Ah Yes, The True Meaning of “Friendly Skies”

Ever since Orville and Wilbur Wright soared over the shores of Kittyhawk, right thinking citizens of planet Earth have tried to figure out ways to have coitus in the clouds. By the 1970’s the concept had become so pervasive that Continental Airlines released a wildly suggestive commercial that – if you’ll pardon the pun – flew right over the heads of network censors. Much to the enjoyment of the American public. And if the free flowing booze, smoking areas and gourmet meals have gone the way of the Dodo, there’s still blood coursing through the throbbing veins of travelers and they want to have their high flying fornication. I should note that I joined The Mile High Club in 1984. I was on a flight from Chicago to LA and the young lady seated next to me was terrified of flying. My attempts to calm her down got a little out of hand but the stewardess was nice enough to toss a blanket over us and she was calm the rest of the way.

The passenger that is, the stewardess never seemed upset at all.

But back in my hey-day any efforts towards on-board bonking had to made manually. It was entirely up to you and your partner to make sure that your various and sundry parts intertwined without scaring the heck out of the other passengers. And, while primitive it may have been, I can attest that it was worth the effort.

Nevertheless, as Monica Garske of AOL News reports (memo to self; hang out with Monica), a Seattle entrepreneur has come up with a way to get that party started …. discreetly.

Having sex on an airplane may sound risque, but getting your jollies in the skies doesn’t have to be as wild as it seems. In fact, you can be downright discreet about it.

That’s the idea, at least, behind the Mile High Intimacy Kits created by Seattle-based entrepreneur Ted Youngs.

The kits — packaged in subtle, travel-ready boxes — contain everything a jet-setter could ever want or need for a quickie, spur-of-the-moment tryst aboard an airplane. The main selling point is that the kits are so inconspicuous, no one would ever have to know your naughty intentions.

At a glance, the boxes look like something you’d keep your toothbrush or toiletries in. But dig deeper inside and it soon becomes clear that you’re planning to do much more than just tend to your personal hygiene in the skies.

Let’s take a look at the contents, shall we?

The smaller “Tease” kit, designed to fit comfortably into a coat pocket or clutch purse, comes with lubricant, two condoms, a “whisper-quiet” massager and a tiny lipstick mirror.

The more deluxe “Seduce” intimacy kit — probably better suited for a carry-on bag — includes double the sexy swag, featuring scented cloths, breath mints, a blindfold, a pocket mirror and an ever-so-discreet “Do Not Disturb” door-hanger.

Lifting a divider reveals another kinky compartment boasting bottles of lubricant and massage oil, a “whisper-quiet” massager, a feather tickler, a pleasure ring and three condoms.

Sounds like an awfully busy flight.

Youngs told AOL News that he came up with the idea for the kits while traveling on an airplane six years ago. He figured there had to be an easier way to join that infamous Mile High Club people are always raving about.

“We considered the trends and how people are much more sexually open these days and wanted to create an accessory for those who wished to have erotic experiences on the go. People tend to be much more sexually liberated when they’re on vacation, open to more things than they would be at home in the middle of doing laundry,” explained Youngs. “The kits just made sense.”

Youngs said the suggestive travel accessories made a mark on consumers instantly. Within two days of launching the products, he said, people were already admitting to using the kits while flying.

“I like to say that we’ve produced more than 1 million orgasms over the past six years in business. That’s a pretty solid accomplishment,” Youngs said with a chuckle. “We also sell the kits at hotels in Las Vegas, and you know they’re being used there.”

Ultimately, Youngs believes the kits help people live out their fantasies.

Because the contents are so suggestive, he said the kits are an easy way to “express desire without coming right out and saying it.”

He figures they’re a good prop for newbies toying with the idea of joining the Mile High Club. He said the kits also come in handy for Mile High Club veterans and couples because the goodies inside can help spice up any romantic encounter.

“There’s a serious element of seduction in the packaging. It’s ambiguous at first, but then you understand where things are heading. It’s a way to make traveling even more pleasurable.”

Youngs said the intimacy kits are travel-ready and TSA-approved. Every bottle of lubricant or massage oil is 100 milliliters or less and every accessory inside is allowed on airplanes.

Although, judging by how grope-happy TSA agents have been lately, Youngs wouldn’t be surprised if travelers carrying the “Tease” or “Seduce” kits were stopped at security checkpoints.

“I think a TSA agent might open up the kit and show it around,” joked Youngs. “I haven’t heard of anyone enduring an extra strip search at the airport because of the kits yet, though.”

Still, given the TSA’s frisky reputation, agents may just see the kit in your coat or handbag as an open invitation to get a little more touchy-feely than usual.

Then again, that’s the whole point of the sexy accessory.

Meanwhile, Phil Kessler, founder of MileHighClub.com, told AOL News that Youngs’ kits are fun, but not necessarily functional.

Kessler — who took out a trademark on the “Mile High Club” in 1984 but isn’t a member himself — said the kits are a “clever way of suggesting” an induction into the Mile High Club. However, he’s just not sure how “subtle” a “Do Not Disturb” door-hanger actually is.

Regardless, he’s happy to see that fliers are still seriously contemplating sex in the skies.

Judging by the number of unique visitors Kessler gets to his website every day, he’s confident that Mile High Club membership is still on the up-and-up and that “the old tradition is maintaining popularity.”

From what he’s heard over the years from actual Mile High Club members, airplane bathrooms are still the most private place to hook up while flying.

He said red-eye flights are even better because they tend to be less crowded and most other passengers are sleeping anyway.

Good to know. Onward and upward.

It’s kind of sad to know that the guy who owns the trademark has never enjoyed its perks. It almost makes me want to buy him a ticket and a …. oh, never mind, I’ve got better things to do with my money.

If you want to put a little zip in your next trip, you can buy the kits online. They start for around $20.00.

You’ve wasted more than that on beer, so think of it as a pleasurable investment.