some video games. Being on the road with bands and having nothing to do for hours on end will inspire you try them. I kind of liked Galaga and a couple of others. They were a fun way to kill some time and keep me out of trouble.

Yet, somehow, I missed that electrifying moment where my life became defined by a video game. At no point have I ever sat near an airport and, ala Galaga, tried to shoot down every plane. Nor have I ever been inspired by Grand Theft Auto to, you know, actually commit grand theft.

Yeah, I’m silly that way.

I guess that’s why I was surprised to pop open the Associated Press news page today and see that a guy got himself all runned over while trying to play Frogger.

A man has been hospitalized after police in South Carolina say he was hit by an SUV while playing a real-life version of the video game “Frogger.”

Authorities said the 23-year-old man was taken to a hospital in Anderson after he was struck at around 9 p.m. Monday.

In the “Frogger” arcade game, players move frogs through traffic on a busy road and through a hazard-filled river. Before he was hit, police say the man had been discussing the game with his friends.

Chief Jimmy Dixon says the man yelled “go” and darted into oncoming traffic in the four-lane highway.

No charges are expected against the driver. The name of the man who was struck has not been released. He was in stable condition Monday night.

“Hey ya’ll, watch this!” are the 4 most common last words ever recorded.

Okay, one can only hope that this young gentlemen is neutered as quickly as possible to prevent him from siring something really stupid.

On the other hand, can you imagine this guy trying to pick up a girl?

“Hi honey, ya’ll really purdy.”

“Ah, thanks Sugar. You’re kinda kewt yourself. Whatcha do for fun?”

“I play Frogger on the freeway.”

“Umm, I gotta go, my sock drawer needs rearranging.”

On second thought, maybe nature will take care of itself.

It has sprung a healthy debate since surfacing this weekend, but a new track from Justin Timberlake appears to have surfaced.

Despite the fact he’s stated that making new music just isn’t in the cards for him at the moment, choosing instead to concentrate on his film career, all signs are pointing to the fact that the person singing this song, called “Take You Down” IS indeed Timberlake.  Even MTV is reporting it as such.

Since his 2006 smash hit release ‘Future Sex/Love Sounds’, it’s been all but collaborations with other artists (Diddy, Madonna, 50 Cent, T.I., etc.) on their respective projects that kept him busy musically.

Reportedly, “Take You Down” is produced by the Neptunes, and will have to tie fans over until he decides to officially begin the next music chapter of his career.  Have a listen:

I have, in my life, bought the following items at a drive thru: fast food, booze, books, music, a Frisbee and a T-shirt. Somehow I have missed the Drive Thru Strip Club, the Drive Thru Wedding Chapel (boy, it sure would be fun to get those two confused) and several other drive thru businesses that confuse the heck out of me.

Seriously? A drive thru emergency room?

“Hey doc, can you yank this here bullet outta me? I gotta get to the bar.”

But Alabama now boasts a drive thru, directly across from a McDonald’s, that is either the greatest idea in the history of man or completely screwed up.

Yep, you guessed it, a drive thru sex toy shop.

Jay Reeves of MSNBC (and no relation to Steve as far as I know) reports that you can now fill your tummy, and every orifice, without ever leaving your car.

Gabrielle Silva takes down a customer’s order from the drive-thru window, stuffs a bag full of products and passes it outside to the couple waiting in a car.

“Thanks, and I put some free condoms in there, too!” Silva chirps.

In this technology-savvy north Alabama city, visitors won’t just find burgers and prescriptions at the drive-thru window.

A “romance” store called Pleasures offers a rare convenience not only for these parts but nationally: a drive-through with adult novelties for sale. Business is brisk so far, with cars sometimes lining up three deep for vibrators, lubricants, lingerie and other risque items.

“It’s been doing well, and really well on nights when it’s cold or rainy,” said employee Toni Kennedy. “Discretion and the ease of it are big, and convenience. We’re Americans. We like everything convenient.”

Even sex toys, as much as elected officials in Alabama have tried to prevent them from being sold in the conservative, Bible Belt state.

Pleasures is owned by Florida businesswoman Sherri Williams, who fought the state for almost a decade over what’s considered by free-speech advocates to be one of the country’s toughest anti-obscenity laws. Among other things, the 1998 law banned the sale of products intended for sexual stimulation.

With two sex-toy stores in Alabama’s Tennessee Valley, Williams sued to overturn the law with the help of the American Civil Liberties Union. She won initially when a federal judge ruled in 1999 there was no rational basis for the law. But the state appealed and Williams lost, allowing the law to remain on the books even though it wasn’t enforced during the litigation.

The U.S. Supreme Court refused to hear the case in 2007, ending Williams’ challenge. Distribution of sex toys is a misdemeanor on the first offense with a maximum penalty of a $10,000 fine and one year in jail, although the law doesn’t ban possession.

But the law has a loophole that allows for the sale of sex toys that are needed for unspecified “medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial, or law enforcement” purposes, and Williams jumped through it. Customers buying toys — items that can be used for sexual stimulation — fill out an anonymous form with 10 questions including whether they or a partner have difficulty with sexual fulfillment.

In November, she held the grand opening for an expanded Pleasures store in an old bank building at a busy intersection. Williams first opened in the Tennessee Valley in 1993; this is her second expansion, and she has a smaller store in nearby Decatur.

It seemed like a waste not to use the old drive-thru window once run by bank tellers, so Silva and her co-workers now sell all sorts of adult products from the side of the building. Just like at a fast-food restaurant, there’s a brightly lit sign outside with products and prices — herbal “enhancement pills” are $8 per dose. Williams believes her drive-thru is the first in the country to offer adult novelties for sale.

The woman in one car wanted a rubber toy that spins and pulses. A couple in another vehicle stopped by for free condoms, which are advertised on a sign visible from University Drive, a main drag through town.

A few yards away from Pleasures, on the other side of a curb, workers at a neighboring McDonald’s restaurant dish out fries and burgers.

Williams runs what she calls an “upscale” adult store, and using an old bank building with a brick exterior and manicured shrubs outside doesn’t hurt the image.

“It actually has two vaults,” Williams said. “It has a full-blown vault upstairs, and the basement is poured concrete with a vault door. This was a 7,200-square-foot bank.”

Huntsville is a high-tech government and military town, and Pleasures workers say their customers include soldiers and couples based at the Army’s Redstone Arsenal and workers from NASA’s Marshall Space Flight Center.

On a busy Thursday night, the clientele looks like the crowd at the mall down the street — young and old, singles and couples.

Inside, the shop has bright lights and royal-purple walls. The mood is mostly light, with friends giggling as they browse shelves full of rubber and plastic playthings.

But there’s a more serious side to the business, too.

“People come in and say, ‘I need something to save my marriage.’ I’ve had that a million times,” said Samantha Todd, who has worked at Pleasure for 2 1/2 years. “I’ve had people come in and cry. It can be very serious.”

The store includes an “intimacy clinic” that opens next month and will offer sexual counseling to couples and groups, but there are no how-to classes; all the assistance is verbal. It also sells instructional videos, books and a few magazines.

Employees check the ID of everyone who enters the store — customers must be at least 18.

Police say they’ve had no complaints over Pleasures and don’t pay it more attention than other stores.

“Right now there’s not really anything for us to do with it,” said Mark Roberts, a spokesman with the Huntsville Police Department.

The head of a New York-based nonprofit group that campaigns for tougher anti-obscenity statutes wishes government officials would work harder to stamp out businesses like Pleasures, and sex toys.

“I liken it to a cancer, a slow-moving cancer … and law enforcement is ignoring it,” said Robert W. Peters Jr., president of Morality in Media Inc. “It’s been a battle going back to the 1960s.”

Williams said her store and drive-thru serve a need for couples and individuals who need a little extra spice or excitement in their sex lives.

“Also,” she said, “the police have already said they have a million other things to do.”

First off, Mr. Peters needs to loosen up. It’s people like him who take all the fun out of fundamentalism.

Now, let’s take a look again at the legal loophole that allows this store to operate; ‘sex toys that are needed for unspecified “medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial, or law enforcement” purposes.’

Can you imagine a cop show set in Alabama?

“This is Car 54. We’re in hot pursuit of the suspect going down Route 69.”

“Roger that Car 54. Do you have your vibrator handy?”

“That’s a big 10-4 and Elmer’s got a full 12 ounces of love lotion.”

I don’t even want to think about the judicial uses. After all, they do wear those robes kind of loose.

On the other hand, the educational uses seem kind of obvious. Certainly I’ve learned a thing or two from women who did their shopping before their homework.

So, here’s hoping you had a Happy New Year with a Happy Ending.

From all of us here in the World News Center, it’s good to be back.